


Strip Pokerstuck: Double Down

by SideAnon, undeadclown



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Card Games, Community: homesmut, Dare, Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, First Time, Gen, Homestuck Kink Meme, Kink Meme, Multi, POV Second Person, Poker, Sequel, Strip Games, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-03 18:04:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 106
Words: 122,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SideAnon/pseuds/SideAnon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeadclown/pseuds/undeadclown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to the machinations of Roxy Lalonde the group is once again embroiled in a game of strip poker...this time with a twist! Who will win? Who will lose? Find out, as another chapter in the saga begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Game Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Like last time, this story was fueled by audience participation, which means anyone out there could vote on what happened. The majority ruled and I think it turned out to be quite successful.
> 
> The thread is here: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8447.html?thread=34687999#cmt34687999

Everything is ready. The scene is set. Various Humans and Alternians (God-Tiered or otherwise) have taken their seats in the large room.

They are waiting for the arrival of ROXY LALONDE, who called all of them here in the first place for an IMPORTANT MEETING. Roxy has done this before on several occasions. Once, she had called them there under the pretense of a strategy meeting, only to then begin needling everyone present about the current status of their various relationships. On another occasion, she had told the group she had important information, and then began an impromptu reading of the Complacency of the Learned series. One memorable occasion had involved her asking Jade to bring up a "fuckton of sand" from the Land of Light and Rain to have an indoor beach party with. That one had actually gone over pretty well.

Suffice to say, no one present is all that convinced that today's "stunning revelation" will be all that productive or important, but here they are nonetheless.

JOHN EGBERT is focused on a small rubber blue ball that he is making perform gravity defying stunts with his WINDY POWERS. This had stopped being an amusing distraction to everyone else about three minutes after John had started. His girlfriend, ROSE LALONDE, is resting against him, her nose buried in one of the many Alternian harlequin romance novels she has pilfered from Karkat's stash.

John's _other_ girlfriend, VRISKA SERKET, is also nearby. Boredly tossing around her dice. The relationship of the trio was popular idle gossip among the group. Rose and Vriska had essentially worked out a deal to share John in the interest of mutual cooperation and group cohesion. John basically just went with it. They generally switched off for various romantic dalliances, but on occasion would simply go through with it at the same time.

JADE HARLEY is sitting comfortably, with her feet in the lap of her boyfriend, DAVE STRIDER. She has been grabbing stuffed animals from her room via her SPACEY THING and dropping them towards Dave's head, which he will then catch, seemingly in an instant, and toss back in her direction at which time she warps it back to her room and retrieves another.

ARADIA MEGIDO sits a small distance away, resting on her arms propped behind her. She looks mildly amused by the various time wasting activities being participated in around her.

None of the God Tiers present, with the exception of Aradia, are dressed in their full costumes, however. Most are dressed casually, with various allusions to their aspect.

KARKAT VANTAS and TEREZI PYROPE are also sitting close by. Karkat seems to be doggedly and boredly staring at the door. Terezi will occasionally whack one of his horns with her cane while his back is turned, prompting an angry outburst, after which he will simply turn around again as if daring her to continue, which she always does.

At last the door opens and KANAYA MARYAM leads JANE CROCKER and JAKE ENGLISH into the room, where they quickly sit down. Finally, Roxy comes in last closing the door behind her.

"Heeeey, guys! Can ya guess what we're doing tonight?" She says in a slight slur, but nonetheless excited.

"Well, you said you had a 'stunning revelation' for all of us, which I'm assuming means probably fucking nothing important," Karkat says.

"Oh...there will be ALL KINDS of revelations tonight! All of us are gonna see things we never have before. There will be big, huge revelations!" Roxy says, firing off a hearty 'wonk' at the group.

"That was a sexual thing..." Kanaya says low enough for no one else to hear.

"Tonight is gonna be game night!" Roxy exclaims holding out a double deck of cards. "We're totally playing strip poker!"

"Seriously!?" Karkat groans, exasperated.

"Uhh..." John says uneasily, looking over at Jane and Jake. "Really?" Rose, Dave and Jade don't look all that excited, either.

"Yes, John, really. You guys need to get over this weird parents thing, okay! We're the same age. None of us ever did any of the crap your actual parents did. We just happen to be genetically identical or something," Roxy expounds.

"But..." John begins.

"Nope. Not gonna hear it, John," Roxy says, adopting a faux-serious expression. "Do you know what my childhood was like?"

Kanaya and Rose roll their eyes.

"Umm...no?" John responds.

"Well, I can tell you that I grew up alone. Not kind of alone, but actually alone. All I had were my totes awesome chat BFFs and a fuckton of meowcats. So if it seems like I'm hella desperate to finally have actual fun with real peeps, then yeah I guess I kind of am."

"Uhh..." John offers, lamely.

"Dude, let's just go through with it so she'll finally stop getting all crazy about this shit," Dave says.

"That's my boy!" Roxy says.

"Oh, God, don't say it like that," Dave says, shaking his head. Jade giggles.

"Okay, but..." Jade begins. "There's way more of us this time. It'll take forever! And last time was pretty long...not that I'm saying there was a last time," Jade says suddenly, her face reddening.

"I've thought about that! I've made this totally awesome plan for how we're going to speed things up! We're doing teams!" Roxy says.

"Uh...teams?" Jane asks.

"Yep, Janey, teams! We pair up in groups of two. Each team gets a hand, instead of everyone. That way we don't have this huge crazy mess of like twelve or however many hands we got here."

"How does that work...you know...when it comes to the whole stripping thing?" Dave asks.

"Good question! Well, like usual the lowest hand loses. What happens then depends on the hand. If the hand is a pair or higher, then one of the people on the team has to strip. If it's just a high card, then both players on the team have to. A team is out when both people on it are bare-assed."

"Um...okay..." Jade says.

"Now, I know what you all are saying: 'but Roxy, that could still take a long time, especially if everyone keeps getting all these pairs!'"

"Actually I was saying-" Karkat begins.

"But I've thought of that too! So, I've got another idea. I like to call it...the penalty card! Whoever wins the previous hand gets to choose the penalty card for the next hand. Like, say I win I might say 'okay, the 8 of spades is the penalty card!' And if a team ends up with that card in their hand then someone on the team has to strip! And remember, there's two of every card!"

Roxy seems pleased with her ideas. For their part, Aradia, Vriska, Terezi and Jake actually look pretty excited. Jane looks nervous, but keeps shooting looks at Jake while he is looking away. Karkat and Kanaya both look resigned and John, Rose, Dave and Jade have segued into grudging acceptance.

The group begins to look at one another, sizing up potential partners.


	2. Character Selection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group begins to divide into teams and the final player arrives.

Everyone in the room begins to slowly rise, like they might start to get up and choose soon.

"Oh and one other thing," Roxy adds with a mischievous smile. "Partners have to take each other's clothes off."

This causes a bit of a stir among the group. Jade quickly wraps her arms around Dave.

"Oh, I see how it is. Teams gets announced and all the sudden you're buttering up the former champ, trying to learn all the various game secrets," Dave says.

"I'll have you know I was runner up in that game," Jade says, feigning indignation.

"Oh yeah? And how many pieces of clothing did you get to keep with that?"

Jade's eyes narrow.

"Uh huh," Dave says. "Welp...I guess I _do_ owe you one...you know...for all the sex."

"Hmm...especially considering how easy it would be to stop..." Jade says, smiling sweetly. Dave shuts up.

John is looking awkwardly between Rose and Vriska.

"Uh...should we like...?" He stammers, gesticulating oddly with his hands. Vriska rolls her mismatched eyes.

"Oh, just partner up with Rose, John. I'd rather see you lose, anyway!" She says, smirking and walking off to the various unaffiliated parties. Rose smiles and wraps her fingers around John's.

"Hopefully this will go somewhat better than last time," she says, amused.

"Oh...yeah..." John says, remembering they lost before anyone else in the previous game.

Terezi takes her cane and pokes it into Karkat's stomach.

"Hey, Karkles...we're on a team," she says, simply.

"Seriously? Figured you would want to see me lose," he shoots back.

"Normally, yes, that would very much be the case," she grins. "But I think of it like this: out of everyone here, I've only seen you naked."

"I assume you're using 'see' ironically," Karkat says. Terezi whacks his head with the cane.

"So," she continues. "By teaming up with you I raise my chances of...experiencing maximum new nudity."

'Ugh, fine," he says, rolling his eyes.

Jane stands awkwardly around the spot she was sitting, looking at a complete loss. Jake approaches her.

"Ah...heh. Hello there, Jane! I was thinking on the upcoming festivities and it came to my mind: who better to go through this with than you!" He says. Jane blushes extensively.

"R-really? M-me?" She stammers.

"Of course! All these other ladies here, well, I don't know them. Well...Roxy, sure...but well...there's all this tension! But since you admitted to me that don't fancy me in that particular way, then we should be able to just skip right on past that part! Because we're such good chums!"

"Yes...ha. Ha ha," She begins to laugh uneasily. "Such good friends! HA HA HA HA HA!" Her odd, unnatural, high pitched laughter begins to freak nearby people out. Roxy suddenly grabs Jane by the arm and leads her aside.

"Do...you want her as a partner, Roxy?" Jake asks, suddenly looking glass-eyed between them, picturing it. Roxy looks Jane up and down, appraising and lost in thought for a second.

"Just a little girl talk," she says with wink. "I'll bring her right back." She spins Jane around and looks her square in the face. "Janey...Do. Not. Fuck. This. Up."

"H-huh?"

"Look, I could go right now and partner up with him...and I kind of want to. But, you're also my BEST friend, so I feel obligated to tell you that this is your big chance. Jake isn't exactly...bright when it comes to this stuff, so he's kind of stupidly given you this opportunity. Don't waste it. You need to sack up, and get your sexy on, Crocker! Okay...you can't really pull off sexy. Maybe shy, but cute? In any case, you'll be undressing each other...because, let's face it you're probably not going to win. This is basically your last big chance. So I repeat myself: do not fuck this up. And stop being such a tightass."

"Um...okay..." Jane says.

"'Atta, girl! Now get back there and say 'yes!'" And with that Roxy sends Jane back in the other direction, and then gives her a brisk slap on the ass to get her moving. Jane squeaks and jumps, quickly heading back over to Jake.

"Um...so...are you ready...partner?" She says uneasily through a nervous smile. Jake gives her two pistols and a wink.

"Right-o!"

Roxy stands at the center of the room with Vriska, Aradia and Kanaya. The four of them size one another up before NEPETA LEIJON approaches from the back of the room, stretching, her green coat flapping behind her.

"Um...I've been counting from back there and with everyone here equal teams don't seem possible," she says, though she pronounces the "possible" as "paw-sible."

"Oh shit, Nepeta. I didn't see you back there...hmm..." Roxy says.

"Yeah, sorry. I was having a cat-nap. I heard most of the good parts, though! Sounds like fun!"

Everyone stands around, mulling it over.

"Wait...where's Dirk?" Jade says.

"Not here," Dave says quickly.

"Yeah, tell me about it! Shifty bastard gave me the slip," Roxy says bitterly.

"Welp, that's too bad. It would probably be a pain in the ass to go stalking around here looking for him so let's just get started," Dave says in a rush.

"Daaaave," Jade says, her voice filled with mischievous mirth. "You seem to be forgetting that I am the Witch of Space. That means that this is a problem I can very easily solve."

"Yeah...but...really, why bother with that? I mean...all that effort..."

"I pretty much just have to lift my hand. C'mon, Dave, he's _family_." Jade puts heavy sarcastic emphasis on the last word. She slowly begins to raise her hand.

"Yeah..."

Her hand raises further.

"Please don't do that..."

The hand is almost at chest level.

"It would be totally rad if you put that hand down now."

With a final grin, Jade glows green and a neon green Dirk-shaped outline appears in the room. The outline turns into DIRK STRIDER himself who was seemingly in a crouched, possibly hidden position.

"Well...shit," he says.

"Heeeey, Dirk," Roxy says with a grin on her face. "Maybe you forgot but...ya know...tonight is game night."

"Oh, I remembered. I just didn't want to show up."

Roxy adopts a stern demeanor.

"Well, too bad, you're here now. Welcome to the festivities, bitch. It's partner time so hurry up and get in the middle here so we can divide everyone else up."

Dirk shrugs and passes his eyes over the room. He sees everyone else there and notes Jane and Jake partnered up.

"Thanks," he says sarcastically to Jade as he passes. She just grins while Dave rubs the back of his neck.


	3. Hand 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Play begins.

**== > Be Roxy.**

Well, duh...who else would you be? This is your party, after all. Now all that remains is to pick your partner for this little dance.

Huh...there's...a lot of chicks. You kind of knew that, of course. Ever since you got to this place you became all too aware of the shortage of male talent, and pretty much all of it was spoken for...or related to you _and_ spoken for. The only possibility was Jake and...well...it seems you're a better friend then you give yourself credit for.

So...you've pretty much known that romantic dalliances would likely involve a more open mind. Not that you're unwilling to try, of course. Quite the opposite, in fact.

But let's see who we've got left. Aradia is cute. Definitely. Nice curves too, but...she seems to be gravitating towards Vriska. No need to break that up, you guess. There's Nepeta. She's definitely fun, plus you share a passion for mammals of feline nature.

There's also Dirk. Part of you wants to just pick him and be done with it. Even if the fella isn't into you at least it's a fella, right? But...well, the thought of him clinically undressing you with no interest is honestly kind of depressing. Which brings you to...

"Kanaya!" You say. She starts and looks back at you. "C'mon, we are totally going to wreck everyone's shit. And by 'wreck everyone's shit' I mean take all their clothes."

"Well...I suppose..." she says, uneasily. She takes a last look at Vriska who seems to have finalized her agreement with Aradia.

"Oh. c'mon, we're gonna have a ton of fun! Besides, I wanna see just how much of you glows," you say, firing off another wonk.

"H-hey, I thought to goal was to keep our clothes on," Kanaya says, a bit of jade coloring her luminescent cheeks.

"Well, sure, and we're totes gonna try. But I'm just saying...hey, that's a pretty good consolation prize." You offer yourself a smirk as Kanaya sits next to you, still blushing slightly.

Dirk and Nepeta, seeing as how they are the last two left, sit down together as well. She grins at him.

"We've got this, easy! Heart power!" She says. Dirk gains the smallest of smirks at her enthusiasm.

"Damn straight," he says.

"Okay...so is everybody ready?" You say, voice full of mischief.

"Oh just deal out the damn cards," Karkat says. You smile and oblige.

"Okay, since this is the first hand and no one has won, no penalty card this time. The winner picks after this hand, though! Oh, also...since there's a lot more opportunities for stripping this time around I figure it's okay to count each shoe and sock as one," you say as you deal.

You notice a green flash as shoes and socks suddenly appear on Jade's feet. You purse your lips at her, but Dave grins.

You finish passing out the cards and await the inevitable greedy requests from your fellow players. Aradia and Vriska whisper over their hand for a few moments before giving you four cards. They get them back and Vriska scowls. John and Rose hand you three cards, they look pleased at their return, though John seems a bit confused. Rose begins to whisper something to him in explanation.

Dave and Jade also ask for three cards. Dave shows no reaction, Jade looks as if they could have been better. Karkat and Terezi seem to be in a hot debate over their hand, with Terezi eventually handing in one card while Karkat looks exasperated. He looks relieved at the return, though. Jane looks nervously at her cards with Jake over her shoulder. Eventually they turn in four. Their expressions brighten considerably after they get their replacements.

Dirk looks at his cards and shows them to Nepeta. She excitedly points at the ones she wants to keep and he hands you three. She gets more excited at the sight of their new hand and she gives her partner a high five.

Now you can finally have a look at your own cards. Kanaya has been looking at them with a slight frown and shows them to you.

**You've got: K(D), 10(S), 8(S), 4(D), 3(S)**

Yeesh. It would have been nice to start with a pair or something at least.

Kanaya seems to be waiting for your input...

**== > Be Kanaya.**

You are now Kanaya Maryam and you are so above all of this. You've already made a pact with yourself to not let any of this get to you. You're just going to roll with the punches, keep a poker face and sail through to the end with no errant feelings whatsoever.

It's not like there's a small part of you that wants to see some of the people here naked. It's not like all of those people are some of the prettier women here. Like your partner, for instance. Luckily, though, that part of you does not exist. Because you are so far above all of this, as you have recently explained. You could go into detail about just how much this isn't affecting you if someone would care to hear. They don't? Oh well. The best part is that it's totally true.

And there goes Roxy staring at those cards, as if looking at them hard enough will make them better, or will coax a better answer out of them. As she shifts her weight to get a better look her skirt rides up a little, and you can see the creamy white flesh of her thighs between the fabric of the skirt and her thigh-high stockings. You mean, you don't see that. Well, yes you saw it, but what you meant to say is that it doesn't matter whether or not you can see that exposed skin...what you mean to say is 'shut up.'

"...I mean that's all we really can do, right?" she says in a hoarse-whisper.

"Hmm?" You say, absently.

"Hello...Earth to Kanaya...or rather...this place to Kanaya. I asked if we should dump everything but the king."

"Oh...um...yes. I mean, obviously," you say, wavering a bit. Yeesh. It's a good thing you're so completely above this or that would have been embarrassing.

**== > Be the drunk. Turn in the cards.**

You are now back into the maybe-inebriated-maybe not persona of Roxy Lalonde. You were just about to turn in THE HELL out of some cards. Which you do, awesomely, of course.

**You get: K(H), 9(H), 4(H), 8(D)**

Hells yeah! Look at that other king! Everything's coming up Roxy! You give Kanaya a thumbs up. She mostly looks zoned out still, though. You wonder if that skirt trick actually worked. That _never_ works!

"Okay...let's see what everyone's got!" You say in a sing-song voice.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: Ace high.  
John & Rose Have: Flush; clubs. (Also a pair of 8s both of clubs)  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 3s.  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 5s.  
Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; jacks and 6s.  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; 7s and 2s.  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of kings.**

W00t! You were in...fourth place. Okay, that's not so bad.

"Looks like it's you!" You say, seduceitively, pointing at Vriska and Aradia. "And since I only see a high card there, it looks like you both have to strip!"

Vriska sighs and unsmilingly takes Aradia's right foot in her hand and mechanically pulls off one of her red slippers, showing the wrappings beneath. She then offers her right leg to Aradia, looking sulky.

Aradia smiles and brings her hands to Vriska's shoe, runs her fingers along the strings, before moving both her hands up Vriska's leg, up her torso and then wrapping them around Vriska's gray overshirt, which she then pulls off her arms in one quick motion. Beneath is a black t-shirt emblazoned with the gold Light symbol.

"Seriously?" Vriska says, irritated. Aradia just smiles sweetly.

"Okay! Good start!" You say. "Okay so...John and Rose won so they get to pick the penalty card!" They whisper together for a few seconds.

"The King of Diamonds." Rose says.

"Face card! Interesting! Okay...so new rule about the penalty card," you say.

"Oh my god, how often are you going to change the rules!" Karkat yells.

"Don't worry. This is the last time...probably. And it really isn't changing, since it hasn't started yet. Anyway, all I wanted to do was add a bit of risk and reward to whole penalty card thing! Basically, like I said if at the end of the hand you have it in your hand, then someone on your team has to strip, _but_ if you happen to win the the hand with it in your possession, then you get to pick another team who will have to have someone strip!"

There is general agreement.

"Okay, so: King of Diamonds next hand. Remember!" You hand the cards to Araida.

Heh. Off to a good start.


	4. Hand 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the first penalty card claims a victim.

**== > Roxy: Check hand for king.**

You quickly pick up the cards Aradia has finished dealing to you and share them with Kanaya. You look for a king of diamonds, but thankfully don't find one.

**You've got: Q(D), Q(H), A(S), 9)S), 6(D)**

"Nice!" You whisper.

"Hmm, yes," Kanaya agrees in quiet approval.

John and Rose whisper over the cards for a while, but eventually Rose shakes her head and turns in all five. Both of them wince at the return. Jade points at two cards in her and Dave's hand, and he hands Aradia the other three. Jade smirks at their replacements in seeming satisfaction. Karkat looks at their hand and starts, and then whispers something to Terezi. She whispers back. There's a brief pause for contemplation on Karkat's part, before he eventually and somewhat reluctantly nods. She hands in one card to Aradia.

Jane and Jake take almost no time to discuss and quickly hand in three cards. Jake looks at their new ones and shrugs. Nepeta once again points to the parts of the hand she wants to keep, and Dirk turns in three cards and receives three in their place. Nepeta is still all smiles afterward.

"It appears we are up, so to speak," Kanaya says. "I assume we're on the same page, here?"

**== > Roxy keep the girls.**

Well, of _course_ you're going to keep the girls. These puppies have served you very well so far, earning you many an approving glance...oh, you meant the queens.

Yeah...yeah that's a good idea.

"If by 'on the same page' you mean 'do the obvious pair thing,' then yeah I'm totally there," you say.

"Just checking," Kanaya says.

You hand in your three non-queen-related cards.

**You get: Q(C), 7(H), 6(S)**

You grin and show them to Kanaya, who also smiles in approval. Meanwhile Aradia and Vriska take four cards.

"Okay," Terezi says slyly. "What does everyone have?"

**John & Rose Have: King high  
Jade & Dave Have: Two pair; kings and 4s  
Karkat & Terezi have: Three of a kind: jacks + king of diamonds**

Everyone looks at their hand and curses. Everyone except you and Kanaya, that is, who's knowing smiles have gone unnoticed.

**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 9s  
Dave & Nepeta Have: A pair of aces  
You Have: Three of a kind; queens**

Karkat and Terezi do a double take. There's some light cheering from the other teams.

"Denied!" You say.

**Aradia & Vriska have: A pair of jacks**

"Oh, this is total bullshit!" Karkat says.

"It was a good gamble...you just didn't count on being outclassed," Kanaya says in a rare show of smugness. You give her a high-five.

"Nice! I think I might be rubbing off on you," you say. There's a little giggling at that and Kanaya goes a bit jade in the face. It takes you a few seconds to get the joke. You think you hear Aradia whisper 'That was a sexual thing' to Vriska, but you can't be sure. "A-anyway, all you losers there need to get some stripping done!"

Rose sighs and looks at John.

"Not the most auspicious beginning," she says in a resigned tone.

"So...uh...what do you want me to...you know...?" John asks.

"Oh, let's start a little more interesting," she says casually, indicating her orange zip-up jacket. John nods and grabs the zipper and pulls it down, before sliding the coat off Rose's shoulders, exposing the white and purple trimmed blouse below. You note that he does this with a fair degree of familiarity. He's a quick study, you guess. His only trepidation seems to be doing this in front of an audience.

In turn, Rose grabs John's unbuttoned overshirt and gently (and more seductively) slides it down his arms, leaving his upper body clad in only his blue breath t-shirt.

Everyone looks at Karkat and Terezi.

"Hey...this was your idea!" He says to her.

"Really, Karkles? Aren't you supposed to be a knight or something?" She asks.

"Oh, what? You thought you could take that gambit and go 'hey even if it backfires I can just let Karkat take the fall?'"

"Yes."

"Well, tough. If I ever encourage you to take a stupid risk I'll do the stripping."

"Ugh, fine, just shut up already!" Terezi thrusts her right leg at Karkat, catching him in the stomach. After an onomatopoetic 'oof' he works on the shoelaces and finally pulls the sneaker off her foot, exposing her white sock.

"So...what's the next penalty card?" Jade asks.

You look at Kanaya. Hmm...


	5. Hand 3

**== > Roxy: Give them an answer.**

"Ace of hearts," you say without a second thought. Everyone shrugs and the cards are handed to Rose, who begins dealing.

After you've got your cards in hand you decide to take a quick peak.

**You've got: K(H), 10(H), 7(C), 5(H), 4(H)**

"Hmm," you say, showing them to Kanaya, who's brow furrows.

"Could get a flush, I suppose. Of course, if we don't get the right card this could end up going fairly bad for us," she says.

You watch the other players while you think about this. Dave hands in three cards and for once Jade seems to be keeping her emotions in check. Karkat also gives Rose three and there's no real reaction from either of them.

Jane looks at her hand with a worried expression for a long while and whispers with Jake a bit and he nods. She hands in all five cards. A look of relief crosses her face as she gets them. Dirk shows their hand to Nepeta and she looks at it quizzically for a few seconds before pointing to one card. Dirk hands in the solitary piece of thin cardboard and is rewarded with another. Nepeta looks a little deflated at it, but still cheerful.

"It looks like it's time. What do you think we should do?" Kanaya asks.

**== > Roxy: Go for the flush!**

Hell yeah! That's what you're talking about! High risk, high reward!

"I say let's go for it. Nothing ventured and crap," you whisper.

"If you say so," Kanaya says, somewhat reluctantly. You hand in your one card.

**You get: 8(H)**

Alright! You don't even bother with subtlety and do a quiet dance of celebration with your upper body. Kanaya looks both embarrassed and a little amused, clearly also enjoying the victory herself.

Vriska hands four cards to Rose and scowls at what she gets back. Aradia just shrugs. Rose gives four cards to herself. The two look at their hand and you can see John's face fall and Rose's brow furrow.

"Okay, it's time!" You say.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 10s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 3s  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of queens  
Dirk and Nepeta Have: A pair of 4s  
You Have: Flush; hearts  
Aradia & Vriska Have: King high  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 6s + ace of hearts**

Vriska groans in disgust. She grabs Aradia's leg before she can react and removes the other slipper.

"Stick to the shoes this time," Vriska says, slightly annoyed. Aradia smiles and unlaces Vriska's right sneaker before casting it aside.

John in turn holds his leg out for Rose.

"There's no particular reason it has to be you, you realize," she says.

"Yeah...I know. I want it to be, though," he says. Rose's cheeks flush a bit. Heh...it's fun to see her like this. It adds a human element.

"Fine...but we take turns after this, ok? No debates," she says.

"Gotchya." And with that Rose removes one of John's shoes, showing the white sock beneath.

"You know..." Vriska says. "I can't help but notice this game has really only been screwing two specific groups of people so far."

"It'll come back around. It always does," Aradia says. And with that Jade scoops up the cards to deal.

"Oh hey...you guys won again! What's the next card?" Nepeta asks, grinning.


	6. Hand 4

**== > Roxy: Resist urge to pick a red-suited card.**

You fail to resist that urge.

"Six of diamonds," you say. And with that Jade begins tossing out the cards. Once everything is out in the open you pick up your five and share them with Kanaya as per usual.

**You've Got: Q(D), 9(C), 7(H), 4(C), 2(D)**

"Not so much a winner this time," she whispers.

Karkat and Terezi contemplate their hand a while, and eventually decide to hand it four cards. They look a little perplexed at what they get back, but seem calm enough. Jane and Jake also take a while and eventually decide to turn in four. Jane nods happily at her new hand. Finally, Nepeta grins and hands in three cards.

Hmm...now what to do about this malarkey?

**== > Roxy: Keep the queen.**

"Just the queen, I guess," you say. Kanaya nods, and you hand in the four cards.

**You Get: 8(D), 6(H), 3(S), 2(H)**

"Huh...that...went poorly," you say.

"What are the odds we walk away from this hand with all of our clothing?" Kanaya asks.

"Not...uh...all that good."

Aradia turns in four cards, they seem to nod at the result. Rose and John seem to be in a heated discussion about their cards, with Rose gesturing at herself. Eventually she turns in two cards, and her face splits into a grin and John's eyes go wide. Jade thinks and then drops one card and grows a scowl at what she gets back.

"Aright," Rose says. "Let's see what everyone has."

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of jacks  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of jacks  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of queens  
You & Kanaya Have: Queen high  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 5s  
John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 9s _\+ 6 of diamonds_  
Jade  & Dave Have: Ace high**

John and Rose high-five.

"So...who is the lucky recipient going to be..." Rose says, contemplating. Everyone seems to draw back and try to look inconspicuous. "Well, if they hadn't lost this hand I might have given it to my dear mother for starting this game but...since she did lose...I think it better go to our illustrious, and still fully clothed I might add, winners from last time." Rose hands the card to Dave.

"Seriously?" He says, indignant.

"Seriously," She says. Dave turns to Jade.

"So...how do you want to do this? I could-" He begins.

"You could propose something that doesn't involve you going first," Jade shoots back. "Just flip a coin. Heads you get to be noble, tails you get to be naughty. Then we'll just switch off."

Dave shrugs and flips a coin. It's heads.

"Welp," Dave says pushing his leg towards Jade.

"Did you freeze time?"

"That's a totally preposterous thing to say I'm mean why would you even suggest that? Clearly you have these odd exhibitionist issues you need to work out. You should be thanking me for saving you from yourself." Jade's eyes narrow.

"Fine," she says. And she reaches across to Dave's torso and pulls his Time t-shirt over his head, leaving only the red sweater beneath.

Kanaya scoots across from you and, looking somewhat glazed, begins untying the pink laces on your right tennis shoe, pulling it off. Beneath is a black stocking that stretches up to your thigh. She then sits back and waits for you to take something off of her.

Hmm...

**Kanaya Clothing:  
>Virgo Shirt -> _Snug sweater_ \-- > _Bra_  
>Red skirt -> _Panties_  
>Left shoe -> _Left black sock_  
>Right shoe -> _Right black sock_**


	7. Hand 5

**== > Roxy: Remove shoe.**

As your eyes wander over the waiting Kanaya you briefly consider starting a little bolder by perhaps taking her t-shirt or (if you wanted to really get funny) her skirt...but ultimately you decide to play it safe for now.

You take her right slipper in your hand and pull it off her foot. A black sock that reaches to her ankle is below. You toss the shoe aside and throw in a wonk for good measure.

Given that shoe removal isn't all that exciting, play resumes relatively quickly. Terezi picks up the cards to deal.

"Uh...maybe you should let me do that," Karkat says.

"Please, Karkat, I can easily do this." Terezi begins handing out the cards randomly to what she must perceive as the various groups. In the end you and Kanaya end up with six cards, Aradia and Vriska have three, John and Rose four, Dave and Jade seven, she gave herself five, Jane and Jake ended up with none and Dirk and Nepeta with two.

"Yeah...uh..." Dave says.

"Ok...maybe Karkat should deal the cards," Terezi admits, a slight tinge of teal in her face.

"Actually that's good that happened since John and Rose are supposed to pick the penalty card anyways," Aradia says.

"Oh yeah..." John says.

"You can pick," Rose says, smiling.

"Um...the 8 of...hearts?" He says. Everyone shrugs. With that Karkat begins handing out the cards.

**You've Got: K(S), 10(C), 7(S). 6(S), 3(S)**

"Hmm...another flush draw," Kanaya whispers.

"Yeah...'course...we just lost. We end up with a king high we'll probably just end up stripping yet again," you whisper back.

Jane asks for four cards and looks fairly unhappy at what she gets. Dirk casually hands in three cards. No real reaction from him. Nepeta seems to be pretty cheerful, though that could just be normal.

"Well...time to choose, I suppose," Kanaya says.

**== > Roxy: Go for another flush!**

Aw yeah! That's what you're talking about! There is absolutely no way this could go wrong.

"Let's just go for it," you say.

"Really?" Kanaya asks.

"Yeah! What's the worst that could happen?"

"Uh...we lose and both have to strip again."

"Pssh. Yeah, like _that's_ gonna happen." You hand Karkat your one card, awaiting the inevitable spade.

**You Get: Jack (H)**

"Huh..." you say. There is an audible slapping noise and you notice Kanaya's palm has landed on her face, covering her eyes.

Vriska gives Karkat three cards in a fairly bored fashion. John points at one of the cards in their hand and looks at Rose questioningly. Rose shakes her head and John hands in one. Jade eyes their hand warily and Dave hands in four. Jade seems to brighten at the return. Finally, Terezi (after a through licking of the cards) gives Karkat two.

"Alright, let's not waste any fucking time. Cards," Karkat says.

**Jane & Jake Have: Ace high  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 3s  
You & Kanaya Have: King high  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 4s  
John & Rose Have: Two pair; Aces and queens  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 9s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Three of a kind; 7s**

It seems that if the penalty card did make an appearance in someone's hand this turn, they discarded it. Furthermore it seems you are once again in last place. Lame.

The other teams are looking at you with slightly cocky grins, as though this is karmically justified.

Kanaya sighs and begins working on your left shoe, succeeding in unlacing it and casting it aside. She then sits back and waits for you, giving you a somewhat reproachful look.

**Kanaya Clothing:  
>Virgo Shirt -> _Snug sweater_ \-- > _Bra_  
>Red skirt -> _Panties_  
>Left shoe -> _Left black sock_  
> ~~Right shoe~~ ->Right black sock**


	8. Hand 6

**== > Roxy: Expose foot.**

You decide that you can sate some of your curiosity without sacrificing all that much of Kanaya's modesty, so you grab Kanaya's exposed sock and pull it off her foot. Her feet, it would seem, are just as luminescent as the rest of her body (although you're still quite eager to test that hypothesis on some of the more interesting regions). The only non-glowing segment seems to be her toenails, which are painted a classy red. She wiggles her toes, and judging from her current facial expression doesn't really seem to mind all that much that you didn't go for the other shoe.

In any case, though, you and Kanaya are both down two articles at this point. Not exactly in the best position, considering there's still two teams that have yet to forfeit a single article.

Jane takes the cards from Karkat and hands them to Jake, who seems eager to deal.

"Oh...um...the penalty card is: the 3 of hearts!" Terezi says.

And with that announcement Jake begins passing out the cards. After you have all five you pick them up and share them with Kanaya.

**You've Got: K(C), Q(D), 10(C), 3(S), 2(H)**

"Sheesh, you'd think after the last couple of hands we'd have earned a three of a kind or something," you say.

"No such luck, it would seem. No really crazy plans to go with this time. What we have is pretty basic," Kanaya agrees.

You look up in time to see Dirk hand in four cards. He shows what he gets back to Nepeta and she grins at him.

"Got a plan?" Kanaya asks, somewhat worried. "I don't exactly relish the thought of losing too many more hands."

**== > Roxy: Keep the king.**

"Guess we don't have a ton of options," you say, handing in the four other cards. Jake hands you your replacements.

**You Get: K(H), A(D), 6(D), 4(D)**

You let out a breath. Finally, some good news!

Aradia also turns in four cards. Vriska shrugs at the new ones. Rose hands Jake a single card. John scratches his head at what they get back. Dave hands in four and Jade scowls at the new cards. Karkat gets three new cards and neither of them react much to them. Jane gives Jake three cards, and breaks into a large, bucktoothed grin at the sight of them.

"Ok...let's go!" Jane says, seeming comfortable for the first time during the game.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of aces  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of kings  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 7s  
John & Rose Have: Two pair; Jacks and 4s  
Jade & Dave Have: King high  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of queens  
Jane & Jake Have: Full house; 5s and 10s**

It would seem that once again the penalty card did not make an appearance in anyone's final hand.

Jade smiles, grabs one of Dave's black sneakers and unties it, chucking it aside, his white sock now showing. He, in turn, unties one of her shoes and discards it. Jade's socks seem to be a very, very light green.

And with that Jake hands the cards to Nepeta who hands them to Dirk.

"I think you would do far better at it than me. Just puuuurfect, in fact," she says, chipper. Dirk nods at her, as if in approval, and then begins to hand out the cards.


	9. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first entry written by Sideanon so far. As usual, it is of premium quality!

Another hand, another mismatched pair of shoes. Cool cool. This might be going better if you had something to drink, but your old friend Roxybrain totes spaced on that. You were eager to get started when you finally wrangled everyone into one room, and you know damn well if you turn your back on them POOF no more stripstakes.

Nepeta's fascinated face makes for good watching as she follows Dirk's hand with every toss. What a cutie. And like a good cat she notices Karkat and Terezi whispering to each other before everyone else. This lasts about three seconds before Terezi hisses something that gets Karkat's hand in her face.

Dirk stops dealing mid toss with an even more dead serious look than usual. “Something you'd like to share with the class, Mister Vantas?”

He gets out, “Hell n-” before Terezi shoves him down.

“Yes, this is false advertising! We were promised awkward nudity and shenanigans, and fifteen minutes on I haven't smelled so much as a sharp blush. Something is clearly amiss!”

Of all people with nooo right to complain, Vriska pipes up. “Pssh, totally. Our game was one booooooooring hoodie after another for like half an hour. Now we've got twice as many people and we're splitting the fucking shoes? We're gonna be here all night.”

You're about to call her a dummy for needing to hear your awesome rules again, but Dirk beats you to it. “The room appreciates that you girls can't wait to break your alien milkshakes, but I don't think I hav-”

“Whatever! Nobody told you to stop dealing.” Having all the luck nets the card quivering between Vriska's fingers instead of stuck in her face with lightning speed. Aradia's amused.

“I don't think I have to explain that half the exercise here is the anticipation. I don't see anybody jumping up to get bare of their own accord, 'cause that's just pointless.”

“Yeah, it's no fun without the game! You have to sneeeaaak up on it, be playful with terrible faux pas...” Nepeta compliments the explanation with magicfingers. “Hunt out little naked secrets until eferyone's purrplexed and furstrated... And then POW awkward nudity everywhere!” Wow, a couple of them jumped at that. “Except the winners of course!”

Dirk is rubbing the back of her head. What the actual fuck? “See, even the kid gets it. So calm your tits, you'll be stripping soon enough.” She's puuurrrrrring, that is so messed up.

The other Strider just snorts and holds up his cards in ice cold poker fashion. “Big talk from the pickup player. We'll see how excited you stay when you start losing shoes, and other accessories.”

Oh shit, is it gonna be a bro-off? You didn't pick a sturdy enough room for a bro-off!

“Hey, should never have let us be a team yo. Too much concentrated heroics over here.”

“Nooobody expects the silly dorky heart players to win cool stuff like gambling and being alurrrrrring. That's when the heart power strikes!”

Now Karkat's growling at them. “Shut the fuck up about your bullshit hero magic. I don't care how many times you do the gesture, it's still not real!”

“Shit yeah, heart power. Hit me Nep.” She gives a little dancy cheer and holds her paw up to Dirk's, their fingers making a heart shape. Half the room snickers like it's the first time, because it's still adorable.

Your EctoUncle is the rock in Jade's giggleocean. “I swear to god, you two plan this Wondertwin crap. C'mon, we have important slowly making each other barefoot to get back to.”


	10. Hand 7

**= > Roxy: Look at hand.**

You're about to pick up your hand when suddenly

"Wait!" Jane shouts. Everyone freezes. "Before anyone picks up their cards, the penalty card for this time is...uh..."

"The ace of clubs!" Jake says. There's a bit of mumbling. Aces are tricky. However, with that out of the way you are free to once again attempt to view your hand.

The attempt is an overwhelming success!

**You've Got: K(H), 10(D), 6(S), 5(H), 3(S)**

Well, no ace of clubs. Still, not really much of anything else either. Kanaya frowns.

"Another dud," She says.

"Yeah. Kind of a fixer upper," you agree.

"You know..." Jake says, looking up from his cards. "Maybe we should have have waited to start this soiree until we were all asleep. It seems to me we could have quite a few more gents and ladies if we did."

"Ehhh," John says. "We kind of have a ton of people here already."

"I don't know, John," Aradia says, smiling. "There are a lot of fun people out there! I think Jake's right in this case."

"Man, don't listen to Jake. His intentions aren't, strictly speaking, noble. He just wants a chance to see the other spider troll naked. You know, the one who looks like a librarian," Dirk says.

"Those accusations are scandalous and completely rip-fucking baseless," Jake says.

"Oh...her," Vriska says, a little bitter. "Yeah, she's no fun at all. She's all bookish and not boisterous or exciting in the slightest. She's totally Kanaya's type."

"I will have you know that I prefer adventurous women," Kanaya says. It takes a second for her to realize that she actually blurted that out loud before her cheeks turn a violent shade of jade. "I mean-"

"I'm actually kind of glad we aren't playing in a bubble," Nepeta says, uneasily. "I don't think Equius would approve of me paw-sibly taking off my clothes in front of other people. Or me watching other people take off their clothes."

"Pssh, yeah right," Karkat says. "He'd shut up the moment people started stripping. And then this whole room would turn into a wading pool made of nothing but sweat. In fact, between trying to boss you around and his weird perversions his think pan would probably undergo an aneurism deciding which was more important. Then he'd end up dying all over again. So...double dead, I guess."

"Well I don't know about that! But Dirkitty is the best friend anyone could have asked for in this game!" Nepeta says.

"That's because I'm incredibly willing to let people make bad choices." Dirk says.

"Anyway, I think we can all agree that we have more than enough fucking people already and we don't any weird ghosts in here to make this even more awkward. Besides...we might have ran into Eridan or something..." Karkat says. A collective shudder runs through the group. "Yeah, exactly. So let's just move on. Are you guys going to pick your stupid cards or not?"

Huh? Oh shit that was directed at you. You totally forgot you go first this time!

"Uh..." you say and look at Kanaya.

What to do...

**== > Roxy: Keep the king.**

Well considering that everything else is bullshit...yeah, that's probably the best move. Dirk hands you four cards back, lightning fast.

**You Get: A(D), Q(D), 6(H), 3(S)**

"Hmm...not spectacular," Kanaya says.

You have to agree. High cards aren't exactly great news. Still, the ace and queen will help, and they make it so that you've pretty much got the best high card situation possible. You just have to hope someone else doesn't manage a pair. Even with the shoes and socks counting individually rule you and Kanaya are hemorrhaging clothes fast.

Vriska hands in three cards and smirks. Rose passes Dirk four cards, and stares intently at what she gets back. Dave hands in three cards with no reaction. Terezi points at their cards and whispers something to Karkat. He nods and they hand in one card. Karkat sighs and shrugs. Jane gives Dirk four cards. She frowns slightly at what she gets back, but Jake gives her a thumbs up and she smiles slightly. Finally Dirk takes three cards for himself and Nepeta.

"Lay them down," Vriska says.

**You & Kanaya Have: Ace high, with king and queen**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; Queens and 7s**   
**John & Rose Have: Ace high, with jack**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of aces**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Ace high, with king, queen and jack**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 2s**

You feel a touch of relief. You don't have the lowest hand, though it was a fairly close thing. You suddenly notice that there were a metric shitton of aces in play during this hand and not one of them managed to be the ace of clubs. Ridiculous!

Rose sighs and begins working on John's remaining shoe. John, feeling as though there's no time to waste unties Rose's right shoe as well.

Terezi sighs.

"How many shoes and socks are left in this place, anyway!?"

"Uh..." Nepeta says counting. "Let's see, I've got all of mine and Dirk's got all of his...so eight there. Roxy and Kanaya have two apiece. So four there. Five between Vriska and Aradia. Five for John and Rose. Six for Dave and Jade. Seven for you and Karkitty. And eight for Janey and Jake. So...43."

"Ugh," Terezi says.

"Yeah, but keep in mind most people losing lose two of those at a time, so you should really half that number...plus, the penalty card or cards are supposed to be thinning things out too," Jade says.

"Yeah, if it'll ever show up!" Vriska says.

"Let's just keep things going for now," you say. "If like in a couple of hands we haven't had some good penalty card action I'll...think of something. I don't know. The deck's only been around one time, anyway."

You grab the cards and prepare to deal.


	11. Hand 8

**== > Roxy: Deal.**

Psshyeah. Talk about no freaking problem right there. You've got this dealing thing down pat. Now if only getting everybody naked was this easy. Still...early days. Gotta keep yourself focused.

"Hmm...since this is the eighth hand how about...the penalty card is the 8 of spades. And somebody freaking get it this time!!!!!!!!" Vriska says.

At last all the cards are dealt. You await the inevitable barrage of requests.

Vriska hands you four cards. She balks at them looking absolutely shocked. Aradia begins to snigger, before falling into full giggles on the floor.

"Shut uuuuuuuup!" Vriska says.

Rose gives you three cards and smiles politely at you. Dave hands you three cards too. Poker face from him. Karkat hands in all five of his cards and looks visibly pissed at his return. Terezi frowns. Jane gives you you three cards and smiles back at you. Dirk gives you four cards. Nepeta looks nervous.

Kanaya had been studying your cards. Now that you're done, she shows them to you.

**You've Got: 5(D), 5(S), 10(C), 8(S), 2(C)**

"Got a pair this time!" You say.

"Hmm, yes. And it seems we were lucky. We acquired the penalty card in the initial pickup rather than the draw. I assume you don't want to hang on to it for the very, very remote chance we'd pick up a three of a kind?"

Your move...

**== > Roxy: Don't fall for that shit.**

"Yeah, well when you put it that- NO!" You say and then you turn in the three non-five cards.

**You Get: 10(C), 8(C), 2(D)**

Well, good thing you didn't hold on to that penalty card. No more help but...meh, you got a pair. That should be Good E. Nuff.

"Okay...let's see the cards!" Aradia says, still giggling. Vriska glares at her.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: Ace high, + 8 of spades  
John & Rose Have: Two pair; 7s and 5s  
Jade & Dave Have: Three of a kind; 3s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Jack high  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 7s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: King high  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 5s**

Everyone begins joining Aradia in the giggles.

"Yes...yes. Hilarious," Vriska grumbles.

Karkat sighs and begins untying Terezi's remaining shoe while she goes to work on his. Everyone's eyes turn to Aradia and Vriska.

"What?" Vriska says, looking at Aradia. "Who says it has to be me?"

"Vriska...there's absolutely no way it could be anyone but you. I mean, you were basically asking for this," Aradia says, grinning.

"Ugh...fiiiiiiiine! Just get on with it," she says holding out her leg.

"Oh, I don't think so..." Aradia says teasingly. Her hands wander up Vriska's body and grab the bottom of her shirt.

"What!? No!" Vriska says, attempting to wriggle out of her grip.

"Yes," Aradia whispers back. The two begin struggling, you can see flashes of Vriska's gray stomach as Aradia tries to force the garment up. After a few seconds of futile struggling Aradia grins and the next instant she is sitting back in her original position, running Vriska's shirt through her fingers. Vriska looks stunned, her upper body clad in nothing but a cobalt bra covering her modestly sized breasts. You're pretty sure you can make out two hard points in the cups. She eventually looks down and realizes her shirt is gone. A rush of blue colors her cheeks and her arms instinctively wrap around herself.

"You realize that it is _so_ on?" Vriska says, her voice full of venom. Aradia just smiles sweetly back at her and takes a quick sniff of her shirt.

Everyone is a little giggly afterwards. The new players are rather flustered and you notice Kanaya trying not to look in Vriska's direction, biting her lip.

Finally This game is going somewhere! You hand the cards to Aradia, and you throw her an approving thank you wonk, and she decides to give you one right back.


	12. Hand 9

**== > Roxy: Ogle.**

Well...considering how Vriska is sporting the first real flesh of the evening, you decide it couldn't hurt to look at her a bit.

Vriska is certainly attractive. You happen to find the whole gray skin thing to be pleasantly exotic, which is nice as her trim stomach offers you plenty of canvas to view the palette. Her breasts, while certainly not huge, nevertheless are proportioned very well to the rest of her body. You find yourself wishing she'd lose the pants too, as her long legs would probably be a very pleasing thing to see, indeed. On top of all of that, her blushing and hugging herself adds a cute veneer of vulnerability to her previously brash and confident persona.

Plus, as a bonus Vriska is the type to keep a grudge, so the next time Aradia is up you can bet Vriska probably isn't going to keep it small, and despite the rather modest god tier pajamas she wears, you can tell Aradia is definitely not someone you'll want to miss getting stripped.

Hmm...it seems in the time you were admiring the local scenery, Aradia had finished dealing.

"Penalty card is the 7 of clubs," Jade says, and with that everyone reaches for their hands.

**You've Got: J(C), 9(D), 8(D), 7(D), 3(S)**

"Well...that's kind of a frustrating hand," Kanaya says.

"Yeesh, tell me about it," you agree.

Rose's eyes widen a bit at her hand. She shows it to John, who has a similar reaction. They talk in hushed whispers for a long while, before they finally nod and Rose hands in three cards. Dave also takes three. Karkat and Terezi whisper a while over their hand before Karkat finally turns in three. He rolls his eyes at the first new card they get, but simply shrugs afterward. Jake excitedly points out a few cards in his and Jane's hand and she turns in one. He looks a little disappointed afterward, but still pleased. Finally dirk gives Aradia four cards. Nepeta grins at what they get back.

Look's like it's your time to shine...

**== > Roxy: Call it a wash.**

"This whole hand is crap. I'm just going to chuck it," you say to Kanaya. She seems to agree. You hand in all five cards to Aradia who grins and gives you your new hand.

**You Get: 9(S), 7(S), 6(C), 5(H), 4(C)**

You stare at your hand in disbelief for a second. If that nine had been an eight...or a three you'd have had a straight. As it stands, though, you have absolutely nothing, and pretty much no shot of getting out of this hand without stripping.

Vriska takes four cards and seems pleased. You can't help but grumble as everyone else begins to lay down their cards.

**John & Rose Have: Two pair; Queens and 7s _(both are the 7 of clubs!)_**

Everyone suddenly looks nervous. Rose smirks.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of jacks  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 4s  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of aces  
You & Kanaya Have: 9 high  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of queens**

John and Rose high-five and then hug. It looks like they gambled and it paid off.

"Hmm..." Rose says, contemplating. "Since we've got two cards...and there are two teams that haven't lost yet...the answer seems obvious."

Rose hands one card to Jane and one to Dirk. Jane looks down at herself, as if for the first time realizing she only has a limited number of chances before everyone in the room can see everything.

"Well, if it would ease this pickle, Jane, I would volunteer to go first," Jake says.

"Oh...um...thanks," Jane says, color coming easily to her face. Her fingers fumble over the laces of Jake's right tennis shoe, before she finally gets it off. He gives her an encouraging smile. She weakly returns it. You find yourself rolling your eyes. That girl needs help.

"Um..." Nepeta looks at her own situation. She seems to have a few more options than everyone else, what with her coat and...cat...hood...thing.

"It's cool," Dirk says, holding out his leg.

"Well...that doesn't seem very fair!" She says. "C'mon I have a ton more stuff!"

Dirk considers her for a second he then grabs the blue hood and pulls it down, freeing her wild hair. She smiles.

"No big deal! We're still doing great! We didn't even lose that one."

"Damn straight."

Everyone's attention turns to you and Kanaya. You sigh theatrically and push both of your legs towards Kanaya so she can have her choice of stocking to remove.

Kanaya looks at you for a few seconds while biting her lip, and then she quickly moves her hands to your skirt. Before you even get a hold on what has happened she has worked the zipper down and grabbed on to the garment. In its loosened state, she is easily able to pull it down and off your legs. Your eyes widen and you look down. Your lower body is clad only in a pair of somewhat skimpy black panties. There is now quite a swath of your creamy legs exposed too, from just below the straps of your underwear to the stockings right at thigh-level. You somewhat automatically pull your shirt down as low as it will go, but it's hardly long enough to cover much.

"H-huh...why?" You stammer, confused.

"I...erm...like stockings..." Kanaya says, avoiding eye-contact. You're still a little gobsmacked, but you realize that you still need to take something off of her.

**Kanaya Clothing:  
>Virgo Shirt -> _Snug sweater_ \-- > _Bra_  
>Red skirt -> _Panties_  
>Left shoe -> _Left black sock_  
> ~~Right shoe~~ - > ~~Right black sock~~**


	13. Interlude 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second insert written by SideAnon.

**== > Roxy: Be Dave**

You make a smooth transition to being DAVE STRIDER, and as much as you're eager to see more of your BEST FRIENDS and BLOOD RELATIVES naked, which is to say NOT REALLY MUCH AT ALL now that you're occasionally shagging the only one that matters, even you can admit this game is getting pretty long in the...

What the fuck is Miss Vamprehensive doing with your wino aunt's skirt?

Is that... Yeah, that's some creamy white GAMS there. 100% fresh, hand churned, USDA approved marbleized gam, with just enough black nylon to pretend to be allowable out of the house by some thoroughly UNFIT PARENTS. Unfit parents who are blind. And technically speaking, are you and Rose, which explains way more than you're about to inject into this reaction.

You've said it before, and be damned if anyone outside your Soliloquy Zone hears it but you'll say it again, your not-mom is a hot-not-mom. Might wanna head this off while you can.

**== > Dave: Snoop**

You lean over to her bizarro-universe counterpart, the all-knowing Ectosis, and make only an ironically crappy attempt to SURREPTITIOUSLY whisper, "Yo dog, what's your ex gettin' up to with the spinster?”

She smirks back at you like Roxanne's PANTYLINES aren't even worth whispering over. “Firstly, she still isn't my ex no matter what you've heard, and secondly, how should I know?”

“C'mon, you two are the cherries in Rox's Manhattan. How did they wind up as a team, and why is the nightlight the one peeling off skirts? Don't tell me her ravishing instincts are kicking in just now.”

“I've half a mind to salute her for it. Only took the better part of four years.” Don't you dare WINK, woman.

“Nuh uh, not like this. This is some DEFCON 3 shit, we are in serious danger of naked parents here. Sure it'd be killer to see her hoist on her own brass pole, but shit's gonna be dangerously classy if those two are the first team bareback.”

John and Jade are sniggering at this point. Easy for them to snigger, their Ectoteens are as SQUARE as themselves. Rose gets in closer. “I fully appreciate your concern bro, but short of cheating I don't know what exactly you plan to do to avert the Classical Nude scenario. Suffice to say, losing early is neither a prize nor a curse. As long as they don't see too little luck, the game will build enough momentum to carry on no matter what.”

You're pretty sure the high concentration of LESBIANISM in the room is clouding the Seer's judgment, but she ain't wrong. Just gonna have to watch your game, and maybe play shit a little looser. Of all the things you could throw a strip poker game for, keeping your technical forebear's HINT OF MODESTY intact isn't a bad one, whether she wants that modesty or not.

That is until Jade tugs on your ear. “Don't get any funny ideas, Galahad. You're worried about nothing, just remember how the last game went. Everything's going to be great.” No prob there. Nod and swallow.

Looks like Rox made a decision on what new piece of radiant goth to uncover. Oh don't be a shitty one...


	14. Hand 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys are curious about the current clothing count, and what everyone was wearing initially you can check here: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/8974.html?thread=35951886#t35951886

**== > Roxy: Go up top.**

You decide that this brazen break from protocol warrants an equally drastic response. Okay...maybe not quite as drastic. But...something more than a shoe at least.

You scoot towards Kanaya, who is waiting for you, and you reach over to her to grab the bottom of her shirt. You are suddenly aware you are almost assuredly flashing your panty-clad bottom at the rest of the group as you do this. See...you even do awesome things when you don't plan them. And lets face it, you know your ass is awesome, so everyone else should too.

You begin to tug Kanaya's shirt upwards. The bottom of her sweater beneath is dragged up a ways too, so that her glowing, milk-white belly is exposed just past her navel. Kanaya lifts her arms to allow you to pull the rest of the shirt off. She casually grabs the offending part of the sweater and and moves it back down, covering herself once again. You notice that the sweater is pretty snug. You can definitely make out the outlines of the bra below, and it clings pretty tightly to her figure, so you get a pretty good look at what to expect from future reveals, and you are quite pleased. It seems you and her are pretty much evenly matched in the bustline department, which is pretty impressive. It's not quite to Aradia levels, but you both have a definite "bounce" to your step.

After everyone seems to have had enough gawking (you made sure to stay in that position for long enough), Rose grabs the cards and begins to hand them out.

"Umm...penalty card is the five of...diamonds," John says as she does so.

When everything is dealt you pick yours up and share them with Kanaya.

**You've Got: Q(H), J(H), 4(H), 3(C), 2(D)**

"Ugh, is a pair too much to ask?" You whisper.

Dave hands in four cards. His eyebrows knit at what he gets back and Jade scowls. Karkat hands in three cards. No reaction from his team. Jane nervously hands in all five cards and with each card her face looks more nervous until it's in a outright panic at the end. Dirk points at a particular card in his and Nepeta's hand and looks at her. She shakes her head and he hands in three cards.

Hmm. Your turn...

**== > Roxy: Keep the queen.**

"I'm just gonna go for the queen this time. It looks like Janey has bailed us out anyway," you say. Kanaya nods and you hand in four cards.

**You Get: Q(D), K(D), 7(D), 2(S)**

You allow yourself a smirk. Finally.

Vriska hands in three cards and sighs lightly. Finally, Rose gives herself three as well.

"What's everyone got?" You ask.

**Jade & Dave Have: Ace high _\+ 5 of diamonds_  
Karkat  & Terezi Have: A pair of 10s  
Jane & Jake Have: 9 high  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 9s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of queens  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 5s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 7s**

"We...we won? Wow, everyone kind of sucked it up this hand, huh?" You say, with genuine sincerity.

"I guess..." Jade says gloomily as she pushes her right leg toward Dave. He makes quick work of her remaining shoe and tosses it aside.

"Aw, cheer up, Jane!" Jake says. "This is only our first loss. And you've still got got three more things left before things get really dicey."

Jane smiles weakly as she finishes with Jake's second shoe. He takes a bit longer with her first one, but eventually removes it.

"What an exciting hand," Terezi says, bored. "Three shoes."

"Hey, in case you forgot I got pantsed last time, so I think you can just shut it on that front! There's three less shoes to deal with now," you say.

"Yes. Soon we'll actually start seeing bare feet," Vriska says, rolling her eyes. "The only reason you and I are showing anything is because our partners are insane."

Kanaya gains the tiniest smirk.

"Sane or no, I believe it is our turn to pick the penalty card," Kanaya says.

"Mm-hmm," you agree.


	15. Hand 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This hand is very dramatic and very exciting. Really. You should read it. You will not believe how many of the clothes are lost in this hand.

**== > Roxy: Give them a number.**

"Let's go with the three of hearts," you say. Kanaya simply shrugs.

Dave grabs the deck and begins to hand out the cards.

You pick up yours.

**You've Got: J(C), J(C), A(S), Q(S), 10(S)**

"Nice!" You say, Kanaya seems to be smirking too.

Karkat hands in three cards. Neither he or Terezi really react to them. Jake points at their hand excitedly and whispers something to Jane. She looks at it for a long time, chewing on her lip. Eventually she shakes her head and turns in four cards. Jake looks kind of disappointed. She looks at her new cards and nods approvingly. Jake gives her a thumbs up. Dirk hands in three cards. Nothing from that team either.

Well, you're up...

**== > Roxy: Play some jacks.**

Well...okay, that's not how you would have put it, but sure...

**You Get: A(H), 8(S), 5(H)**

Aww, damn. If you had kept the ace you would have gotten two pair. Oh well, you don't really think you're in much trouble this hand.

Vriska hands in three cards and smirks. Rose smiles and declines taking any cards. Jade finally gives one to Dave, after they looked at their own hand for the briefest of moments.

"Time to end this hand," Rose says.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 4s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 6s**   
**John & Rose Have: Straight; 7-jack**   
**Jade & Dave Have: Two pair; Queens and 9s**

"Wow, everyone kind of rocked it up this hand, huh?" You say, with genuine sincerity.

It takes a few seconds for Nepeta to realize that she and Dirk actually lost this hand with a pair.

"Aww. Guess we needed to lose, eventually, though. You can put this in the kitty," she says, tugging at her coat.

"You gave up something last time," Dirk says with a straight face.

"Yeah, but I also have more than you! If you take my pawsome coat you and I will be even!"

"Fine..." Dirk says. He grabs the sides of the olive green jacket and pulls it quickly off her. Nepeta looks smaller without it. Also, you find it somewhat odd to see her without any of her iconic cat paraphernalia. Still, she seems in good spirits.

"Wow...one article and no penalty card. We were really pushing the boundaries on this hand," Vriska says.

Jade rolls her eyes and throws the deck to Karkat.


	16. Hand 12

**== > Roxy: Ignore chill on legs.**

You fail to ignore it. Mostly just because it contrasts with your upper body. You adjust your shirt again, pulling it down as much as you can. It really is no use, though. You are still very indecent below the waist. It cannot stop being a thing that is happening. Not that you really mind or anything. You just wish you had more company in that regard.

"Penalty card is the jack of hearts," Rose says.

Karkat has finished with the cards. Time to see what Team Classy Ladies has this time.

**You've Got: 10(S), 7(D), 6(S), 3(S), 2(D)**

Wow...this hand is awful!

"Oh...well...fuck..." Kanaya says.

Jane hands in three cards and shrugs at the new ones. Dirk also turns in three cards and Nepeta frowns slightly at them.

"Well...what now?" Kanaya asks.

**== > Roxy: Theatrically throw aside hand.**

You roll your eyes dramatically and toss your hand in the general direction of Karkat who mirrors your eyerolling and crawls over to the spot they landed to pick them up. He then pointedly hands you five new cards.

9 of spades. Ok. 4 of spades. Hmm. Jack of spades. Getting better! 5 of clubs. Ok...not so good. 5 of diamonds. Whew. Okay. That was a close one.

**You Get: 5(D), 5(C), J(S), 4(S), 9(S)**

Kanaya looks visibly relieved as well.

"I'm cold," you say to her, pouting a bit. "And...it's pretty much totally your fault, so..."

"What exactly are you asking for?" Kanaya asks, eyebrow raised.

"Put your legs in my lap. Unless the whole vampire thing makes you cold or something," you say.

"It, in fact, does not. Also, as I keep telling you, that isn't the correct term."

"Pssh. I'm hearing a lot of fussing and not a lot of leg putting in my lap-ing."

"Fine," she relents, exasperated, though betraying a hint of a smile. She lays her legs over your own and you're surprised how warm it is. Just having the skirt material is nice, but it's way warmer than even that should grant. Kanaya's skin seems to work something like a heated blanked. Well...aren't you just learning a lot of useful and interesting things tonight.

"Mmm. Nice..." you say, content. You pat her legs and give her a customary flourish of a single eyelid.

Vriska hands in four cards, and adopts a sour look after retrieving her replacements. Rose hands in four cards and initially smirks before sighing. Dave and Jade debate over their hand for a little while before Dave finally hands in all of their cards. Jade sighs, although she gives him a begrudging look that seems to imply he was right.

Finally Terezi hands Karkat three cards after they looked over their hand.

"Ok, let's hurry this up," Karkat grumbles.

**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 4s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 3s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 5s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: King high, with queen and 8  
John & Rose Have: A pair of aces _\+ the jack of hearts_  
Jade  & Dave Have: King high, with queen and ten  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of queens**

"Oh, hey! We won!" John says, excited.

"Hmm. Fortuitous, indeed," Rose agrees. "I believe it's time for either of you to finally take off some footwear." Rose hands the card to Dirk.

He wordlessly pushes his leg toward Nepeta. This time she doesn't object, and quickly unties and discards the sneaker.

Eyes then fall to Aradia and Vriska. Aradia quickly undoes Vriska's remaining shoe. Vriska then eyes Aradia, vengeance brewing in her stare.

"I'd try to talk you out of it but..." Aradia says. Raising her arms, resigned.

"Oh, don't try to play the victim, here! You earned this!" Vriska says, grabbing the bottom of Aradia's God Tier sweater. She draws it quickly over her head.

Aradia's sizable breasts, contained within in a tight bustier, still give a noticeable jiggle as the article is pulled off. The garment seems to be pushing the prominent assets upward, emphasizing them even more. Yowza. You're certainly not going to complain about the view. Neither is anyone else, apparently, as pretty much everyone in the room is staring. Even prudish little Jane. Aradia sighs.

"What?" She says to everyone. Jane coughs and quickly begins gathering up the cards.

"Yep. They still look good," Dave says, nodding. Jade stares at him icily. "What? You can look at alien boobs but I can't?"

"That's not...I wasn't...shut up!" Jade says. She gives him a noncommittal punch on the shoulder.

"Oh god...you fucking people in this room," Karkat says, annoyed.

"He he he. I smelled your blood pumping faster too, Karkles. A candy cherry expressway right below the surface," Terezi says.

"J-just deal out the damn cards! Seriously, can we just do that?" Karkat says.

Jane begins to do so.


	17. Hand 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Karkat interlude in this chapter was penned by SideAnon. The game parts, as usual, were written by me.

**== > Roxy: Earn some sexiness one-upmanship points.**

Finally this game is getting somewhere! Granted, it only got that way because of some trolling and a grudge that resulted from it, but Aradia's breasts clad only in an undergarment is enough to distract you from the fact there is only a single bare foot in the house right now.

So you naturally think now is as good a time as any to passive-aggressively mess with your partner's head a little. Passive-aggressive isn't usually your style, but there are a few things you have picked up from dear old daughtermom, after all.

While still watching Jane shuffle the cards you begin to stroke Kanaya's leg through her skirt. First only moving around the knee. You're careful to make it seem absent-minded and not intentional.

"Um...penalty card is the queen of...hearts," John says. Rose nods.

With each sweep over her leg you move a little further up it. Your hand is making steady progress up her thigh at this point, and you can feel the muscle tense as you get more bold. You also feel her leg getting even warmer as you continue.

Hmm. It seems Kanaya has edged a little bit closer to you. Before now her knees were in your lap. Now it seems to be playing host to the thigh-area.

Oh yeah, your cards. You pick those up and your face splits into a wide grin. Who even cares about hiding that shit?

**You've Got: A(H), A(D), A(S), 6(C), 2(C)**

"I think our luck just might be turning around, Light Bright," you say.

"That would be a refreshing change. Pardon me if I still wait for the other shoe to drop," she says.

"At least you actually have one left to drop."

"Hmm. Just not a shirt."

"Oh c'mon...you still have that delightfully tight sweater. Your modesty is only _slightly_ compromised."

"Well, I _was_ mildly surprised you didn't go right for the skirt."

"Oh, I just think the best things are worth working toward is all."

"Is that so? You'll have to show me how that works."

"If you two have finished verbally copulating it's been your turn for like forty-five seconds," Dirk says.

You feel a rush of heat flow to your face, and you notice a very cute flush of jade has returned to Kanaya's face as well.

"Oh...u-um..." You begin.

**== > Roxy: Be Karkat**

For fuck's sake, you decide to be KARKAT VANTAS because you haven't spent quite enough time stewing in pan-existential loathing today now have you? You can count on your claws how many decisions you've made in life that you don't regret, and not a single one of them would have anything to do with Roxanne Lalonde. Its a testament to her ability to pervert even the very fabric of decency itself that you actually WANT to see some of these other turds in the room start disrobing. Because even if you were dragged in here by the bulge kicking and screaming (you wish you were speaking metaphorically), now that the game has actually begun everyone could at least muster a semblance of interest in the outcome.

It's not like you're particularly keen on seeing the gritty details of any (most) of the bodies in the room, but you're certainly interested in seeing them get their just deserves for turning up to a stripping game of their own volition. Degenerates. What kind of person agrees to take part in a game of chance where the price of failure is slowly becoming naked in front of their peers, and then has the gall to be embarrassed about it?

Well, except Roxanne. There is no such thing as comeuppance for Roxanne, short of the incredibly remote possibility that she be the last person sitting with any modesty left intact, which she seems bound and determined to rid herself of.

After a dozen hands of this vaunted Strip Poker challenge, you have seen: a bunch of socks, Rose abusing her luck privileges, Vriska and Aradia on the verge of hate-makeouts, Kanaya making a flustered fool of herself around some very unladylike behavior, Bullshit Hero Magic, and Lalonde's panty-clad ass. In other words, a typical few days of your existence compressed into twenty minutes. And the pinching at the nap of your neck says its only going to compound.

“Don't think you can mask your gobsmacked expressions, Karkles. Unless you're bearing some animosity towards Miss Rutabaga or Bubblegum that you've managed to hide from me, I'll remind you that you're spoken for in the flushed department.”

“You know full well that my animosity for Madame Bubblegum is so above and beyond attraction that I'd rather tear open my own rage blister than put a bodypart anywhere near Roxy's curdled orifices.” Terezi never gets tired of hearing you describe Lalonde's human organs, which leads to, “The only reason I bear any time in her presence is because you and Kanaya won't stay away from her. To piss me off by proxy no doubt.”

“Yeah pretty much. But I'm not about to ignore your latest staring bout, my dear adolescent escort.”

You know she can smell your eyes rolling without facing her. “Am I supposed to pretend that Aradia doesn't put her tits on display? Yes, the serving girl of death has an astounding pair of thoracic cysts for some reason, just as the pornographic murals of yore foretold. If I had a hankering for tits, it'd just be one more thing about you to disgust me, so you should be glad I was staring.” You don't feel you deserve her biting your earlobe to keep from laughing out loud, but it's a surprisingly gentle fleshwound for Terezi. “And who said you could complain anyway? You know you can only engineer so many excuses to faceplant on someone's rack before they'll catch on. Usually one.”

“And what makes you think she hasn't caught on?” Goddammit, you can hear her eyebrows wiggling. You're about to disregard your judgment and dignify that with a response when you notice that Kanaya is now practically sitting in Roxanne's lap, and they've held the room's attention by bantering louder than you two. About undressing each other.

Yep, this was still a huge fucking mistake.

**== > Roxy: Do the obvious thing.**

Yeah, pretty much. Seriously, why would you do anything else? You hand in the two non-matching cards.

**You Get: Q(S), 8(C)**

Humph. Oh well, at least you still have a kick-ass hand!

Vriska tosses Jane three cards and shrugs. Rose also gives three cards. She and John seem in good spirits. Three for Dave as well. He seems to be playing it cool and Jade isn't really betraying anything, either. Karkat grumbles and has a brief exchange with Terezi before giving over four cards. His mood does not improve. Jake seems to be pointing excitedly to something in his and Jane's hand. She looks nervous and seems to be trying to suggest something else. Finally, though, it seems like she relents as she takes a deep breath and takes a single card. Her face breaks into a huge grin and she hugs Jake. She quickly blushes and returns to her seat.

"U-erm...so...what does everyone have?" Jane says.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Kings and 9s  
You & Roxy Have: Three of a kind; Aces  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 6s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of jacks  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of aces  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Jack high  
Jane & Jake Have: Flush; Hearts**

Well...look at Jane coming in there pulling a last minute steal. Oh well. No penalty card, either. Shucks.

"Unbe-fucking-lievable," Karkat says. Terezi giggles and unties his remaining shoe. Karkat then grabs Terezi's right sock and tugs it off, exposing her bare gray foot. She flexes her toes a bit.

"See, Terezi," you say. "Socks are coming off now."

"Well...I guess I kind of deserved that," she says.

Dirk scoops up the cards in a flash.

"Ok...is everyone ready for this shit?" He asks.


	18. Hand 14

**== > Roxy: Catch up on your groping, maybe?**

You decide to resume your previous passive rubbing motions. Covertly, of course. It's not like your making a production out of this...yet. You're running your hand pretty much exclusively along her thigh, now. Kanaya seems to have leaned back and is slightly resting against you.

"Oh yeah!" Jane suddenly pipes up. "The penalty card...um...how about you pick the suit and I pick the card!" She says to Jake. Jeez, when did she get so chipper?

"Oh...hmm...how about...spades!" Jake says.

"Erm...and a King!" Jane adds. Ok, that was definitely dorky but kind of cute at the same time. It successfully distracted you from your rubbings for a moment, which is long enough since Dirk's dealing is insanely fast and you're up first.

**You've Got: K(H), 10(D), 9(D) 4(D), 3(C)**

"Well...so much for things looking up," Kanaya says.

Yeah, she's got a point. It's not end of the world bad, but it's certainly not spectacular.

You guess you should decide something soon...

**== > Roxy: Keep that king.**

Yeah, that's pretty much the only sensible option at this point. You give Dirk four cards.

**You Get: A(S), Q(D), 7(S), 3(S)**

"Well...it _could_ be worse," you say. And you suppose it could. It's a pretty good high card situation. Of course, that won't matter one bit if everyone else gets a pair.

Vriska gives a sound of disgust and throws her entire hand away. She tilts her head to the side at what she gets back, eventually nodding slowly. Rose turns in three cards and offers herself a satisfied smirk. John goes straight for the huge goofy grin. Dave and Jade talk over the hand for a while before turning in four cards. Jade frowns at them. Karkat also gives four cards. He seems just as displeased. Jane takes three cards and smiles at Jake.

Dirk and Nepeta discuss their hand in hushed tones, with Dirk pointing to a few cards. Nepeta looks skeptical though and eventually shakes her head and Dirk turns in all five. Nepeta frowns, but eventually brightens somewhat.

"Well...I believe it is time," Rose says.

**You & Kanaya Have: Ace high with king  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 4s  
John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 5s  
Jade & Dave Have: Ace high with queen and 8  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Ace high with queen and jack  
Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Jacks and 4s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of kings; _one is the king of spades_**

"We were having such good luck for a while!" Nepeta says, whining slightly. She sees Dirk moving. "Nope! It's my turn this time!" She holds out her leg to him and he unties her first shoe.

Jade and Dave face each other. Jade unties Dave's last shoe and casts it aside. Dave grabs Jade's right leg and slowly pulls the sock off, exposing her bare foot.

"Uh oh...getting pretty scandalous up in here," Dirk says. "Didn't know you have a foot fetish, bro."

"Oh man, you have no idea. Like this is basically sending me over the edge here. A massive boner is just about to explode out of my groin like the Incredible Hulk. It's even got its own set of unrippable purple pants...'cause seriously otherwise the censors would be on our ass."

"Obviously."

"Hehehehe. I just got a mental image of Little Strider sporting it's own tiny pair of purple pants," Jade says.

"Do you seriously call it 'Little Strider'?" Vriska chimes in.

"Is that a commentary on size?" Aradia asks, smirking.

"Compared with Hulk Mode, sure. 'Course, _everything_ is small when compared to Hulk Mode," Dave answers.

"Are we seriously..." Karkat begins, at a loss for words.

"I have to say, you two seem to have a litany of odd proclivities," Rose says.

"Kind of weird coming from you, Sis. What with the whole Big Love thing you have going on," Dave shoots back.

"I think adopting a policy of 'sharing is caring' with the occasional ménage à trois is considerably less strange than dressing one's genitals up in small, fashionable garments, if I'm reading the symbolism correctly," Rose counters. John and Vriska both begin to blush.

"Oh, Jegus. Seriously? Fuuuuuuuck!" Karkat says.

"While DaughterSister has an excellent point," Dirk begins.

"Can we please stop with the whole combination relatives thing? It makes us sound like a strange collection of inbreeding hillbillies," Jade butts in.

"That's kind of the point," Dirk counters. "Anyway, I think we need to get back to the issue at hand here, which is my BroSon's glaring foot fetish so obviously on display."

"It's funny you should mention display, since I like take these plaster casts of Jade's feet and put them up in this creepy closet shrine I totally have. Seriously, it's got candles and everything. Shit is atmospheric as fuck," Dave says.

"Seriously? Man, you have to show that shit to me," Dirk says.

"Sorry, bro. It's like for my eyes only. Literally there's like a retinal scanner and everything and also obviously a foot scanner too."

"Shiiiiit, dude."

"I don't think Dave has a foot fetish," John pipes up. "It's more like a Jade fetish. Dave has confessed to me in BroTalks that when Jade is around his 'Cool Factor' reduces by a rate of 33.3 MegaSnoops per second, until the point where the pimp is no longer in any place that could even be described as 'the crib.'"

"Aww, really?" Jade says, turning on the puppy eyes. "Who knew it was so easy to crack the Strider Armor?"

"Yo, bro clearly you are missing the main point of BroTalks, which is confidentiality. And now I've got to spill the beans on you as a point of honor. Like how you've talked to me about wanting to have kids with Rose..."

"Yeah... _eventually_ ," John says.

"This is hardly news to me. It's not an infrequent topic. We have even discussed names from time to time," Rose responds.

"Yeah. It's totally going to be Casey. There's like no discussion," John says.

"While I, myself, am partial to Frigglish."

"Fuck yes!" You exclaim. "One and a half billion awesome points for DaughterMom!"

"Seriously...fuck this conversation!" Karkat says. "I don't want to know about anyone's dick pants, foot statues or pink wigglers with stupid names! Seriously, how are we ever able to accomplish anything!? We're even getting off task when we waste time!"

"He he he. Karkles, you're getting grumpy. Do you want me to share some of things _we_ do with the group?" Terezi says.

"L-let's just keep going with that game, alright?" Karkat responds, calmer.

You shrug and pick up the cards.


	19. Interlude 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fun with SideAnon!
> 
> >SideAnon: I hate how you talk Jake. What is word choice, oh god.

**== > Roxy: Notice a certain someone being awfully quiet.**

Yeah, what's the deal? After all the work you put into convincing those fuddyduddies to risk taking their clothes off in front of people, they've been even stodgier than usual. Something must be up...

**== > Roxy: Check in on the Jakestakes.**

Your idle wonderment takes a fantastically wrong turn and you wind up being JAKE ENGLISH for a minute. By shit-swaddling Jove, and other vulgar permutations of hilariously archaic expletives.

You have to admit, your normally tremendous confidence has been slowly ebbing away over the course of the game so far. Not even taking into account that you and Jane are nearly the least naked crew in the room. Rather, that as uncomfortable as some of your companions seem to be in participating, you're still finding yourself left behind on the jabbering front. It's neither unexplained nor a mystery that a decade of your childhood spent kicking around a deserted island, with or sans trove of vicarious adventures at hand, left your conversational muscles in less than stellar condition.

Meanwhile, you're practically buttressed against a girl who's held the metaphorical fancy of your metaphorical eye for some time, friendlystyles notwithstanding. And by her decision, you've found yourself dutybound to uphold her honor as a lady. Which theoretically involves winning both poker hands and battles of wits, but her sleuthiness gives her natural control of the cards and the talking thing is getting a bit beyond your grasp.

Especially with Mr. Strider mumbling about wanting to impregnate Jade's feet or something. You never would have thought it possible, but that lad can be even more fucking inscrutably offensive than his ecto-prodigy. Dirk raised himself in one hellaciously ironic shadow.

It's not really that she's Jade that puts you a bit on edge when people talk about her romantic life. Between your extensive fiction collection and your grand rip-shitting caper across the cosmos, you have no problem seizing on paranormal facts, such as that Jade is not your Grandma. She's just a perfectly ordinary dog-eared teenage girl who shares virtually the same interests and looks the spitting image despite the better part of a century's difference. She also bears an uncanny resemblance to Jane, which gets a mite confusing at times.

Whole varieties of confusing even. With technicalities being repeatedly and soundly damned.

Just that it's a reminder that you're a bit behind the times, and that your bizarro-kinfolk have been getting on so famously. Your own circle of friends were surely every bit as fucking thievery-thick as they were in their own circumstances, but the lot of you can barely hold a candle to their camaraderie. You're downright tonguetied in their presence.

Of course, that inaugural poker night probably had a lot to do with it. The four of them and their lovely Alternian ladyfriends could only be separated by crowbar for a couple weeks afterward. No shame in saying you could use a bit of that magic.

You're just overthinking things as usual. John and Jade and certainly Jane have to be goaded into conversation almost as much as you. It's in the blood. Really, the only unfortunate aspect of their newfound infatuation was stable fidelity putting the kibosh on Dave's and Karkat's regular wrassling matches. Oh sure, they claimed they were fights to the death over matters of dudely honor, but you know a plain old scrum when you see one. Even if you lacked an excuse to hop in the ring yourself, you enjoyed watching a round of fisticuffs as much as the next lad.

Well, you all have to grow up eventually, you suppose. And first order of business is not getting lost in your damn thoughts on a regular basis. Crikey but the insides of your head make for untimely long romps! Should be seeing what Jane's up to with the cards, she does so love being complimented on her incredibly soft hard-boiled side when it gets its chance to shine through.


	20. Hand 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, this hand is so exciting guys! Like so, so much.

**== > Roxy: Deal.**

You once again flick your wrists with the dexterity and skill of a goddamn master. You're about halfway through the card handing-outing when John suddenly remembers that he and Rose won...again.

"9 of clubs...sure," he says, sounding like he made it up on the spot.

You finish with your dealing and wait for everyone to to assault you with card requests. Unlike usual, assaulting you with card requests is not a sexual thing. Kanaya has meanwhile picked up your own hand. She seems to have a smug smile on her face for a change. That'll be nice.

Aradia points at something in their hand. Vriska thinks for a second, looks at her and Aradia's clothing and then shakes her head. They turn in one card. No reaction from them afterwards. John and Rose talk at length over their hand...but eventually they both seem to agree on something and Rose hands you four cards. Rose nods at the cards as if they're acceptable. Dave gives you three cards. They have a decent poker face going on there.

Karkat gives you three cards, too. They seem content. Jane takes three cards, as does Dirk. You've got the sinking feeling that everyone is doing pretty well this hand.

Now that's over with, Kanaya turns to you and shows you the hand.

**You've Got: 2(H), 2(H), 2(D), 7(D), 3(H)**

Your hand is...very red. Terezi would probably be freaking out with these cards, but you see you've got a three of a kind, which is pretty damn spiffy.

You think the solution is obvious...

**== > Roxy: Keep the 2s.**

Uh...yeah. There's pretty much nothing else to say on the matter.

**You've Got: Q(D), 8(D)**

Yep. Your hand is still pretty red. Also, no new helpful cards, penalty or otherwise. Oh well.

"Okay, let's hit it!" You say.

**Aradia and Vriska Have: Two pair; Kings and 10s  
John  & Rose Have: A pair of jacks  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 6s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of aces  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 8s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of aces  
You & Kanaya Have: Three of a kind; 2s**

Everyone has at least a pair, and no penalty cards in sight. Another winner. Le sign.

"Oh, this is capitol B bullshit here," Dave says as Jade pulls off his sock.

"Tell me about it. More feet. Shit is getting ridiculous in this bitch. Clearly you planned this," Dirk says.

"Oh, you know it. Everything is going according to plan. Translator's note: plan means 'off the rails,'" Dave responds.

You toss the cards to Aradia.

"Try and deal out something better than I did," you say.

"We'll see. Got a penalty card for us?" She asks.

"Oh yeah..."


	21. Hand 16

**== > Roxy: Blow their minds.**

"We're going with the...dun dun dun...10 of diamonds!" You say. You then realize, as everyone shrugs and gets ready for the hand, that there really aren't any shockers for penalty card announcements. They just sort of happen.

The cards are out now and you decide to take a look at yours. Maybe you'll get lucky again.

**You've Got: 8(S), 8(S), 6(H), 6(D), 7(S)**

"Hey...not bad," you say.

"I know. I'm kind of shocked we've gone so many hands without a loss," Kanaya agrees.

"Soosh shushushushushooosh. You'll jinx it."

Rose hands in three cards. Cool as a cucumber as usual, and John seems reasonably calm as well. Dave is looking at his hand and Jade is glaring at it with intense frustration. Eventually, after some brief discussion, they throw away four cards. Jade seems to brighten at the sight of them. Karkat takes three cards, looking bored.

At Jake's urging, Jane gives him the cards. He turns in three and the two of them seem to quietly celebrate at their new cards. Nepeta seems in especially high spirits as she points out a single card which Dirk turns in.

It's your turn now...

**== > Roxy: Turn in one card at random.**

You decide to throw caution to the wind and randomly discard one card. Luckily, it was the one not associated with your two pair, so you're safe.

**You Get: 9(C)**

Well, it's higher than a seven. It also has the bonus feature of doing absolutely nothing for you. Just like that deadbeat seven. It may be time to face facts that you have terrible taste in obsolete numerical rectangles.

Vriska gives Aradia three cards and grins happily. Or wickedly. It really all looks the same with Vriska.

"Let's goooooooo!" She says.

**John & Rose Have: A pair of 9s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Queens and 4s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Kings and 2s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: Two pair; 8s and 6s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 5s**

Alright! Another hand with...no penalty card and the lowest hand is a pair. Huh.

Sure enough, there goes Terezi tugging off one of Karkat's socks. And his feet are...gray. Just like the other trolls (well, except Kanaya). Really this isn't much of a revelation. It's pretty obvious how their feet would look.

Personally, you aren't much of a feet gal. You're one more for legs...and thighs...and breasts...and asses...and penises...and vaginas. And...well, feet are fine too, you guess? That whole exercise was kind of pointless. You're Roxy Lalonde and you'll have the sampler platter, please!

You once again ogle Vriska and Aradia just so you can get _some_ semblance of skin up in this. Luckily it seems you are 100% covered up down there since...huh...well, Kanaya is pretty much in your lap now. When did that happen? Sneaky little vampire.


	22. Hand 17

**== > Roxy: Retaliate?**

You don't really know if "retaliate" is the right word. "Reciprocate," maybe? After all, it's not like she slighted you. She's one-upping you in sexiness points, maybe, but of course she's being just as slick as you were. Like she doesn't even notice she's basically sitting on your lap. Not quite, of course. That would be too obvious. But her upper thighs are right squarely at the place you like to call: your lap.

"Better let me pick it this time," Aradia says, smirking. "Penalty card is the nine of hearts."

She's still making your legs pretty nice and toasty warm, too. And her flowing red skirt has basically covered any indecency your lower body might have been displaying. You're about to think of a way to even the stakes between you when you realize the cards have been dealt out and Kanaya is showing them to you.

**You've Got: 6(H), 6(C), Q(C), J(C), 9(H)**

Sweet! You've got a full house...in suits. Of course, that means nothing. You still like to make note of symmetry, though. Also you have a penalty card.

"We...want to get rid of that, right?" Kanaya asks.

"Probably..." you say.

Dave hands Rose three cards to trade in. He's playing it cool like usual. Karkat hands in four cards and grits his teeth. He certainly doesn't look pleased. Jane looks really nervous and also hands in four cards, but she gets a stupidly goofy grin with her new ones, which Jake shares. Finally Dirk also turns in four cards. Nepeta gives a quiet cheer and high fives him.

Your turn...

**== > Roxy: 6s, baby!**

Yeah...that pretty much sounds right to you. No sense in taking weird risks with freaking 6s.

**You Get: Q(H0, J(H), 5(H)**

Well, nothing really helpful. You _almost_ have a flush, but that doesn't matter. There are no small flushes or straights. You'll have to hope the pair does the trick.

Vriska hands in three cards and adopts a self-satisfied smile. Finally, Rose allocates single card to her and John's hand.

"Okay. Let's go everyone," Aradia says.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 7s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: King high  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and 2s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 6s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 10s  
John & Rose Have: Two pair; 4s and 3s**

"Are you -FUCKING- kidding me!?" Karkat says. "What the fuck is this shit!?"

"It's called bad luck, Karkles," Terezi says gloomily, tugging off his last sock. After another sound of derision from him, he relieves her of her last minor article as well. It suddenly strikes you that if that team loses again, they will finally start showing some interesting skin.

Maybe this game is finally starting to pick up!


	23. Hand 18

**== > Roxy: Be Kanaya.**

You are now is the shoes (or rather shoe), of the partially more modest, completely more undead Kanaya Maryam. Your legs are currently draped over the lap of your partner, who you suspect may be occasionally toying with you. You were pretty sure you picked up on some flirting earlier. You're also pretty sure you flirted back. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. It's about time you actually got to flirt with someone, anyway.

You steal another look at Vriska. You're not exactly sure why. You've actually seen her naked, albeit briefly, a few weeks previous, and as much as you don't want to, you think about it sometimes. You suppose there are some things that are just difficult to let go.

You notice that your one bare foot is lightly running along one of Roxy's bare legs. She doesn't seem to notice. Hell, even you didn't notice until just now.

You look at your partner. She's cute. You have to at least admit that. You also have to admit that "cute" might just be a calculated understatement on your part to maintain your composure. You kind of lost control when you went for the skirt earlier. You had mentally pictured her, if just for a few moments, in her underwear and stockings and suddenly...well...there just wasn't any other way it could go.

Truth be told, you're not entirely sure what to make of the elder Lalonde, even though that term is rather ridiculous as the two are practically the same age and Rose may, in fact, be biologically a bit older. In any case, she's a bit of a mystery to you. She's boisterous, clumsy, free with her opinions and affections and actually pretty smart, once you got past the booze and ask the right questions. Not that you'd ever admit that.

But under all of that you sense something you're all too familiar with: loneliness. And everyone else here, no matter how grumpy or angry they might appear on the outside, doesn't have to deal with that. So, even if it is a bit selfish, you find yourself feeling glad that, for once, you aren't alone there. In fact, mutual loneliness can make a great foundation for a relationship. It can also be the basis for an incredibly unhealthy one.

In truth, you may be over-thinking this. However, as Kanaya Maryam, over-thinking things just happens to be one of the activities you're best at, whether you want to or not.

Maybe...though...maybe you're just doing this whole thing wrong. You have spent so much of your life and your unlife obsessing and worrying about other people's problems; trying to be a good moirail, auspisticing between troubled couples, taking care of the matriorb, trying to hunt down murderous asshole clowns. Maybe tonight you should let that all go. Let your hair down...figuratively, of course, as your hair happens to be fashionably short.

Maybe tonight you can just have fun and damn the consequences. When you wake up tomorrow this doesn't have to mean anything.

Tonight...tonight you can go crazy. Tonight, you're going to kiss a girl. There's no debate about that. It's going to happen. You've just decided it now. You might even kiss several. And...who knows...maybe if the cards go that way you might just kiss a boy. You should probably try it at least once.

You feel a surge of pure, youthful excitement. Tonight...is going to be fun. You can feel it.

"Whew...do you have a thermostat dial or something...because I'm pretty sure your legs just upped ten degrees," Roxy says.

"Maybe I'm just...hot," you say.

The cheesiness of your come-on causes you physical pain.

Roxy sniggers and breaks into actual giggles.

"Look at you. You're cute when you try. I'll even let you get away with it since it's actually kind of true. Seriously, though, we should probably look at these cards," Roxy says picking up your hand.

"Oh...right. What's the penalty card this time?"

"Were you zoning out? Aradia picked the queen of diamonds."

"Well, let's see what we have."

**You've Got: 5(S), 5(C), 9(S), 8(D), 6(H)**

"Awe-some. We got a lame pair," Roxy says.

"At least it's a pair," you respond. "We also have a straight draw."

"Uh-huh. A really crazy one...with lots of stupid ideas involved."

"Oh...I don't know. A little risk can be fun..."

"Who are you and what have you done with Light Bright? Seriously, I'm starting to get worried. You're supposed to be the _stabilizing_ element here. I can't be responsible. I'm _way_ too drunk for that."

Out of the corner of your eye you notice Karkat giving Dave three cards. He seems more...controlled than the previous hand. Jane has a cute look of naive nervousness plastered across her face and when she gets her last card she sighs in relief. Actually sighs. That's great. You've often wanted to be more theatrical, yourself.

The other Strider hands in all of his cards and Nepeta seems to be holding both of her fingers crossed. She looks at their new cards with a comical degree of frustrated ire.

"I suppose that means we're up," you say.

**== > Kanaya: Just keep the pair.**

Hmm...yes, that would be a bit reckless. Just because you plan on having more fun tonight doesn't mean you should be in a hurry to lose. After all, Roxy is not the only person here you would like to see naked.

"Ok, let's just stick with the pair then," you say. Roxy smiles, nods and turns in the three other cards.

**You Get: K(H), 8(H), 3(S)**

"Looks like you were right about the straight," you say.

"Yeah...now can we please go back to you being the sane one. I'm kind of losing all sense of my identity here," she fires back.

Vriska hands Dave four cards. She seems satisfied. Rose takes three. You don't notice any reaction from her or John. Finally Jade gives Dave four. They seem a little nervous.

"Let's move on with this, shall we?" Rose asks.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 7s  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: King high _+queen of diamonds_  
Roxy  & You Have: A pair of 5s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of queens  
John & Rose Have: A pair of jacks  
Jade & Dave Have: Ace high**

"Oh...wow..." Nepeta says, pouting.

The two quickly relieve themselves of their last shoes. Then stare at one another, daring the other to make a move.

"So...how do we pick who gets to be all self-sacrificing up in this?" Dirk asks.

"How about...the winner picks," Nepeta says.

"Oh, boy. Jane and Jake. I bet you guys have hella strong opinions on this."

"Um..." Jane begins. "I guess...pick a number between one and ten?"

"Really, Crocker?" Dirk asks.

"I pick three!" Nepeta says.

"Well...shit, I pick...random number time...seven."

"It was nine...so Dirk was closer. So I guess that means it's Nepeta..." Jane says.

Dirk sighs and pulls off Nepeta's first sock, exposing her cute bare foot.

Karkat grabs the deck.

"At least we didn't fucking lose this time," he says.

"Yes, we'll see how long _that_ lasts," you respond, amused.


	24. Interlude 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a good dose of FEELINGS, courtesy of SideAnon.
> 
> >SideAnon: No, I am not going to be consistent with the Capitalizing Important WORDS Thing, what gave you that idea?

**== > Kanaya: Have second thoughts about suddenly being so expressive.**

Absolutely not. You've spent sweeps bottling up perfectly normal feelings and desires, and you're of more than enough age to be expected to reasonably act on them. You have affections in need of expressing, the source of them is entirely deserving and more importantly desirous of them, friendly encouragement, and the opportunity for harmless proven enjoyment. Nothing is wrong here.

You're going to keep saying it until you believe it. And it works too. You've made more intimate revelations in the past few minutes than in ages without even meaning to, with no ill effects.

It'd be slightly more comfortable without having most of your living peers in the room too, but so be it. They all have the same concerns. Even your quote unquote old flame, if she is even aware of possessing such a mantle. No not that old flame, the other one. The one you're still quite positive has no idea what she's doing with her life, if circumstances be anything to go by. Not that you've noticed.

She might be aware. But you're not concerned. Really, for once you're not. It doesn't matter what she knows, she has her life, you have yours, and everything is shaping up nicely one way or another.

Absolutely.

**== > Kanaya: Wear the mantle. Be the old flame.**

Fuuuuuuuck, why? Why are you even here? Why do you have to be VRISKA SERKET, and why are your watching your fussyfriend making a nest of Roxy's lap? This whole exercise is just disgusting, and if you had one iota of self-control, you'd never have let yourself be talked into another one of these degrading card games.

Stupid addictions. Gambling and showmanship, she knew how to hit you right where it hurts. Kinda stands to reason, since...

Nope, not thinking about it. You get enough infuriating headgames and embarrassing personal conversations and – _eeuugghh_ – AFFECTION from one Lalonde. Your appetite for figuring out a second, drug-addled one is somewhere around another lecture on spousal respect told through movie montage accompaniment.

“Vriska, non-traditional relationships should still ideally be monogamous.” “Vriska, just because you can't have kids doesn't mean you're not special.” “Vriska, being bored with a conversation isn't a good enough to reason to knock someone out with your mind powers.”

Seriously, fuck everything.

That goes double for this game. Playing poker was how you wound up hitched to these MANIACS in the first place, and it's going fantastically so far. You're the only person in the room with so much as midriff showing, because your acquaintances are all complete bastards. Stuck between a pair of humans who think every goddamn thing you do is the most PITIABLE facet of a personality since the evolution of tear ducts, and your partner by default the Insatiable Goddess of Casual Hedonism. You could see that glint in Aradia's eye when she cheated your shirt off. You know what's rattling around under those huge horns. She's looking forward to you fucking her in front of an audience again.

It can't just be YOU, right? You didn't ask for this, you were going along being your plain old fabulous Serkety self and everybody expects you to be some sexpot bombshell, which is immensely flattering but it's really taking a turn for the WEIRD.

**== > Vriska: Feign interest in strip poker.**

You fail to feign. There's not one person in this whole Circle of Shame you have any interest in seeing EMBARRASSED, much less NUDE. Been there done that with the one right of you, still there doing it with the leftward pair.

Dave? Why? It would have been nice back when he was still a smug piece of shit about getting a bunch of chicks to strip for him, except the jackass actually won. His ego has achieved invincibility. And he keeps saying goofy shit whenever Harley's around, which is always now. You want to try to like her, she's actually kinda tricky when she wants to be, but you can't get near her without the rest of the Human Crew barging in. More importantly, you've already seen her big fuzzy human nook. It's PINK, what a shocker!

Terezi? Seen it. Sure, she's grown a little – and you do mean little – in the couple of sweeps since you were teasing stuck up finfaces by skinny-dipping in their precious ocean. But naked troll girls don't exactly hold much MYSTERY for you. Terezi even less so, and she's going to cackle her ass off when you say as much.

As for her partner, yeah you can all look forward to a good round of Point-and-Laugh when Vantas looses his pants. Like always with him, it'll be HILARIOUS for a few minutes before it turns UNCOMFORTABLE and SAD. Besides, if you stare at his crotch too much he might remember all your shameless flirting and convince himself you weren't just trying to yank his bleatbeast. Which would also be pretty great, but then Terezi and everybody else would be all Vriska Vriska Vriska again.

Nepeta? Couldn't care less. You can see it now, she's going to be all COY and “UGU” about being naked, then actually be embarrassed for like three seconds, then be her same old dorky self without her old hairy coat. How exciting.

Then there's the other Strider, whose junk must surely be more interesting than the first one, right? SPIKES make everything better. Holy fuck, he's like Dave without jokes. Or just worse ones. For once, you're glad to be lost in pointless thoughts, it saves you from paying too much attention to the Striders throwing down SNAPS at each other about useless Heart powers. Oh yes, nudity is definitely going to improve this.

Jane? Who gives a fuck, you've seen a Prospitian human girl naked. It's a reasonably impressive sight for an alien but not one you need to extensively catalog. You've snagged the BOY version of her and you couldn't be more satisfied, end of story. Putting a foot down on that.

Same goes for... Okay, maybe the same doesn't go for Jake. Your wiles are clearly irresistible to human and troll alike, but that kid is obsessed with spidery booty. Fawning worship does go a long way in your book, but come on. It's not even really you, it's about him having wet dreams of a DEAD NERDY VERSION of you. That's insulting on a couple different levels, that he's fondling his globes over the haughty dork you put so much trouble into not being.

But if he's obviously here to scope your action, what about you Serket? Interested in seeing what John would look like if he knew how it felt to fight for his life on a daily basis? Yeah, yeah you can admit it. You do WANT to see that. Not for Jake's sake fuck no, just to give John something to shoot for. Right? Definitely. Of course, you'll have to think of a way to bring it up...

Oh goody, and now you're back to Drunk Lalonde and Fussyfangs. A match made in Awkwardness Heaven. One's a terribly shameless and boisterous girl with no respect for the ramifications of her actions! The other is a meddlesome wannabe guardian who really does love to go along for the ride but loves to hover around disapproving even more so! Except of all times and places, Mother Maryam decided to peel out of her shell right here.

Please, somebody stab you. It probably wouldn't do anything this time, and it'd distract Kan from trying to FLIRT. Why the hell would she think that is a good idea? Really, “adventurous women”? What did these girls do to your poor Kanaya?

At least she's over her cute little crush on you. You're not proud that dead people had to explain it to you, but she's over it and looks like she's plenty happy. It's a nice thought and all, but you two are way too FRIENDLY to be lovers. Be like dating your lusus, if anyone but you made that comparison. You keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Foundation of all love, no matter how many times you have to explain it to Rose. The one thing the humans don't take literally, weird.

And yeah, Kanaya's thing for Rose. Oh you remember. Very well. Pushing all of Kan's buttons being her ARROGANT NOSY SELF. Right up to refusing to be FIXED, from the outside anyway. Kinda like you. A much better explanation than you're comfortable with.

In her own way, Kanaya's got love figured out better than anyone. Fixer-upper meddle-cases, that's the key. Maybe she bit off more than she could chew with you and the dark Lalonde, and could do better for herself than bubbly Lalonde. But it's not you're in any position to criticize her love life. Knowing her, Rox seems like all the best parts of you and Rose with room for improvement.

So yeah, good on her. You guess.

You just wish they'd take their hands off each other already. _Eeuugghh_ , dammit Karkat where are those cards?


	25. Hand 19

**== > Vriska: Be Roxy.**

After quickly adjusting to the change in blood alcohol level, you once again manage to be Roxy Lalonde. You, of course, once again remember that being Roxy is awesome. Seriously, what could be better? Good game, good friends, promise of nudity and a pretty girl acting as your own personal leg warmer. Yep...things are going pretty good if you do say so yourself. Well...Vriska is kind of giving you the stink eye, but probably just because she's more exposed than everyone else.

"Penalty card is...um...6 of spades," Jade says.

And lookie here...it seems Karkat has given you some cards. How thoughtful. Let's just take a look at these.

**You've Got: 9(H), 9(D), A(D), Q(D), 8(C)**

Once again...pretty good. Kanaya nods approvingly too. Sure, it's not flashy, but it'll probably be more than good enough.

Jane smartly hands in three cards and grins, satisfied. She and Jake quietly high five. Dirk also hands in three, and Nepeta gives him a big smile afterwards.

"I suppose we should do the obvious thing?" Kanaya says, smiling.

**== > Roxy: Do the obvious thing.**

"Yep, pretty much," you agree. It's not exciting, no. But it will likely keep your clothes on, and that, for now, is the goal.

**You Get: A(H), 5(D), 4(D)**

Huh. Nothing all that flashy there. Oh well, at least it wasn't a penalty card.

Aradia turns in one card. They seem happy enough. Rose turns in three and looks self satisfied afterwards. Jade seems frustrated with the hand and after much discussing, Dave hands in four cards. She mellows a little at what they get but still seems disappointed. Finally Karkat hands in four and looks at the new ones with an almost unfathomable degree of loathing.

"Um...okay, so let's go!" Jane says.

**Jane & Jake Have: Three of a kind; 10s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Three of a kind; 7s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 9s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; Jacks and 3s**   
**John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 4s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 2s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: King high**

"Why am I even fucking surprised?" Karkat says, his derision palpable. He sighs and moves over to Terezi. "Do you want top or bottom?"

"Wow, Karkles, so forward all of the sudden," Terezi says, cackling.

"Oh yes, ha ha. I see how you turned my question of which part of your body you want exposed to the leering masses into a discussion on mating positions. Very clever."

"Jeez, grumpypants. Just having a little fun. Anyway...I'm...wearing slightly different underwear today. I didn't exactly expect this and I was going to surprise you with it so...better go for the top. It's less...skimpy," Terezi says. She's trying to sound perhaps slightly bashful, but there's an obvious note of mischief below it.

"Uh...ok..." Karkat says confused. He grabs the bottom of Terezi's Libra-emblazoned t-shirt and Terezi lifts her arms above her head. Karkat pulls the shirt up, first passing her trim gray stomach and eventually revealing a fancy teal bra with red trimmings and bows just above the modestly sized cups. It looks like the top of a set of lingerie. Karkat successfully gets the shirt the rest of the way off, though it caught on her glasses briefly and nearly pulled them off. He tosses it aside, looks at her slightly wide-eyed and gulps.

"I'm not normally into this kind of thing, but I decided to try it out. Like it?" She asks.

"I...well...you know...yeah..." Karkat says a bit blankly. He seems to be eying her pants, wondering what could possibly complete the set probably.

"Ok...your turn!" Terezi says and before Karkat can react, she grabs the bottom of his sweater and pulls it off. Silence falls on the group. Underneath Karkat's sweater is a white strappy tanktop with an off pink and red logo of a crab on it.

Everyone sits there in silence for five seconds before a cacophonous laughter erupts from all sides of the room as pretty much everyone breaks down into fits of uncontrollable mirth.

"It's just...so perfect. There's nothing that can even be said. Nothing _needs_ to be said," Dave says.

"W-what? It's...it's one of your Earth tank tops. Terezi said this is what they're supposed to...right?" Karkat asks uncertain. Terezi, for her part, is simply beside herself. "Oh, just take these fucking-" Karkat throws the cards in the general direction of Jane and they fly every which way.

More laughter and Jade instantly reshuffles the deck and puts it in Jane's hands with a flash of green, still laughing her ass off.


	26. Hand 20

**== > Roxy: Behold tanktop.**

Oh, you're beholding it all right. That thing is incredible. Everyone in the room is still kind of giggly.

"You see! These are _exactly_ the kind of revelations I promised!" You say.

"Yes, yes. Okay. Deal out those cards faster Jane human," Karkat says.

Jane is still ginning as she deals the last card to herself and Jake. Before everyone picks up though they wait patiently for her.

"Ah...penalty card is..."

"Ace of hearts," Jake finishes. Another ace. Interesting. You pick up your hand.

**You've Got: 5(D), 5(S), K(H), 8(H), 2(C)**

Hmm...well it's nice to have another pair. Sometimes you wish your hands would be a littler flashier, though.

Dirk and Nepeta talk for a couple of seconds about their hand, but eventually Dirk hands in four cards and Nepeta nods happily.

"Our turn," Kanaya says.

**== > Roxy: Do the thing...you know...the thing...with the pair...**

Yeah...you mean...that's probably the best option. You just wish it was a little more exciting.

**You Get: 5(S), J(C), 2(D)**

Awww yeah! That's what you are talk-in' a-bout! You put your hand up in the air. Kanaya leaves you hanging.

"Up top....c'mon..." You say.

"What?" She responds.

"You know what...c'mon...this is embarrassing."

"I should say so. Now is clearly not the time for human palm collisions. You are misreading the signs to an almost absurd degree."

You put your hand down.

"This isn't over."

Vriska turns in three cards. No change in her reaction. Rose hands in four cards. Her and John shrug at what they get back. Dave turns in three cards. Poker faces from both of them. Karkat give Jane three. Terezi cackles at their new cards. Finally Jake giver Jane three and the two of them share a knowing smile.

"He he he. Let's lay 'em down," Terezi says.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of queens  
You & Kanaya Have: Three of s kind; 5s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 8s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 3s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 7s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Four of a kind; Queens  
Jane 7 Jake Have: Two pair; Aces and 3s**

"So...no penalty card and the losing hand was a pair...again..." Vriska says.

"Apparently," Rose confirms as John relieves her of her remaining shoe.

"Hey...I'm not really complaining about that anymore," Terezi says, the cool air on her half naked body causing her to shiver slightly.

Dirk takes the cards.

"It's go time, bitches," He says.


	27. Hand 21

**== > Roxy: Celebrate Hand 21**

You don't really see why you should do that. That's a blackjack thing not a poker thing. They are entirely different games.

Seriously, if anything you should be lamenting that you're 21 hands in and so little nudity has happened. Only one team has reached the underwear stage legitimately. Anyone else who has gotten there has done so by sequence breaking.

"Penalty card is the four of diamonds. Delicious, delicious red diamonds," Terezi says.

Dirk has finishes his epically fast dealing, and you pick up your cards. You'll have to be quick too, since you go first this time.

**You've Got: 8(D), 7(H), 5(C), 4(S), 3(H)**

"Well that's just sort of infuriating," You say.

"Yeah...it kind of is," Kanaya agrees.

Now what?

**== > Roxy: Quickly retrieve new hand from drawer.**

The new hand is in Dirk's possession, obviously. You decide to give him all five of your cards. After all, straights, especially inside straights, are incredibly risky and unlikely to pull off. When everyone is in the game, it's best just to make the most likely hand that will be good enough to make sure you don't lose.

Why are you lecturing yourself? You know all that stuff. Stupid stupid dumb.

**You Get: J(H), J(S), A(H), Q(H), 9(D)**

Hey hey! Look at that pair. You note, with a certain degree of smugness, that there is, indeed, no six among those five cards.

Take that...self.

Vriska tosses over three cards to Dirk.

"Shit!" She says.

"Glad you like my work," he replies.

Rose turns in four cards and frowns. Dave and Jade look at their hand together for a long time. They have been watching everyone else's discards carefully. Eventually Jade nods and Dave nods back. They don't turn in any cards. Karkat turns in three. No reaction. Jane gives four to Dirk and looks pleased with herself afterwards. Finally Nepeta hands Dirk four as well.

"Check it," Dave says.

**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 8s _\+ 4 of diamonds_**   
**John & Rose Have: Jack high**   
**Jade & Dave Have: Two pair; 8s and 6s _\+ 4 of diamonds_**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of kings**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 4s**

"Alright!" Jade says and she gives Dave a hug and quick kiss on the lips. "Totally worked!"

Everyone else tries to look small and insignificant again.

"So...got any preferences Jade?" Dave asks.

"It was you're plan. You can pick."

"Welp...I'm gonna say that you guys," Dave hands the card to Jane. "Have only lost one hand so...yeah."

Jane sighs and she pushes her leg over to Jake, who unites her last shoe.

Vriska and Aradia look at each other.

"So...who bites the bullet?" Vriska asks.

"I'll go, if only to stop the death glares," Aradia offers. Vriska begins unwrapping the the material surrounding Aradia's right foot. It eventually falls to the floor in one long strip, leaving her foot bare.

Finally John and Rose each remove a sock from the other in tandem.

"He he he. Now that was a good hand. Lots of clothes gone. Of course...none of them were interesting, but..." Terezi says.

Dirk hands the deck of cards to you.

Ah yes, deck of cards. You meet again. It has completed its roundabout and found its way back to you, as you knew it would.

Time to get...dealie....

 

That isn't a word.


	28. Hand 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone ends up in their underwear, and Roxy reveals the other element of the game.
> 
> Once again that element is not water, earth, fire or air. It isn't energy bending, either. I mean...that would just be silly. Where would it even come from?
> 
> > Don't forget, if you want to participate in suggestions, now is the time to do it! Follow the link at the bottom and shoot some anonymous dare ideas!

**== > Roxy: Deal...with the issue of a team name for you and Kanaya. Also deal for real.**

Team name? Uh...something with name combination? Isn't that what people usually do? You guess you could settle for two obvious personal traits? You like to par-tay and she likes to suck blood. Exsanguination Inebriation? No...too many syllables. You will definitely consider using the phrase "deal for real" though. Definitely

What was Kanaya called again? Something with rainbows? Rainbow Demon? Rainbow Sucker? Rainbow Road? No, that's from Mario Kart.

Anyway, combining the word "rainbow" with your favorite beverage should do the trick.

"Hey...what do you think of 'Rainbow Martini'?" You ask.

"I...w-what?" Kanaya asks, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"For our team name, obviously. It's because you're a rainbow something and I happen to like martinis. I spent a long time on this, you should be impressed."

"Well...I just think it's a little vulgar, don't you?"

"Huh...why?"

"The 'Rainbow Martini' is an extremely crass expression for describing the incestuous slurry from which we are all born. It also describes a scandalous assortment of genetic material, symbolizing base orgiastic desires."

"Wait...so are you telling me that when you guys...you know...it's different colors?"

"Yes."

"That's _awesome_!"

"Okay."

"And I just stumbled onto a cultural taboo word _and_ concept by accident? This is great. I'm totally streets ahead on this one."

"Okay, I lied about 'Rainbow Martini' being a real phrase. Come to think of it, though, it's actually quite appropriate. I might actually begin using the phrase colloquially, if only to annoy Karkat."

"Wait...that was a lie? Does that mean you don't...?"

"What?"

"You know...with the colors..."

"No, that part is true."

"Sweet!"

"So...are you going to take my cards or just sit there like an idiot?" Vriska asks, annoyed.

"Oh...shit. Yeah. Um...what was the penalty card?" You ask.

"Queen of Spades. Jade likes Old Maid," Dave says. "I made a crack about it, but...nah, it's too late. The moment is gone. I'm not going to repeat it."

"Okay. Cool. Give me those cards, then," you say.

Vriska hands you four cards, which you replace. She looks satisfied. Rose hands in three cards. She and John look pleased. Dave gives you four cards. Jade gets progressively more wide eyed with each new card.

Karkat and Terezi argue hotly over their hand, eventually she sighs and points to herself. Karkat still seems reluctant, so she forcibly grabs three cards from the hand and gives them to you. Neither one seems all that chipper about the new ones.

Jane turns in three cards. A big goofy grin crosses her and Jake's faces. Finally Dirk gives you one card to exchange. He and Nepeta seem pleased.

Kanaya turns to you.

"Alright, so...there are two options here..." She begins.

**You've Got: 7(H), 7(S), Q(S), J(S), 3(S)**

"We've obviously got a pair of sevens. We also have a flush draw...but, we also have the penalty card. If we bet on the flush and win then the chances of us winning the whole hand and being able to dispense it are quite high. However, if we don't get a spade then we'll be stuck with the penalty card and very likely possibly of a loss for the hand, which could see us lose as many as three articles between us," Kanaya finishes.

"Hmm...big choice..." You say.

It certainly is...

**== > Roxy: Go for it!**

"I say let's do it!" You say.

"W-what? A-are you sure? Not that I'm saying no or anything but..." Kanaya begins.

"I'm sure! Let's turn in this card and go for the flush, baby!"

"What? Oh...right. Yes. The flush. Sure, why not?"

Kanaya gives you the odd seven out.

**You Get: 3(C)**

Huh.

Well...

Okay. That's not what you wanted...but it could have been worse. You still have a pair. There's a chance you'll make it out of this not in last place...and even if you are you'll still only owe two articles.

"Let's move this along," Kanaya says.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of aces  
John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; Kings  
Jade & Dave Have: Three of a kind; 3s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of queens, _one is the queen of spades_  
Jane  & Jake Have: Three of a kind; 8s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and queens  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 3s _+queen of spades_**

Well, it looks like you were in last place. Still, at least you don't owe three articles.

"I'll take them both as long as you promise it's just the shoe and sock," Kanaya says.

"You sure?" You ask.

"Mmhmm. The divergent temperatures and sensations have been getting on my nerves, anyway."

"Ok, if you say so."

You untie Kanaya's last shoe and tug it away. You grab the sock beneath that and pull it off too. Both of Kanaya's glowing feet are now exposed. she's only got four things left on by your count.

All attention goes to Karkat and Terezi.

"Look...you don't have to do this. This is fucking stupid. I'll go," Karkat says.

"I said I would. It was my choice to keep that queen," Terezi answers.

"I just don't-"

"Oh come on, Karkles. It's not like this is the first time you've taken my pants off. He he he."

"It's the audience part that's weird, but whatever..."

Karkat leans over Terezi and brings his fingers to the front of her pants. He undoes the button on the fly and then pulls the zipper down. With the waist sufficiently loose, he begins to tug the pants off her, she lifts off the ground enough for him to do this. The pants first clear her underwear, which matches the bra in teal color and seems to definitely be a fancy piece of lingerie. Finally he reveals the rest of her gray legs and tosses the pants aside.

As Terezi shifts to sit back in position you get a fleeting look at the back of her underwear, which reveal a rather large portion of her ass. You would have to say, based on your academic credentials on the subject, the garment in question might just have the lack of material enough to be classified as a "thong."

Karkat has certainly noticed, his eyes are still bulging slightly and he seems, amazingly, at a loss for words.

"Like I said. It was a surprise," she says, grinning mischievously.

"Well, before anyone gets too distracted by the view," you begin. "We have our first player in their underwear! And that means it's time to talk about the other part of this game: the dares."

Aradia, Terezi and Vriska look interested, John, Rose, Dave and Jade look slightly wary, Jane and Jake look nervous, Dirk is unreadable and Nepeta looks excited. Karkat is still partially catatonic, and Kanaya is watching you patiently.

"For the most part, this will be pretty similar to last time," you say.

"How does everyone know so much about last time?" Jade asks, exasperated.

"What?" Aradia says. "You guys might have thought it was some big secret, but we didn't." She motions to her and Vriska. Jade and Rose sigh.

"As I was saying: each of us is going to write a dare. When you're down to your underwear, like Terezi is there, you can do a dare instead of taking it off and showing some goodies. One dare per item of underwear. For us girls, that obviously means the bra and panties. For you guys, it means whatever is covering your junk and something else of your choosing. You could also just have two strikes for your boxers too. It's up to you. The dare can be pretty much anything, so get creative. Only rule is you can't specify any specific people in the dare, so keep it as generic as possible. If the dare involves someone else say things like 'the person to your right' or 'the winner.' You could also make them do something to/for their partner. Which brings us to the the slight change up this time: there are two kinds of dares. Individual dares, which I just laid out for you, and group dares. Group dares are for when both people on the team have an item of underwear on the chopping block. So, say me and Kanaya here were both down to our fashionable undergarments and neither of us wanted to let the girls out, well then we'd have to take a group dare. A group dare means that both team members have to participate in some way. That can mean they're just interacting with each other, or both have to do something else. As long as they are both involved it counts. So...everyone is going to write an individual dare and each team is going to come up with a group dare."

You finish your spiel. Everyone seems to be looking around. Some are talking with their partners, others seems to be thinking to themselves.

You've got to do some thinking of your own...


	29. Hand 23

**== > Roxy: Write dare.**

You are so ready for this. You have a great idea involving one of your many suggestively shaped foods you have stashed around. You made a bunch of hotdogs, corndogs and popsicles and ate them around people to attempt to fluster the hell out of everyone. Sadly, they didn't really pay attention. Well, they will now!

**You write: "get a popscile and sck on it as eroticaly as possuble for 1 min. then feed it 2 the playrr on ur ledt. *left"**

You really need to stop using pens. And why are you even making typing mistakes when handwriting? All of this is making less and less sense.

You fold up the piece of paper and put it in the jar with the rest of the individual dares. It seems LightBright McFussyFangs has also finished hers. You vaguely wonder what is written on it. Probably something about being all fussy and meddling. What is her deal? And what is your deal? You look down the empty martini glass. Oh, it's probably that, you guess.

"So...we need to come up with a group dare," you say.

"I assume you have something in mind?" Kanaya asks.

You do, in fact.

"I do, in fact!" You say. "Body shots! Body shots and spin the bottle and making out!"

"Well that sure is a collection of words and phrases, most of which I don't understand."

"Ok...well...you have to spin the bottle first, then whoever it lands on, you got to do a body shot off them and then lick all the way up to their mouths and then make out!"

"Spinning the bottle I can guess by inference. I am still in the dark about the 'body shots.'"

"It's when you put some liq...liquo...it's when you put some al-kee-haul in someone's belly button and drink it!"

"That cannot be sanitary."

"It doesn't have to be sanitary because it's awesome!"

"Okay, okay. I'm writing it down."

She does so and puts it with the rest of the other six group dares. Aradia has grabbed up the cards by this point and has begun dealing.

"Penalty card is the ten of diamonds," Rose says. At this, the last card is handed out and it's time to pick up.

**You've Got: K(D), Q(H), 8(S), 7(D), 4(C)**

Well, it's not great that's for sure.

Rose hands Aradia four cards. John smiles as he looks at the new hand. Dave also hands in four. Jade sighs. Karkat also hands in four cards. He scowls. Even Terezi is a little less mischievous, looking a bit smaller in just her underwear. Jane hands in three cards, she grins and she and Jake high-five. Dirk also hands in three and he and Nepeta seem in good spirits.

"Looks like we're next," Kanaya says. "Any big inspiration?"

**== > Roxy: Drop fucking everything.**

Yeah, this hand has failed you. Granted, you could keep the king, but the lack of a second one has vexed you enough that you don't even feel like bothering.

**You Get: 2(D), 2(D), A(C), 5(D), 3(D)**

Well what do you know? Looks like that was actually the best choice since that second 2 was the last card you got. Too bad you missed out on a flush, though.

Vriska hands Aradia three cards and then grins at her.

"Caaaaaaaards!" She exclaims.

**John & Rose Have: A pair of 8s  
Jade & Dave Have: Ace high with 6  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Ace high with king  
Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; 9s and 2s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of kings  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 2s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 10s**

Dave and Jade pull one another's final socks off at the same time.

"Feeeet!" You say.

"Tell me about it. Suspicions totally confirmed," Dirk says.

"Hey can you shut up! We're having a feet moment here," Dave says. He keeps trying to move his feet towards Jade's to rub them against her own.

"Hey! Stop it!" She says, moving them away.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you're super ticklish there," Dave says. Jade's eyes narrow.

Rose grabs the cards.


	30. Hand 24

**== > Be Kanaya.**

It's long past time you were Kanaya Maryam again. Your feet are 50% more bare than the last time you were her, but you care 100% less about that.

You have just written a saucy dare that OldKanaya never would have _dared_ to write. Ugh, okay. Forget that. But yeah, the dare was definitely very un-Kanaya. Well, un-WhatPeopleThinkOfKanaya anyway. You can't help but hope that Roxy gets it. Of course, being honest with yourself, you would enjoy getting it too. You're just learning all kinds of different things about yourself today.

You also wrote down Roxy's idea for a group dare, which you admit sounds pretty fun too.

Oh hey look, it seems like Rose is done handing out the cards. Roxy shows them to you with a big, silly, sexy grin on her face. You mean big and silly. Just big and silly.

**You've Got: 3(D), 3(S), 3(S), Q(D), 5(S)**

"A very nice hand. Penalty card? I missed it," You say.

"The 2 of hearts," Roxy answers.

Dave hands in three cards. Jade scowls at her brother who simply shrugs and points to Rose. Rose gives him an icy stare and John begins surveying the ceiling. Karkat hands in four cards and Terezi looks downright nervous. Her nerves turn to a grin with their new cards, though. Jane hands in three to Rose and she and Jake remain impassive. Dirk gives four cards and Nepeta sighs deeply at the result.

"Alright then! I am guessing we are going the obvious route here?" Roxy asks.

**== > Kanaya: Agree.**

"Hmm...yes, that seems best," you say. Roxy turns in the two cards.

**You Get: 7(C), 4(H)**

Well, that certainly didn't hurt, which is more than enough.

Vriska turns in three cards. They remain impassive, though. Finally John hands Rose four cards. They seem a bit nervous.

"Alright, let's see 'em!" Roxy says.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 7s _+2 of Hearts_  
Karkat  & Terezi Have: Two pair; Kings and queens**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Queen high**   
**Roxy & You Have: Three of a kind; 3s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 3s**   
**John & Rose Have: Ace high**

Dirk removes Nepeta's last sock and she removes his first.

"I guess it's all show and tail for me from now on, huh?" Nepeta asks, mostly cheerful, though a little nervousness has crept into her voice.

"Yeah. 'Course, we're too awesome to lose any more, so they'll just have to imagine it," Dirk says. Nepeta laughs a little.

"I'll go, since you already did something like this," Jade says to Dave. He grabs the bottom of her space sweater and pulls it over her head, exposing the entirety of her spaghetti-strapped dress.

As a student of fashion, you have to admit it's a good look. And as an admirer of the female body you have to admit it's a very good look.

"I guess we won this time, huh?" Roxy says.

"It would seem so," you agree.

"Got a penalty card you want to suggest, Light Bright?"


	31. Hand 25

**== > Kanaya: Suggest 5 of diamonds.**

"I suggest the 5 of diamonds," you say.

"Sounds good to me," Roxy agrees. Dave has begun handing out the cards. Roxy picks them up and shows them to you.

**You've Got: 10(H), 9(S), 8(C), 7(D), 5(H)**

"That is somewhat frustrating," You say.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Roxy agrees.

Karkat hands in four cards, and once again Terezi seems nervous, but ultimately seems to relax. Jake seems to be looking and the cards this time and cheerfully turns in three. Jane notices this in a panic and tries to stop him, but it's too late. She facepalms and and points to one of the cards and his face falls. However, both of their eyes widen when they get the three new cards.

Dirk, meanwhile, gives four. Nepeta seems a little nervous.

"So...should we go for it?" Roxy asks.

**== > Kanaya: Be risky.**

Yeah! That's right, tonight you are throwing the rulebook out the window. Tonight is the night for the risks. Perhaps all of the risks, but you agreed with yourself to not think about her so let's just move along.

"We might as well. It looks like Jane and Jake have stumbled on to something anyway. It might be best to try a little more to win this hand," you say.

"Alright! Let's do it!" Roxy exclaims. Everyone looks at her quizzically. She coughs and hands in the single card.

**You Get: 8(H)**

Well, it wasn't what you wanted, but it did give you a pair.

"No harm no foul, I suppose," you say.

Vriska hands in three cards. There is no real change in their reaction. Rose takes three cards and John grins. Finally Jade hands Dave three. Poker faces all around on that team.

"Let's see what's up!" Roxy says.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 10s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Three of a kind; 5s, _two of which are 5 of diamonds_**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Ace High**   
**Roxy & You Have: A pair of 8s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 8s**   
**John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 9s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of kings**

"Oh...dear..." Jane says.

"Blast it all, Jane. This foolishness was entirely my fault. I shall take the brunt of the consequences here. It's only fair," Jake says.

"No...we'll go together. We're a team. You made a good play and it almost worked," Jane responds.

"Actually I just got bamboozled and gaffed, as it were. There's no need to do this with me."

"Like I said, we're a team." Jane grabs one of Jake's socks and tugs it off. He reluctantly does the same with her.

Dirk looks at Nepeta.

"Okay, well despite that Saturday morning display of friendship over there, you're going to let me take this one," Dirk says.

"I can't let you do that! We're purrrtners!" Nepeta replies.

"What we are is uneven. I have two more clothing items than you, anyway. This will balance it out, then we can go on working in tandem and whatnot. No sense on flustering everyone with your exuberant, awkward and excessively animesque reaction to exposure just yet."

Nepeta grabs his remaining sock and pulls it off.

"What next then? These pawsome shades?" She asks, going for the glasses.

"Absolutely not. The shirt. I've got that covered."

Somewhat awkwardly, Nepeta grabs the bottom of Dirk's shirt and pulls it over his head. Beneath is a black tanktop. With Dirk's arms visible now, the Hella Jeff tattoo on his shoulder is exposed.

"Sweet," Dave says.

"What is it?" Terezi asks.

"Bro's got a Hella Jeff tattoo," Dave answers.

"Oh. Cool. I take partial credit for his creation, you know. I drew the first Hella Jeff mouth," Terezi says.

"It's called the 'pork-chop mouth' and you inspired it. I perfected it, along with adding layers and layers of decreasing artifact quality, which also counts as perfecting, but that's beside the point. Seriously, Terezi, that's like the guy who the made the easel taking credit for the Mona Lisa," Dave says.

"The what?"

"This is shattering all of my childhoods. The idol is now collapsing." Dirk says.

Karkat takes the cards.

"Okay, everybody shut the fuck up while I get this game back on track," he says.


	32. Hand 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys see the album art for Volume 9? Pretty funny considering, right?

**== > Kanaya: Snuggle.**

There's no real need for that. You're already pretty close to your partner, anyway. You're still basically in her lap, though your distance may have increased slightly after you gave up your remaining footwear. Regardless, the esteemed elder(?) Lalonde is still using your legs/skirt as a heating blanket. You find that you are totally okay with this.

"Penalty card is the 4 of hearts," John says.

Karkat has finished dealing by this point. Roxy picks the cards up and shows them to you.

**You've Got: 3(S), 3(C), J(H), 6(H), 2(H)**

"Hmm. Not bad," Roxy says.

"Could be worse," you agree.

Jane takes three cards. She and Jake grin at one another. Dirk takes four cards, while Nepeta nervously watches. She ends up smiling in the end though.

"Okay, so...obvious thing?" Roxy asks.

**== > Kanaya: Okay, maybe snuggle a little.**

You guess that's acceptable. Under the pretext of looking closer at the cards, you push yourself a little closer to Roxy. Your cheeks are about two inches apart. She does not seem to mind.

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose those threes will do for now," you say. Roxy hands three cards to Karkat.

**You Get: K(H), Q(H), Q(S)**

You love it when a plan comes together. Not that this was really a plan or anything. It was pretty much entirely luck. But hey, who's going to dispute it? You might as well take the credit.

Vriska takes two cards. She seems pleased. Rose takes four cards. She and John look a little disappointed. Dave takes three cards. He and Jade seem to be running a tight ship for now. Meanwhile Karkat and Terezi take four cards as well, with Terezi relaxing afterwards.

"Let's move, everyone," Aradia says.

**Jane & Jake Have: Three of a Kind; 3s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of kings  
Roxy & You Have: Two pair; Queens and 3s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 7s  
John & Rose Have: Ace high  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of aces  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of jacks**

John and Rose each remove the other's final sock. They only have main items of clothing remaining.

"Okay...who's got socks left?" Terezi asks.

"Technically me," Roxy says. "I mean, I lost my skirt first...and I have a feeling the shirt is probably going to go before them too, but I've still got both of mine. Not Kanaya, though."

"I have both of mine, and Araida has one of hers," Vriska says.

"Yeah, but you're both showing bras!" Nepeta says. Aradia shrugs, and Vriska shoots her a look.

"Apart from them it's just us," Jane says, nervously.

"Well, good. Maybe this game will finally start getting fun!" Terezi says.

Jane grabs the cards.


	33. Hand 27

**== > Kanaya: Be Roxy.**

You once again take on the enviable roll of Roxy Lalonde. You've got your sexy on, and your partner is basically snuggling you to the max, and you have to say that you're totally fine with that. For now, though, you need to get ready for the imminent hand.

"Penalty card is the 8 of spades!" Vriska says.

Janey seems to be just about done. Let's see what she's given you.

**You've Got: 6(S), 6(S), K(C), 7(S), 5(D)**

Not to shabby, Janey. Not too shabby at all.

Dirk hands in four cards. Nepeta gives him a relieved smile.

"Same as last time?" Kanaya asks.

**== > Roxy: Same old, same old.**

"I guess so," you say.

"Hmm," Kanaya offers.

"What?"

"Well, both of our sixes are spades. So is the 7. We could always go for the flush and have the pair as a fallback."

"All right! Now that's the kind of lateral thinking I expect from you, Light Bright!"

You hand two cards over to Jane.

**You Get: A(D), 8(S)**

"Lame! So close!" You say.

"We also got the penalty card," Kanaya adds glumly. "And something tells me we probably aren't winning this hand."

Vriska takes four cards. She and Aradia seem to be keeping their cool. Rose takes three cards. No reaction from their camp. Dave also takes three cards. Jade points at the last card and then points at the discarded cards, looking miffed. Dave shrugs. Karkat hands in four cards, yet they once again seem saved by the skin of their teeth as Terezi lets out a sigh. Finally, Jane takes one card. The two of them look a little disappointed, but still happy.

"Let's see those cards, chaps!" Jake says.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 10s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 6s _\+ 8 of spades_  
Aradia  & Vriska Have: A pair of 5s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 9s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 10s _\+ 8 of spades_  
Karkat  & Terezi Have: A pair of 6s  
Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Kings and 7s**

"You guys have been getting _really_ lucky. Were I not in control of allllllll of the luck, I would assume something was afoot. Perhaps cahoots. It's always cahoots," Vriska says as Aradia pulls a sock from her foot.

"It's just...good luck!" Jane says.

"And what's with Karkat and Terezi repeatedly getting 11th hour saves? I want dares, dammit!" Vriska continues to whine.

"He he he," Terezi offers.

"If you had just gone for the flush, we wouldn't be in this situation," Jade says to Dave.

"Well, if those cards hadn't been there and I did go for it, we'd both be doing scandalous stripteases now instead of just I assume me, since you're all intent to throw me under the metaphorical bus for going with the logical choice," Dave counters.

"Yep. Arms up," Jade says. Dave sighs and lifts his arms above his head, and Jade peels his shirt off him.

You have to appreciate that your family has good genes. Dave and Rose should be thanking you, and you suppose Dirk, on a daily basis. Dave is well toned, though looking a bit more on the lean and speedy side rather than geared towards bulk like Jake or John. Jade certainly seems to be enjoying it, though. You can see Terezi looking, so to speak, intently as well.

"Wow Jade are you going to keep perving out like this every time I take off my shirt? 'Cause honestly, I'm beginning to worry about you. 'Course it could just be me. It's probably just me," Dave says.

"It's true, you might want to think about keeping his ego in check," Rose says.

Jade simply giggles at bit more.

"So..." Kanaya begins. "What do you want to do?"


	34. Hand 28 Part 1

**== > Roxy: It was warm in here anyways.**

You smirk at Kanaya and offer your best wonk.

"Oh well, I've got one more item than you anyways. Might as well go ahead," You say.

**Roxy Gains: +5 Submissive Points**

You raise your arms over your head and Kanaya grabs the bottom of your shirt. She slowly and deliberately begins to pull it up, first revealing your smooth, flat stomach and then going further up, until she pulls it off you entirely. A sexy, yet functional black brassiere guards your generous breasts. You now sit in only your underwear and stockings. Kanaya seems to be taking a moment to admire her handiwork.

**Kanaya Gains: +5 Dominance Points  
Kanaya Gains: +10 Likes Stockings Points**

"Well...I guess you're going to have to work harder to cover me up, huh?" You say.

"I suppose I will," Kanaya agrees, sitting in your lap again, this time so close that she obscures most of your body from the rest of the group. Your breasts push into her exceedingly warm back.

"So do you want me to deal these cards or do you two just want to keep fondling each other? I'm pretty much good either way," Dirk says.

"Oh...well, there's no real rush..." Jake says, distracted. Jane gives him a look of disapproval.

"Yeah...I mean...everyone has their own pace right...?" John trails off. Rose's stare is similarly withering.

"Penalty card is the Queen of diamonds," Jane says, icily. Dirk hands out the cards.

**You've Got: 10(D), 10(C), A(S), Q(S), J(D)**

You and Kanaya look at them together, which is easy given your close proximity.

"Not bad," Kanaya says.

You have to agree.


	35. Interlude 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This interlude was written by SideAnon.
> 
> > Translation available in the comments section.

**== > Dirk: Be appalled by your maybe-sister's exhibitionism.**

What, are you fucking joking? Look second-person narrator, Roxy in her underwear is by absolutely no stretch of the imagination a shock to you. You meaning Dirk, not the narrator, who's technically the same person for the timespan of this vignette but we're wandering off point. Point is, totaling up each outfit, you've probably seen Roxy indecent more often than fully clothed. Ever since she taught herself about the birds and extinct bees, any time she found a new top or webcamera Dirk Strider had the hookup on sultry off-center pictures.

That's not even your special privilege anymore. Survivors of cataclysms share common experiences. Your group has among them tripping over inebriated blonds in beachwear choking on hotdogs.

What is unusual is seeing another creature respond to the not-even-elusive mating dance of the _Felis ebrius_. The undead Trenchcoat Mafia reject wasn't your first guess, but Roxy picked up a fetish for Hard To Get nerds by necessity, and Kanaya's alien and dweeby enough not to know better. You actually couldn't be happier for both of them, they were looking pretty lonely for a while, but pretending there's a society to care about appearances is built into your persona.

A dozenish people can count as a society. Its reaction ranges from insulted disgust to mild amusement to furtive fascination by nearsighted men. And there's your Partner in Heart Crime, who can barely contain herself in the presence of budding, awkward, homo PDA. She's stock still as only a cat can be, staring at them sideways with her harelip twisted to an unnervingly childish grin.

“What's up squirt? You're goin' pervy on me.”

“Karera wa utsukushidesu. Watashi wa sorera o sansho shite kudasai.” Not a flinch. “Jinsei wa totemo sutekidesu.”

Nep is lost to the kawaiifester throes. Surprise. “Anata no kokoro o hoji suru, matawa sorera wa obiemasu.”

“Shikashi, kore wa subarashidesu! Karera wa jukutatsu shinakereba naranai!” Sorry narrator, this might take a while.

**== > Dirk: Be Dave.**

When you've dedicated your life to being stone cold, sometimes you have to weather some fierce storms. Like, batten down the cellar Pa, there come a reckonin' in twister form, and it's done picked up livestock whose bowels don't agree with flyin'.

This isn't exactly that bad, but it's bad enough to make that metaphor seem like a good idea. You're watching your CloneBro argue moonspeak with an alien catgirl. Just another day at the office. Luckily someone appreciates the joke that is life less than you. “Crap, now they're speaking in tongues. Lalonde, you're on point if they summon any clammy desperate tentacles.”

“Calm thyself, fearless leader. If the Heroes of Souls were possessed by any greater foulness than gossipy prurience, I'd give you a few minutes warning.”

This is definitely delaying the ogling of naked chicks, but at least you've got the important one to rock your shirtless on. “Yo Harleychan, translation?” Haven't used that one in a while.

“I can only do it in writing. And I'm not even sure it's really japanese!”

“Don't worry, our love is bigger than your otaku disability. Coincidentally, I'm going to be working late with Google next week, don't bother calling.”

She elbows you as the catgirl's moonspeak achieves full wane. “Nazenara, sore wa watashi ni kibo o ataeru! Watashi wa sekkusu no tame ni amarini kawai naidesu!”

“Anata mo kawaishi, machigatta hohodearu.” Whatever they're arguing about, Dirk ain't having it. “Furui sentakuki no yona saki to jumon no yo ni miemasu. Sore wa airashidesu, ban'yamuwoezu.”

“THERE MEOWST AFUREDLY IS HOPE! I get to wear these silly hearts fur a good reason, and I'm nyant giving up on that!” She just keeps leering at him for a minute before fulfilling every embarrassed-girl cliché imaginable. It's good for some laughs.

“Welcome home kiddo. Have some cards.”

After a moment, that freaky lip peaks out behind her paws and she joins in the giggling. Your poor Jade is beside herself at the sight. Nepeta clinches it looking up at Dirk with her saucer eyes. “Nani?”

“Sugoi.” Alright, that does it.

“Dude, if you keep up the chummy hair-mussing, I'm gonna revoke those shades before you go full little-league coach on us.”


	36. Hand 28 Part 2

**== > Roxy: Pair it up.**

Pretty much. This type of hand is basically automatic by this point. You find it a little hard to turn in your cards with your new human (well...alien) blanket, so you give the cards to her and she does the honors. You may have grazed the side of her boob. Maybe. It's hard to tell with these things.

**You Get: A(D), Q(H), 5(C)**

Hmm...an ace. Oh well, no penalty card, so this hand will probably do just fine.

Vriska hands Dirk four cards. She and Aradia seem placated. Rose also hands in four cards. John looks a little nervous. Dave give his bro three. He and Jade play it cool. Karkat and Terezi take three, they seem a bit on edge. Jane takes four and at first seems excited, but then her face falls. Dirk finally gives four to Nepeta. She shakes her head morosely.

"Let's get on with this," Rose says.

**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 10s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 4s**   
**John & Rose Have: Ace high, with king**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 3s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of queens, _one is the queen of diamonds_**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Ace high, with jack**

There's a bit of muttering over the hands.

"Wait..." Jane says. "We...had the highest. We had the highest!" She and Jake celebrate a bit. "Okay...so...who's wearing the most?"

"You," Vriska says icily.

"Well, someone just earned herself a bit of the hot seat. You guys have socks on, anyways!" Jane fires back.

"Yeah, but no shirts," Vriska says as she grabs the card and unwraps Aradia's other binding without asking. "What?"

Dirk looks over Nepeta.

"You sure about this? I can go," he says.

"No, it's alright. We're a team and it's time to start facing the mewsic," she answers back. She grabs the bottom of Dirk's tanktop and lifts it over his head. His bare torso is pretty similar to Dave's, you note...maybe a bit more on the lean and skinny side.

Dirk looks at Nepeta's shirt and she shakes her head. He undoes the fly of her gray pants and quickly and methodically takes them off. Nepeta is on the shorter side, so her legs aren't quite as long as, say, Vriska's. Still, they seem nice enough. Her olive green panties are mostly hidden by her t-shirt. She draws her legs up to her chest and grins bashfully.

"Let's just hope it doesn't lead to more bizarre human language sessions," Karkat grumbles. Terezi glares at him.

The now shirtless Dirk tosses you the cards, or rather he tosses them in your direction and you're a little too clumsy to catch them. Luckily, your undead partner seems very dexterous, and catches them out the air quick as lightning.

Alright! Deal time!


	37. Hand 29

**== > Roxy: Wonder how Jane is a doing it.**

You have to admit, Jane has been doing oddly well during this game. Right now she (and Jake, though you're convinced it's Jane that's controlling that gravy train) is well ahead of everyone else in the modesty department. Were it not Jane, you might suspect something nefarious. However, it is Jane, so you know it's probably just dumb luck. Those two have never had any shortage of dumb or luck.

"Penalty card is the 5 of hearts," Jane says as you begin to hand out the cards.

Vriska and Aradia squabble a bit over the hand before Vriska hands you four cards. She seems pleased. Rose takes four cards as well. She and John remain straight-faced. Dave takes three cards. Poker face. Karkat hands in four. He and Terezi relax a bit. Jane takes four cards. There's a noticeable frown on her face afterwards. Dirk requests a single card. He and Nepeta seem pleased.

Kanaya shifts on your lap so you can see the cards she's holding.

**You've Got: 5(S), 5(S), 8(S), 7(D), 3(C)**

"Decent," you say.

"Indeed," Kanaya agrees.

**== > Roxy: Go for the flush.**

Sounds like a good plan. Luckily, going for the flush isn't nearly as risky in this circumstance as it might be otherwise. You tell Kanaya and she hands the two cards back to you, which you then replace.

**You Get: J(D), K(S)**

"Damn it! So close!" You say.

Oh well. Still have a pair. A pretty low one, though.

"Let's lay 'em on the table," You say.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of queens  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 10s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 6s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of jacks  
Jane & Jake Have: Ace high _+5 of hearts_  
Dirk  & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and 10s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 5s**

"Fiiiiiiiin-a-ly!" Vriska says. Jane looks a little sulky.

"This was pretty much all the advantage we had..." Jane says.

"Welcome to our world," You counter.

Jane and Jake quickly remove the final socks from one another's foot.

"I volunteer to jump on this particular grenade! I have less modesty to be concerned with. Also, it is the gentlemanly thing to do," Jake says. Jane, somewhat dazed, grabs Jake's overshirt and moves it down his shoulders. He's still wearing a t-shirt, but Jane is looking rather punch-drunk right now. You guess she's probably just realized that the next thing that comes off of either of them is a pretty big deal. As far as Jane is concerned, at least.

Still, the teams are evening out. No one has a huge lead on modesty anymore. It's highly likely the next hand with result in something interesting. It's about damn time.


	38. Hand 30

**== > Roxy: Prepare for sexy hijinks**

Okay, with Jane and Jake finally down with the rest of the mortals, this hand should finally yield the sexy shenanigans you've been craving! Not that you haven't had some of that already, of course. You are in your underwear, after all, courtesy of a handsy vampire. What you mean, though, is that it's time for the sexiness to be out in force. Declaring martial law and proclaiming itself lord supreme ruler of all the moods.

"Penalty card is the fur of hearts!" Nepeta says. You're pretty sure she means four. You can let that slide. Okay, looks like the cards are all out. Let's see what we've got now.

**You've Got: 5(D), 5(C), 7(C), 6(H), 2(D)**

Well, well...another pair of 5s. How exciting.

Rose takes four cards. She purses her lips. Dave hands in three. Jade winces and then softens, looking at the cards more closely. Karkat hands in four. Terezi seems nervous. Jane hands in three. She grins, as does Jake. Dirk exchanges four. Nepeta looks grim.

"Well...we're up again," Kanaya says.

**== > Roxy: It's a pair. Do a pair thing.**

Yeah, pretty much. You have been getting standard hands lately, but at least they're keeping you out of trouble. You hand Kanaya the three cards, which she gives to Aradia.

**You Get: 8(H), 7(S), 4(C)**

Well...that's not exactly glamorous, but...you'll take it.

Vriska takes four cards from Aradia and sighs outwardly.

"Okay, time to play!" Terezi says.

**John & Rose Have: Ace high, with king  
Jade & Dave Have: Three of a kind; 4s ( _one is the 4 four hearts_ )  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Ace high, with queen  
Jane & Jake Have: Three of a kind; 9s**

Jade looks angrily at her parents, all hope of avoiding the penalty card gone.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Ace high, with jack  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 5s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Jack high**

Jade stands up and Dave moves behind her, cool as you please. He unzips the back of her dress all the way down to her tailbone. He then grabs the spaghetti straps on either side and ever so gently pushes them down her shoulders. The dress drops quickly and gracefully from her body. Below are Jade's rather nice legs, long and smooth. A pair of lace black panties covers her crotch, and her torso is still mostly covered by a simple black cotton tanktop. The top, however, stops just a bit above the navel, giving an attractive view of her bellybutton. Jade sits down, her cheeks going pink. Dave, for his part, seems to be keeping his cool, though you can't help but notice his head turned slightly in the direction of Karkat, who was rather intently watching that.

It's the actual loser's turn now, though. Aradia makes quick work of Vriska's final sock. She then lays back, in preparation for what Spidertroll is going to do next. Vriska's fingers nimbly loosen the drawstring on Aradia's crimson pants. She digs her thumbs into the waistband and slowly draws the garment down her legs. Aradia's panties are deep red, just like her bustier. And as she sits up to move back into position, you can see that they're a pretty textbook thong, and you get a pretty good view of her voluptuous rear end.

Aradia has gone a bit rust colored in the face, but nevertheless seems to be proudly displaying her goods.

"Okay...I'm starting to see the appeal of this game..." Karkat says.

"What? Just now?" You say, indignantly pointing at your own state of undress as a stocking fetish poster girl. Of course, you are hidden behind a lithe and glowing sexy vampire chick, so maybe you don't stand out quite that much.

Regardless, the cards are passed to Rose.


	39. Hand 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dares (finally) begin.

**== > Roxy: Be Kanaya.**

You are now the lithe and glowing sexy vampire chick...rainbow drinker chick, that is. Stupid humans and their nomenclature. It's starting to affect you now. In any case, Roxy makes a decent cushion. A cushion who occasionally comes close to groping you, but nothing's perfect, you suppose. You admit that if it was, she would actually be groping you.

The last hand ended with quite a bit more female skin than it started with, which you just happen to be totally okay with. You are certainly okay with a nearly naked Araida. So okay, in fact, you might even consider swapping the 'o' for a '0' maybe. Of course, that could be a bit drastic. Jade is also looking pretty cute. Tonight is actually turning out quite a bit more fun than you originally thought it would.

"Umm...9 of diamonds for the penalty card," Jane says, pulling something out of the air.

Rose finishes with the dealing and you assume your recently acquired position of card holder.

**You've Got: K(D), Q(H), 10(S), 8(D), 5(S)**

Hmm. Not nearly as clean cut this time.

Dave takes four cards. He and Jade remain straight faced, apart from Jade's lingering befuddlement from being half naked, that is. Karkat takes three cards. He and Terezi seem in good spirits. Jane takes four cards. She seems to be mostly okay, if a bit disappointed. Dirk and Nepeta talk over their hand for a few seconds. Eventually, Dirk hands in one card. Nepeta rolls her eyes and sighs.

"Hmm...what do you want to do?" You ask to your partner.

**== > Kanaya: Keep the kingly royal.**

Well, this hand _is_ pretty much garbage, so that's just about the best you can do.

"Yeah, just keep the king," Roxy says. You hand the four cards to Dave.

**You Get: K(S), A(H), Q(S), 3(H)**

All right! There you go! That is more like it.

Vriska takes four cards. She scowls. Rose also takes four, but smirks.

"Let's end this hand," Rose says.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Ace high, with king**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; 10s and 7s**   
**Roxy & You Have: A pair of kings**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Ace high, with 8**   
**John & Rose Have: Two pair; Kings and 6s**

"Ugh, again!?!?!?!?" Vriska whines. Suddenly, Roxy shouts out.

"Oh! Aradia only has her underwear left! Finally! Finally it's dare time!"

"Yeah, yeah. Hold your hoofbeasts," Vriska says, laying down next to Aradia.

Aradia undoes the snap of Vriska's pants and then lowers the zipper. She begins tugging at the waist, inching the pants down her statuesque legs. Her panties are cobalt, just like her bra. With one final tug Aradia gets the garment off. Vriska looks away haughtily, and as much as you don't want to you stare anyway. She looks...damn good in her underwear. It certainly meets your expectations, and you have to admit it's something you've thought about a lot.

"Okay...Aradia's turn!" Terezi says happily. Aradia reaches for the dare jar and pulls out a slip.

"Well...given the leetspeak I think I know who wrote this one. 'Everyone gets in the a circle. The loser is blindfolded and has to make out with the first person they touch,'" Aradia reads aloud.

"Ohhhh, that's a good one!" Roxy says as Terezi cackles.

**== > Kanaya: Be Aradia.**

You are now Aradia Megido and Vriska is wrapping...something around your eyes.

"Is this...one of my foot wraps?" You ask uncertainly.

"It's the the easiest choice," Vriska says, amused.

"Yeah...thanks for that..." you respond.

So yeah...you can't see a thing. You hear Roxy say:

"Okay everyone, shuffle around. Don't stay in the same place you sit!"

You hear movement surround you. You guess that everyone is forming a circle around you. You suddenly feel yourself spun around a few times. Totally disoriented now, and a little dizzy, you stumble forward, your hands reaching out to grope the first person they touch.

Your hands definitely find a pair of breasts, and based on the material, she's definitely only got a bra on. You hear quick breathing and everyone giggling. You let your hands move a little lower and feel her soft bare stomach. Definitely just a bra then. They keep going lower and circle around to what would be the rear end. You briefly fell a strip of soft fabric and then bare skin. Whoever you've got is wearing a thong. You think you know who it is and a soft, almost inaudible cackle confirms it. You bring your hand to her back and pull her in close. You move your face in and your lips hit the corner of her chin. Louder cackling and giggling this time. You try again and hit her nose. You quickly adjust and hit her square on the lips.

You waste no time bringing your tongue into the mix, which she is happy to oblige. Her own finds its way into you mouth as well. You begin to explore each other in earnest. One of her hands tangles itself into the mass of you hair while the other rakes down your back and settles on your ass, squeezing it. You move the hand from her hip up to her neck and pull her in closer. The hand in your hair moves down to your chest and then works under one of the cups of your bustier and begins to fondle your large breast, flicking the nipple with her thumb. You let out a soft moan.

Damn, she means business. You notice no one is giggling any more. The room is quiet, save for the noises the two of you are making.

**== > Aradia: Be Karkat.**

You are now Karkat Vantas, and you are so very confused right now. Your matesprit is heavily making out with and fondling someone that isn't you and you're having a very hard time finding any negatives about this situation. You're just fucking lucky you still have your pants, because your bone bulge is pretty much acting on its own at this point.

Who's crazy perverted idea was this anyway? And why do you suddenly think it was a good one? Of course, you always knew Terezi was a bit a freak. Hell, it's one of the reasons you like her so damn much, though you'd never say that to anyone, least of all her.

You idly wonder if this game is going to finish with any of your dignity still intact. Probably not, you guess.

**== > Karkat: Be Roxy.**

You are once again Roxy, and you just happen to be smiling to yourself, while watching the sexyworks, which are like fireworks except the fire and explosions are metaphorical...or liquid based.

Everyone has sat back down in their original spots except for Aradia and Terezi who continue to make out heavily at the center of the room. Terezi's groping of Aradia's breast has pulled the cup out enough to give you a bit of a peak at the enticing body part, and you can't help but approve and wish for an encore.

Kanaya is back on your lap, and she's watching the spectacle intently, her mouth slightly open. You can feel her hand absentmindedly stroke your leg up all the way to your panty line and then down to your stocking again. Sadly your own access to similar areas is blocked by Kanaya's current clothing.

Finally, Terezi breaks away from Aradia, removing her hand from the bustier and unwrapping the blindfold. Aradia blinks in the light for the few seconds before grinning and going to sit back down. Terezi struts, definitely struts, back to her seat with a dumbstruck Karkat, who's expression has been priceless this whole time. There's a round of applause before Dave grabs the deck of cards.


	40. Hand 32 Part 1

**== > Roxy: Revel in your creation.**

Well...it may not be reveling time just yet. You mean...you've only gotten a quick peek at a boob, and it's a boob you have seen in the past at that. Not that you minded seeing it again, of course.

The real surprise was Terezi, who's been a little nervous since getting into the dare danger zone, but it seems like she's perfectly fine being an exhibitionist as long as she's the one in charge. Aradia seems able to switch between dominance and submission as the situation calls for. Useful skill!

Anyway, there's still a poker game to worry about here.

"Penalty card is the two of hearts," Rose says right as Dave finishes dealing the last of the cards. Kanaya picks up yours and she shows them two you and well shit...

**You've Got: 2(D), 2(H), J(C), 9(H), 7(S)**

It has come to your attention that this hand is absolute horseshit.

"I have come to the conclusion that this hand is, rather decisively, absolute hoofbeast shit," Kanaya says.

This has to be someone's fault. You just haven't figured out who's yet. Meanwhile, Karkat takes four cards. He and Terezi hold their breaths until the final card, where they finally release it. Jane takes a single card. She and Jake seem calm. Dirk takes three cards. He and Nepeta seem pretty focused too.

"So...here's our dilemma," Kanaya says. "We do have a pair. That pair is very low and one of the cards is the penalty card. None of our other cards are that great. If we give away all of them, it's certainly possible that we might end up with nothing and have to remove two things. If we keep the pair, we almost certainly will have to remove one, but there's a chance, provided at least one person gets merely a high card, that we will only have to remove one. It would seem we have a hand which odds are highly important. The chances of at least one of us not having to strip are very low."

"Yeah..." You say.

Decision time...


	41. Interlude 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This piece of fine literature was hand-crafted by SideAnon. In Italy!
> 
> Actually, I don't know where SideAnon made it.

**== > Roxy: C'mon, just a little reveling?**

Nuh uh, you have important decisions to make. You've already got one surprisingly flirtatious troll sitting in your lap, you can't let a couple others distract you from critical poker choices, lest you end up with your fingers in the Dare Jar too. Not that you'd totally mind, since it certainly worked out great for them...

No, girl in tight underwear and girl in frilly underwear, you're not going to lure Roxy into doing anything stupid. You've got all your sexy well in hand.

**== > Girl in frilly underwear: Revel in your flirtation.**

Yes, T3R3Z1 PYROP3 can totally do that! Being at the top of the game has put you in perfectly good spirits to ruminate on the Unbelievable Pyropeness of Being. You can tell, because you're narrating in the third-person.

You can admit that you were slightly irked at being the first player in nothing but your new SP3C14L OCC4S1ON undies (not that you didn't wear them for exactly this reason), because it seemed like you and Karkat were on a fast track to being stuck watching the rest of the game. That's your story and you're sticking to it! But it was just a minor inconvenience, the tantalizingly pure luck of the cards, and now everything is going according to plan.

Copping major feels on Ms. Megido was a very impromptu addition to the plan, but an eventuality you certainly came prepared for! As your trial feels suggested, she is delightfully warm to the touch, full of tasty raspberry, and made of perfectly squishy sandbags. And is a M4K3OUT F13ND, on par with yourself if you do say so (and you do), to the surprise of no one.

No one except your Karkles, who's apparently still mystified at the concept that anyone is allowed to enjoy a sexual experience. Part of his general Anti-Enjoyment Statute. But seeing you enjoy it seems to suit him just fine! Go figure. It wasn't long ago that he'd blow gaskets if you even mentioned sex around other people, now his blood's boiling 1N 4 GOOD W4Y from you getting handsy with Aradia in front of an audience.

Participation was clearly an excellent idea. You've already discovered hidden layers in your D3L1C1OUSLY R3PR3SS3D Vantas cake. Now where to find some icing?

Oh right, the human girl with the preposterous hair spilling into your team's space. Whom Mister Serious kept sneaking peaks at before you blew his tiny little mind. Serves him right for...

Mmmph. Double standards really don't suit you. So what if he was staring dumbstruck at Jade's midriff? She has a nice midriff! Seers of Minds have no business denying undeniable facts and you're certainly not going to start over whether Jade looks fetching, let alone hold your matesprit to account for it after eating face in front of him.

You can afford him a few glances. Even by Vantas Logic it makes sense that he wouldn't be overly perturbed by some consequence-free random makeouts. There's more to a relationship than getting your rocks off, and he knows there's no danger of you abandoning the bottomless well of pity you've found in him for Aradia's boring not-problems. So you can be totally cool with him giving Jade's belly a once over. He knows you know he knows where his grubloaf is greased.

No really. No, really. R34LLY.

**== > Terezi: Really?**

Y3S R34LLY! Fact: Karkat still harbors a more-than-idle interest in the Jade Human that extends beyond physical attraction. Fact: The Jade Human is currently sitting about arm's reach to your left in her sleepwear. Fact: You are not the slightest bit intimidated by this. Because-

**== > Terezi: Receive cards.**

WH4T >:o oh right, you're playing poker. Karkles has the card situation well in hand, and you have earned a solid set after an unpromising start.

Now where were you? Right, totally not worried about Jade in her underwear because you're perfectly capable of restraining your own smoldered yet lingering pseudo-romantic interests...

Taking a deep breath reminds you of one of the many advantages of blindness, at least your awesome blindness and not ordinary sad blindness. You can observe things without having to actually face them.

Case in point, you can safely observe being flanked by all the B4R3 STR1D3R CH3STS. Fuck. Y3S.

Let's all be honest with ourselves, exploring otherwise impermissible outlets of eroticism is the only real excuse most of you have for being in this delightfully silly card game. The now legendary first Strip Poker game was one of few safe reductions to the grand pile-up of uncommitted-but-interested youngsters left over from the Ends of the Worlds. 'Uncommitted' here meaning Strider and Lalonde pretending they didn't wistfully drone on for a sweep and a half about the emotional depths of dorks with blunt teeth and spectacles.

This time around is something QU1T3 D1FF3R3NT. Three of the seven Poker Partners including yours are already supposed to be in the mythical status of “Stable Relationships”. Four if you count Vriska and Aradia's simmering bitchfest that Rose hasn't exactly put a stop to yet, lunatic that she is. And soon maybe five counting Roxy and Kanaya finally succumbing to unfathomable boozelust. At last, your raucous encouragement is paying off! They must thank you later.

You have a very strong feeling that neither Karkles nor Dave would much appreciate the other making any serious physical move on their confirmed matesprit. Whether Jade would be as OP3N M1ND3D as you to letting bygones be bygones for one night is an open question.

But as proven time and time again, errant conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, taken in just TH3 R1GHT PROPORT1ON.

The eternal tension of Knights and their Ladies is almost laughably symmetrical. You and Karkat's libido sharing forbidden fruit in the human coupling of Time and Space. Dave surely eating himself from the inside out over his unfulfilled lust for fanged scrawny blind girls. And... Okay, you don't really know what's going on in Jade's head. Curiosity and embarrassed wonderment about nubby barfbreathed trolls possessed of fawning devotion? Yeah, probably.

Certainly your own curiosity can get the better of you. It'd be all too easy. Dave and Karkat suplexed each other silly for three human years competing for Pyrope Affection, and reengaged in earnest once the Prospitian humans entered the equation. And you and Rose still have a live bet on which of them will try to hatesnog the other first (GO T34M COOLK1D). Now if you engendered a sordid, decadent rivalry with Jade, your circle of awkward jealousies would be an N-Complete Troll Punnett Square of romantic rivalry. Karkat would be tickled pink!

Pyrope Note: Have Jade and Nepeta show you how to tickle Karkat pink again.

Not that there's anything for you to spite each other over. Her doofy scatterbrained personality? WH4TS WRONG W1TH TH4T >:? you emote to yourself. Hogging the attention of handsome feisty blabbermouths? 3XC3LL3NT T4ST3 H4RL3Y! Maybe the way she fills out a two-piece better than you...

Nah, not feeling it. Jade's just too much fun to dislike. Not that you'd reject the chance. After one handful (and mouthful) of well-proportioned girl tonight you're starting to seriously reconsider your Not Into Girls policy.

Or you could do something more characteristic. Like drive both of your jackass suitors totally bonkers by hitting on the Dirk Human some more. It is H1L4R1OUS how well that works.

**== > Terezi: Reassess.**

You have presently had 3N3RG3T1C M4K3-OUTS with one hot chick, are idly plotting how to 3NG1N33R MOR3 with another, and there's still a small universe of possibilities to come. You are also surrounded by HOT BLOOD3D YOUNG M3N, two of whom are SH1RTL3SS and two of whom are 1NT3R3ST3D in you, and all of which SM3LL F4NT4ST1C. Situation is nearing Gambling Contest of the Sweep, All Sweeps!


	42. Hand 32 Part 2

**== > Roxy: Ditch it all.**

You decide that you'd rather roll the dice and take a chance than have a sure stripping thing.

"Might as well take the risk. Besides, I bet there's a pair just waiting for us in the next five cards!" You say.

" _Suit_ yourself," Kanaya says.

"That was not funny. I'm going to start making up penalties for bad puns. You're officially on warning," You say. She smirks.

**You Get: 10(C), 7(D), 4(H), 3(D), 2(C)**

You get jack shit, apparently. Welp, you're definitely losing two articles now. Kanaya sighs heavily.

Vriska takes four cards and smirks. Rose takes three, looking satisfied. Finally, Jade gets three from Dave. They seem calm too. Yeah, you're fucked. Or stripped, rather.

"What's everybody got?" Vriska asks.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of kings  
Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; 9s and 4s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 7s  
You & Kanaya Have: Ten high  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of queens  
John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 5s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 4s**

There's a bit of giggling at your expense.

"So...how do you want to do this?" Kanaya asks.

All you've got left apart from your undies are your stockings.

Kanaya has a shirt and skirt.

"Well..." you begin.


	43. Hand 33

**== > Roxy: Keep it even.**

You smirk and scoot out from under Kanaya, offering your right leg to her. She runs her hand up the material to the very top, her fingers playing with the elastic.

"Such a shame, too...I rather like this look on you," she says mischievously. "Are you sure you don't want to just take the bra off?"

"Yes I'm sure, little miss pervy! That's an outrageously leading statement there. If you want to catch the splendor of the girls you'll have to wait like everybody else!" You say.

Kanaya slowly drags the stocking down your leg. Your skin is pale, though not unpleasantly so. As a matter of fact, you like to think you find the sweet spot when it comes to your skin. Pale enough to give you that nice creamy quality without looking like you spend your entire life under florescent lights and computers, even if you have spent quite a bit of your life doing that.

Kanaya seems to be keeping the stocking. You imagine her Likes Stockings Points counter is probably going through the roof right about now. As for you...it's time to see a bit more glowing skin.

Kanaya waits patiently and you make quick work of the fastenings on the left side of her skirt. You draw the fabric off her and cast it to the side and surprise, surprise Kanaya is leggy, just like every other girl here. Her legs are slim and long, kind of like some sort of...sculpturey thing. You're having a hard time thinking of the word. Why do all of the girls here have such great legs? Including yourself? You never thought of yourself as a leg girl until now. These ones have the benefit of glowing the dark though. They are still quite warm to the touch, with a softness to the skin which can't quite be described.

Kanaya's panties are intricately embroidered lace. Black, with fascinating and almost hypnotic jade-colored swirling patterns sewn in. You get the feeling she designed them herself. She winks at you. No...that was pretty much full on "wonk" status at this point. She is stealing your bit. And you're still staring.

After everyone has gotten enough of the awkward tension between the two of you, Karkat grabs the cards.

"Penalty card is the 5 of clubs," John says.

After everything is handed out, you pick up the cards. Kanaya is now sitting right next to you, your hips touching.

**You've Got: K(H), 6(H), 5(H), 3(C), 2(H)**

"Well..." Kanaya begins. "We have a flush draw and a straight draw. If we're going to take a risk, I'd recommend the first one."

Jane takes four cards. She looks a little underwhelmed, but not alarmed by the hand. Dirk takes three, and Nepeta grins happily.

"Let's see now..." you begin.

**== > Roxy: _Flush_ the 3.**

Yes. Ha ha. That was very clever.

Oh who are you kidding? You're just glad you didn't say it out loud. After all, you just got through admonishing Kanaya for her terrible puns.

Maybe we should just pick up this card.

**You Get: 6(D)**

Damn! It's not what you wanted, but at least you got a fortuitous pair.

Vriska takes two cards. She seems smug. Rose takes four and purses her lips. Dave takes three cards. No reaction from either of them. Karkat takes two cards and actually seems pleased for a change.

"Let's go" Terezi says.

**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 6s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and jacks  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 6s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 3s  
John & Rose Have: King high  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 6s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: Three of a kind; Queens**

Rose sighs heavily and scoots over to John.

"I'm not sure what you're sighing for! Apart from Janey here you two are the most modest," you say.

"Were," Rose corrects. She grabs the bottom of John's shirt and draws it over his head in a well practiced manner. You'd guess she's probably done that before. Several times. And hey look...shirtless John. That's a nice view! He's well built. He seems to have the classic English muscles, just like his dad, but with the added benefit of god tier toning, which seems to make everything just a bit better.

John grabs the bottom of Rose's blouse and she raises her arms. He brings it, a bit slower, over and off her. She's wearing a deep purple bra with some rather fetching embroidery on it. They stare sheepishly at one another for a moment. How is it they can still look at one another like virgins sometimes even though they've done it more than you? Which is to say, they have done it. Although, they've got you beat by several counts, unless you miss your guess. Anyway, it's cute. You can't deny that.

Jane clears her throat and grabs the cards.


	44. Interlude 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again SideAnon comes, like a thief in the night, to bring you the literature you didn't know you needed...until now!

**== > Roxy: Be Kanaya.**

Being KANAYA MARYAM costs a considerable effort. Not because you're skirtless, per se. This was coming eventually, and you're glad you had the foresight to wear some suitably impressive yet wholly demure undergarments. The eternal irony of fashionable lingerie is that there is absolutely no circumstance in which another person will be able to appreciate the work you put into them. Or how debonair you look in them. Absolutely no circumstance.

Except this game obviously, but that would render your coy allusion to scantily clad intimacy irrelevant. It's important to have goals.

Case in point, or perhaps leagues away from it, you now find yourself separated by one past romantic interest in a bikini from another past... let's just say 'interest' now shirtless. You should remember to compliment that attractive brassiere, it looks lovely on Rose's figure even if the styling is wasted alongside the capri pants.

This is where you continue your Rigorously Nonchalant Avoidance Of Personal Issues routine.

You can't be certain that's not a piece you crafted, and the pattern is something you'd attempt. That would be unusually callous of Rose to wear garments, especially 'unmentionables', of your making to an event where you're certain to see them. Unless you're misreading a completely platonic gesture of respect in showing them off, which wouldn't exactly be the first time...

Actually, you should probably ponder this for the next few minutes. Do come back soon. Perhaps another girl would appreciate the perspective.

**== > Kanaya: Be Jane.**

Oh no, no, you might want to reconsider. You're quite busy dealing out these cards and pointedly not thinking about shirtless boys. And skirtless girls for that matter. Yep, just cards.

Who are you fooling, there's a dorky guy with an awesome chest sitting in the room with you. And another one not wearing a shirt. Who's also a relative, and kinda identical to the other one, and that's making this a lot harder to ignore than it should.

By John's rambling explanation of how the Last Eight Humans came into being, you're pretty sure that the Alpha four of you are not actually related to each other. You think. It's a little ambiguous, but that's the assumption you're operating on.

You must be operating the heck out of that assumption, if you keep scooting back into Jake's leg whenever you have to move.

It's really striking home now how alike John and Jake are, and you're trying your darnedest not to find John attractive. Not least because you grew up in a house full of pictures of him, let alone the corpse in the living room. And you're trying your full on damnedest not to think about that too much vis a vis his doppleganger.

Because it would explain way too many weird things if John's bare chest and Jake occupied the same part of your mind. Remember not to bring it up with Rose again, that psychiatric demeanor is only a facade. You could go the rest of your life without hearing words like 'imprinting' and 'Westermarck'.

Hey, maybe going steady with the guy freed her up to be more objective. Let's go find out, why not.

**== > Jane: Be Rose.**

Objective maybe, but being ROSE LALONDE is more than ice cold perspective. And yes, you did catch that.

Ironically your thoughts are not wholly occupied by John, just an indivisible portion of them. It'd be unfair not to also mention the distinct portion Vriska occupies. So you won't. Her underwear is no more a mystery to you than the exact number of verbal barbs needed to remove them. She can stay in her portion, under 'Projects'. John resides under 'Complete', since he came that way, but devoting too much thought to him and his smile and his torso tends to rob you of some critical faculties. This is a remarkably tolerable weakness.

All the same your other portions are quite busy, especially the, let's say, 'Back Catalog'. A scandalously fashionable catalog full of luminescent hips and tasteful gusset embroidery.

You wonder if Kanaya appreciates seeing her old designs in such a setting. You're still quite fond of this bra, after re-alchemizing a couple years of space into it. Hopefully she recognizes them. If she hasn't blotted out that memory.

Style conscious teenage girls with unlimited crafting material cannot spend three years trapped together without doing a little private modeling. You'd happily do it again. It has been some time.

Likewise some time since you've seen Kanaya's legs in full. She's always been lissom, but she's even more impressive now. Among your discoveries, trolls experience rocketing bodily development at similar times and speed as humans. Even dead trolls, which shouldn't make sense, but if half the entries in the Encyclopedia Trollidae are true, undead puberty is among Alternian ecology's lesser mysteries.

Oh damn, there go your thoughts, wandering off into vampire county. Once more for old time's sake...

**== > Jane: Stop being Rose.**

Sorry about that. It's bad enough having all these feelings floating around when you're supposed to be running a poker game. But yes, you can easily handle that part.

So listen here MISS JANE CROCKER. You've spent most of your life being a wallflower already. Can't just hide behind some cards or run off to someone else's POV every time you don't feel like a little self-observation. You're here for some very good reasons, and introspection might not be the first one but its definitely on the table.

You've done the berating, you've done the moping, you've done the being freaked out over picturing Jake passionately kissing something besides Dirk's skull, and the being freaked out over that skull turning into yours when you picture it. Roxy bent over backwards to set up this opportunity pretty much just for you (and herself), and you've squandered enough of it waiting for something to happen. You've had quite enough of being a quote unquote tightass.

Which is why you've barely said a word through the whole game so far, even to your partner. And why you've been thanking your lucky stars that you two have been so lucky.

Yep, any minute now, you're going to have quite enough of that.

With any luck, that minute will come before you show anyone this bikini. Which you really shouldn't be nervous about. You might have thought it was risque an hour ago, before getting a front row seat to some enthusiastic thong-clad makeouts. Now you're just nervous about being out of your depth, which is a respectable thing to be nervous about. Maybe even a fair topic of whispered conversation?

“Hey Jake, let me ask you. Does it seem like everybody showed up kind of well prepared?”

“How so Janey? Looks like we remembered to pack more luck than the others.”

“Yeah, no, I mean... Almost everyone else is wearing some garments that you wouldn't think they wear on an ordinary day.” You get involuntarily shifty-eyed. “Especially the girls.”

“Oh of course, the skimpy skivvies. What, are you worried yours will stand out?”

Did Jake just ask what kind of underwear you have on? “Or not stand out enough? I wouldn't have guessed you'd be wearing showy underwear, but not that I'm implying there's anything wrong with that or-” Yes, yes he did just ask that.

That's a... good thing, right? Wasn't that the whole plan? For Jake to be interested in you taking your clothes off? Which is actually freaking you out a little when you think about it like that, but one layer at a time is a perfectly fine start. It'll be just like the beach party, only with the outfit you actually got ready for the beach party and then lost the nerve to wear and swapped out for your old frilly grannie singlet.

Yeesh. It is well and truly past time that this happened. Good thing it's too late to back out now! What a great plan you pulled on yourself! Yep, gonna be naked any minute now, huzzah!

“You're a more than mature enough lady to lend plenty of respect to any outfit you might be wearing under that one. Age has nothing to do with it of course, heck I think I'm slightly elder, but not by a lot or anything-”

You knock your knee into Jake's to shut him up before his rambling gets loud enough to understand. He's already getting some funny looks as you try to multitask these butterflies in your stomach with running a metaphorical table. One thing at a time Crocker, don't let this get any more awkward.


	45. Hand 34

**== > Roxy: Be Kanaya**

You are now Kanaya, once again another item of clothing down, and yet you feel pretty liberated. You rub your bare legs against Roxy's, slowly enough to make it seem mindless.

Your underwear is of your own design, like all of your clothes, and you were more than a little pleased to see Roxy get distracted by it. You have a bit of a thing for intricate fabric patterns and sometimes you wonder if you go too far with it.

Rose seems to be wearing one of your creations as well. You always liked that one. You did make it specifically for her, after all. There was a time when you thought she might wear it for you, but in the end it just was not one of those things that was meant to be. Rose always treated you in a rather sororal fashion. You were privy to many of her private thoughts, but as it was clear from those thoughts, her affections were elsewhere. It was just as well. You had too many hero of light-related problems to deal with anyway.

The bright side is that everyone here will finally get a chance to appreciate your work. Sometimes you feel like people don't really acknowledge that particular skill of yours. Frankly, they seem to have a hard time getting past the drinking blood thing.

Jane has finished with the cards, it seems.

"Penalty card is the 2 of clubs," Karkat says, feigning boredom, even though it's clear he has become more and more drawn into the game.

Dirk takes four cards. Nepeta seems fairly worried.

Roxy shows you the hand.

**You've Got: Q(D), J(S), 7(S), 5(S), 4(S)**

"Hmm, do we avoid the siren song of the flush and take our chances with the higher face card, or do we take the one in four plunge?" You ask.

"The 25% gamble?" Roxy asks.

"The one quarter shuffle, yes."

"Heh. Well, I don't know. I kind of feel like you're in the driver's seat for this one for some reason, Light Bright. What do you think?"

**== > Kanaya: A flush has to work eventually, right?**

You mean, after all this time and all these near misses you've got to get another flush right? It's going to happen this time. You can feel it in your bones, and various other alien body parts, which are basically the same as human ones.

"Let's go for the flush...again," You say.

"It's gotta work sometime right?" Roxy responds.

"I know!"

**You Get: 4(C)**

Oh come on! Again!? Seriously!?

Oh well, it could be worse. You did get a lame pair out of the deal. How very typical of your luck tonight.

Vriska gets three cards and grins smugly. Then again, Vriska does just about everything smugly. Too bad that kind of does it for you. Sometimes you hate your taste in women. Rose turns in all five cards. She looks slightly relieved, though still mildly troubled. Dave takes three cards. No reaction from them. Karkat looks outright nervous as he turns in four cards. He and Terezi do not seem any less nervous after they get their replacements. Jane and Jake discuss their hand for a few seconds before Jane shakes her head and turns in three.

"What's everybody got?" Vriska says slyly.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: King high with jack  
Roxy & You Have: A pair of 4s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; Aces  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 9s _\+ 2 of clubs_  
Jade  & Dave Have: A pair of jacks  
Karkat & Terezi Have: King high with queen  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 8s**

Karkat and Terezi make noticeable sounds of relief.

"Well, John, I'm going to say it's my turn to take the bullet," Rose says.

"Are you sure?" John asks.

"I am. You don't have to prove anything to me John, and yes, I already know that you would do it for no ulterior motive other than being your regular, fantastic self. That's why it has to be me this time."

"Ok..." John says somewhat reluctantly. He slowly undoes the fly on her pants. She lifts her bottom up slightly to allow the pants to slide down her legs. Her panties match the bra. Of course they do. You made those too. Yeah...you're still very proud of that set. You also notice that Vriska seems somewhat annoyed at the scene, rolling her eyes slightly before focusing on the match's actual losers, Dirk and Nepeta.

"I guess it's underwear time huh, purrrtner?" Nepeta says, somewhat forcing her usual enthusiasm.

"Yeah. C'mon, let's blow their minds," Dirk says. Nepeta nods and slides over to Dirk. She unzips the fly on his slacks and drags them down his legs while scooting backwards. His underwear seems to be a pair of tightly fitting black boxers. You suppose this might be appealing to some? You look over at Roxy. She seems to have an eyebrow raised and is definitely staring, so you guess that yes it is. You've always found male anatomy to be slightly humorous, yourself. You aren't exactly sure what all the fuss is about. Giant thumb in a turtleneck. Whoop-dee-do. You also note the obvious flaw of a lack of breasts, which is pretty much a deal-breaker for you.

Dirk shuffles slightly and grabs the bottom of Nepeta's shirt while she raises her arms over her head. He takes it off quickly. She's athletic and fairly toned, you guess from all that hunting and killing she did. Her breasts are on the smaller side, contained within a fairly modest bra-top, which with a few extra inches could probably be called a tanktop. The bra is black with olive lining, and an olive leo symbol over the right breast. Her panties are just plain olive.

She blushes, which you note with some amusement (Nepeta might prefer the term a-mew-sement) ties her ensemble together as it matches the clothes. She looks cute, definitely. You're not sure how in to meek and cute you are, but hey, you aren't going to turn down a look at a pretty girl in her underwear.

Team Heart suffers under the probing gaze of the rest of the group for about ten more seconds before Dirk grabs the cards.

"Ok, that's all the show for now. If you want to see anything more you have to go in the members only section, and I warn you...them rates ain't cheap," He says.


	46. Hand 35

**== > Kanaya: Ogle something?**

Well, there really isn't anything new that you're all that in to ogling. At least not that much. Dirk seems to be in shape but, as you've already stated, guys don't really do it for you in that department. Nepeta is cute and aesthetically pleasing, but not really your type.

Besides, you've already gotten plenty of eye-candy from around the room. In fact, with the exception of two certain bucktoothed brunettes, you've seen all of their underwear now.

Dirk is handing out the cards quickly. You'll be going first this time, so no need to study behavior as of yet, not that it helps much in the first place. It's just kind of fun.

"Penalty card is the four of clubs," Aradia says.

Roxy shows the hand to you.

**You've Got: Nothing. Fucking Nothing!**

Seriously.

**Actually You've Got: 10(H), 9(H), 4(C), 3(D), 2(H)**

It might as well be fucking nothing, though. You've got three hearts, which isn't even close to being a good risk, you've got a sequential run of three, which is even worse, and one of them is the penalty card.

"This...is terrible," You say.

"Yeah...pretty much..." Roxy agrees.

**== > Kanaya: Cast it into the fire!**

You don't know...maybe you can turn this hand around. The challenge is almost...calling to you.

**== > Kanaya: Destroy it!**

"No..." You say quietly. If you were standing, you would walk away now dramatically, the cards clutched lovingly in your hands. Alas, you are sitting.

"What?" Roxy says. What indeed. This is getting out of hand.

"Uh...I was just saying...'no'...these cards are terrible and we should throw them away," You say.

"No arguments from this classy lady," she responds, slightly slurred, pointing to herself.

You have a feeling you were swept up into one of the many referential tangents that float around from time to time. It's starting to become a real problem, at least from your perspective. Seriously, what is even up with that? You don't even know what you were referencing.

Let's just get those cards, shall we?

**You Get: J(D), J(S), A(S), 10(S), 9(H)**

And see! That worked out just fine.

Vriska hands in four cards, and with each progressive new one her grin becomes more and more pronounced. Rose also hands in four and seems content with her return. Dave gives his brother three cards. No reaction in response, but that's typical at this point. Karkat hands in three cards. Terezi seems pleased. Jane also hands in three. She and Jake seem calm. Finally, Nepeta hands Dirk three as well. They seem fine.

"Laaaaaaaay 'em down!" Vriska says.

**Roxy & You Have: A pair of jacks  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Full house; 6s and aces  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 10s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of kings  
Karkat and Terezi Have: Two pair; 7s and 6s  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of queens  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of aces**

"Well, well... my selfless sacrifice was all for nothing, it seems," Rose says wryly.

"Oh, well. At least we're even again!" John says. Rose slides over to him and undoes the button on his jeans and then lowers the zipper. She tugs them off quickly. John is wearing sky blue boxers and...hmm...you can definitely see the outline of his human boy thing. It's not presenting itself as bone bulges do during arousal (which you have seen vis a vis several anatomy books), you can just tell it's there. Perhaps it is simply large in size? You aren't really an expert on these things. Nor do you care to be.

Roxy giggles and reaches for the cards.


	47. Hand 36

**== > Kanaya: Deal.**

You cannot deal because Roxy is already dealing. Seriously, what has gotten into you lately?

"The penalty card is the 8 of-" Vriska begins.

"Penalty card is the King of Hearts," Aradia says. Vriska glares at her.

Roxy finishes dealing. You pick up the teams' cards for this hand.

**You've got: 9(S), 9(C), Q(C), 10(D), 8(C)**

Not bad. You've certainly had worse hands.

Vriska hands Roxy three cards, which Roxy replaces for her. She briefly looks happy until she gets somewhat disappointed at the last card. Rose hands in four. She briefly looks concerned before finally smiling wryly. John is grinning too. Dave hands in three. Pretty standard for them. Karkat takes four cards and grimaces. Terezi looks nervous too. Jane turns in all five cards with a shaky hand. She looks downright panicked until the last new one shows up, when she breathes a sigh of relief. Finally Nepeta looks nervous as Dirk hands in four. She continues to look more and more alarmed until the last card.

You show the hand to Roxy.

"Heh, nice to actually have something for a change!" She says.

"Yeah..." You agree.

**== > Kanaya: Make obvious call.**

You hand Roxy the cards without even discussing it. There isn't anything to discuss, really.

**You Get: 10(H), 5(D), 3(S)**

No help, but no penalty card either. You'll take it.

"Let's finish this hand off," Rose says.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 3s**   
**John & Rose Have: Full house; Aces and Kings, _one of which is the king of hearts_**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Queen high**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 9s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of queens**   
**Roxy & You Have: A Pair of 9s**

"Well, well..." Rose says, smirking. "It seems our luck has turned around a bit. I don't think it's all that much of surprise where this card is going. It's time for one of you to actually show some skin," She says, handing the card to Jane and Jake. Jane looks like she expected this, but is nonetheless disappointed.

"Oh, sod it all, Janey. Can't win all the tussles, I suppose. I'll take this one!" Jake says, facing her and indicating his shirt. Jane stares at it, transfixed for a moment before shaking her head, as if trying to clear it.

"No!" She says. Everyone stares at her. Her cheeks redden slightly and she stares meekly around, as if that was a bit louder than she intended. She clears her throat. "No, Jake. I think you've 'taken' enough. I think it's my turn to step up, so...go ahead...get this shirt off..." Jane says, uneasily. Jake sits there for a few moments. "Well c'mon, Buster, we don't have all day!" She finally yells, snapping Jake to action. Roxy nods approvingly in her direction and gives her a discrete thumbs up and wonk.

Jake grabs the bottom of Jane's shirt and lifts it slowly over her head. After it's cleared her body you get a better look at whoa where was she hiding those things? Jane's penchant for baggy t-shirts was clearly more than just a poor fashion decision. Contained within a rather humorous, yet cute polka-dot sky blue bikini top are a rather generous set of assets. Maybe not quite up to Aradia standards, but nevertheless impressive. Her figure isn't quite as trim as Roxy's, but then again Roxy doesn't even have to try to look good. Jane has a...what would Roxy call it? A "girl-next-door" type of appearance. Simply put she looks...real.

It's a good look, you've got admit. You go for the more classically pretty types, yourself, but you can definitely see the appeal Jane might have, one of the big factors being it's pretty clear she _doesn't_. Jake, for his part, seems to have lost a touch of his bravado, looking very much like the inexperienced teen he is, unlike his...what was the word? Son? Anyway, unlike John, who's newfound experience has given him some confidence in this regard, even if it isn't full-blown swagger yet. Jake coughs lightly and scoots back into place. Jane blushes heavily, but seems...slightly more liberated.

"Well that was nice and everything, but I'm pretty sure this match had an actual loser..." Vriska says, grinning at Karkat and Terezi. She slides the dare jar toward them.

"Yeah, that won't be necessary," Karkat says. "I'll give up my pants and...this thing..." he pulls lightly at the undershirt. "Then me and Terezi will be evened up."

"Oh no...I think that shirt is worth a dare," Roxy says, smiling.

"Bullshit. You said boys could pick a second item for dares or have two strikes on their underwear. I'm choosing the second one."

Roxy rolls her eyes.

"Fine."

"Pretty late in the game to start getting noble, Karkles," Terezi says.

"Oh, don't pretend like you don't like it. Besides, the last thing we fucking need is you making out with more people."

"Don't pretend like _you_ didn't like _that_."

"Yeah, well decision's been made. Get to stripping."

"Oh...I will."

Terezi faces Karkat and grabs the bottom of his rather spectacular undershirt. You wish you could take credit for that, but that one was all Terezi. She draws it quickly over his head. He's not quite as well-built as the human boys, but, having spent weeks fighting monsters, he's not exactly unathletic. Terezi wastes no time undoing the fly of his pants and tugging them down. She does this very easily, even without being able to see it. You guess she's probably pretty practiced at this by now. She pulls the pants down his legs revealing a pair of candy red boxers. Apparently Karkat hasn't totally forgotten about his blood color.

"He he he, Karkles. If you're trying to win me over it's working," Terezi says.

"Good, now let's get the rest of this fucking game over with," He says.

"Oh, c'mon, Karkat. It isn't even a fucking game, yet," Roxy says playfully. Hoo-boy, you should probably move on to the next hand and not dwell too much on that sentence.

Vriska grabs the cards from Roxy.


	48. Hand 37 Part 1

**== > Kanaya: Be Roxy.**  
  
You are now Roxy again, and about damn time. While you were off galavanting about in someone else's perspective this game got good! Okay, it's unfair to say it wasn't good before, but this got good for other reasons!  
  
Not only did you get a very welcome eyeful half-naked Strider (and catgirl sidekick), but you also personally witnessed Jane man the fuck up and finally take some initiative. Your little girl is growing up! You guess she's a late bloomer...the same deal with boobs you mean where did those come from? You'll have to have a talk with her about her wardrobe.  
  
Your partner doesn't seem all that interested in the recent strippings. Well, not as much as you, anyway. You wonder what her deal is. Then again, wondering what Kanaya's deal is is something of a local pastime.  
  
"Penalty card is the jack of spades," John says.  
  
Vriska hands out the last card and you pick up the hand.  
  
 **You've Got: A(H), J(H), 10(S), 8(D), 7(S)**  
  
Huh. Well, it isn't exactly spectacular.  
  
Rose hands in three cards and she smiles at John while showing off their replacements. Dave hands in four and Jade purses her lips when she sees what he got back. Karkat and Terezi talk for a long while over their hand in hushed tones. Karkat finally, and somewhat reluctantly, turns in three cards, but his eyes widen and Terezi breaks into a wide grin. Jane hands in three cards as well. She smiles. Dirk also takes three. Nepeta grins at him.  
  
"So...what do you want to do this time?" Kanaya asks.


	49. Interlude 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon is a lone warrior on a quest for vengeance. Betrayed and left for dead, this crusader for justice now has but one choice: write some humorous fiction or die trying.

**== > Roxy: Check out this underwear.**

Yeah, it's pretty great stuff on display. Only Jane and Jake have any pants left to lose and they're already looking good. Oh yeah, and Dave is still very pantsful, oops. Probably shouldn't get too interested in those after all.

Besides, those bright red boxers next door make that whole side of the room pretty distracting. You can't even take in the awesome panties all of your competitors over there decided to pack. It's just too magnificent.

**== > Roxy: Avert your gaze.**

You're trying to but damn, those things are just so hot. Like, fire hot, not sexy hot. But they're verging into that too! The shorts make looking at Karkat's body involuntary, the color so bold it makes the rest of him impressive.

Gotta get a grip girl...

**== > Roxy: Pull up! Pull up!**

It's no use! Roxy fails to overpower the fathomless redshift and the POV is lost in space. And like all things lost in space, it's soon-

You are now JADE HARLEY for the first time in a while. At least it feels like it! You've been all listless since the cards started going around, compared to your laser focus through the whole game last time. Nah, you're just not worried about the outcome again. You're already sitting next to the best shirtless thing that ever happened, so you don't need to pay that much attention. Being naked in here would be a little weirder maybe, but it's not like you have anything to...

What's that sound?

Your adorably fluffy ears pick up a sound no one else can hear: The sound of Trouble Brewing. And a quick glance at Dave confirms the source. Among your array of awesome powers is complete fluency in Strider, and no one can decode his bizarre songs (metaphor) and signal dances (hints of facial expression) the way you can.

Although Terezi can smell them pretty well. And Rose knows them all since she's almost his clone. And Dirk is almost his clone too... Okay, so Dave's not as inscrutable as you and him like to think he is. Especially if someone in particular can read him so well...

“Problem, Strider?”

“Always, numpty, like the unsolicited catcall. What's biting your ass now?”

“Just that the shades don't go all the way around your face dumbass. I can't shake the feeling of your lurid red gaze falling all over my crotch.”

“Dude you're the one who packed your nuts into cherrybomb short-shorts like you're gonna bullfight with a hoolahoop. Unless you're so impaired you need a blind chick's help to dress yourself. So don't get too excited or anything, they're hard to miss.”

“And yet you can't look away, can you? Am I really so fucking irresistible that you have to deflect a reason to keep your eyes on me?”

“Hey, a guy can be shocked. I was picturing something a lot less roomy and more twist-prone.”

“Should I be proud or appalled by how much brainpower you've apparently invested in my genital coverings?”

And now that they've both gotten a dig in and everyone's laughing, it's gone on exactly as long as it needs to. Terezi stops giggling for a moment to wrap her fingers around Karkat's neck and whisper something to him that derails his hatetrain. You opt for the direct approach and slap a hand over Dave's mouth before he responds. It works a lot better than asking.

As terrifying as Terezi is, it took about three days of everybody being together before you agreed to enter into a Pyrope Pact (complete with paper and suspiciously colored ink). Any time Dave and Karkat start dominating an event, you two are bidden to shut them up after they make their hilarious points and before anything explodes. The rest of the population never fails to thank you.

With Dave's attention diverted, he finds Dirk staring at him. You hear it before you see it. The initiation call: dead silence.

Dirk opens with a raised eyebrow. _That last thing kinda sounded like a compliment._ Then a little squint. _Praytell was it?_

Dave responds by slightly furrowing his brow, then furrows more. _Fuck no and mind your own beeswax._

The call ends with a minute twitch of Dirk's shoulder. _Whatever you say man._

He doesn't even flinch when you flop over in his lap. Yeah, somebody's going to want to unwind tonight. Great!


	50. Hand 37 Part 2

**== > Roxy: Keep the ace.**

That's basically the only sensible choice, yeah.

**You Get: 10(D), 7(C), 4(D, 3(D)**

Well. that did precisely nothing. You'll have to hope for some bad luck on behalf of the other players, you guess.

Luckily it seems like knightly showdown of snarky one-upmanship was averted by some well-timed feminine intervention. You're not exactly sure where Dave gets his occasional hot-headed streak from, since Dirk seems above that kind of thing and you're usually too drunk to care. Maybe if you were sober you'd be more prone to spats? You're not exactly sure. The weird thing, though, is that you just thought of Dave in a familial context. Man, your existence (and theirs) is so weird.

Maybe it's a class thing? Like...two knights will always try to out-knight the other one? Then again, you haven't exactly been in competition with Nepeta for who is the rogue-iest of the two of you. Of course, good ole' Calliope did give you that whole spiel of passive vs. active or some such.

Speaking of your feline counterpart, though, it seems Dave and Terezi weren't the only ones who noticed Karkat's new lack of dress and humorously loud underpants. As a matter of fact, it's pretty clear she might be paying the most attention of anyone in the room, albeit much more silently. You would use the word "leering" because you like that word. Dirk seems slightly amused by this.

Dave has already gone back to talking over their hand with Jade. They both look a little troubled about it.

Meanwhile Vriska has taken four cards. She and Aradia don't seem too pleased either. Maybe you'll make it through this hand alright, after all?

"Alright, let's just move the fuck on," Karkat says.

**John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 5s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: King high**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Three of a kind; jacks, _two of which are the jacks of spades_**

Everyone groans.

**Jane & Jake Have: Three of a kind; 6s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; 6s and 5s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: Ace high**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Ace high**

"Let me guess," Jane says in a deadpan. "Those are going to us."

"Well..." Terezi says. "One _would_ have gone to Dave and Jade, but they lost this hand, so they'll be getting down to their underwear anyway, and apart from them the only other people left with extraneous clothing are Roxy and Kanaya over there, and they're showing a lot more skin than you, so...yes."

"Not that much!" Jane protests.

"Well, look at this way: we'll all be pretty much even now," Aradia says.

Jane sighs and faces Jake. She looks hard at his shirt for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath, grabbing the bottom of it and yanking it quickly over his head.

"Ow," Jake says as his arms are forced upward. Jane pulls the shirt off of his head and throws it away. She looks a bit at her handiwork, going redder in the face. Shirtless Jake is pretty much what you expected given John. Still, as someone with an appreciative eye for the fellas (even if you seem to be leaning more towards the ladies right now), you have to say that you-

"Like the view!" You say aloud. You take a robust sip of your drink. Jane sighs at you and Jake laughs somewhat nervously.

"Alright then, let's...get this off," Jane says hesitantly, indicating her skirt. Jake clears his throat and grabs the side of Jane's skirt and attempts to tug at it. "You might want to unzip it first..." she says. There's a rash of giggling. Jake blushes and undoes the button on the skirt as well as the zipper and finds the garment much easier to pull off now.

Jane's bikini panties match her bra. You're also pretty sure that's the bikini you picked out for her to wear to the beach party. Hmm, maybe she didn't need as much of your help as your thought. Jake stares at her for a few seconds.

"You...erm...look...nice!" Jake says.

"...thanks," Jane responds meekly with a smile.

"Alright well, I think we're next," Jade says, somewhat dejected. She undoes Dave's jeans rather unceremoniously and pulls them off. Dave is wearing, just like every other guy here, boxers. You wonder what everyone's problem with jockeys is? You guess they do look kind of dorky, come to think of it. Anyway, his are a nondescript black, with red trim on the elastic and around the very bottom on the legs.

"Damn, Jade, that certainly was a passionate performance. I'm almost getting goosebumps by how much you played to the crowd there," Dave says.

"Hey, the Harley techniques stay behind closed doors. You want a more personal touch, come see me when everyone else isn't watching," Jade says.

"Works for me," Dave says as he grabs the bottom of Jade's tanktop and draws it over her head. Her black bra matches her panties. it's certainly not as elaborate as some of the underwear here, but it has an undefinable simple sensual quality. Her skin is very nicely tanned, though not extremely so. She just has a bit more color than the rest of the humans. Even Jake, who still seems mostly pretty pale despite the whole living on an island thing.

Rose grabs the cards from Vriska.

"Well, now that basically _everyone_ is in their underwear, maybe we'll finally start seeing more dares!" Vriska says, a touch of annoyance in her voice.


	51. Hand 38 Part 1

**== > Roxy: Now we're getting somewhere.**

Indeed we are, assuming that's the royal "we." Unless you and Kanaya or Jane and Jake lose this next hand, someone is doing a dare. It's already starting to seem like a long time since Aradia's and Terezi's frisky makeout session...like nearly a month or something. You know that's silly, though. It's only been about fifteen...maybe twenty minutes.

"The penalty card will be...the ace of spades," Terezi says with mischievous flair.

Ah. The good 'ole death card. You wonder if that's a bad omen. Let's see what DaughterMom's cards have in store for you this time.

**You've Got: 10(H), 7(H), 4(C), 3(H), 2(C)**

Damn. Well, even if you don't have the actual card your hand might as well be dead. You look over at your luminescent partner. It's pretty clear from the look on her face that she's worried too. Unless things take a drastic turn, this game might just be evening out again.

Dave turns in three cards without comment. Karkat takes four, looking nervous at first and then slightly placated. Jane hands in three. She looks mostly calm until the last card, which causes a look of disappointment and then extreme annoyance to cross her features. Dirk, then, also takes three cards. Nepeta grins happily.

"I don't suppose you have some brilliant plan here..." Kanaya says.


	52. Interlude 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon has something new for you, and you will like it. Yes you will. There are no alternatives to this line of thinking.

**== > Roxy: Banish these cards.**

You're seriously considering it. There's nothing else to consider except the root of a low straight but screw that. You wish you'd stop getting so many shitty hands to chuck. Relies way too much on blind luck.

Sure that makes sense for a rogue who frequents voids, but it's a pain in the ass when you're trying to win at gambling. Sometimes you wonder what being the rogue of something else is like. The heart empowered rogue never seems to be up to much. Unless being inconspicuous is just what rogues do...

**== > Roxy: Take a walk on the wild side.**

You cannot be NEPETA LEIJON right now, as she is busy being the Mighty Huntress stalking her prey. She had to interrupt Her concentration to celebrate the great hand She just got with Her handlepartner. But the cards are just another aspect of the great hunt. And now She lies in wait, again.

(Psst, you're really Nepeta now, you're just purrtending!)

The prey is still none the wiser. He never, ever, efurr is at first. Never for the moment. Just for sw33ps. Now, he was distracted by his own adorable embarrassment showing his underpants, so adorable the Mighty Huntress almost had a conniption fit! Then a little hissing match, then enjoying a momentary victory in the great game of the hunt.

All as it should be.

The Huntress' patience is rewarded, when the prey searches for something else to pay attention to besides the human knight and his matesprit and maybe his own matesprit please please. At last, he m33ts Her gaze, and fr33zes! The prey thinks it can evade attention if it doesn't give the Huntress reason to chase. Then he gulps, before purrtending to look at his cards.

He knows the Huntess is after him.

He knows the pounce is coming.

And he knows he won't be able to escape. It's only a matter of time.

This is the chance the Mighty Huntress has b33n preparing for her whole nine lives. Two or thr33 anyway. Once she sinks in her claws, there will be no escape. It will be so exquisite the prey won't even want to escape! Cats are nicer and prettier and cuddlier than dragons anyway.

Not that you'd want ANYTHING pawful to happen with Karkat and his matesprit, they're beautiful together and Terezi is one of your bestest furriends in the world. You mean the Huntress wants that. You mean doesn't want.

She really means you mean it too! You love Terezi and she couldn't be happier. But you spent a lot of time thinking about this, when you were floating around in space with dead people to talk to. You got so sick of only thinking about it that you just had to do something...

If goofy old Vriskers could up and stop being dead, why couldn't you? You mean she, who means you, since you're also you. Except you're the Mighty Huntress right now, commenting on... You?

Okay that's right.

The Mighty and Pretty Huntress returns to being a great hunter who doesn't get distracted by complicated friendships. She'll know what to do when the time comes. She has the Instincts, its in her nature. Love is in her blood. So purrfect is Her attention that She doesn't notice when Her handlepartner whiskers quiet enough that only She can hear.

“I know your kawaii stares and that ain't one of them.” Sometimes She wishes Her handlepartner wasn't so on the ball. “Still can't stop thinking about it, huh?”

The Huntress does not betray Her stance.

“Well don't worry kid. Something good will come out of this, promise.” You like when he elbow nudges you. You mean She. Whatefurr. “Who would know better than us, right?”

Yeah.

Yeah!

Like its any coincidence that furrt33n people could randomly be down to their underwear at the same time. That nap behind the couch was such a great plan, you were what this game n33ded. Its like destiny or something! Because random inconsequential-but-hopefully-consequential 'ship exchange is a responsibility that only the right person can seeecretly effect. So secret you didn't even think about it. Because nooobody expects a silly dorky heart player to know anything about gambling or being alurrrrrring.

That's when the mighty, crafty, sexy, awesome Huntress strikes. With Her heart powers.

...You just wish you were as crafty as She was, so you'd know what to do instead of relying on chance and purrtend hero magic...


	53. Hand 38 Part 2

**== > Roxy: You know what to do.**

Yeah, you do. Time to 86 these cards. Whatever that means.

**You Get: K(H), 10(C), 9(H), 2(H), 2(D)**

Oh hey look! A shitty pair! At least there wasn't a penalty card. You suppose you have to hope for someone to have high card now.

Vriska takes four cards. She grins rather Vriskaly, which you've decided is a real adverb. Finally John gives Rose three cards. They both seem satisfied. It's kind of looking like you're screwed at this point.

"Ok, let's show our paws!" Nepeta says.

"What?" Vriska asks flatly.

"I think she's making a play on the word 'hand,'" Dirk explains.

"Yeah...it wasn't really by best one. Let's just mewve on..." Nepeta says, slightly dejected.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 8s  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 9s  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 4s _\+ the ace of spades_  
Dirk  & Nepeta Have: Three of a kind; 3s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 2s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; Aces  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 8s**

"Well...despite playing the best we've ended up in the same boat as everyone else," Jane says, a little bitter. Without asking she turns to Jake, undoes his fly and yanks his shorts off, revealing his forest green camo-printed boxers. She stares at them for a second before letting out a single snort, and then a series of uncontrollable giggles.

"Well, bro..." Dirk says. "I'd comment but I can't seem to see what you've got under there. It's like...you've managed to make it completely invisible. Look at you busting out all the clever strats. You're managed to totally avoid embarrassment in any way."

"I don't really see why everyone is so bamboozled by these!" Jake says.

"I'm just wondering what practical purpose they would serve..." Aradia says.

"Well," Kanaya pipes up. "I personally like the general idea of adding a touch of fashionable symmetry to the practicality of camouflage. If Jake were wearing all camouflage I would support the choice wholeheartedly, but as it stands this simply seems wrong note to me."

"Well, I guess we're tied again huh," Jane says, recovering a little. She seems to have finally registered that she just, in fact, removed Jake's pants and her brashness has subsided a bit into a touch of embarrassment.

"It seems like it, but...hey, we didn't lose. Don't Roxy or her vampire-friend have to take something off now?" Jake says.

Oh shit, he's right. You guys lost with a pair. Hmm. I guess that does it for being on an equal playing field. You still can't believe this hand went one of the very few ways it could have without resulting in a dare. Seriously, there's going to be so many dares in a row. So many.

"It would seem so," Kanaya says. "So...how do you want to do this? Me or you?"

A case could be made for both, you suppose. The one stocking thing is pretty asymmetric, and you like the shirt and panties look on a girl, that's for sure. Still, you _are_ considerably less modest than Kanaya right now.

This will require some thought...


	54. Hand 39 Part 1

**== > Roxy: Get that shirt!**

You think it's time Kanaya joined everyone else at the underwear party. After all, it can't actually be officially an underwear party until everyone is in their underwear.

You'd expect an alien vampire chick to know these things, but you guess that's part of her charm.

"Lift up your arms," You say. Your voice is a little lower and huskier than you intended. Kanaya seems a but taken aback by this, but nevertheless complies, seeming to enjoy the more commanding side of your personality.

You grab the bottom of the snug sweater and inch it up her body. As you expected, you are rewarded with the sight of more radiant skin, in both the figurative and literal sense. You recall Kanaya telling you that the event which caused her initial "death" was being impaled through the torso. If such is the case, though, you can't tell where it happened. Her skin seems free of imperfections of any kind. You wonder if that's a trollpire thing.

Kanaya's brassiere is as unique and intricate as her panties, and is, obviously, well matched with them. You wouldn't expect any less from her. Her breasts, still well hidden in the modest yet stylish garment, are a touch smaller than yours, but not by much.

"You know...you're gonna have to make some underwear for me one of these days," You say.

"Hmm. Well, that could be arranged. I'd just need to take your measurements to have you fitted for them," Kanaya responds.

"I think you're just looking for an excuse to feel me up," You say, smirking.

"I can manage both. I happen to be extremely talented."

"We'll see about that, I can be quite a hand-full..."

"Okaaaay, moving right along with the thing we're actually supposed to be doing," Dave says quickly, beginning to hand out the cards.

"Penalty card is the nine of diamonds," Aradia says.

Dave deals quickly, and has managed to disrupt yours and Kanaya's flirtstreak. A shame, too. You were going for a new record.

**You've Got: 5(D), 5(C), 10(S), 6(S), 4(S)**

Well it isn't great, but you haven't had great luck in a while, so you'll take what you can get.

Karkat takes four cards. He still seems pretty sour after getting them, though. Jane takes three. She and Jake don't react much. Dirk also takes three cards. Nepeta briefly looks panicked before Dirk points at the card and she relaxes.

"Well, unless you see something with these cards that I don't, I'd say the choice is pretty obvious," Kanaya says.


	55. Interlude 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may not realize it, but SideAnon is in possession of a strange machine that happens to know exactly what you're wanting right now. So, you know you just have to read this interlude.

**== > Dirk: React to boxers.**

Boxers? What boxers? All you see out of the corner of your eye is two halves of Jake and some mysterious jungle between th- Okay, calling a mulligan on that one, try again.

**== > Dirk: Mulligan.**

Too late, Terezi has initiated bantering. “You know Kanaya, I don't believe I've ever smelled your abdomen before.” Surrounding chuckles are ignored. “The bare stomach look could work for you, if not for those frumpy curtains you keep wearing.”

Jade joins in, “Yeah, I figured it was because of that stuff back then. Like there'd be a scar or something from the vampire thing, but you look fine!”

Before Elvira can muster an answer, Jade's EctoDad pontificates out of the blue, “Well Jade, everyone knows beauty is never tarnished on classy vampires. It's like a rule.” You want to groan, but even for him that could have been intentional.

At least she appreciated it. “Yeah. I'm only surprised there isn't a mark or something. Kanaya told me about what happened and-”

Karkat cuts her off with, “We are NOT talking about that. Stuff happened, she's a rainbow drinker, end of story.” For once, Terezi doesn't look eager to disagree with him.

Kanaya isn't as stone faced. “It's not big a deal. Anyone can be a little self-conscious. Besides, my full figure luminescence counts for a mark, and it'd be distracting if I didn't wear enough over it.”

“Oh I disagree, we could always use more light around here.” Smooth Rox. “And I don't think it's that gross a story, given the radiant results.”

Everybody's had enough of the Conversation Nazi's sputtering, time to light this off. “Yeah dude, it's not like we've got some mad innocence to shatter with a few scary tales. I lopped off my own head and tricked him into borderline skull-fucking it,” throwing a thumb at Dr. Livingstone for emphasis, “and you don't see us spazzing out over it.”

Except Crocker. “Oh jeez, can we not bring that up again? It was weird enough the first time.”

“You don't see most of us spazzing out over it.”

Her platonic as all get out partner runs a hand through his hair as he turns a weird red. “Come now Janey, it's not as dour as all that. Me and Dirk were just doing what we had to do.” Why is he holding that pose, quit that man. “It's not like it hadn't been conversed before and we're both stout men of action who don't shy away from-”

“I'm PRETTY sure he meant the lopping his head off part Jake.”

“Oh! Uh, er, right.” Their EctoSon and the whole witches coven on that side find this fantastically amusing. They can eat it. “Well it all worked out right in the end, didn't it?” puffing out his chest. C'mon, seriously? “No need to be ashamed of necessities, and it's not like we were afraid of the head or anything.”

“Whoa, hold up. Are you saying you guys hung onto a dude's severed dome?” You'd answer your BroSon's question but watching the Bucktooth Twins whinge out a non-response is better. “Aw fuck, my foot shrine'll never measure up to that. I can make sweet love to all the plaster toes I want, but y'all scored the real deal. Even in decapitation, you topped my life's work bro.”

“No sweat bro, you'll find some horrific mutilation to use as a casual conversation starter.”

“Nah we're good. I ever tell you about the time Annie Oakley here turned me into swi-” This time Jade slaps on both mitts.

“Lemme guess, we're not gonna talk about that?”

You get a solid “No” amidst a cloud of green static.

“Radical.”

Dave pries himself free, with the best deadpan parody of a singsong “Awwwk-ward” ever delivered, and goes back to handling returns. Actually, everybody is giggling at somebody else's expense by this point, because even comparing fratricidal fatalities has its comedy when the whole crew is a few cards away from naked. Finally, you're rubbing off on them. Even Jake's got a good chuckle out of it, and he still has his hand on the back of his neck okay that's enough.

It's about then you notice Nep giving you a sly look any cat would die for. She gets your signature yeah yeah whatever look back. Keen little snot, how dare she hide behind your inability to disrespect her opinions.

“Alright, we're aborting storytime, so here come your nude warrants. This game's about to finally earn the price of admission.”


	56. Hand 39 Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dares finally resume.

**== > Roxy: Reveal your lack of plan.**

You don't really need to do that. You're pretty sure Kan wasn't actually expecting you to have some crazy plan. You decide to just hand in those three cards.

**You Get: 10(H), 9(S), 2(D)**

You get nothing of value, really. Of course, you also didn't get anything bad. No reason to not look at the glass half full. And let's face it, you're all about the glasses. Being full is preferable, of course, but as long as something is in them you're usually satisfied.

Vriska hands Dave three cards. She doesn't seem particularly pleased or displeased with them. Rose turns in four, and John lets out a breath of relief after getting the last card. Jade nervously gives Dave four cards. Her attitude does not brighten.

"Alright then, on with it," Karkat says.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: Ace high  
Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 10s  
Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 5s  
You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 5s  
Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 7s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of kings  
Jade & Dave Have: Jack high**

"Oh nooooo..." Jade says, disappointed.

"Ohhhh, this should be good!" Terezi interjects, obviously pleased.

You slide the team dare jar over to Dave. You've been waiting for this! He pulls out the card and reads aloud:

"'You have to kiss your partner on the item of clothing they are postponing the removal of,'" he says.

"Oh, that was ours!" John says

"Well, damn it Egbert if you haven't just made this the most awkward thing ever! I mean damn. I dunno, Jade, I don't know if you're ready for this," Dave says.

"Ready for what?" Jade asks, playfully.

"Look, this is a pretty big step in the relationship and I'm just saying that you are most definitely not ready for this. There's pretty much no way."

"Oh I don't know, Dave..."

"Hey, don't make me say it."

"I think you're going to have to say it."

"Okay, well you asked for it. Jade...you're going to have to make out with my shades."

"Oh, dear..." Jade is smirking now.

"I know, I think it's totally scandalous and obviously our siblings are in to some really weird shit. I mean, I don't even want to think of how many of my sister's scarves John has put his tongue into."

"Rose does have a rather robust selection of neckwear, yes," Jade agrees.

"You should see what he can do with an _ascot_ ," Rose says with a smirk.

"See that shit? Neither of us wants to end up as some weird garbophile. We should probably just strip and get it over with."

"Oh, I dunno...I think I want to try it..."

"Suit yourself. I mean, get ready to be ruined for the real thing, though."

**== > Roxy: Be Dave.**

You are now Dave Strider, and thus you are now super cool. Being Dave Strider offers certain fringe benefits. For example: you now no longer give a fuck about stuff.

Jade is scooting in front of you now, looking at the best way to attack your totally rad shades with her mouth.

During the relatively brief period that Jade Harley has been your girlfriend, you like to think the two of you have been rather _adventuresome_. Ok, you actually know you have. Sex with Jade often ends up with the two of you teleporting to various places at random, as Jade tends to lose control of her spacey thing while in the throws. This has, on a few occasions, actually meant you've transported into a place with people before. Well, Nakodiles, but they didn't really get it. Also you're pretty sure the Mayor was around too. Luckily, he hasn't seemed to have blabbed about that. Probably because you and the Mayor are such _choice bros_.

In any case, of all the _stuff_ you've done with Jade this may actually be the oddest. Jade moves her face toward yours. Absentmindedly you prepare for one of your textbook makeout sessions, but Jade's face goes north and her lips make contact with the shades that once graced Ben Stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point.

Yeah, this isn't really doing anything for you. Jade's tongue extends from her mouth and begins slathering over the lens, succeeding in smearing it.

"Oh shit, this is fucking hot!" You say. "You have to do my fanny-pack next."

"The joke is on you, then," Rose says, "as you've just admitted to possessing a fanny-pack."

"Of course I have one of those. Where else am I supposed to keep all those fannys, Rose?"

Jade splutters slightly during her glassilingus, giggling.

"How do they taste, Jade?" Terezi asks somewhat wistfully as Jade switches between lenses.

"Oh, so good! You have no idea..." Jade says.

"Well, probably not as good as mine, anyway," Terezi concedes.

Jade finally backs away. Your glasses are a greasy mess and you can't really see anything. Luckily, you know Jade's body pretty much backwards and forwards, so this should be easy.

**== > Dave: Be Jade.**

You are now the Witch of Space. Your mouth tastes like salty metal and glass. You are also pretty satisfied with your work, though, even if it was a bit silly.

It's Dave turn now and it's not until he grabs your waist and lowers his mouth to the cup of your bra that you realize that the article you are giving up is considerably less silly.

His tongue makes contact with the material right above your nipple. You definitely feel it and let out a small, quiet gasp before you stop yourself. You're wearing a pretty standard piece of underwear here, but it seems that the material is thin enough that you can feel the dampness of his tongue as it teases the sensitive skin beneath. Dave has always had your number for stuff like this.

No one is making funny banter anymore. This is actual sexy stuff here. Dave drags his tongue across the bridge of fabric between cups and starts to lavish attention on the other breast. The hand on your waist has slid down to your bottom and both of your hands are supporting the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his hair.

You're sighing pretty obviously now. Other people are probably picking up on it at this point.

After what seems like a rather long time Dave surfaces, his glasses still slightly foggy and smeared, and he sits back normally. You look down and see that your nipples are jutting out prominently and darkly from the material of your bra. You blush a bit.


	57. Hand 40

**== > Jade: Be Roxy.**

You once again assume the persona of someone a little bit more PC...as in player character.

Man, that was pretty fun! The glasses thing was a little weird but...you could get behind something like that...maybe. But Dave totally made up for it with some hot boob licking, even if it was through fabric. That's your boy!

Ok, it was weird to say that. It's starting to even bug you now. In any case, Karkat grabs the cards.

"Um...let's do...king of clubs," John says as the hands are dealt.

**You've Got: Q(S), 9(H), 8(C), 5(D), 4(H)**

Huh...that's not exactly a great hand. Yeesh. What happened to the days of high pairs, or two pairs or threes of a kind?

Jane grabs four cards. She looks fairly unenthused about her hand. Dirk also takes four, but Nepeta grins widely in response to that.

"It seems luck is once again conspiring against us," Kanaya says.

**== > Roxy: Ditch 'em all.**

Well...you guess that works? It's not like the queen is all that great an option by itself, but eh...you hate to turn in everything.

But...oh well. You hand in all five cards.

**You Get: A(H), 9(D), 8(D), 6(C), 2(S)**

Well...and ace is better than a queen. No pair, though. Better hope this doesn't go sideways.

Vriska takes a single card. She seems happy. Rose takes three cards. She and John remain blank-faced. Dave takes four cards. He and Jade seem nervous. Finally Terezi hands Karkat three cards. They seem calm.

"Alright, let's go!" Vriska says.

**Jane & Jake Have: Ace high with king  
Dirk & Nepeta: Have a pair of queens  
You & Kanaya Have: Ace high with 9  
Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; 9s and 3s  
John & Rose Have: A pair of 2s  
Jade & Dave Have: Ace high with jack  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of aces**

Ugggh. If you had just kept that queen Jade and Dave would be stripping right now. You let out an audible sigh.

Kanaya quickly scoots over to you and drags your final stocking, a bit wistfully, down your leg. She seems to be holding on to it. You can only imagine how many Likes Stockings points she is accruing at this moment. All you've got left is your underwear now. Your glowing partner reaches for the dare jar, calm as you please.

Kanaya clears her throat and reads aloud: "Sit on the lap of someone from the winning team until either their team or yours either wins or loses a hand." Kanaya lets out a sigh and adds: "Remember to cuddle!"

Nepeta seems to be giggling heavily.

"Knock 'em dead, Light Bright!" You say. You're not exactly sure what to think about this yet. You need some time, maybe you should try being someone else.

**== > Roxy: Be Kanaya.**

You are now the very bright and very conflicted Kanaya Maryam. You look at Aradia and Vriska. You have to pick one of them. You know who you _want_ to pick, but you aren't too sure if you want them to know you want to pick them.

Screw it. You're playing fast and loose tonight! You walk over to Vriska and slowly lower yourself on to her lap. She looks surprised, but nonetheless attempts to adjust herself to accommodate you.

"Damn, Fussy Fangs! You're kind of impairing my vision here!" She says, squinting. "Plus you're really hot." Most of the people here giggle at this. Vriska doesn't seem to realize what she said.

You get ready for the next hand when:

"Hey...guys! I purrrsonally requested that you cuddle in my dare!" Nepeta says.

Vriska looks a little odd, but nevertheless wraps her arms around you. Your arms snake around her neck as you sit sideways on her lap. You can literally feel your blood pumping faster. Sheesh. What is your deal? Seriously, this is reaching the point where even _you_ are wondering what your deal is.

Anyways, you could be here for a while. You might as well get comfortable. You play idly with a loose strand of her hair. Part of you wishes this could have been one of the racier dares, but you can make the best of this one.


	58. Hand 41 Part 1

**== > Kanaya: Be Roxy.**

You are now the much more solitary Roxy Lalonde, and while this whole affair was your idea, losing your partner, even if it is only briefly, has had a definite negative effect on your mood.

Kanaya continues to sit in Vriska's lap, the latter looking mostly nonplussed and the former trying to seem comfortable. You see Kanaya tuck a strand of Vriska's hair behind her ear, and you feel something slightly unpleasant. Are you...jealous?

That's pretty silly of you, after all. Kan is certainly fun to have around, but you shouldn't be feeling jealous. You're probably just upset that you're here by yourself now.

"Ah...yes," Aradia clears her throat. "Let's try the 4 of hearts this time."

Jane begins handing the cards out to everyone. You drum your fingers on the ground. John's glasses fall of his nose as he angles his head downward to look at each card as Rose picks it up. She smiles and places the glasses back on his face. Dave gestures with his hands, idly holding his pack of cards while Jade giggles at what he's saying. Terezi keeps flicking Karkat's horns as he studies his cards rigorously, prompting a silent but angry outburst from him, which she cackles at as she touches his shoulder lightly.

Jake seems to be saying something Jane, causing the corners of her mouth to twitch upward as he goes on and on, making huge sweeping gestures with his hands as if he's describing the plot of the latest movie he's watched. Nepeta keeps drawing on her tablet and then passing it Dirk as he begins to idly sketch as well, before handing it back to her. She laughs.

You sigh and look at your hand.

**You've Got: 8(H), 7(D), 5(H), 4(H), 2(D)**

Well that's nice. Best thing you've got is a shitty straight draw that has the penalty card in it. You move to show the hand to Kanaya before remembering that she's not there. She's over with Aradia and Vriska, all three of them looking at their cards.

You sigh even longer. It would be funny if it wasn't so damn predictable. You need a drink.

You grab your trusty martini glass. At least that's something you can always count on...maybe. Yeah...this ones empty. You place it back down on the ground, frowning. You drum your fingers again and see Dirk hand in four cards.

Your face sours as you return to your hand. You guess you've got to deal with this now, too...


	59. Interlude 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon knows where you live, and SideAnon is going to come to you in that place and blow you away...with words.

**== > Roxy: Lament.**

Nah, let's not get carried away. You just wish you didn't keep getting shitty hands. The chuck'em'n'hope strategy hasn't worked much better than 50/50 so far, and these cards just have it in for you. Pity you can't fold and skip hands in this kind of poker.

Of course if you lost, it'd be your turn for a single dare and it would get Kanaya back over here. The latter would be a great plus and the former might not be so bad, judging by all the fun everyone's had so far. But if you lost without so much as a pair, she'd also be the first chick to lose her bra. Which yeah would also be a great plus, but you owe it to your partner to deliver better than that. Man, this being concerned about stuff thing is hard.

**== > Kanaya: Make yourself at home.**

You're trying, but you'd forgotten how little Vriska has in the way of lap. She used to whine to you about wearing boys' jeans to give her legs definition. You had plenty of suggestions of course, but Vriska's concept of fashion ranks among her most pitiable facets.

You mean pitiful, right? You know what Kanaya, it doesn't matter. Nothing that happens here has to have a lasting impact on either of you. That's the whole point. Just forget about pasts, or the fact that this is the physically closest the two of your have ever been, or that Roxy is looking dejected in a way she hasn't for even the shittiest of hands. Wow, she really is-

No. You'll be back over there soon enough, your new hosts could win this very round. Everything is fine. No reason to squander this opportunity to enjoy some proximity with a friend and let's face it sexual attraction. You're holding each other in your underwear, there's really no reason to ignore it.

Especially when Vriska tightens her grip around your waist and leans in with, "Hey Kan, can you quit fidgeting so much? It's making you warmer." Oh. Yes, now you notice how your butt's been moving to find purchase. Definitely a good enough reason for warming up.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to settle myself." You're close enough that her face twitches from your breath.

"Yeah uh huh. If I were you I would've sat somewhere roomier. Trust me, Aradia wouldn't give a damn."

On cue, Aradia sidles in to lean back against the two of you. "She right's you know. You're always welcome to my hospitality."

Suddenly this isn't going quite how you expected. "...Thanks, but it's been a while since we got caught up in each other. I didn't want to impose." And just what does John find so funny about...

Oh. Shit.

"Be careful Kanaya, her friendship webs are impossible to escape." You will with all your non-existent mental powers for Rose shut John up. "Not that I'd know, but she's wiley. Trust us on that." Now Rose is giggling, your last hope is lost.

But Vriska still has command over him. "John, you're making fools out of everyone. Just stop."

Let's all get a handle on things here. So your old flame's paired matesprit and kismesis (maybe, what the fuck are they thinking, this is so wrong) find these antics amusing. No problem. You don't even have to respond, a friendly glare will do. For the first time ever, you're going to follow Vriska's example and just... not care what anyone thinks.

It requires an incredible effort to imagine yourself as insufferable, but you're going to do it. You're pretty sure that's how confidence works.

**== > Kanaya: Be confident.**

Yeah right. You are once again Vriska Serket, and you are l8erally covered in 8itches. Fuck confidence. All it's ever gotten you, aside from fa8ulous riches and ch8ing death, is pro8lems and way too many people wanting your action. And snide comments from the cooldouche.

"What is it about poker that inspires you chicks to crawl all over each other? If I knew it was this easy to roust up lesbian threesomes, I'd be tossing out cards faster than John's shitty magician sleaves."

Before John can retort, Terezi gets a little more aluring than she has a right to. "What's the matter Strider, jealous?"

"Why bother? At this rate, we're gonna be one big pile of writhing limbs by the end of the night. Hang onto your goods folks, soon they'll be joined inseparable by the awesome power of the dare jar."

"Okay fuck everybody et cetera." What, are you channeling Karkat now? "I'm trying to enjoy a nice friendly moment with my old morail, so the gallery can keep to itself. Speaking of which, beat it you." Aradia takes your solid but well-meaning shove with a playful falling over. This is stupid, it's just Kanaya sitting in your lap and cuddling with you.

"Thank you Vriska. I'm touched that you still think of me that way. We really should do it again some time. This. Hanging out, I mean."

At least she knows how to whisper. "Okay, I heard you. Now shoooooooosh fussy, we'll have plenty of time to get together. And talk."

You didn't realize how much you were cuddling back until now. Or that Kanaya has gotten even warmer. You stopped noticing. She's not even saying anything, just taking everything with a frankly un-Kanaya grin that's a 8it silly on her. It's also silly how nice her skin is. You'd ask what she does to it, but it pro8a8ly comes naturally for her. Wiggling around aside, holding her in your lap is pretty comforta8le.

You're actually enjoying this 8n't you Serket? Well, you would 8e with some privacy may8e.

Oh wh8ever. You know it never would and never will happen with you two and that has to 8e a good thing. You never thought'd you'd say you had enough irons in the fire, 8ut here you are, covered in 8itches and romance. There's only so many other people's pro8lems you can handle.

You like to think Kan's solved most of hers. Shame, you could use a proper morail again. Prefera8ly one who doesn't want to fuck you 8ut that's o8viously not an option with these people.

It's just a pity you're such a chump to miss her signals. Were such a chump that is. May8e still are too, your taste in women now is clearly total crap. Rose and Aradia have their upsides 8ut they're too easy. You'd still have to work at Kan to make that happen, were you so inclined.

Eeeehhhh, the past can stay the past. She's gotta 8e over it, and you never knew. What a classic mishap, it could have 8een 8ut it wasn't, and now you 8oth feel sorry for each other for missing the chance. Her 8eing dwee8by and you 8eing an idi8. That's a pity. 8ut oh well! Yeeeeaaaah.

Over Kan's shoulder, you see Nepeta giving you the cutest little grin. Your arms shift a 8it and grip Kan just a little tighter for the hell of it, and she reciproc8s. This isn't as complic8ed as it looks, you've learned your lesson a8out that sh8. She'd 8e so proud of you. Yeah, just gonna sit here and relaaaaaaaax...


	60. Hand 41 Part 2

**== > Roxy: Total Hand Kill.**

Yeah that's pretty much the only recourse you have left...again. You're getting pretty sick of having to keep resorting to this. You're getting pretty sick of a lot of things.

You toss the five cards to Jane, slightly resentful that she still seems to have an attentive partner.

**You Get: 10(H), 10(H), 9(H), 6(C), 5(D)**

Well...there we go. Or rather...there you go. By yourself. Whatever, you have a pair.

Aradia, with prompting from Vriska and even Kanaya, sends over four cards. Aradia and Vriska look a little nervous. Kanaya remains straight-faced. Rose hands in three and smiles at her return. She shows them to John, who nods excitedly. Dave takes four cards. He and Jade seem to be keeping their cool. Karkat takes three. He and Terezi don't change demeanor. Jake hands Jane four cards, looking nervous. His mood does not improve on receiving them, and Jane joins right in with him.

"Okay, guys! Let's finish this hand off!" John says enthusiastically.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: King high, with queen  
You Have: A pair of 10s  
Araida, Vriska & Kanaya Have: King high, with queen  
John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 3s  
Jade & Dave Have: A pair of queens  
Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 7s  
Jane & Jake Have: King high, with jack**

You find yourself sighing against your will. You had hoped that Vriska and Aradia would lose. Ask you ten minutes ago if you wanted to see Jane and Jake do a hilarious awkward double dare and your answer would have been 'hell yes.' Now, you think you'd rather have your partner back. Oh, well. It's okay. It's not like this won't be fun.

Jane reaches a shaky hand to the team dare jar and draws one. She clears her throat and reads: "B-both team members shower the chests of the team to the left in kisses..."

You see a blush creep on to Jane's face and you see Jake look slightly confused. Jade and Dave high-five one another.

Oh well...this should be fun at least...

**== > Roxy: Be Jane.**

You are now Jane Crocker. Shit...you're Jane Crocker and what have you gotten yourself into this time? Why did you ever let Roxy talk you in to this?

Now what...you've gotta smooch the chest of...Dirk and Nepeta...Dirk...oh dear, you have to think fast! You look over and Jake seems to be getting ready to stand up. Oh...oh, no you've got to head this off. You've got to nut up, Crocker! If you have a choice between Jake smooching on Dirk's chest or some alien catgirl he doesn't know, you're going to pick the latter.

You jump up as quickly as you can and speed walk over to Dirk and stand over him. His eyebrows raise the slightest bit, but his face remains impassive...unreadable. You try to ignore the the giggling of everyone around the room as you lower yourself down towards him. The most comfortable position seems to be putting your hands on either side of him. You slowly lower your mouth to his chest and gradually begin to peck at it with your lips.

It's an odd feeling. Dirk's skin is warm, and while his chest looked smooth from far away, up close your lips are detecting small, almost imperceptible hairs. You don't look over at Jake. You figure you'd better just focus on this for now.

"You know, Crocker..." Dirk suddenly says in a low voice. "I don't want to tell you how to do your lickings or whatever, but you might want to move around a bit, that one spot's starting to feel pretty wet."

You suddenly realize you just been kissing the same spot over and over again. You begin to move slowly along the top of his chest with no discernible pattern. You're mostly trying not to hit the same spot over again.

"So...yeah...once again, not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, but this is really the time where you should be giving my nips some attention..." Dirk says.

You feel your cheeks burn red. God damn it, Strider. He's enjoying this. You know he is! You move your lips over to one of his nipples and begin to kiss it. You suddenly feel his hand grace the top of your head, and his fingers lightly tangle a bit in your hair.

Yeah...he's definitely messing with you now. This makes it so much worse! His hand seems to gently be working your head. You are now suddenly aware that your legs are straddling him on either side. H-huh...you didn't even notice that before. One of your hands is resting on his chest. Huh.

Dirk certainly seems to get a good deal of exercise. It fells like- ugggggh, he's getting you all confused! Sure, he's a good looking guy, but hell you can say that about every guy here!

Maybe...though...maybe if things go south with this whole Jake and Dirk situation you can still get in on it? It worked for that weird Spider Troll girl with John, so maybe...and you can't really stop yourself from imagining being sandwiched between the two of them...

Errg, this is stupid! You're only thinking this way because you're licking Dirk's chest right now...totally incidentally you might add!

Yeesh. How much longer is this supposed to go on, anyway?

**== > Jane: Be Jake.**

Gadzooks, being Jake English isn't exactly as easy as it first appeared! It seldom is. You were a little surprised as how quickly Jane ran over to Dirk when this little jig started, but then again maybe it's not so surprising. She probably just didn't want to be canoodling with another lady. You suppose you can understand that, and that you'll just have to take up that slack for her. After all, there's nothing more adventurous than getting a little cozy with an alien catgirl thing!

Nepeta giggles at you as you kiss the skin around the article of clothing still hiding the more sensitive parts of her chest from view. You can feel her quick breathing and heart-rate, though. Honestly, you hadn't considered getting closer to the catgirl before. But now that you think about it, it makes a kind of sense. After all, your beloved Neytiri was cat-like in nature, and even though this one is green-themed rather than blue, you both had something of a wild upbringing. Cavorting with beasts and the like!

You catch a glimpse of her chest and see two hard points sticking out of her bra. You feel a lump rise in your throat (and your pants a bit, but let's try to ignore that). Maybe you shouldn't be too focused on that. You end up redoubling your efforts around her neck and she sticks her head back to make things easier for you.

"Okay...I think you guys have done enough of that..." You hear Jade say.

You start to sit up and look at Nepeta in the face as you move to push yourself off the ground. At that instant she moves up and gives you a quick kiss on the lips before breaking down into giggles again, her face going olive.

You feel your own cheeks go red as you stand up. Jane's face seems to be a little set. You guess this whole thing was probably kind of awkward for her.

The two of you go back to your seats and sit down. Everyone seems to be giggling still, you find yourself joining in a bit.


	61. Interlude 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon here for once, just to change things up. Undead's writing never disappoints, and now we're finally getting to the good stuff! But this one's mine obviously.
> 
> And just in case you're skipping the footnotes at the end of the chapter, all work on the fic has moved to http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8447.html?thread=34687999#cmt34687999. Update your bookmarks and annoying trail of internet registrations accordingly!

**== > Jake: Find This Amusing.**

Hardly! It wasn't unpleasant by any fucking means, but there's nothing to laugh about when it comes to kissing a girl. Especially a friendly alien catgirl who could probably claw you to pieces if she wanted. And especially when you're not just pecking her on the cheeks!

You can't shake the feeling that you should have done something a little more adventurous, but that's just your Montage Sense acting up again. You don't think you really know Nepeta well enough to have done anything but what the card told you to. Although you know she's certainly a free-fucking-spirited sort of joking lass, and sure did appreciate it.

Waitaminute.

Let's just leave that at 'free-spirited' and keep your vulgar tendencies out of this for now. Y'know, before you crack yourself up. Pity you're shittastic at puns though.

**== > John: Find That Amewsing.**

A short while prior, JOHN EGBERT was finding it pretty amusing watching Na- Jane announce that she had to kiss somebody's chest, yes sir! She sure got up to fondle Dirk's torso in a hurry. You know being nervous when you see it, and it makes you do two things: freeze, or do something awkward and do it quickly. Jane seems to go for the second one more often than you, but you both like to switch them up.

She's handling it though, it's nowhere near as hard as it looks. Mister Jake settled into kissing around Nepeta's collarbone easily enough, and she got into it immediately. Yeah, you and Jane didn't get quite as many goofy genes as the other side of-

Wait, what did Dirk just say? Is Jane... Oh damn, she is. And now he's grabbing her...

"Hey Rose." This is probably a bad idea, but when in doubt go to the source. "Why is Dirk, uh-"

"Kneading Jane's hair the way I do yours in this situation?" Knew it. Here she goes. "Well, I could scar you to satisfaction by detailing how meta-erotically fulfilling it is to hold a beloved's head to your chest while they-"

"If you say 'suckle' I swear you're going to get tickled stupid."

"And now there's no need, my eager student."

Dammit! "Aw man, every time..."

"But in this case..." Your eyerolling just pleases her more. "Given that he's a Strider, it's safe to assume Dirk is aware of this interpretation and ipso facto doin' it for teh ironies first and foremost."

"Hey don't try to drag teh ironies into this." She and Dave always remember the pronunciation. "The man's just enjoying some good old fashioned role reversal foreplay with Velma, don't be reading so much into it." Dave's taking this in remarkably good, well, stride. As opposed to the girl his arm is around, trying to watch and not watch her genetic forebears slobber on her boyfriend's bro and her painting partner. Hey, she thought it up apparently. See, the goofy side of the family.

You can't stop eyeballing Jane and Dirk though. Except for the faraway look on Roxy's face, no human but you seems to find this odd. So it's sexy fooling around, that's not odd. Okay Jane's related to you but Dirk's not, and Jade kissing Dave isn't weird. Maybe? Roxy's a little spaced, like seeing Jane kiss Dirk is weird, but it might be that she wants to get her hands on both of them. Then again, she says that about everyone.

Maybe because Jane looks more like you than Jade from the neck up and Dirk skill looks like- Nah, fuck that nonsense. He looks like both his ecto clones, that's how science works. But there are times especially when he talks that you can't help but feel like Dirk is more like Rose than Dave. Like right now, while you're watching a head of mussy black hair bobbing around Dirk's nipple...

Actually yeah you're finding this pretty damn amusing. It has to be amusing, because if not it would be really fucking weird. But it's not! Hey, maybe you're finally starting to get this irony business.

Suddenly there's a presence in your ear. "Hey Joooooooohn, why have I never done that to you?" Uh oh. "Look how much Dirk likes it. I won't use my fangs or anything. Unless you want! I'm the best at it too, just ask around."

Kanaya doesn't let her boast any more. "You are all monstrous, I just thought you should know that." Vriska and Rose remind her they're aware in unison. Jade finally ends the dare, and Jake gets a big beaming kiss from Nepeta when he goes to sit down, Karkat butt-walking as far away from Jane as Terezi will let him.

Nobody's even naked yet, and this whole thing is already driving everybody crazy. At least you probably won't have to watch that happen again.


	62. Hand 42

**== > Jake: Be Roxy**

You are now the still solitary, but slightly more amused Roxy Lalonde. You certainly did enjoy seeing Janey's awkward dribbling over Dirk's chest, as well as his moves to make it as uncomfortable as possible. Then again, maybe he actually was enjoying it. It's impossible to know with Strider.

She had been shrewd in keeping Jake away, though. 'Course, that hadn't exactly worked out for the best, either, as Jake had a pseudo-intimate encounter with a cat-alien, and that's just the kind of thing up Jake's alley.

In any case, Dirk seems to have recovered from the reverie of his licking, giving that he's handing out the cards now. You'll be first up this time.

"We're gonna have the queen of clubs as penalty," John says.

Let's see what kind of luck we've got this hand. That being the royal we, as there's just you, Roxy, here.

**You've Got: K(D), 6(C), 5(S), 3(S), 2(S)**

Lovely. Just lovely. Fate couldn't have thrown you a bone and made that king a four, or given you a pair at least?

Welp...what are you going to do with this nonsense?

**== > Roxy: Keep the king.**

Same old, same old. Hopefully it'll work out for you this time. You hand Dirk your four other cards.

**You Get: Q(C), 10(S), 4(S), 2(S)**

Shit, shit, shit! Not only did you get jack shit, you also got the penalty card! That was pretty much the worst thing that could have happened. Indeed, even worse than getting two penalty cards, because then at least you had a chance of only have two strikes against you. As it stands, unless someone else gets a lower hand than you, which is highly improbable at this point, you're looking at three strikes.

The only bright side is that Kanaya would be back. Of course, she'd be getting topless. Also not bad. But you'd have to do a dare and then strip too. It wouldn't exactly do wonders for your chances.

Vriska gives up three cards. Not one of the three sitting there react much to the hand. Rose takes four. You notice she looks troubled. John does too. Hmm, maybe there's hope. If they have a worse hand than you, then you'll still have to do a dare, but there won't be any further stripping. Kanaya will still be with Spidertroll and Handsey Megido over there, though.

Dave takes four cards. Neither he nor Jade look terribly happy. Karkat follows suit, handing four in. He seems a little more pleased though, and Terezi grins when he whispers something to her. Both Jane and Dirk also take four cards, and neither team seems to be elated by their hands. It looks like you picked a good time to run out of luck.

"Let's just get this hand over with," Rose says.

**You Have: King high _+Queen of Clubs_**   
**Aradia, Vriska & Kanaya Have: A pair of aces**   
**John & Rose Have: Queen high**   
**Jade & Dave Have: Ace high**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of aces**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Ace high**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Ace high**

It suddenly strikes you that all but one of the aces in the deck was in play during this hand. That said, it looks like you somehow managed not to lose. Sadly, Karkat had a higher secondary card than Aradia, so it looks like they get to keep Kanaya for a while longer. Still, you do have the penalty card to contend with...

"Looks like it's double dare time!" Vriska says happily. "Why don't we get the _single_ out of the way first." Vriska eyes you. You could swear she emphasized the word "single." You're probably imagining that. Regardless, you reach for the individual dare jar.

You clear your throat and read: "For now, chill out. The winning team of the next hand you lose will remove your clothing instead of your partner. That's right, they get to double team you."

There's some giggling and you think you see Dave whisper something to Jade. That's not so bad, though. That actually sounds kind of fun. You feel yourself grin and look around. You wonder which team you'd like to take off your bra the most...

But you can wonder about that later. Rose is already pulling a slip of paper from the team dare jar.

Rose smiles a bit. "One of you must act as the other's hands until the next time you deal."

Nepeta high fives Dirk. Rose takes a look at John.

"How would you propose we do this?" She asks, amused.

"Well...you're pretty much the brains of this outfit, so I might as well be the arms, right?" He says.

"Why do I feel like I'm getting the raw end of this deal..." Rose says slyly as she backs up against John.

**== > Roxy: Be Rose.**

You are now Roxy's daughter, whom she grew up thinking of as her mother. It's all very confusing. Regardless, being Rose, you are backing up against your boyfriend. You move backwards until you feel his body pressing against your own.

You put your arms behind your back and you feel his own arms slide under yours and around your waist. He holds you there for a while, and you feel yourself get a bit comfortable. You like to keep things sarcastic normally, but on occasion you don't mind your sappy feminine side taking over. Just a bit. Your head rests back against his body.

You think you hear a few soft "awws" from a few of the spectators. You see Nepeta looking particularly wistfully at the pair of you.

After a little while John separates his locked arms and begins moving them clumsily in front of you, attempting to give the impression that his arms are now your own. Then he forms his hands into cups and slowly begins to raise them upward toward your chest. Finally the hands reach your breasts and he gives each a robust squeeze while imitating a car horn. There's a good deal of laughter.

"I seem to have lost control of my hands..." you say in matter-of-fact tone.

"I don't know why you're so surprised, Rose! I mean if I was really your hands this would be pretty much the only thing that ever happened. You would never get anything done," John says, and you can feel him grinning even though you can't see him.

"I won't lie, it's a difficult impulse to master," you say loftily.

Suddenly you feel one of the hands move down to your hip on your right side...oh no...

John begins to move his fingers nimbly along it and you feel yourself giggling against your will, writhing against the tickling fingers.

"Rose...are you..." Jade begins, smiling broadly.

"She totally is," you hear John say from behind you. Oh, he's in for it now.

Okay then, you think to yourself, if he's going to mess around with you the least you can do is return the favor. You might even be able to gain a few ticks on your Prankster's Gambit against him. You might not be able to out-prank him, but you can definitely come down to his level.

**== > Rose: Be John.**

As usual, being John Egbert happens to be tons of fun. You are currently holding your girlfriend, that is to say one of them, in your arms...sort of. More specifically you've got your arms under hers and you're enjoying a bit of control at her expense.

You discovered not too long ago that Rose happened to be a bit ticklish in a few places, which you happen to find immensely hilarious. Anything that gets Rose to laugh in a non-sarcastic manner happens to be chocked up as a "win" in your book.

You are a bit worried though. Rose is not above retaliation. You're more than a little nervous about what your bit of fun might cost you once this dare is over. That's when you feel it.

You suddenly remember Rose's hands are behind her back, due to the whole you being her hands thing. And you can feel her fingers rub against the front of your boxers.

She isn't...she wouldn't...

But she is. You feel her right hand nimbly undo the little button that closes up the flap and then you feel hand slip inside and wrap itself around your dick. She begins to move her hand backward and forward...

You move your face behind Rose's strategically placed head. Hopefully your expression didn't give you away. Why does Rose's hand always find its way down there every time you play strip poker with your friends?

You're kind of happy this will end once it's your turn to deal. There's only Roxy and Aradia in front of you. Of course...that will be all the time Rose needs. You don't have that much control over your body. You suppose that is, after all, her plan. To give you a boner. And you'll get one...


	63. Hand 43

**== > John: Be Roxy.**

Alright, you're Roxy again and it's time to get cracking! You've got some cards to deal...by yourself. Not that Kanaya really ever helped with that. Still, it was a moral support thing.

"Uh...I don't know? We'll go with the seven of spades, I guess?" Karkat says.

As you hard out the cards. John takes the card every time you throw it in the direction of Rose. Huh, his hands seem to be shaking a bit. You wonder what that's about. Anyhoo, that's done now, so all that's left is to wait for everyone's selfish requests.

Aradia hands you three cards, and that's how many she gets from you. You see Vriska smile. Good. They can just go ahead and win this hand and then you can have your traitorous trollpire back. IF YOU'LL TAKE HER BACK, THAT IS! Yeah, we'll just see about that. Look at her, looking at their cards like they're hers. Sitting in her lap. She used to sit in _your_ lap!

Oh yeah, other people want cards to. DaughterMom is giving you the old raised eyebrow. John's hands are gesticulating three cards at you oddly. You put them in the clumsy appendages. Rose grins at you. No no no! The other team is supposed to win! Dave gives you all five of his cards. Sucks to be him. He and Jade don't look that happy with you, either.

Karkat also gives you his whole hand. Man, what's going on this time? Anyway, he seems pissed at what you give him too. Well, he can just get over it. Janey tosses three cards your way. Neither she nor Jake seem to react much. Dirk also gives you three. Nepeta seems happy at first but then seems a little worried.

Oh well, no time to wonder about that. You finally have some time with your own hand! And no, that was not a sexual thing!

**You've Got: 5(D), 5(D), J(C), 9(C), 4(C)**

Well...it's not a great pair. But it's a pair. Better than what you've been getting, anyway.

**== > Roxy: It is time for pairs.**

You suppose it is. It's not like you have a ton of great options in any case.

**You Get: K(S), 7(C), 3(H)**

For one heart-pounding second you thought that was the 7 of spades. Luckily that was just a club. Still, you didn't get anything worthwhile out of the hand.

"Let's arrange the cards, shall we?" DaughterMom says.

**Aradia, Vriska & Kanaya Have: Three of a kind; Kings**

Yes!

**John & Rose Have: Full House; Queens and 3s**

God damn it!

**Jade & Dave Have: 9 high**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Jack high**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 10s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Three of a kind; 9s _+7 of spades_**   
**You Have: A pair of 5s**

Well...looks like you're going to stay on your own for a while longer. Le sign.

Everyone seems to be looking Jade and Dave's direction, though. Which makes sense, given they just lost pretty spectacularly.

"Well...shit guess these creepos are expecting some kind of exhibition up in here," Dave says.

"Looks like that way," Jade agrees.

"Welp, you can go first..."

Jade leans over to Dave and plucks his sunglasses off his face, carefully folding the arms in and setting them aside. You can now see for the first time that Dave has bright red eyes. That's kinda weird looking, but kinda cool too, you suppose? Your side seems to have all of the weird eye colors.

"And here I thought we were supposed to be winning this," Jade says.

"Oh, we got this. We're just hustling them. Then they'll let their guard down and it will be all kinds of embarrassing for them."

"Well, I'm kind of getting the raw end of this 'hustling' then! I mean, I have to get my boobs out now! What did you have to do? 'oooooh, he has to show off his eyes.' Pardon me if I think I'm giving up more for this exchange."

"Look, I'm gonna write off those totally offensive comments as pre-topless jitters, because we obviously know the Stiller shades are like the most important item of clothing in here."

Now Dave's reaching his arms around Jade and fussing....okay, well you guess "fussing" isn't the right word since he already got it. He seems to have the bra-clasp down. Smooth. He's moving The straps down her arms and she seems to be staring in to his eyes and he's looking right back.

How exactly is it that your kids got on easy street with the whole romance thing and you landed with all the complications?

He's got her bra off now. Jade's breasts are a bit more on the petite side, though not the smallest in the room. You can see a pair of light pink nipples before she places her arm over her chest. She seems giggly, though, and she bumps her shoulder affectionately against Dave's, who wraps one of his arms around her.

Everyone shifts a bit, you notice Karkat in particular trying to stare in every direction but toward the team to his right. There's no denying it. You are in the thick of it now. The first major item is gone.

The only people who aren't joining in the nervous glances from side to side are Dirk and Nepeta who seem to be deep in conversation. Oh yeah! They got a penalty card.

"So who's going?" You ask.

"Me....ow," Nepeta says...adding the last syllable after a few seconds. She doesn't seem that pleased that one, however. It also looked like she interrupted before Dirk could speak. Regardless, you hand her the jar and she reaches in.

She giggles slightly and reads: "The next time someone has to remove underwear you have to do it for them. If more than one person is removing underwear in that round, you have to do it for everyone involved." Nepeta takes the card and scoots back to her seat.

Well that one could be fun! It's kind of like the reverse of what you got. You pass the deck to Aradia and hope that finally they can relinquish their hostage after this hand.


	64. Interlude 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ==> SideAnon: Manage your time wisely. Like, so wisely.
> 
> There's a reason Undead gets top billing around here. SideAnon away!

**== > Karkat: Behold.**

No, this shit has gone on long enough, in that it went on at all. Karkat Vantas will be doing no beholding.

**== > Karkat: Behold.**

GTFO. There will be no beholding, glancing, peeking, staring, gazing, observing or god damn scrutinizing of any human flesh in the room. These cards possess the most interesting ink print on card stock known to any species, and you're not looking up come hell or high cleavage. As if the universe hadn't fucked with you enough already, of course the first girl to lose her sphere harness has to be the only one you had a remote interest in seeing lose it.

So it isn't technically the first time you've seen her naked, after scrolling through her whole life by remote. But split-second glimpses of a showering wriggler don't count and made you feel like a fucking creep. One more thing to blame on her. Like subjecting you her nearly naked form in a room full of assholes so you can't even try to appreciate it. How dare she etcetera etcetera. And if you didn't know better, which you don't, you'd swear there was cahoots at play with how fast you have to hear about it.

Considering her direct competition is now in nearly full view and sitting right next to her and yes it could absolutely still happen, your partner is doing entirely too much snickering.

"What the hell are you giggling about?"

"You losing your shit every time a new pair of vestigial sacs come into view. If I'd have known you were this flustered by a little extra flesh, I could've been stuffing my face sweeps ago!"

"Pity. Or just have started giving me grief earlier."

"Ah ha, so you admit the interest!" Stop whisper-yelling, fuck. "My accusation of wandering eyes now has a prime motive."

"Why should I deny it when I put up with this as the alternative? The eye doesn't go wanting, but the rest of me could split at any moment."

"They can go right ahead and take the eyes with them. Don't need no eyeballs to know this is hot shit here." Go ahead, keep tugging at the beribboned straps. You need more reasons to be conflicted. "The rest of you will be back in no time."

"Fine, y'know what? I'll trade you for blindness if I don't have to hear about it right this second. Then you'll know damn well that I'm not looking at anything."

"I bet you would trade. You know what's great about being blind?" Aside from being insufferably smug that is. "Nobody has to know when I'm checking out a cutie. Any of them, in fact."

"Wha..." Yeah, no. "Okay fuck you. You don't get to be all coyly lewd about checking out hots bods while riding my ass for respectfully not looking at anything on offer. Or display. Whatever, point is anything you get to smell I can smell too. And if this is what I have to listen to, then I'm going to smell everything in the room." Wait.

Fuck it. You don't have to put up with this existence. Your viewpoint can enjoy itself perfectly fine elsewhere.

**== > Karkat: Abscond.**

That's enough of that horseshit. You don't know why you ever stop being Dave Strider, you got everything a man could want right here. A chick you can spar with while poppin' her top in public, an air of masterful nonchalance, and a complete inability to give a shit about blind luck. Sure, you're losing. Two steps closer to defeat, less points on the board than anyone in the league. Two dares and two britches left to go, and you'll lose the completely intangible reward never promised at the start. Whatever.

The importance of that is almost equivalent to the amount of fucks you give, compared to the fact that Jade is now topless, and the first at that.

You'll give her crap sure because that's what you do, but this was not where you wanted things going even if you pointedly didn't give a shit. You like to think you're not some kind of possessive douchebag, but you also like to think that your GF's knockers are not community property. And she totally agrees, even if she knew the risks when you both signed up for another round of a game you damn sure didn't play once before no sir. Nope, you totally hooked up by pure force of serendipity, no wacky card games here, and you two will go to your immortal graves with that story. Because no good and honest hermit girl would ever let wandering strangely colored eyes fall upon her completely tasteful exposed skin.

...Think you got enough squish going there Harley? Pretty sure that arm is adjustable. A guy could put a slider from downtown in that pocket.

Mr. Strider, you are one lucky son of a bitch.

Speaking of which, back on point. Okay, who's scopin' some human chesticles? Maryam? Usually, but looks like she and spidertroll got a little too "friendly" for each other. Wow, who could have seen that coming. Figured their porn-goddess partner might have looked, but she's already seen the Jade show. Uh, and the encore. Safari-John apparently draws the line at court-provable incest and directed all his attention at 50s-Jade, which is cool by you.

Then there's that other guy. Who was looking, still is. Shades or not, you know damn well. Eh, he wouldn't know what to do with a choice pair of tits if they slapped him in the face, so who cares.

Which leaves public enemy number one, the dread knight Sir Frontsalot. That's giving him way too much cred. But he ain't fooling nobody and there's only so much glancing you can take. Yeah you'd be mad jelly too if you were him, since you-you clearly made the right choice over a buzzsaw with ADD and a tight butt. Like, who even owns a thong for serious, doesn't matter if you can pull it off. Still no reason to let him- hang on, dog's barking.

"Yo, Space Command calling all Chrononauts, are you still with me?"

"Read you lizzle to the clizzle Space Command, what's da sitch?"

"Da sitch is you're about to turn into an uncool ball of nerves on my behalf again." Oh no busted. Shrug. "Daaave, I can hear you getting bent out of shape over my boobs. Its adorable and all but you really don't need to worry about this."

"The hell I don't. Your boobs are a priceless commodity, I'm not about to let'em go to waste. We gotta conserve these natural wonders, you need to think of the future Jade."

Good now she's all giggly, and you'd be too if you were physically capable of giggling. Declaring Jade's chest a monument is something that could totally happen. "My boobs are impervious to casual staring. It's not like they're some huge secret now anyway, so you just let me and my forearms worry about protecting them." Whatev. Sounds like a good excuse to put some emphasis on this hug. Yeah that's right, arm around a topless bucktoothed dog-earred sunburnt topless babe. Straight pimpin' up in here. "Alright alright, you made your point. Besides, I don't think I'll be drawing much attention before too long."

Her eyes give off a mischievous dog-magic sparkle, and you follow her gaze to... Your sister's hands surreptitiously digging around in your best bro's boxers. Goddammit Rose, really? It's like she took your years of calling her a classy harlot as some kind of challenge and went full pan-everything nympho out of spite. That'd be a plausibly Rose deal, but who fucking knows.

But if your genuinely unintentional knowledge of John's sexual prowess (gleaned entirely from Rose's wandering metaphors and Vriska's hilariously naive babbling) is anything like accurate, then John's face says if he had to last more than one other hand he'd probably blow a load in his pants. Which'd be pretty awesome, even if he'll cease to be embarrassed about it like tomorrow at most. You're not going to go so far as to say the lucky bastard has nothing to complain about, but you'd have no sympathies. As titanically lame as it is to be even a little proud of being stone cold normal, you envy not John's fucked up new 'living arrangements'. Got everything you need rocking old fashioned missionary monogamy with the dog-god, don't need no power trio here.

Boy it sure would be awkward if you kept watching Aradia's tits jiggle while she deals, after all that stuff you just soliloquized. Yep. Relationships are like everything else in life, making it up as you go along works perfectly fine. Why hello there Jade's ear, you sure look like you're in need of scratching.


	65. Hand 44

**== > Roxy: Don't look at the team to the left.**

You fail to resist that urge.

Aradia seems to be giggling about something. Kanaya seems to be slightly flustered, holding her hands tightly in her lap. Vriska looks, if possible, even more flustered. You guess something must have accidentally happened. Someone's hands going somewhere unexpected, probably.

You're kind of sad you missed it. Okay, that's a lie. You aren't. You want to be sad you missed it. Frankly, you're tired of being cranky Lalonde. You want to be fun and flirtatious and carefree again, so why do you keep taking this so personally?

Aradia has begun handing out the cards. Rose pipes up then. Huh, those two have won a lot of hands, you suddenly realize. Of course, they've lost just about as many as everyone else, too.

"Hmm...penalty card...penalty card..." Rose says, feigning careful thought. "What do you think we should do this time John?" You notice a tone of mischief in her voice.

"I...wha...huh...ngg...uh?" John makes a series of uncomfortable noises as you see him squirm slightly behind Rose.

"No ideas? Oh, well. How about the four of hearts?" Rose suggests.

"R...oh...hgn"

"Glad you agree."

Everyone is looking somewhat quizzically at the pair of them. Rose simply raises an eyebrow.

Let's get a look at these cards.

**You've Got: A(S), Q(C), 9(H), 8(H), 5(H)**

It seems you can't do better than a pair or high card these days. Sheesh when was the last time you had some actual good luck?

Rose hands in four cards, her face set. She smiles at her replacements genially. Dave hands in two cards. He and Jade seem content, Jade's hand still resting against her chest, though she's keeping it low enough to betray some cleavage. Karkat, still resolutely looking forward, hands in three cards. Jane also tosses three cards toward Aradia, as does Dirk.

Well...looks like it's your turn now. You'd ask your partner for advice but...well, you still don't have one.

**== > Roxy: Keep the high cards.**

You briefly toy with just keeping the ace or maybe even taking the big gamble and going for the flush, but eventually you decide it's for the best to just hold on to your face cards and hope for something worthwhile.

**You Get: Q(S), K(D), 10(D)**

Ok! It looks like keeping the queen was the right call. It's nice when things work out. If small straights were a thing you'd have one of those too, but since this is not strip Yahtzee, such things do not exist.

Vriska passes Aradia four cards. She looks at the replacements with grudging acceptance.

"Let's see who's up this time!" You say, happy to be in a superior position.

**John & Rose Have: A pair of aces**   
**Jade & Dave Have: Three of a kind; Aces**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of 8s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 7s**   
**You Have: A pair of queens**   
**Aradia, Vriska & Kanaya Have: A pair of 4s**

Alright! Finally! That took way longer than it should have!

With a slight look over her shoulder, Kanaya slides off Vriska's lap and walks back over to you.

"Well, well, well Light Bright! It seems you have some 'splainin' to do," You say.

"I was merely abiding to the rules of the card," She says.

"Yeah... more like you were abiding all over her! With like...your hips and shit!"

"I believe the card instructed that we cuddle..."

"Yeah...but you could have...I dunno...looked guilty once in a while or something! I mean damn girl we are supposed to be partnerfriends or whatever!"

"I apologize if I did not seem appropriately remorseful," Kanaya says slyly. And right as you're about to fire off your best comeback ever she grabs your face and lays what is unmistakably a smooch...right on your lips. You're too shocked to do anything but register how hot kissing her is...temperature-wise...and maybe the other thing too. You vaguely register some murmuring and a few giggles.

She pulls back and winks at you and then faces Vriska. You distantly recall something about a game maybe...yeah...something like that...

Vriska is pulling a slip from a jar. Oh that's right...they lost with a pair so only one of them has to do something...

"You have to tickle someone other than your partner until they laugh out loud. You can choose which bodypart(s) to tickle," She reads.

You think you see Jane hide a smirk.

**== > Roxy: Be Vriska.**

Oh yessssssss, you are now Vriska Serket! And what a wonderful time it is to be you, because for once this dare empowers you rather than embarrassing you like usual.

You can't pick your partner, eh? Well, that's fine. Megido is not exceptionally ticklish and she'd probably find some way to turn it back around on you.

You examine the other possibilities. There's Fussy Fangs, of course, but she just reunited with her partner and the booze-hound seems a little on the miffed side, so maybe you shouldn't go stirring up any other grudges yet.

John is currently still being sat on, however...yes, that will work nicely. Especially with what John helped you (and everyone else) discover a few short hands ago.

You allow yourself a devious smile as you slide towards Rose, who looks at you with something remarkably close to apprehension.

"What...you didn't see this coming?" You say, flexing your fingers.

"I'm not exactly sure why I didn't..." She fires back.

You attack quickly moving your fingers methodically along her stomach. Immediately it tenses and Rose begins squirming and writhing, all of her effort focused on keeping quiet. Her chest heaves.

As her hips move and sway against your tickling and your hands move around her body, to the waistband of her panties up to the bottom of her bra, you look up and see John's face whitening. He's biting his lip and seems to be in a state of extreme concentration. Ah...you'd guess those movements _would_ cause some friction. Heh, even better.

You see tears begin to leak from Rose's eyes and finally she lets loose with a gale of laughter and giggles that fill the entire room. Her eyes closing in vain against the mirth. You give her another good twenty second of torture before you finally relent.

She's breathing hard and as she wipes her eyes you see, with a certain degree of satisfaction, that two rock hard bumps are jutting out from the cups of her fancy brassiere.

You feel a self-satisfied grin cross your features as you scoot back to your seat. That was a good dare. Hell, someone should have gotten to do that to _you_ , but you guess sometimes things just work out in your favor.

Snrk. Okay, things _always_ work out in your favor. Seriously, someone needs to remind people who has all the luck here.


	66. Hand 45

**== > Vriska: Be Roxy.**

Easy enough! You are now once again in the more malleable position of a player character, Roxy Lalonde to be specific. It would have been hard to be you a little bit ago as you were still kind of confused. A lot of the sort of angry things you wanted to say to your partner got blasted away by an unexpected show of affection. A show of affection you have not returned yet because honestly you didn't see that coming.

Kanaya doesn't seem to be expecting you to do anything, though. She's watching Vriska go back to her seat and your mom... daughter... whatever finish wiping her eyes off. Aradia tosses the cards toward them and Rose, seemingly realizing something, deftly slides off John's lap and sits next to him. John goes red in the face because...yep, that's definitely a boner right there. The Egbert downstairs seems to be fully woken up right now. Then again, he did just get an accidental makeshift lapdance, combined with whatever she was doing to him before. Hell, you're surprised he didn't blow it, all things considered. Boy must have stamina. As her element would dictate, your DaughterMom remains lucky.

"Dude, no! Not again! Rose, why do you always gotta...shit..." Dave says.

"Ughhhh...I saw it this time!" Jade whines. "I was _really_ hoping to avoid that image!" Suddenly there is a green flash above John and a sizable amount of water materializes above him. It splashes down on him, a substantial quantity of the deluge also hitting Rose.

"AHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL WHY!" John yells, sputtering through a mouthful of water. "It wasn't _my_ fault!" Although the why is pretty clear as the sudden exposure to cold temperature has caused a rather alarming reduction in the aforementioned boner.

"I'm not sure why I was t-targeted as p-part of this r-retaliation," Rose says through chattering teeth. Her underwear is dark, so the soaking hasn't caused any transparency, though it seems to have stimulated the little bumps in the cups even more... that was weird. Noticing that has made you very uncomfortable. You're still getting used to having someone you believed was a parental figure actually turn out to be a daughter at roughly the same age as you.

"You were pretty much entirely responsible for that!" Jade says. You perceive a sudden charge in the air and then you feel a strong, warm breeze flow past you. Blue light is emanating from John. Finally the zephyr stops and John and Rose sit perfectly dry, though their hair is significantly ruffled. Rose begins to smooth it absentmindedly.

"Can we just get on with the hand?" John says, annoyed. Rose quickly deals out the cards.

"Who won last time anyway?" Jane asks.

"Us," Dave says. "10 of spades," he adds flatly.

Once the cards are all dealt you show yours to Kanaya.

**You've Got: K(S), Q(D), 7(S), 5(D), 3(S)**

"My my, it's great to be back," Kanaya says.

"Oh, shut up," You respond.

Jade lets out a little snort, before Dave hands in three cards. Karkat turns over four cards, looking sour. He and Terezi seem to relax with the last card, though. Jane, extremely nervously, gives Rose all five of her cards. She looks briefly dismayed, before looking relieved. Jake gives her an encouraging smile. Dirk also turns in the entire hand. Nepeta cutely bites her nails until the very last card, when she looks a bit better.

"Moment of truth..." Kanaya says.

**== > Roxy: Keep the king.**

"I guess we just keep the highest and hope for the best...you know...for a change," You say, exasperated.

You hand Rose the four cards.

**You Get: 2(S), 2(C), 6(D), 3(D)**

Well look there! A pair! The worst possible pair, but it's a pair. Good thing you didn't keep two cards. That two was the last one you got.

Vriska simply smirks and takes no cards. Rose clicks her tongue when John shows her their hand. Eventually they elect to drop four. She grimaces and John doesn't look much better.

"Okaaaaaaaay! Time to show us what ya got!" Vriska says.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 3s**  
 **Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of kings**  
 **Jane & Jake Have: A pair of jacks**  
 **Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 5s**  
 **You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 2s**  
 **Aradia & Vriska Have: Full house; 9s and kings**  
 **John & Rose Have: Queen high _\+ 10 of spades_**

Everyone goes quiet. This was basically the worst thing that could have happened to John and Rose. Even two penalty cards would have been better, because as a pair they'd only be worth two strikes as opposed to the three they get now for losing and getting a card.

"Okay..." Rose begins. "I'll lose my bra, and then we can do our last dare."

John makes a slight gesture towards Rose, as if beginning to make a move toward her bra before Nepeta pipes up.

"Um...I think I'm suppurrsed to take that off..." She says. Suppurrsed? Really?

"Oh...right..." John says, uneasily. Nepeta walks, somewhat awkwardly, over to John and Rose and then faces her. Going a bit olive in the face, she reaches her arms around Rose and begins to work on the clasp at the back. Eventually it pops open. With a bit of trepidation Nepeta loops her thumbs around the straps at the shoulders. Rose makes no effort to move and simply watches Nepeta with a slightly curious expression.

Nepeta draws her hands downward and the brassiere falls easily forward, off Rose's pert decent sized breasts. Her soft pink nipples still seem to be stiff from the recent stimulation Rose had received. Nepeta stares at them for a few seconds and then smiles.

"They...look nice, Rose!" She offers. She can't really seem to think of anything else to say.

"Thank you," Rose politely responds, as if she'd been complimented on nothing more out of the ordinary than a spiffy outfit. Nepeta nods slightly, looking more out of place than ever before and she slowly sidles back to her seat.

Rose makes no effort to hide or cover herself. Then again, that's exactly what you'd expect from her.

"Can I make a complaint about how the _only_ two girls who are topless here are from the same universe?" Jade chimes in.

Rose simply sighs in response. John, taking some initiative, reaches for the team dare jar, which the two hard partook in only a few hands ago.

John goes a bit red and then reads: "Spin the bottle. Whoever it lands on, do a body shot off that team and then keep moving up until you're making out."

"Well, well...a dare involving alcohol. I wonder who thought that one up..." Rose offers, rolling her eyes.

Honestly, you kind of wanted to get that one, but you'll take this. By way of DaughterMom's accusation, you simply smirk and retrieve the partially empty bottle of vodka next to you and hand it across to John.

"So...do you want to spin it?" He asks, uncertain.

"You can do it..." She says.

"We both can." And with that Rose takes John's hand and together they clasp the neck of the bottle and give it a hearty spin, and spin it does, round and round. It finally rests pointing at Aradia and Vriska.

Both of them look pretty pleased about this.

**== > Roxy: Be John.**

Yep. You're John now. No time for clever thoughts on that, though. It's time to get down to brass tacks. You think it might be smart to have a quiet whispered bull session with Rose first, however.

"So...who...I mean...who do you want?" You start.

"John, I'm not really fussed either way. We've been through this kind of situation before."

"Yeah, but I've kissed Vriska before. It's like...a thing that's happened. It's a thing that does happen. It's kind of a different deal with someone new..."

"And would you rather _I_ kissed a strange woman I wouldn't normally?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"John, I like to think by now I know you pretty well. I know for a fact that if you kissed Aradia it wouldn't mean anything to you beyond this silly game, and that's enough for me. I'm not the jealous type. I know where your heart is at, and that's good enough. It will always be good enough."

Aradia clears her throat.

"If I might have some choice in the matter, I think I'd like John for this particular dare." Vriska shoots Aradia a look.

"Um...why?" John asks.

"Well, truth be told I've been apart of several of these dares by now both in this game and...well...yes. Anyway, throughout all of those I haven't gotten to spend much time with a boy, so I'd like to do that now...if I could."

"That sounds fine to me," Rose says. Vriska once again looks sour, but doesn't actually raise any objection. You scoot yourself in front of Aradia, who is smiling at you encouragingly, with a touch of playful anticipation on her face.

"So...how does this work?" Aradia asks.

"Well...we pour some of this alcohol into your navel there, then we suck it out and continue up the body," Rose answers in a calm, instructive tone. Looking somewhat perplexed, Aradia and Vriska lay down on their backs. Rose unscrews the top of the vodka bottle and pours two quick shots into both of the troll girls' belly-buttons. Aradia giggles slightly at the sensation. You look back over your shoulder for a second. You see Roxy craning her neck to get a good look. You turn back to Aradia, who is looking at you and waiting patiently.

As you lower your face down to her stomach, you suddenly remember that last time you got a very similar dare, only without the alcohol. Vriska and Aradia were involved with that one too. Man, that's weird. You vaguely have time to wonder why trolls even have belly buttons before you find yourself diving at Aradia's stomach.

You suck out the alcohol quickly. It's bitter and not very pleasant, but the sensation of you sucking out the liquid seems to have tickled Aradia, as she's giggling. After you swallow the vodka, you begin to lay a trail of kisses up her body. You feel the air move in and out of her belly as you pass up it. Your mouth reaches her bra. Aradia's breasts are...well, they're big. You knew that, of course, but it's kind of a different experience seeing them up close, even if they're still contained within their bustier...at least you think that's what it's called. Your kisses pass between the cleft of her chesticals, and you try, once again, not to think of them too much as you continue upward.

You kiss up her throat and finally reach her mouth. Aradia's lips are soft and kissing her is surprisingly more gentle than you thought it would be. Personally, you kind of thought she'd jump on you, but she's pretty much just letting you do all the work.

Your tongues swirl around one another and you try to not think too hard about what you're doing. You do a feel a little bit guilty, even though you know you don't really have much reason to.

Aradia's hand moves slowly through your untidy hair and her hips grind against you somewhat...as if that hadn't happened to you enough times already today. She lets out a soft, contented groan and you find yourself supporting her back as she lifts off the ground partially to deepen the kiss with you.

You're not really sure how long this is supposed to go on...

**== > John: Be Rose.**

Vriska's body isn't really anything new to you. True, you've only been "together" a handful of times, and always with John present, but you like to think you can memorize things pretty quickly.

Vriska doesn't react much as you suck out the vodka. You do your best not to grimace. You're still not entirely sure how your mother drinks it so regularly. Once the alcohol is down, though, you proceed to kiss your way up Vriska's torso.

As usual, her skin tastes slightly, almost distantly, of sea-salt. Like she had been to the beach recently and hadn't fully washed the smell and taste off yet.

Vriska is already running her hand through your hair. As expected, physical encounters with her are always a competition. Who can make the other react the most, who can make the other come first, who has the most control. Here it seems to be who can make the showiest performance. You don't really have any interest in competing, though. You decided long ago that indulging Vriska's competitive impulses only leads to trouble.

You've reached her lips now and the two of you being exploring one anothers' mouths, as if this situation hadn't been charted already. Her hands roam your body, one quickly finding its way to your recently uncovered breast.

You sigh slightly. You and Vriska have never made much of an emotional connection. In truth, what passes between the two of you is primarily a unique understanding of how the other feels. And that empathy is something of a line of respect that ties the two of you together, but John is still the ever-present factor. The reason the two of you know each other in this sense at all.

Your mind briefly wanders over to your significant other a few feet away in a very similar situation. You meant what you said earlier. It really doesn't bother you. You could go on and on about the whys but in reality it just comes down to a simple fact: it's John. You have no need to worry because he's John, and that's what makes him so great.

As for Aradia, you know that she'd happily have interacted the same way with anyone in the room. Maybe even herself. Given the whole time thing, you briefly wounder if she ever has crossed that particular line. Aradia simply likes to experience these things. You find that you don't think of her choices in any kind of derogatory way. Aradia simply loves to live, and some of the more hedonistic experiences in life are the ones that draw her. You don't think any less of her for this. Besides, you know in general she's very sweet and understanding. She would never have asked if she thought it would have bothered you.

You aren't sure how long you've been kissing Vriska when you decide to break it. A minute? Two? Five? The two of you breathe heavily and Vriska removes her hands slowly from your body.

John is also sitting up, looking at you slightly sheepishly. He gives you an small smile. You return it. Aradia is grinning, seemingly pleased with what she got.

Wordlessly, you and John slide back into your regular seats. You each only have one chance left.

There is a smattering of giggles around the room and a bit of light applause too. Well...at least the audience is happy.


	67. Hand 46

**== > Rose: Be Kanaya.**

You stop being the classy Seer in order to be the Classy Rainbow Drinker. You have just enjoyed a rather impressive spectacle of makeout-based shenanigans. It comes to mind that had Aradia and Vriska not lost the hand before last you might have been involved in some way. Also you might have been shunted awkwardly to the side since there are only two people on John and Rose's team.

In truth, you're kind of glad. Things are complicated enough without adding... _that_ layer upon everything else. Roxy still seems to be smirking, happy her dare went over so well.

Dave grabs the cards from Rose and begins passing them out.

"We're doing an eight this time! No exceptions!" Vriska says. "Eight of clubs!"

The rest of the dealing passes in silence. There's a bit of tension in the air, it seems. Roxy shows you the cards.

**You've Got: A(C), Q(C), J(H), 9(H), 2(D)**

"Is it really too much to ask to be dealt a pair?" You say.

"Yeah...yeah. We got an ace though! That's...slightly better."

Karkat passes Dave four cards. He scowls at the result. Terezi chews her lip slightly. Jane also hands Dave four. She grins afterwards, though. Those two...what is their deal? Dirk tosses a solitary card at his "Bro." Nepeta almost jumps up with apparent happiness.

"Okay..." Roxy says.

"Same deal as last time?" You ask.

**== > Kanaya: Keep the ace.**

You would do that, but you're not the one with the cards. Instead you politely ask Roxy to keep the ace and she agrees with you, giving the other four cards away.

**You Get: Q(H), J(S), 10(S), 4(C)**

Huh. Well, the queen was the last card, so you wouldn't have gotten a pair even if you kept the old one. Still, you're not exactly in a great position. You've got better third-tier kicker, but that's about all of the good news. Well...no penalty card is good news, you guess.

Aradia looks at her cards and eyes Vriska reproachfully. Vriska merely sulks. Aradia turns in four cards reluctantly and sighs vocally at the result. Rose also only holds on to one. She looks nervously at her replacements. Jade, as well, hands in four. She scowls at the new ones given to her by her human boyfriend. Well, at least you don't seem to be alone in having a lame hand.

"Let's just get this thing over with," Jade grumbles.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: Ace high**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of aces**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Full house; Aces and 7s**   
**Roxy & You Have: Ace high**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Queen high**   
**John & Rose Have: Ace high**   
**Jade & Dave Have: King high**

"Damn, Strider, someone was hogging all the aces!" Roxy says, somewhat irritated.

"That's us. We are, in fact, currently the proud owners of all the aces because we are, ourselves, aces, bitches," Dirk responds.

"Yup! Talent purrrsonified!" Nepeta pipes up.

"Nice!" Dirk says, giving Nepeta a celebratory high-five. Meanwhile, Aradia turns her frustrated gaze on Vriska.

"Have you noticed that _every_ time you pick a damn eight it backfires on us?"

"Well if you're so smart, why don't you stop me from doing stupid things!!!!!!!!" Vriska shoots back.

"I've been _trying_!" Aradia sighs again. "Oh well. C'mon, no sense delaying it. I guess we owe everyone some topless trolls."

Aradia backs toward Vriska, who begins working on the fastenings at the back. Eventually the garment's back opens fully and falls away from Aradia's chest. Her generous boobs, which had been held in place tightly by the bustier, bounce boisterously when freed. Aradia makes no effort to hide her deep red nipples and instead bares her goods proudly. And as aficionado of all things mammary, you fully support this decision.

Aradia, herself, quickly reaches around Vriska's back and expertly pops open the clasp and pulls the bra off her before she can react. Vriska goes a deep shade of blue as she quickly covers her newly exposed rack with one of her arms. You got a quick look at the perky blue buds at the cups, though. You feel your face grow hot. You find it kind of attractive that she seems so shy in this situation.

"I don't understand why you're so bashful, Vriska," Rose says evenly. You note Rose is still very indecent above the waist as well. She isn't bothering to hide it, though. This game is going to kill you and half the women aren't even topless yet. "It's not like we haven't been here before."

"Well excuse me if I'm not as shameless as you and Megido here, flashing my spheres at everyone! Besides, isn't half the point of this game getting all stupidly embarrassed about having to be naked around other people? That's like where the excitement comes from? I mean Jade gets it..." Vriska says. You look at Jade. Oh yeah, she's topless too, huh? Sheesh, you need to focus your attention somewhere else. There's that odd painting of the hoofbeast attacking the human ball game player. It's sufficiently odd enough to divert your attention slightly.

"I'm just glad me and Rose aren't the only topless girls anymore! Although I can't help but notice that the only women topless are the ones who...you know...the new ones, and there's like five of them...all still...you know what I mean. I'm just saying it's weird who the topless girls are at this particular juncture!" Jade says.

"Oh, c'mon, Jade, you have to admit you're just a little bit happy I joined the club, aren't you?" Aradia asks with a wink.

"Well...I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit you have nice breasts, Aradia, if that's what you're asking. I'm a little bit jealous, actually."

"Well, you got no reason to be," Dave says.

"Oh give me a break! It's not like you weren't staring at those!"

"Well, sure. Aradia has a great rack. That's like common knowledge. It might as well be a mathematical equation on this stupid hideout of ours, since everybody fucking knows it. That doesn't mean your boobs aren't awesome, though."

"Aw, you're just saying that to be a gentleman."

"Damn right I'm a gentleman. I'm the Knight, it comes with the territory, just like hiding those qualities behind a layer of cool sarcasm and detachment is part of it too."

"That was oddly self-aware of you."

"Damn straight it was! Seriously, though, listen to me, Jade, because I'm being really serious now. Like all emotional hiding bullshit aside I'm going to lay down something real right now. Something from the heart. Jade...you have great tits."

Jade sits there for a few seconds and then breaks into giggles.

"Aww, Dave! That was so crudely sweet!" Jade then throws her arms around Dave and gives him a kiss on the lips.

You look over at Roxy who is pouring the last of the vodka bottle's contents into her glass.

"Man...our kids are really freaking weird..." She says in a deadpan, sipping from the glass.


	68. Hand 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 47th hand is played and a test of strength is begun.

**== > Kanaya: Be Roxy.**

You are now Roxy again, much less luminous, but more tipsy. There are more breasts in the room now! Hooray! Still no male parts, though. Or lady parts, either. Just boobs. Not that boobs are bad, though. Boobs are great! It's just...nearly fifty hands in you figured _someone_ would be out by now, but the game has been ridiculously even so far.

Anyway, Karkat is grabbing the cards. Your weird offspring are still being suitably strange. Seriously...you like those kids, but honestly...just weird. You sip more vodka. That is at least something you can understand.

And what's your partner doing? She seems to be scoping out the various exposed funbags on display. That's cool...maybe she'd look at you more if you had your tits out? She could at least have the decency to do some heavy petting again. That was fun.

"The awesome card for this hand is the Ace of..." Nepeta begins. She and Dirk do the weird Wonder Twins thing again where they make a heart shape with their fingers combined together. "Hearts!"

Oh look. Karkat's given you your cards. Let's see what low pair or high card we have this time.

**You've Got: Q(H), 10(D), 5(D), 3(C), 2(C)**

"Oh, goody!" You slur sarcastically. Kanaya looks over your shoulder as you sip more from your glass.

Jane requests a solitary card from Karkat.

"Ohhhh, Janeysh only asking for one! That means shesh probably got a better hand than ush!" You say in loud whisper that is perfectly audible.

Dirk sends over three cards.

"And Dirksh probably at least got a pair, there! Smore than we've got!" You continue, still whispering loudly and slurring. "Well...Light Bright? What should we do? Should we keep this high carb...carg...card? It ish, in fact, not all that high, really."

"I...well..." Kanaya begins.

"I guess...I guess, throw it away?" Kanaya says. It looks like she doesn't have much of an opinion.

**== > Roxy: Throw Away Hand.**

Psshyeah. Who needs these stupid cards anyways, with all their dumb numbers and pictures? What makes them so great? They can't even bother to make a decent pair, the assholes! Especially that queen! Who does she think she is? She's got another thing coming if she thinks she's a high enough card for this party!

You theatrically throw all you cards at Karkat, who simply shrugs and gives you five new ones.

**You Get: 8(H), 8(C), K(H), 7(D), 3(C)**

Well, well, well! Look-ee here! You got that 8 on your last card! Good thing you didn't hold on to anything. Ugh, you can't believe you're celebrating a pair of 8s. You really need some better luck.

Aradia tosses three cards Karkat's way. She and Vriska don't really say anything, so you figure it's nothing to write home about. Rose asks for one. She looks at it and shrugs. Dave hands two cards to Karkat. Dave shows the two new ones to Jade who grins. Terezi and Kakrkat whisper to each other for a few seconds, looking gloomy. Karkat finally discards his entire hand and deals himself a new one. His mood does not improve.

"Check it," Dave says.

**Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Kings and 7s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 3s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 8s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 6s**   
**John & Rose Have: Two pair; Queens and 2s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: Four of a kind; 6s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Jack high**

"About damn time!" You say. "Seriously, when was the last time you guysh lost? You were like the first team in their underwear and it's taken this long to get to a dare for you two!"

"Yeah, yeah. Just hand us the stupid fucking jar already," Karkat says irritably.

Karkat reaches into the jar and then reads aloud: "Engage in a rip-roaring rumble with the second lowest team! First one to be pinned to the ground loses the goods!"

Everyone looks at Jake.

"What?" He says.

"So...is this kind of like...you know...the other thing?" Aradia asks, looking at Rose.

"I don't think it's exactly the same. That was trying to actually physically remove the article. This seems to be basic wrestling with clothes as the wager. Though I think we can agree that the winners removing the won garments themselves would be symbolically apropo, yes?" Rose says.

"So wait...doesh that mean if you get pinned you have to take off something? What does that mean for daresh?" You ask.

"I think it means the article is gone and so are any associated dares," Rose says.

"That's bullshit! I've got two dares on these!" Karkat gestures to his boxers. "So if I lose I'm just out?"

"Sucks to be you," Dave says. "You should've worn shades."

"That would've been cool..." Nepeta says in a small voice that probably only just barely carried over to you.

"So...it's Karkat and Terezi vs. Dirk and Nepeta right? I guess Karkat should wrestle Dirk and Terezi should wrestle Nepeta to keep things in a similar weight class?" Aradia asks.

"Yes...though that leaves the question of what to do should they break even. It's your dare, Jake, what did you have in mind?" Rose asks.

"Well...um...I guess if a person from each team wins then I guess the two left would square off..." Jake says.

"So there's a potential for three lost articles here? I like it!" Vriska says.

"Alright then," Rose says. "Karkat stakes his boxers and wrestles Dirk, who stakes his...sunglasses, I suppose?" Rose seems a bit amused by that. "And Terezi will wrestle Nepeta. Both of them are staking bras. Am I correct?"

Karkat rolls his eyes and Terezi nods, sizing Nepeta up as the two teams begin to stir. You stand up with a slight wobble and offer Kanaya your hand. She takes it and you help her up. You decide to keep holding hands as you step back with every non-participating group, giving the combatants a big enough ring.


	69. Strife Rounds 1-5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are unawares, how this is working is thus: voters in the thread vote for rock, paper or scissors for Nepeta and Dirk and I do a random number generator for Karkat and Terezi. Three wins in a row defeats an opponent.

**== > Roxy: Be Nepeta.**

Ohhh yesss. You are now the mighty huntress! And for once the huntress is in her element! Okay, maybe not exactly. If you were really in your element you would be stalking your prey unawares rather than going paw-to-paw with them, but regardless you kind of think you have this one in the bag.

You love Terezi. She's a pawsome friend and everything, but you're pretty sure her biggest strength is mind games and this is all about psychical prowess. You may not be as STRONG as your late moirail, but Terezi is blind and...well...you're pretty sure you can beat a blind girl at wrestling.

If you're being honest, and why not since you're soliloquizing here, you'd rather be wrestling Karkitty right now. Not only do you think he'd feel too awkward to try hard, thus giving you an easy win, you'd also be able to personally remove his boxers. That would almost be too much for you...but you still wanna do it.

You'd feel bad about leaving Terezi to Dirk, though. That would the least sporting thing imaginable, you think.

Terezi faces you, grinning. Does she have some kind of plan? Well...she always does. But seriously, what could it be? You shouldn't really try to think about that. She's just trying to psyche you out and draw you into her kind of fight. Stick to what you know.

You are the huntress and you're prey is going to be showing her boobies very shortly.

**== > Nepeta: Pounce**

You move, quickly and nimbly, toward Terezi. You sweep, as fast and quiet as you can, to the side and around her. She tilts her her to the side and snatches her hand out to grab your wrist. She moves quicker than you thought she would, but you're still faster. You slide behind her and grab her other wrist.

As you do this you see Dirk slam into Karkat, but Karkat shifts unexpectedly to the side, grabbing hold of Dirk's right arm.

**== > Nepeta: Press your advantage!**

You feel yourself smiling as you hold on to Terezi's wrist. She struggles against you and you take a moment to savor your handiwork. This was almost too easy!

As you're deciding which way you want to throw Terezi on the ground, however, Terezi suddenly flips, literally flips, over you! Her hand twists out of your grip and if you weren't a little quicker on the uptake she might have grabbed your arm. Now, you face her again back at square one. Maybe you got a little overconfident.

Alright...well played, Pyrope. The huntress won't underestimate you again.

You check your peripheral vision and notice that Dirk's situation has not improved. In fact, by sheer brute strength, Karkat seems to have Dirk on his knees, attempting to drag him onto the ground. C'mon...where's that Dirkitty Strider speed?

**== > Nepeta: Tacklepounce!**

You charge at the blind girl with your amazing...well...cat-like reflexes! There's no way she'll react fast enough! You let out a hiss as you pounce at her...oh right...probably shouldn't have made such an obvious sound.

Faster than you can believe, Terezi sidesteps your tackle attempt and wheels around and grabs both of your arms, pinning them behind your back. That was a stupid move! Stupid stupid dumb!

As you struggle with Terezi you do spot one bit of good news, though! Dirk has wormed his way out of Karkat's vice grip. Karkitty still has Dirk's left arm in control, but Dirk could conceivably break free now.

**== > Nepeta: You want to break free!**

Oh, how you want to be free, yes. Oh, how you want to be free. Oh, how you want to break free.

Well...you can do that, right? That's shouldn't be hard. You kick back at Terezi's shin. You hear her grunt in pain and her grip loosens. There's your window. You wrench your hands away from her and face your opponent again as an equal.

It seems your partner has also wrested his wrist from Karkat and is squaring off. Speaking of squares, looks like everyone is back at square one.

**== > Nepeta: Feint.**

You run straight at Terezi. She grins and makes to grab you. At the last second you slide under her. And grab her arms from behind.

Dirk, however, has gotten himself caught again. What's his deal, anyway? Is he playing some kind of game? Does he not really care? Is he just not that good at wrestling? You have to admit your new friend is somewhat of a mystery. If only you could see inside his head...

**== > Nepeta: Be Dirk.**

Nope...that didn't work. You're still Nepeta Leijon, holding on to this blind troll. You better do something fast or she'll get away again. She's feisty, this one.


	70. Strife Rounds 6-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wrestling match concludes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Be Cool About This" commands toward the middle were written by SideAnon, the rest by me.

**== > Nepeta: Throw!**

You've got Terezi in a good hold now! You figure now is a good time to throw your captive blind troll to the ground. You make to judo-throw her, but Terezi unexpectedly breaks free of your grasp and the two of you grapple for a few seconds before Terezi finally extricates herself from you. You face each other again. Terezi looks tired, though. You see her breathing hard. This would seem like a good sign to you if you weren't beginning to feel fatigued yourself.

You look at Dirk. He has broken himself out of a headlock Karkat had him in. The tow of them seem to be breathing heavily too...

**== > Nepeta: End this quickly!**

You've haven't got much time! If you let this drag out more Terezi is gonna tire you out and then you'll be in deep trouble. See! You already didn't find a way to put a cat pun into that sentence! Paws...meow...something. You need to finish this Seer off and tie this little excursion up with a roll of yarn...eh...close enough.

You pounce at Terezi, hoping your bold actions might confuse the also fatigued blind troll. Sadly, she seemed to have anticipated this. She steps deftly to the side and you fall belly first onto the ground. You feel a knee at your back and your arms forced into a lock.

This is bad! You know one more wrong move and Terezi has you dead to rights. Then the girls are going to be in the wind for everyone to see. Even Karkat. Okay...well...that might be ok. But...it's still embarrassing to think about! You have to think of a way out of this jam.

Speaking of Karkitty, you see him on his knees with one arm forced around his back too. You can't distracted by thinking of what you might see if he gets pinned, though! You gotta focus on getting out of this!

**== > Nepeta: Break Out!**

You thrash furiously, or rather fur-iously, against your captor, pouring every last once of strength trying to get out of Terezi's hold. However, your position on the ground and your already diminished strength has left you with precious little stamina or advantage to press.

After about ten seconds worth of frantic struggling you know it's no use. She's got you and you can't get up. You resign yourself to defeat and Terezi makes three slow taps by your head, after which she lets you go and you let your arms go slack, breathing heavily into the ground.

After a couple of seconds rest, Terezi pulls you forcibly upward, still positioned behind you. You hear a mischievous cackle and your arms are forced upward, and you know what's coming next. Her fingers close on the bottom of your bra-top and she lifts it quickly off you, exposing your petite boobs to the watching crowd. Your olive nipples are currently perked up due to the cold and exertion, and you suddenly feel Terezi's right hand squeeze one of your breasts, taking it in a small handful. You gasp and feel your face grow hot. Terezi giggles again and lets it go. You cover your chest with your arms and slowly scoot dutifully back to your normal seat, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

Terezi, for her part, has turned her attention to Karkat and Dirk. Karkat has broken out of Dirk's hold and the two are circling one another, each looking for a point of attack.

If Karkat pins Dirk, then it'll be over. If Dirk gets Karkat, though, he'll take Karkitty's boxers and then face Terezi. There's still a chance Team Heart can pull this off, though Dirk is gonna have to do it alone. You wish you could help, but you'll have to hope tiring out Terezi will be enough.

**== > Nepeta: Be cool about this.**

Yeah, that's just about impurrsible! You knew the odds were high that you'd wind up having to let the girls out sometime, but not like that! XOO Dangit Terezi, Dirk better give you the honking of a lifetime after he wins Karkitty's boxers.

Definitely haven't forgetten about that. Sure, it's a weird way for things to play out, but there's likely to be an upside in this somehow! And even if your partner loses, it's not like you're out of the game or anything, so you can stilllll pawsibly work some influence in somewhere. Somehow...

Wait one furry second. Did Terezi really grab your boob? The realization practically puts your hair on end. What does she think she's playing at, pawing a girl like that? Sooo many ways you can that at a time like this.

You're just lucky that the catcalling's over and everybody's watching the fight again. Like you. Okay, almost everybody, you can definitely feel a certain somebody eyeing you being deep green and hugging your own chest. Well then! Purr purr purr.

**== > Somebody else: Be cool about this.**

Being cool is your legacy. You were born to be cool. Cool is in your boiling hot blood, and i is the only thing in the world that truly matters.

And if he's really worthy of the family name, CloneBro will be totally cool with being thrown under the bus, one Strider to another.

How did it come to this? You could have just not showed up, kept busy being a useless piece of shit somewhere, talk Jade out of playing this stupid game again and go mack. But no, you had be all cool about everything, and now you're watching Dirk and Karkat wrasslin' in and for their undies.

The former ought to weird you out, but not as much as you'd hope. After all, if he can count as the same dude then it wouldn't be anything new. Just like No Clothes Mondays in the good old times, except you're the same age which should make it even less weird. And whatever the case, it's definitely better than the alternative.

Hold up, we got tits. Classy as ever Rez.

Where were we oh right. C'mon you punkass doppelganger, lose already so the room isn't subjected to seeing Kar's shlong. You'd appreciate not having the spend the rest of eternity with trolldick stuck in your head. So much so that you're not even going to worry about that entendre. Because you're cool like that.

**== > Anybody: Be cool about this.**

Let no one ever say that John Egbert isn't a cool customer. Especially now that you've gotten past the whole "what the fuck am I watching" thing. That was actually pretty easy since, well...

"I don't know John, I think I'm actually a little disappointed this didn't turn out like the last random scrum we wound up watching."

"Yeah I know Rose. That's one we're gonna have to disagree on." She's probably going to try make you feel all embarrassed about finding this odder than watching Aradia and Vriksa 'wrestle', but she can try as hard as she wants. You have an ally in this.

"Def on that. These losers can't hold a candle to the hot shit we had then." Vriska's still technically on your side here. "Missing Vantas and Strider poking each other is nobody's loss, and Terezi..."

At that moment, the match suddenly becomes halfway over and whoa. Uh.

"Oh my, wasn't that adorable. I suppose we all knew Terezi was a little handsy, but I'm not sure that was entirely called for."

Yeah right Rose. "I can tell how appalled you are by that huge grin on your face." Watching Rose blush is great, especially when Vriska and Aradia start jeering. You think it's jeering, you can never be too sure with them. It doesn't last long though before Dirk slips out of another headlock and Vriska groans.

"Ah c'mon Vriska, they can't last too much longer." She snorts. "Hey, you just said you'd rather watch this than them trying to follow up on the groping."

"Eh, whatever. If those posers were fucking at least they'd probably be done by now. At this rate, if they don't wrap up soon I say your ancestors might as well start dealing the next hand."

On cue, you're all briefly distracted when Jane snaps her fingers next to Jake's face to get his attention back from... Well, it could be Dirk or Nepeta really, you didn't catch which. Not that you'd judge either way, but Jane certainly looked ready to before she realized everyone is looking at her now. Luckily the fight gets the attention again when Dirk manages to pin Karkat to the floor with his arms flailing at his face.

"Did you glue those stupid shades to your - OOF - your fucking face!? Damn you Striders!"

And he's back up again. Jeez, how long are they going to keep at it? Terezi's going to catch her breath by the time they're done.

**== > Nepeta: Attempt to distract Karkat.**

You begin to think that maybe you could help your now outnumbered partner by purrhaps doing a little show and tell from the sidelines. Maybe if you do something...sexy, you guess Karkat might look and then Dirk would be able to get the advantage.

The only problem is...well...it's kind of embarrassing. A lot of people are still looking at you! Besides, what if it doesn't work? Then you'd look stupid and probably feel even worse!

Dirk and Karkat begin to grapple, neither making much headway. You decide, in a split second, when Karkat faces your direction to quickly lower your hand and expose your breasts for a second. You then immediately replace it on your chest.

However, it seems that Karkat was far too focused to notice something like that. He gets Dirk in a headlock and begins trying to drag him to the ground.

Uh oh...this isn't looking good...

**== > Nepeta: Jump around! Distract Karkat!**

Putting your general embarrassment aside, you throw away any notion of subtly and start jumping up and down trying to get Karkat's attention, your arms flailing wildly.

Your breasts aren't really big enough to have much of a bounce when you jump, but it wouldn't matter anyway. Karkat isn't focusing on anything but ending the match. Everyone else seems to be looking at you, though, either smiling widely or looking curious, depending on the person.

You give up in time to see Karkat continue his journey to the ground, Dirk still firmly in a headlock. After about ten seconds, most of which Dirk just sits there looking bored, Terezi finally taps three times next to Dirk and Karkat lets go.

"Jegus, that's finally over. How pointless was that!?" Karkat says annoyed and slightly out of breath, though looking just the tiniest bit smug.

"Nice work, Karkles!" Terezi says with a grin.

"Time for the oh so exciting finale, I guess," Karkat says, facing Dirk who has sat up. "I mean, damn this is going to be so very interesting to everyone."

Karkat sighs, reaches toward Dirk's face and pulls his shades off. Dirk's eyes are orange, which you guess doesn't surprise you all that much.

"Damn, that sure was dramatic," Vriska says, bored.

"I didn't fucking pick the article. Blame him for the anti-climax. I'm just glad I didn't get dicked over by these stupid rules," Karkat grumbles, heading back to his seat with Terezi, who is still grinning.

You sigh and wait for your purrtner to sit back next to you, which he does. You pat his arm reassuringly.

"You did great, Dirkitty! You almost had him!" You say.

"Well, toward the end there I was just sort of getting bored with the whole thing. Really, it was just sort of I thing I had to do in the first place so I can't say I was that stoked about participating, to be honest. Shame about you totally being out there and all impudent showing whatever you guys call your totally unnecessary boobs, but don't worry. We'll tag 'em back," he says.

"Yeah!" You reply, rallied.

"Oh shit! We're actually about to start playing poker again, aren't we?" Dave asks, sounding slightly bewildered.

"No kidding. I don't even remember who's deal it is," John responds. "This took forever! It feels like it's been a month since we were actually playing the damn game!"

"It wouldn't have been so bad if some exciting stuff happened, but...it was just sort of some vanilla wrestling..." Roxy says, looking slightly downcast.

"I dunno. Nepeta lost her top. That was okay..." Aradia offers, shrugging.

"Are you seriously getting on our fucking case for this?" Karkat says. "It's not like this was our dare!"

"Yes, yes. Alright. The wrestling is over now. Dirk and Nepeta are each down an article and regular play resumes. Jane and Jake are dealing," Rose says, slightly exasperated.


	71. Hand 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit! Poker resumes! Remember how this story was about strip poker?

**== > Nepeta: Be the drunk.**

Ok, you're now Roxy Lalonde again. Although being "the drunk" may be somewhat inaccurate at this point. In fact, you're pretty sure you've got the start of a hangover coming on. It feels like forever since you drank last, even though it wasn't that long ago. That wrestling match seemed to exist in a time period all of its own.

You had hoped that you might resume some casual groping of your luminescent partner during the events of the match, but the scene was so un-titillating that it just never materialized. If your team or Aradia's had been up things might have been different, but as it stands the only way it could have been more awkward is if you'd ended up against Dave or Jane and Jake had ended up facing Jade or John.

Kanaya arches a quizzical eyebrow at you, the feeling of surging teenage hormones at an all time low. Even the recent de-topping of Nepeta hadn't stirred much from you. Maybe someone else losing a hand will shake things up a bit! Speaking of which, Jane has just finished with those cards.

**You've Got: A(D), J(C), 10(H), 5(S), 4(H)**

Well, it's nice to know some things remain consistent. You sigh outwardly.

"Oh...what was the penalty card?" You ask, realizing you'd been spacing out when it was talked about.

"Queen of clubs," Kanaya says, scooting over to you to get a look at the cards.

"I'm surprised they remembered to do it at all, really..."

"Mmm," Kanaya says, distracted, looking at what the two of you have to work with.

Dirk hands three cards to Jane. Nepeta grins at the new hand and high fives Dirk. Then she remembers doing so has uncovered her chest, and she lets out a small squeak as she covers up again.

Jane raises her eyebrows at you, expectant...

**== > Roxy: Keep that ace.**

"High card then?" Kanaya asks, resigned.

"Looks like it," you say.

You hand the four other to Janey, hoping for a bit of luck this time.

**You Get: K(C), J(C), 5(D), 2(C)**

Le sign. Well, it's not like it would have been common sense to keep the jack. Still, maybe that king will save you?

Aradia takes three cards. She and Vriska don't react much. Rose also takes three. John gives her an encouraging grin. Dave also wants three. Jade pulls a sour face, though. Karkat, scowling, chucks his entire hand. He gives his new cards such an intense look of indignation you're surprised they don't catch fire. Terezi merely sighs in a resigned tone. Finally, Jane and Jake agree on also giving up three of their cards.

"Okay then, let's see what everyone has," Jane says, businesslike.

**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and queens**   
**You & Kanaya Have: Ace high**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 4s**   
**John & Rose Have: A pair of kings**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of aces and _+queen of clubs_**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Jack high**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of queens**

"So...let me get this straight, Karkles...we go through all of that monumental shit to stay decent and the very next hand we lose it anyway?" Terezi asks, exasperated.

"What did you want me to do? Keep the jack?" Karkat retorts.

"Considering we got another one...yes."

"Ok, but seriously what are the chances of that? More than likely we would have just had a jack and nothing else. And it's not like jacks are the fucking bananas or anything. I mean, fucking seriously I don't even know what they're supposed to be. What the hell even is a jack?"

"Technically speaking, 'jack' was a colloquial term for 'knave' in old England. Knaves were the servants of royalty, and thus were the lowest face card. However, because the 'Kn' abbreviation on the card so resembled the King, it was changed to the more lower class phrasing to avoid confusion, and thus we have accepted the term into our general lexicon," Rose says.

"Why...why do you know that?" Dave asks.

"Queen of Books, Dave, Queen of Books," John answers, his eyebrows raising significantly.

"For that reason, yes, and also because I figured, given Sburb's penchant for incorporating various game rules and symbolism into The Medium, that it would be wise to become knowledgeable in such things. I also studied Chess extensively."

"Ok...well, as riveting as that is, I think several people owe us stuff this time!" You say.

"Yeah...by my count Terezi owes us a bra, Karkat owes us a final dare and either Dave or Jade have to do a dare too,"

"You might as well start with me," Terezi says, rolling her eyes. She turns around, her back to Karkat who slowly but surely begins to work on the clasp of the fancy lingerie bra Terezi is wearing. She makes no effort to help him after he undoes the clasp. He takes the straps and lowers them down her arms. Terezi offers no resistance as the cups leave her breasts, which are respectable in size, though smaller than your own. They are capped, as you knew they would be, with teal nipples. Terezi grins, perhaps a bit shyly, but sits back down making no effort to cover herself. Karkat, for his part, seems far more embarrassed than Terezi does, his cheeks having gone red. "I can smell you blushing, Karkles" Terezi cackles. "It's nothing you haven't seen before. It's kind of adorable how you never seem to get used to it."

Karkat doesn't say anything, simply folding his arms and turning his attention to Dave and Jade.

"So...how do you want to play this?" Dave asks.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Jade offers.

"Oh man, that sounds so lame for some reason but whatever."

The two of them face one another in a brief match, Jade's exposed breasts jiggling slightly every time she pounds her fist into her hand. Dave wins, despite having paid very little attention to what he was doing.

"Well, at least I know you didn't cheat," Jade says warily. She reaches for the individual dare jar. She takes it out and reads it silently. Her face goes a violent shade of red. Finally she reads: "Get spanked by your partner ten times."

There are a few seconds of silence and then several people break into giggles, including yourself.

"I'm not unconvinced my ancestor didn't sneak that dare into the jar..." Aradia says, amused yet slightly apprehensive as well.

"Oh man, what the fuck is this noise..." Dave says shaking his head slightly. You can tell from his eyes that he's got some misgivings.

"Well, clearly Jade has been a bad dog," Rose says, smirking. Jade shoots her a look of indignation and John places his palm over his eyes.

"You can use my cane if you want, Dave..." Terezi jeers with a snigger.

You look over at your partner and you think you notice a tiny hint of guilty pleasure in her eyes. You have a pretty good idea who wrote that dare now. That's...interesting. Very interesting. You'll definitely have to remember that.

"Okay, Strider, c'mon. Get her over your knee," Vriska is grinning. She seems to be enjoying this immensely.

**== > Roxy: Be Dave.**

Okay, so this is really dumb. Why is this a thing that's happening? Jade is now seriously bending over your lap and her panty-clad ass is just sticking out there where everyone can see it, jutting out and being all impudent. Right over the spot your junk happens to be.

Really, the two of you don't go in for this weird kinky shit. Okay, well, sex with Jade does tend to involve quite a bit of unintentional teleporting, but still you draw the line at this quasi-S&M stuff. This strikes you as the kind of shit that middle aged couples do to spice up their lame love lives. Your current trysts with Jade do not need spicing up!

Well, it's true Jade offhandedly brought up using your time powers once. Like maybe bringing in a second Dave. You kind of laughed it off. Really you weren't sure how you felt about the suggestion. On the one hand it's just you again, on the other, it's still kind of weird.

Really, you just feel like this whole thing wouldn't be so damn awkward if you could try this alone rather than with everyone watching.

You slowly raise your hand and bring it down square on Jade's ass. It wasn't really much more than a pat, really.

"Oh, c'mon! That doesn't count!" Vriska says.

"Man, I don't wanna hear it. I can totally decide how I want to discipline my girlfriend. You can just step off with the spanking advice."

"It's okay, Dave," Jade says a little quietly. "You can go a little harder than that. I'm sort of an immortal god being. I think I can take a spanking."

"No, this is how it starts. First off we're doing this and before you know it we've got out the rubber suits and we'll have knives and whips ad other weird shit and we'll basically just turn into the biggest stereotypes ever."

"Oh my God just shut up and spank me already!"

You sigh and bring you hand down again with more force. This time the contact makes an audible smack and you hear Jade let out a small "eep."

You continue to administer the spankings. With each strike you see John wince and Rose grin slyly. Jane appears to be watching in horrified fascination. RoxyMom seems to be getting a kick out of this too, but she keeps looking at Trollpire for some reason. This is probably their fault somehow.

You also notice that Jade seems to be responding to your smacks. She seems to be raising her bottom up to meet them now. Her grunts sound like they're changing each time too. The others probably can't tell but that last one sounded distinctly like a sigh and...-SMACK-...yeah you're pretty sure that might have been a slight moan. Not to brag, but you kind of know how to identify when Jade is making noises that imply she's liking what you're doing.

Damn, this is all kinds of messed up. Of course, the smart money is on her fucking with you, which is completely possible now that you think about it. You lay the tenth and final blow with a final slap heard around the room. Jade's reaction is drowned out by the applause from several of the spectators.

Jade pushes herself off you and gingerly rubs her ass. She tries sitting back down but makes a slight yelp of pain. She instead settles herself on your lap. Everyone else is still giggling at the two of you. Meanwhile Karkat seems to be reaching for the dare jar. Oh yeah, he had to do something too.

Jade puts her mouth next to your ear and whispers in it.

"That was kind of fun."

She's giving you that grin. That evil fucking grin and you know you're so in for it later. She runs her hand over your crotch lightly. Ohhh shiiit. Yeah, she's definitely fucking with you. Luckily everyone seems focused on Karkat and doesn't seem to notice that Jade is getting hella handsy over here. Seriously, it's the weirdest shit that turns her on, you swear.

**== > Dave: Be Karkat.**

Well fuck. You're in the shit now. What stupid shit have these idiots written down for you to do this time?

You reach your hand into the jar and pull out the slip.

"Take some time to suck on the neck of the person to your right," You read aloud.

You look to your right. Surprise surprise it's Terezi. You guess that isn't that big of a deal. You've done this kind of stuff before. Granted, you didn't usually have people freaking peeping at you like fucking voyeurs while you did it, but whatever. If these fuckasses want a show, they'll get one. Terezi grins at you.

"C'mon, Karkles...get to sucking!"

"Heh, I wonder how many times she's said that," Vriska quips.

Whatever. Enough of this bullshit. Terezi is still giggling at you and you can tell she thinks you're going to be all reticent about this.

You grab her quickly and she gasps. You surprised her. Good. That's what you were going for. Everyone else seems to have shut up too. Even better. You bring your mouth to her neck and begin to kiss it, softly at first and then bringing in your tongue, running it all along her collar bone.

Terezi is crooning slightly. Feeling a sudden inspiration you let your left hand slide upwards from her waist to her breast, which you begin to caress. You feel her nipple perk up under you hand. Her body moves more toward yours and her movements encourage you continue.

Terezi and you tend to switch off who is dominant in these types of situations, but she clearly doesn't mind you taking the reigns now. Let no one say that Karkat Vantas doesn't have the shame globes to step up in a situation like this.

**== > Karkat: Be Roxy.**

You are back to being Roxy and this has been a most enjoyable hand! Not only did you get to see Terezi's boobs, which was great, but the whole spanking thing was fucking brilliant and now you're watching Karkat neck the shit out of Terezi and seeing him come out of his shell a bit is making you feel like maybe this whole thing is getting back on track!

Kanaya is watching Karkat and Terezi with interest as Terezi lets out an audible moan. Ms. Pyrope is smiling with a look of contentment on her face as she bites down on her lip.

You begin to play idly with the strands of Kanaya's short hair. You see the corners of her mouth twitch upwards and she sidles up a little closer to you. You let your arm slide around her waist as you watch Karkat finally finish with Terezi.

She lets out another small gasp as he finally stops. There is once again applause.

After the revelry has faded somewhat Jake hands the cards to Nepeta who hands them to Dirk. You keep your arm firmly around your partner's waist. This hand is gonna be good. You can feel it.


	72. Hand 49

**== > Roxy: Wonder about Kanaya's dare.**

You suppose you do wonder a bit about that. It's been pretty obvious Light Bright has been trying to loosen up tonight, but you guess you just weren't sure how much. Spanking, huh? You wonder if she meant that for you. You also wonder if you would have liked that. Probably. Hardcore S&M stuff seems pretty silly to you, but you could probably get behind spanking.

You also got to see some quality necking! That's always fun. It ended up being between an already established couple, though, so it wasn't all that awkward.

Dirk seems just about done with those cards.

"The pawnalty card is the King of Spades!" Nepeta says cheerfully.

Oh man...pawnalty. That...is a stretch. Anyway, you hope you don't have it.

**You've Got: K(S), Q(D), 8(H), 6(D), 3(S)**

Shit! How come it's only the bad jinxes that work? Why can't the good ones happen on occasion?

"Oh well," Kanaya says. "Better now than later."

"I guess."

"So...what's the plan?"

"Hmm..."

You look at the cards again.

**== > Roxy: Keep the queen.**

Hmm...well, even if the king is unusable, keeping the queen is still prudent, right? Maybe? Oh well, you're going to do it anyway.

You hold out the card to Kanaya, who shrugs. You hand the other four to Dirk.

**You Get: 8(D), 6(H), 5(C), 4(S)**

Uh...oops. You see Kan whack her forehead with her hand. Yeah...this isn't exactly the best hand.

Vriska tosses three cards to Dirk. She grins in response. Rose gives up four. John lets out a sigh of relief when he sees the cards. Dave turns in the whole hand, Jade staring nervously over his shoulder. She seems placated by the new cards, though. Terezi and Karkat have a whispered discussion over their cards for a few seconds before he finally shakes his head and tosses them all away. They both look more comfortable with their replacements. Jane passes three Dirk's way. She and Jake don't really react much. Finally, Nepeta hands Dirk three from their hand. She seems fine with what they get.

"Alright already! Let's go!" Vriska says.

**You & Kanya Have: Queen high**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; 3s**   
**John & Rose Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 10s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of aces**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 7s**

"Shiiiit," you say. Everyone seems to be giggling at you and you bet you know why. It's time for this team of classy ladies to go topless.

You give a theatrical sigh. Kanaya slides slowly toward you.

"Uh..." Aradia begins.

"What?" You say.

"I'm pretty sure your dare card said whoever won the hand you lose gets to take off the article for you, and it just so happens we're the ones that won..." Aradia says, smirking slightly. Oh right...that dare...

"Oh..." you trail off. This is...uh...this is gonna be something...

You catch a brief glimpse of Kanaya looking slightly downcast before Aradia and Vriska start sliding toward you. You feel Aradia move behind you and feel her generous assets push against your mostly bare back. She begins to run her hands along your arms, up and down. Meanwhile Vriska scoots in front of you. She runs her hands across your stomach, moving up to your shoulders. She's pushed herself right up against you. You are pressed tight in between the two of them now.

Aradia's hands move from your arms to the under side of your bra. She reaches under the cups and begins to fondle your breasts, eliciting an unintentional gasp from you. As Aradia does this she moves her face down to your neck and begins to trail kisses along it. You find yourself biting your lip as you can feel your nipples stiffen against Aradia's attentions.

Vriska reaches behind you, between you and Aradia, and unhooks the back of your bra. You register a sudden loss of support for your bustline. As Aradia continues to play with you, Vriska works the loops of the bra down your arms and manages to pull the garment away from the wriggling mass of your three bodies.

After a few more seconds, Aradia picks up her head from your neck and slowly lets her hands drop, exposing your generous breasts to the room at large, the pink tips as stiff as they've ever been. Your face feels burning red and Aradia and Vriska slowly scoot away from you, Vriska still twirling your bra in her hands.

You feel embarrassed. Also, you feel pretty horny and a little frustrated. You look over at your partner. She looks like she's going through some complicated emotions at the moment. Yeah...you've been there, and turnabout is fair play. Still...you can probably make this less complicated. You scoot over to her.

"So-" She begins. You cut her off with a hard kiss on her lips. She doesn't react for about a second before she finally responds in kind, wrapping her arms around your neck. You move your hand to her back, right over the clasp of her bra. You can feel the skin beneath. It's hot. Hotter than its ever been. Kanaya's hand slides over to one of your tits and begins to kneed it. You let out a slight moan against her mouth.

You unhook the back of the offending article and yank it down her arms, Kanaya helping to expedite the process with her movement. You grab a handful of the newly exposed flesh, amazingly hot to the touch, yet not painful. Two of you continue your furious makeout session, about two hours worth of pent up tension coming to a head. As you adjust your bodies, Kanaya moves her right leg so it fits in between yours. She begins to bump it up against your still clothed womanhood. Electric waves of euphoria spread to your brain. Your hand slides down her back, encountering the soft material of her panties. Those are really gonna need to go soon...

"Um...hey! What!? The hell!?" Jane's voice breaks into your mind and you snap away from Kanaya. You look down at your partner. Almost the entirety of her glowing white body is exposed now. Your hand is still cupped firmly around one of her breasts, the jade nipple sitting stiff against your palm. Her eyes begin to focus from their glazed expression and gradually she seems to realize everyone else is still in the room. Large patches of green appear in her cheeks. Your own face is flushing too. You feel a kind of heat haze starting to clear from your head.

"Were you guys...were you gonna...you know?" Jane asks, looking downright alarmed. "Right here? With everyone...?"

"Uh..." You start, not really sure exactly _what_ happened. "I think we just...um...got carried away? Yeah?"

You look around the room. Most of the people are still wide eyed. Some even have their mouths open. Karkat's look of completely open-mouthed wide-eyed shock is actually rather hilarious to behold.

"So yeah...Ithinkit'sourdealsoI'mjustgonnagrabthesecards!" You exclaim loudly snatching the deck from a completely bemused Dirk. You begin tossing the cards extremely fast around the circle, not even caring that your breasts are jiggling merrily with the rapid movement.


	73. Hand 50

**== > Roxy: Be Aradia.**

You are now Aradia Megido. You have just watched your most recent dare victim succumb to her erotic urges and you have to say you're somewhat proud of yourself for that.

Honestly, all you did was a little light groping. Some people might say they expected that of you, but really, it's not like you just go around groping people for no reason! This is an erotically charged card game, after all. This sort of behavior is expected!

Your ancestor certainly wouldn't show any kind of restraint, that's for sure. No, you _ask_ before involving yourself in that kind of activity. She just sort of does what she wants.

No, you're not like her at all.

You're not exactly sure who you're trying to convince here. Still, it looks like events are coming to a head here. You wonder where you'll be when all is said and done tonight. Hopefully not alone. That would be dumb. Maybe Vriska won't be otherwise occupied, or else maybe one of the couples here wouldn't mind a third addition. You'll have to play this by ear.

But you're going to do so politely!

**== > Aradia: Be Rose.**

And now suddenly you are Rose Lalonde. Your kind-of-mother just got pretty serious with Kanaya over there. You guess you're happy for her, but also you have to admit you're a little embarrassed too. You suppose that's somewhat hypocritical of you since you aren't above... _interacting_ with John in a public setting to confuse him or someone else. Maybe you just like doing that. You don't know.

The Trolls likely wouldn't understand because of their upbringing, but despite all attempts to condition yourself mentally to see your mother as a peer rather than...well...you mother, you still can't let go of the concept in your mind. So you have to confess at feeling a touch of slightly stereotypical mortification at your quasi-parent's activities, though you suppose nearly engaging in lesbian sex in front of a crowd of people is something slightly more extreme than most children who feel embarrassment at their parent's antics usually have to contend with.

Regardless, the display seems to have made John a little antsy. He seems to be bumping up against you a bit and he keeps reaching out to touch you at random intervals. Hmm. The atmosphere in the room appears to have turned decisively porny. You'll have to be careful.

**== > Rose: Be Dave.**

And there she goes. Paradox Mom doing her weird confusing shit again! You're Dave, by the way. In case it wasn't obvious, which it is.

Man, Egbert and Harley lucked the fuck out with their slime parents! Look at how awkward those two are! Just like their kids. Meanwhile, your mom is some kind of weird Sapphic sex dynamo and your dad is like this aloof puzzlebox.

You didn't find that display hot. Nope. Not at all.

But damn if the mood in the room isn't getting more suggestive up in this. Look at Jade sitting there on your lap, looking at you. She's biting her lip and keeps stealing glances in your direction. You know that look. Man you love that look!

Frankly you can't wait for this game to be over so the two of you can just go. Alone time with Jade is generally one of the least confusing times of your life lately.

**== > Dave: Be Karkat.**

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Really?

Do you have to.

Ok.

Fine. You're Karkat now. You are Karkat Vantas and this place has just lost its last shred of sanity. Those two flighty broads just damn near started having coital relations in front of everyone. In fact, if it wasn't for Jane over there they probably would have. And you would have enjoyed watching!

Wait...what?

No you wouldn't have. This fucking situation is screwing with your head! Maybe you should stop saying 'fuck' and 'screw' so much. Yeah...

You should just focus on the cards is what you should do. See look oh god damn it! You are greeted with the sight of of Lalonde's spheres just jiggling everywhere as she doles out those cards. Even the game aspect is being colored with this now!

And Terezi's grinning at you. She's winking and sidling up next to you. Of course she is. She's just feeding off the atmosphere here. You're not going to be able to keep her contained for long. Hell...you're not going to want to.

**== > Karkat: Be Jane.**

This is way more than you signed up for. You being Jane Crocker, that is, who you are now. You were mostly okay with the whole getting naked thing. Sure it was embarrassing a bit, but everyone was nervous and giggly about it, and it seemed like it would be kind of innocent fun. Roxy just took things to the next level, though.

You're not sure if you're ready for this! Yeah, you licked Dirk's chest a bit but...that seems different to you somehow. You aren't exactly sure how ready you are to get...physical with someone. Heck, you've only ever been...physical with yourself! And you always made sure you were totally and completely alone first!

It's not that you don't want to try it! It's just...you know...it's a big step.

You look over at Jake. He seems to be shifting his legs a lot. You guess he probably liked that show. You figure that's it's pretty common knowledge that most boys like watching two girls together. Probably plenty of girls do too.

You wonder if Jake would like it if you did something like that with a girl. You wonder if you would like it.

It's not like the thought is repulsive or anything. It's just...there's really only one person you feel like interacting with in that way here, and he happens to be sitting right next to you.

You suppose you're just going to have to get more used to this stuff. The game certainly isn't over yet.

**== > Jane: Be Dirk.**

You attempt to be Dirk Strider and fail. He is simply too much of an enigma to parse his thoughts at this point.

How does he feel about this game? Amused? Turned on? Cooley indifferent? Who knows?

You could try being his partner, though.

**== > Jane: Be Nepeta.**

Yes! You are Nepeta now and this is great!

It always makes you happy to see a ship take sail like that.

Yes, it was very sweet!

Also...hot.

Yeah, you have to admit that! When you were younger, ships always ended in your mind with some romantic kissing. You never really thought about what came after back then. You have to say you think about that quite a bit more these days.

You wonder idly if there are any more intimate encounters in store for you tonight? You sincerely doubt your purrtner is going to supply them. Not to say you don't think Dirkitty is awesome and the best friend ever but...he's not going to want to do that stuff with you. Also you're pretty sure you would feel a bit weird doing it with him.

You suppose you had some fun with that Jake boy a bit ago...but it doesn't take a genius to see that Jane is pretty in to him, and you don't feel like a fight.

Aradia might not be attached but...you're not exactly sure how something like that would start. You haven't had much contact with her, in all honesty.

Of course...you know who you'd _want_ to spend some quality time with...but Terezi is right there next to him. How would you even start? Maybe she would be nice enough to share...or you know...maybe both of you could go at the same time. That might be fun...

You are getting yourself hot and bothered thinking like this! You should probably try to cool yourself off a bit. You are already beginning to suspect that your Heart aura might be affecting some of the more amorous moods around here.

**== > Nepeta: Be Kanaya.**

You are now Kanaya Maryam. You are still a bit flushed from the recent ENCOUNTER you just had. You supposed "flushed" could end up being something of a duel meaning pun in your case, but honestly you'd rather not. Troll romance is, after all, pretty stupid, all things considered. And this is coming from a Troll.

Besides. It might be a bit premature to speak about such things. After all, not too long ago you, yourself, had resolved to engage in a night of consequence-free debauchery. This doesn't have to mean anything to anyone. You know...unless she wants it to. But really, it's ok. Really.

Speaking of which, Roxy seems to be done with the cards. Aradia had designated the Queen of Clubs as the penalty card not too long ago.

Aradia hands Roxy three cards. Rose also discards three. Dave, as well, parts with three. As does Karkat, though you notice a prominent grin from Terezi afterwards. Jane, however, turns in everything. She seems slightly mollified by her new hand, though. Dirk returns to form by handing Roxy three cards.

Finally Roxy brings up her own hand. You scoot behind her and begin to rub her shoulders. She relaxes slightly and you hear a soft, almost imperceptible groan.

**You've Got: 4(D), 4(S), A(D), 10(C), 3(C)**

"What do you want to do..." You whisper in her ear.

"Hmm...a lot, but I assume you mean about the cards." She hesitates for a moment. "Well, what do _you_ want to do?"

**== > Kanaya: Keep the 4s and the ace.**

"I think you should keep the pair...and that ace too," you whisper in Roxy's ear.

She raises a quizzical eyebrow at you, but does what you say.

**You Get: 4(H), J(D)**

Well...that was lucky. The right side of Roxy's mouth forms a smirk.

Everyone puts down their cards.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of queens**   
**John & Rose Have: A pair of kings**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of jacks**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Full house; 5s and kings**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of queens**   
**Roxy & You Have: Three of a kind; 4s**

There is a rash of giggling and catcalls in Jane's direction. Jane herself seems to be chewing her lip nervously, her eyes looking at every place in the room that doesn't contain a person.

"Oh gosh, Jane this is terrible! How about I do a dare?" Jake says, his hand reaching for the jar.

"No..." Jane says evenly. "No, Jake. It's...it's ok. It doesn't make sense for you to go and do that. I'll just take this off and then...we'll be evened up again."

"Are you-"

"Yes."

**== > Kanaya: Be Jane.**

You are now Jane. It is slowly dawning on you that you are about to be relieved of your top, which will leave you naked above the waist. Somewhere in the back of your mind you probably never thought it would come to this. Then again, another part knew it was always coming.

Looking around the room you can see that you are the last girl remaining without her breasts exposed. You suppose that's a commendable achievement. At least you won't be alone.

The means by which it is going to happen is exactly what you've always wanted, and yet not what you wanted at all. It's complicated to say the least.

You wonder what Jake is thinking now.

**== > Jane: Be Jake.**

Oh dear.

Yes, you are Jake. Your hands are all atremble. You're supposed to be doing what now?

You look at your objective. Jane is looking slightly downward, blushing. She still looks like she's waiting for you, though. You seem to notice for the first time what you'll be doing. You see Jane's bra and suddenly this whole affair seems mad to you. Thinking about Jane and bras in the same thought process just isn't something you do.

Still...you are a man of action! No one is going to call Jake English a coward!

You move in front of Jane. Her eyes look up and meet yours. You gulp. You reach behind her back and feel the strings holding the top in place. You're glad it isn't a clasp. You have the distinct impression you'd embarrass yourself with a clasp.

You untie the back as unclumsily as you can. You notice the room is pretty much silent. Her bra now sits loosely upon her chest. You reach behind her neck to undo the final string. With it untied the cloth falls away from Jane's chest to reveal...wow...Jane has boobs.

That thought it so obvious, yet...the magnitude of it is something you haven't ever really considered before. Here she is. Jane Crocker. She's in front of you. Topless. Her ample assets headed attractively by puffy pink nipples.

You are staring. You shouldn't be staring. And yet...you want to. You suddenly realize you've never touched a breast before. You also suddenly realize you want to. These specifically.

Ugh, why is this all so confusing? This used to seem so simple to you. Well...simpler. Maybe it never was. Maybe you were just hiding.

Jane is giving you a look. It says a lot, even though you can't figure out what half of it means yet.

Damn...you're...you're going to need some time to think about all of this.


	74. Hand 51

**== > Jake: Be Roxy.**

Ah, that's much better. Isn't it so much better being Roxy Lalonde? So many less _feelings_ to worry about! This is nice. You don't have to deal the cards, even. You've got a pretty, glowing alien girl giving you a back-rub. A back-rub which, incidentally, is improved immeasurably by the fact that the hands giving you this attention are naturally warm. You could seriously get used to this.

Sure, the two of you very nearly...um... _got serious_ in front of everyone, but you had that under control...yeah...totally. You can just think of that as a preview of what's to come.

Wow, did you seriously just think that? And did you also seriously consider making the last sentence of that last paragraph in your internal monologue into a pun? You did, didn't you? You were going to change the spelling and everything! Good thing you changed that at the last minute.

Still...you guess you actually are considering doing that, huh? Maybe you shouldn't think about it too much! Thoughts are the enemy! Best to let yourself get swept up in thoughtless passion than think too much of the consequences. This was, after all, the goal. A night of heedless teeny-bopping sexiness which you've been missing out on. It would be a shame to ruin it by over-thinking everything.

Karkat announces that the penalty card is the six of diamonds. Oh, right! The game. Good. You needed to break out of that line of thought anyway!

Let's see what Lady Luck (which is to say Aradia in this case) has granted you.

**You've Got: A(D), 9(C), 8(D), 5(S), 2(D)**

Humph. You think Lady Luck needs to get her shit together, really. She's been pretty absent for the most of this game for you!

Rose and John both look forlornly at their hand. Rose passes Aradia the whole thing and Vriska fires off a knowing smirk. However, when looking at their new cards their eyes widen in surprise and John shrugs in a 'yeah, I'll take that' gesture. Dave keeps one of their cards. They too, however, seem placated by their replacements.

Karkat turns one card in to Aradia. He and Terezi seem calm enough. Jane and Jake puzzle over their hand for a while, each of them pointing to something in it. In the end, though, they seem to decide to ditch the whole thing. They seem to be less panicked after they get their cards, though. Nepeta is grinning broadly and Dirk gives two to Aradia. That's a pretty transparent hand, there.

"Here we go again..." Kanaya says wryly. "What ever shall we do?"

**== > Roxy: Ditch everything but the ace!**

Yeah, no need for anything fancy here.

"I dunno...at least it's consistent," you say.

"I'd rather it be consistently good," Kanaya responds.

You hand Aradia the four cards.

**You Get: K(H), K(D), Q(H), 2(H)**

Well...that's nice!

Vriska gives Aradia a single card. She seems smug.

"Okay then, on with the show," Aradia says.

**John & Rose Have: Two pair; Jacks and 8s**   
**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of 3s with a king**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Two pair; 7s and 6s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 3s with an ace**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: Three of a kind; 7s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of kings**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; 10s and 6s**

"Oh man, isn't this just the shit..." Dave says, dejected.

"Aw, don't feel so bad. Now we get to be evened up again," Jade says, smirking slightly.

Dave sighs and reaches for the jar.

"You have to stick an ice cube in your underwear and let it completely melt," He says. Everyone in the room giggles. "Man would I love to shake the hand of the person responsible for giving me this nonsense to deal with."

"Yo," John says, raising his hand. "I kinda thought a girl would be getting it, but really it's hilarious either way."

**== > Roxy: Be Dave.**

You are now Dave. You have come into possession of all of the bullshit.

"Oh sure, bro. Anyway, where the hell do we get ice from anyways?" You ask.

"Dave," Jade says, sighing slightly. "You'd think by now you'd be able to answer that question."

A flash of green light later and Jade is holding a sizable ice cube in her hand. Of course. You knew that would happen.

"Now let's see..." she begins.

Jade reaches forward with her unoccupied hand. She begins to rub it along the front of your boxers, causing you to flinch slightly. Oh, god damn it! Just what is Harley up to this time?

"Okay, girl, what are you doing now?" You ask.

"Just helping you stay cool, Coolkid."

Her hand moves more vigorously and...yep, you guess her mission was achieved because you're definitely starting to pop a boner over here. It's hardly worth fighting, because against Jade's fingers your boner has a very poor track record of succeeding. As soon as she notices it she giggles.

Then she quickly pulls the front of your boxers forward and drops the ice cube right on top of the recently stimulated little Strider.

"SONOFABITCHFUCK!" You shout.

Goddamn this is fucking cold! And right on your junk and everything. White stars explode in your vision briefly and you are vaguely aware of pretty much everyone in the room laughing at you.

Yeah...just wait until this thing melts and makes it look like you pissed yourself...or blew in your shorts, more probably. Good thing you wore black today. Talk about fucking luck.

You see Rose, smugly amused, take the deck from Aradia. You guess they're not going to wait for this damn thing to melt before going on. Great, and you're supposed to pick first this time too...


	75. Interlude 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon returns. Are you ready? I don't think you are.

**== > Jade: Reminisce on frosting Dave.**

There's a lot of ways Jade Harley's mind can take the experience of dropping an ice cube onto a Strider's business, all things considered. But he beats you to it with a typical elaborate and mumbly metaphor.

"Just like old times in here. You acting like you slipped off the leash, snowballs melting in my pants, our best friends making us look like tools, the room getting all steamy, my pubescent-sized package struggling between wintry hibernation and you showing too much skin, a gaggle of alien jackholes watching our every move..."

This gets a low-volume "Fuck you too Strider" and some giggling from beside you, but it goes no farther.

"At least we're not in a big rush again!" You actually have a lot of fond memories from that day, most of which nobody but Dave will ever hear. "And now we have people to enjoy it with besides lizards. Too bad the 'gifts' are even more conksuck than your dumb Secret Santa idea."

"Dumb was the point. Anyway, all we need now is being ass deep in frogs and it'll be like coming home again."

"This time should wind up a lot better though." And nothing more needs to be said about that. Everyone gets serious for a minute over their cards, everyone being this close to out. What were the odds of that happening again? But, like at least some of the room, the only thing you're really 'serious' about is how you and Dave use the excuse to press together.

That is, until, "Did you really have to give me a stiffy before dropping it in?"

You're proud of yourself for not laughing out loud. "I've been wondering when you'd catch on that I come from a family of pranksters."

"Like it escaped notice. I just put it out of mind that you're carrying the blood of practical joking that doesn't actually have anything to do with practical jokes."

"Aw, don't tell me it's a little thing like family resemblance that keeps breaking your concentration."

"Just for that, I'm warning you right now that you're getting an acorn next time and you're damn well going to appreciate it." You wink and pant in his face for a second. He winced. You blame the ice. "Yeah now I know you're fuckin' with me. I'm gonna be paying for that hustling crack all night, aren't I?"

As usual, Rose brings you back to earth. "Fascinating though these past and future episodes of Sexual Frustration Theatre may be, I have some cards awaiting your exchange brother." Ignoring the room, he glances at you for confirmation on the hand, but you'd rather watch him pick by himself.

Nothing happens except cards. Strider proves to keep his natural cool as well as anyone could have guessed. Awesome space powers and basic physics tell you the ice cube quickly slid down to the bottom, which obviously isn't as shocking but must be really uncomfortable for whatever is hanging on top of it. Unless cold makes it hang less? You're not entirely up on boy mechanics (yet!) but you get the feeling that's what's happening. You do know it's likely less comfortable sitting in one place like that, and certainly less funny. Back up top it goes!

At this stage of the "game", a girl fondling a boy's pants would probably draw less attention than a bright green flash, even in the middle of redealing. So instead of teleporting it you just do that. Then the cube doesn't want to stay there, slippery as ice and all, so you keep doing it. As predicted, this is all kinds of hilarious, especially to your oldest friends. You exchange some sly glances before you remember that it's kinda weird to be thanking your brother for an excuse to mess with your boyfriend's head by messing with his package.

And you actually just thought 'package', what the hell Harley?

Meanwhile, Dave's chill glacier has retreated into his pants, leaving the rest of him so unchill he's almost sweating. It's actually pretty astounding that he manages to keep from bursting out in any particularly loud noises with everyone giggling at him. You're pretty sure it's all endearing and friendly, except for Karkat's stony pink-cheeked silence and his partner licking her lips. Weird. Nobody but John and Rose could actually deal cards with this going on next to them.

When you finally ease up to look at your hand, he can't resist anymore. "Y'know a fella could get the wrong impression from his main squeeze gleefully torturing any hope of a family legacy."

"You spanked me."

"You enjoyed it."

Speaking of fucking with him! You can't help but go even redder than him now that the whole room is looking at you two, since you're holding up the end of the hand. Not that you're saying you _did_... orthatyoudidnt _BUT_! yes this has to be a bit worse than being spanked over the knee. You'll stop.

The ice already melted anyway.


	76. Hand 52

**== > Dave: Be Roxy.**

You are now Roxy. Your crotch is considerably less cold. Watching your ecto-son get a boxer-load of ice was pretty funny. Not all that sexy, though. Still, funny is good too. You gotta remember to pace yourself, otherwise it's all over way too fast. Still, that Jade seems pretty dangerous on occasion. Janey could take some tips from her. For reals.

And now DaughterMom is tossing around cards like it's nobody's business, when really it's everyone's business.

"Penalty card is the two of...well..." Nepeta begins. "I guess it's kind of pawbvious, huh? Well, it's ok." She smiles.

There's a brief pause. Paws?

"It's hearts, by the way," Nepeta says.

"We know..." Karkat says, dully.

Once you have all your cards, you take a look.

**You've Got: 4(S), 4(C), K(S), Q(H), 6(D)**

Well, at least it's not a high card,

Dave, still shivering, manages to hand Rose three cards without losing too much face. Jade is grinning, though it might be more due to his predicament than the cards. Karkat also takes three cards, as does Jane. Jake gives her a big, stupid grin afterwards. Dirk, though, turns in all of his cards. Nepeta seems a bit more hopeful with those, however.

"So...?" Kanaya says, eying you.

**== > Roxy: Keep that pair!**

You haven't got any other fancier moves up your sleeve so you might as well toss these useless three other cards away.

**You Get: 4(D), J(C), 9(H)**

Awesome! That four was the last card you got too. Talk about cutting it close.

You grin at your partner. She grins right back. She's got a nice smile. You are apparently in to smiles now, too? Geez, maybe it would be easier to make a list of things you _aren't_ in to. Especially when it comes to classy alien vampires.

Still, thinking on it, you were pretty lucky with your partner selection after all. And by the way things are going, you're probably gonna get lucky in more ways than one. Hey-oooh!

Score one for Roxy! And later tonight you're gonna score again!

Aw snap! Two for the price of one! You are on fire tonight. And something _else_ is gonna be on fire tonight too...

You were kind of reaching with that last one, though. Felt a little bit forced that time.

Anyway, yeah. You are totes planning on having some intercourse tonight.

With your lady parts.

'S gonna be great!

"Um...why are you looking at me like that?" Kanaya asks.

"Uh...well..." You trail off. "I'm not exactly sure how to say it without, like, sounding really dumb."

"I find that response to be highly believable."

"Oh, look at you. Gettin' in your cute little jabs. Worming in some playful ninja-stealth insults there, thinking I wouldn't notice."

"Oh, I wouldn't take too much offense. It happens to be endearing."

"Damn right it's endearing! I'm fucking adorable."

"Kind of. Yes."

"D'awww."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Well, I'm not entirely sure on human customs, but I think now might be a good time to pay me a compliment in turn."

"Oh....OH! Ok..." You pause. "Um....your skin..."

"Yes?"

"...is _very_ warm."

Kanaya sighs.

"...I guess that will have to do. Looks like everyone's done with their cards anyway."

Oh yeah, card game!

You probably should have said that thing about her smile, though. You were just thinking that! You're always so terrible when you're put on the spot.

**Jade & Dave Have: A pair of aces**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of queens**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Three of a kind; Jacks**   
**Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 5s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: Three of a kind; 4s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; Queens**   
**John & Rose Have: A pair of aces**

"Man...no one's been getting the penalty card lately!" Vriska whines. "Oh well...what's your move, team heart? Who's darein'?"

Nepeta and Dirk look at each other.

"Odds," Dirk says. They both put out a single finger.

"It's evens...guess that means me, huh?" Nepeta says.

"Technically speaking, we didn't set rules. It could mean anything, really. It could just as easily mean you _don't_ have to do anything because you won."

"Nah...you're just trying to twist it around so there's no way for me to lose! I got it fur and square. We're a bit late in the game for all these noble self-sacrifices. Besides, you'll get the next one. If we lose again, I mean."

Dirk shrugs slightly and pushes the jar, somewhat reluctantly, toward Nepeta. She reaches in and reads aloud: "The winner must give you three kisses. Each kiss is on a place picked by the person to your right."

Nepeta blushes green slightly.

"Well...we won..." Aradia says, pointing to her team. "And Jake is sitting to her right..."

Jake starts.

"Oh...I...by golly...um..." He stammers.

"So which one of us does it mean?" Vriska asks.

"I guess Jake will get to pick that too," Aradia responds.

**== > Roxy: Be Jake.**

You are now Jake English. An enormous power has been heaped upon your broad shoulders. A power pretty much any red blooded man would crave. Yes, indeed.

To your left is a mostly naked feline alien girl. She is in apparent need of three kisses. These kisses must be administered by another alien girl.

Which seductive extra terrestrial should do this sultry deed, and where should these illicit affections be placed? You ponder at the choices...so many choices...

What will you do?

**== > Jake: Make the call.**

It all comes down to this. Well, okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but this is damn big choice, by jove!

The fate of a lovely alien girl is in your hands now...

"U-um...." You stammer...in a manly way. "So I can't pick...both of them?"

"Hmmm," Rose says, seemingly thinking. "Well, it was my dare...I think not, though. That doesn't seem in the spirit of things. You'll just have to pick one."

Okay, then. That, at least, is easy enough.

"I...um...then...Vriska," You get out.

"Wow...that's a shocking turn of events," Dirk says drolly. Vriska rolls her eyes.

"Fiiiiiiiine, then, John-a-like. What canvas do I have to work with here?" She asks. She sounds, or is trying to sound, irritated, but she's looking not entirely un-mischievous. Oh dear!

"W-well...how about...erm...." You look at Nepeta. You realize, again, that she is pretty much entirely naked, save for a cute pair of undergarments. "H-her...neck?"

"Okay...what else?" Vriska says, sounding mildly intrigued.

"Okay...her...erm...c-chest...le...area?" You ask, even more nervous. Vriska gives a low giggle.

"Okay...and the last one?"

"H-her...erm...her...lips?" Vriska raises an eyebrow.

"I can do that," she says. Then she rounds on Nepeta and begins to crawl toward her, not even bothering to stand up. This...oh gosh...can you even handle this?

**== > Jake: Be Nepeta.**

The mighty huntress is not feeling all that mighty at the moment! In fact, she's feeling kind of terrified.

Vriskers is crawling toward you, putting one hand in front of the other and she's doing it all slow and sexy-like. And you just have to watch it happen. You recall that you wondered if any more intimate encounters were in store for tonight. You certainly didn't picture this.

"Why are you looking so nervous, Nepeta?" Vriska says, her voice sly. "This'll be just like those RP sessions you used to love."

"But...you always went way overboard with those!" You say. Damn, if she goes all Mindfang on you, you're in serious trouble.

Your objections hardly matter, though, because Vriska has finally reached her destination, namely you.

She snakes an arm around your back and pushes herself against you. You go rigid, not really sure what to expect. She grins somewhat malevolently before lowering her head to your neck. You feel her lips make contact and immediately she goes to town. You stifle your gasp as well as you can. Vriska is not being shy here, using her tongue as furiously as if this was a typical makeout session.

You feel yourself relax a little in spite of yourself, and tilt your head ever so slightly to the left to allow her easier access. After a few more seconds of generally pleasant necking, Vriska pulls up. She grins even wider this time. She aims straight at your right breast and begins kissing the nipple.

Your chest raises slightly in an automatic response. You remember Jake kissing your chest earlier, but that was through fabric and he was considerably shyer about it. Vriska's tongue is making rapid circles around your areola. You find yourself biting your lip in despite your own misgivings about this arrangement. It's hard to lie about the raw facts that your think pan is telling you. You're enjoying this.

Vriska switches sides to your left nipple, and this time closes her mouth around it and begins to suck. Your breathing speeds up. You're still trying to keep your body reasonably calm, but it's a losing battle and you know it.

Vriska finally releases the nipple. Your face is hot and you feel extremely flustered. A regular kiss in comparison to that will probably be a relief. But...Vriska isn't moving up towards your mouth. She's moving...down.

"Uh..." You say. "W-what are you doing?"

"Well...he said the next kiss was on the lips. I wasn't _exactly_ sure what he meant by that so I'm making my best guess," Vriska responds, a manic gleam in her eye.

"U-uh...I-I'm purrty sure he was talking about- OH!"

Too late. She's already there. You feel her mouth and a second later her tongue on the thin cotton material between your legs. Even though you have a small layer of protection, you can still feel it pretty clearly. You almost fall completely on your back and reach out to steady yourself, finding Vriska's shoulders. Oh no...that's probably a mist...yep...oookay.

You're feeling your control slip away from you. This is really your first experience with anything like...this...

You sigh loudly and tilt your head back.

**== > Nepeta: Be John.**

Damn...this is...this really weird. And strangely...pretty hot. Maybe that's not strange. Still...you've never really felt so...tingly when seeing something like this before.

Rose has sidled up right next to you. She's not taking her eyes off the entwined Trolls over there.

Suddenly, you feel her hand move along your leg. It moves right across your boxers, deliberately rubbing the outside, before snaking right under the waistband and grabbing your manhood. You let out a groan.

Huh..well, it doesn't seem fair that she should be doing all the work, you find yourself thinking. Still watching Nepeta and Vriska, your hand works its way down Rose's belly and straight into her panties. You feel the soft hair on her pelvis before reaching lower between her legs. She coos in response.

Huh...strange...feels...good, though.

**== > John: Be Dave.**

Your head feels like it's full of something foggy. Something foggy that feels...red and pink...odd, you can see just fine, but somehow it _feels_ like colors, if that makes a damned bit of sense, which it doesn't.

Nothing makes a lot of sense right now, though. Like those two trolls there. You mean damn, just look at them. Basically having oral sex in front of everyone. You're not even really sure why you're watching it, but man you can't look away. Shit be transfixing, yo.

Jade's still in your lap and she's grinding against you and damn...it feels pretty fucking fantastic. Your hand reaches up her body and grabs one of her boobs pretty much by itself. But man, that's cool...grabbing some Jade boob should be a pretty common activity up in this.

Right?

**== > Dave: Be Terezi.**

The room is full of colors! Everyone is glowing brighter than ever! And you can hear all of the sounds they're making. All of the groans and grunts and little sighs.

You can hear Nepeta over there purring. Of course she's purring.

And Karkles is the best part. He's glowing red all over. You love it when you can get him like this. You can just feel the candy red rushing through him, pumping twice as fast.

You giggle and reach out for him. Your mouth finds one of his nubby horns and you begin to lick and suck on it. They might be stupid, but they're good for this at least. You can hear from his half-reluctant, half-longing groan that you've achieved your goal. You keep your arm wrapped around him.

Don't want him getting away now, 'cause...'cause...huh. You...forgot where you were going with that.

You kind of forgot where you were going with anything.

What...huh...

Oh well...this horn isn't going to suck itself...

**== > Terezi: Be Roxy.**

This night has turned out sooo great! It's like everything is going according to plan!

Vriska is still between Nepeta's legs. That's good! Having a good time is important. Hell, it's the whole point!

Even Aradia seems to be enjoying herself. She keeps rubbing her thighs together, biting her lip.

Kanaya's backrub has kept getting lower and lower too. In fact, it's not really even focused on your back anymore. Her fingers are playing with the waistband of your panties. Oh, Light Bright. Always so frisky! Right? She's usually frisky, right?

You find that your own hand has reached behind you, stroking the inside of her thigh, going further and further up.

Ahh....yes. That feels good.

**== > Roxy: Be Jane.**

It's weird.

You never thought you'd be in to watching this kind of thing. But...here you are. This night has been so freaking weird so far.

How long are those two going to do that, though? The dare must be over by now, right?

Dare?

Right...this is a dare.

You look down. You've been playing with your breast for a while now...what...wait...why?

You shake your head. Everything feels all frozen up. Those two need to stop now.

"U-uh....hey. H-Hey..." You say quietly.

No one really listens to you.

Oh, well. That's okay. It's their thing, right? Your hand twitches to your chest again. No...that's not right. You put it down, consciously telling yourself to stay still.

You look over at Jake and feel heat flush to your face. He seems to be...um...at full mast there.

"HEY!" You suddenly find yourself saying loudly. "Hey...I think you guys are done there!"

Suddenly Vriska stops and raises her head away from Nepeta. She looks dazed. Nepeta is still breathing hard.

All around the room people are looking strange. You see John and Rose each take a hand out of the other's underwear. You wish you hadn't seen that. Terezi's tongue is out, still in mid-lick on one of Karkat's horns. Her look of total confusion at the situation would be pretty hilarious if you didn't feel so zonked out of your mind.

Some people rub their foreheads, a few others blink stupidly.

"Huh....wha-?" Roxy stammers, confused.

"What...the hell...was that!?" You ask, your brain still kind of foggy. A new feeling of extreme embarrassment seems to be settling on the group.

"I...uh..." Nepeta begins slowly. "I think...that might have been my fault kind of...maybe..."

"What do you mean?" Kanaya asks.

"Well...I think I might have...unintentionally been triggering my heart powers there kind of. I'm a Rogue so...that's how it works. It sort of gets shared with everyone..."

"Wait...you're tellin' me you've got some kind of weird crazy orgy powers now?" Roxy asks.

"Not...not really? It's not like I can brainwash people or anything. It just sort of amplifies everything going on, like emotions and stuff, and takes it up a notch...or...a lot of notches. You're kind of getting drunk off the atmosphere, I guess."

"So wait...you can make us...like...you know?" Roxy asks, her eyes widening.

"Sort of? You have to already want to on some level, though. It just kind of gives you super lowered inhibitions, I suppose. Sorry...I guess I kinda lost control..."

Nepeta is biting her lip. Vriska scoots back to her seat slowly, still looking dazed.

Great...what are you supposed to do about this? Now there's sex auras going around and making people act all crazy? This night...this damn night...

You see Jade slide off Dave as he takes the deck of cards from Rose. The game still seems to be on in any case.


	77. Hand 53

**== > Jane: Be Roxy.**

You are now Roxy again. You're not entirely sure how it feels to be Roxy right now. On the one hand, what just happened was kind of awesome and what you wanted this night to be...or at least kind of. On the other, it feels kind of weird to have something like that go out of your control.

While you admit that Nepeta's weird porn aura just amplified to the fucking moon things you were already basically feeling, it still feels a bit like cheating.

Still, it wasn't like it was her fault entirely. You guess it's like Light Bright's whole glowing and temperature control issues. Sometimes you just can't keep that stuff in check. And, well it was pretty damn funny to see what it was doing to everyone else. Even Janey seemed to be getting a little frisky. She _would_ be the one to calm everyone down, though.

And look at that, conveniently Dave finishes dealing right as your musing reaches a stopping point. You love how that always seems to happen to you.

"Penalty card is ten of hearts," Aradia says, offhand.

"Let's see what we've got," You say in an idle tone.

**You've Got: A(C), Q(D), 9(S), 7(S), 5(C)**

Curse you, Card Gods! Why must you be so terrible!?

"I don't know why I keep getting disappointed by this," Kanaya drolls. "Really, I should just expect this by now."

Karkat hands three cards to Dave. Neither he nor Terezi seem all that perturbed, though Terezi still looks a bit teal in the face, eying Karkat's horn warily. You think you see some lipstick on it. Heh.

Janey looks all kinds of nervous and takes four. She does not seem any less worried following her new acquisitions. Jake, for his part, still looks pretty wigged out.

Dirk tosses over a solitary card while Nepeta beams next to him. Her smile falters, however, when they get their single card.

"So...any _bright_ ideas?" You ask.

"Funny," Kanaya shoots back. "I'm thinking the usual. You?"

**== > Roxy: _Ace_ this hand.**

Ha ha...you're so clever. Or not.

"Yeah...I mean, I guess. It's not like there's any other good options up in our business," You say.

You turn in the four other cards.

**You Get: 8(D), 8(H), 10(S), 6(D)**

Swank! A pair is better than nothing. That second 8 was the last card too, so good thing you didn't listen to that nagging voice in your head telling you to keep the queen or you'd have been in a far less favorable position.

Aradia and Vriska whisper over their cards for a little bit, before Aradia gives all of them to Dave. There are a few seconds of growing panic before relief seems to crash over them. Rose passes three to her brother. She shows the new ones to John, who grins. Jade shakes her head grimly at Dave and submits their entire hand. Neither look all that thrilled afterwards.

"Let's proceed, then," Rose says.

**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of kings**  
 **Jane & Jake Have: King high**  
 **Dirk & Nepeta Have: Two pair; Aces and 7s _+10 of hearts_**  
 **You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 8s**  
 **Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of 5s**  
 **John & Rose Have: Three of a kind; 3s**  
 **Jade & Dave Have: Queen high**

The realization of what has just happened seems to sink in slowly. Finally Jade lets out a long sigh as Jane is flushed with a look of immense relief. Rose adopts a smug grin.

"Well, well...first to worst, it seems," she says.

"Oh, as if we aren't all one or two hands from being naked anyway!" Jade fires back.

"First ones naked, woo!" You say. Several other people clap.

"Hold up, though, Team Heart got a penalty card. They should probably go first since getting nekkid is like a bigger deal, right?" Vriska asks.

There is general assent.

"Alright, I'll jump through some hoops before my Bro gets his junk out," Dirk says, grabbing the dare jar. Dirk pulls out a slip and reads: "Surprise, you don't have to do anything! What a disappointment. To make up for it, when you end up naked at the end, make sure you spend the rest of the game standing up so everyone gets a clear view of you. And no covering with hands either." Vriska raises her hands in triumph.

"Not necessarily who I would have picked for it, but you'll do!" She says.

"That's if I lose," Dirk says evenly.

"Well, it's not looking good for you, Other-Strider. And speaking of Striders..." Vriska says turning back to Dave and Jade.

**== > Roxy: Be Jade.**

Well...you guess it's come to this. Everyone is looking at you, all uppity and smug, especially the crowd from the last game. You have to admit this stings a little.

Sure, the way things were going you didn't think you had much of a hope of winning. Still, first to lose and the first on full display is a little humiliating after you and Dave won last time. Well, okay you didn't win, but you were in second place. Close enough.

Still, you think it's only fair he goes first this time.

"Stand up," You tell him. He does so, with only a slight raising of the eyebrows. He offers his hand to you. Ever the Knight, of course. You take it and stand up too.

You put your thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and begin to move down. As you move down with the garment you are greeted with the sight of blond pubic hair and then the shaft. Finally the whole thing is uncovered for everyone to see and you're at face level with the entire Strider package. It's nothing you haven't see before (even from this angle), but you still feel a touch of nervous energy in your chest and stomach. You guess that's the audience.

You let him step out of the boxers before casting them aside. Dave doesn't bother to hide his dick from everyone else. You guess he's probably got too much pride for that. Without prompting he does a turn so everyone can get a look at his ass too. You look around the room. Vriska and Aradia seem to be grinning appreciatively. John is looking pointedly away from both of you while Rose is holding up a hand to block the exposed parts of her brother from view while laughing.

Terezi is outright cackling and Karkat seems to have taken the John approach to the whole thing. Jane is blushing furiously and staring at her knees. Jake still looks confused as to what precisely is going on, looking between Nepeta and Jane and everyone else, scratching his head occasionally. Nepeta, herself, is staring wide eyed at Dave. You suppose this is probably her first naked human she's seen. Maybe her first boy in general. Dirk seems to be smirking, slightly, at her reaction. Roxy seems torn between amusement and embarrassment, the genetics of the whole thing probably confusing the hell out of her. Kanaya simply smiles wryly and shakes her head.

You straighten back up, knowing it's your turn now. Dave grabs your panties and drags them down in a manner not dissimilar to what you just did, revealing your trimmed raven pubic hair. You step out of your panties and, like Dave, turn around, presumably giving everyone a good show of your backside. You still aren't sure how it rates compared to the other girls here. You probably don't have anything on Aradia, but that's not exactly a fair standard to compare yourself to, anyway. You've never heard any complaints from Dave, at least.

Everyone in the room applauds the two first naked people out of the game. You sit back down and cuddle next to Dave and his arms wrap around you. You kiss his cheek.

You're feeling frisky. You _really_ wanna get out of here.

"So...uh...can we go now?" You ask.

"Oh, hellllllll no!" Vriska says.

"Yeah, nope! You gotta stay! It's part of your punishment for being all nuderized," Roxy says. You sigh. You're just gonna have to keep it zen until you can get Dave and yourself out of here then.


	78. Hand 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, sorry updates have slowed down to a crawl. As compensation I give you another chapter, this one with a tasty SideAnon center! The Karkat and Dirk POVs are totally SideAnon. The Roxy parts are all me.

**== > Jade: Be Roxy.**

Yep, you are now smack in the middle of Roxtytime again! These times feature 100% more Roxy than you were just experiencing, which, let's face it, is for the fucking best.

You know what else is the best? All of your awesome plans. Finally, FINALLY some peeps are naked now! Took long enough, damn it! Dave and Jade are all cuddling up and it's basically too cute.

Karkat's got those cards going on. He seems pretty in to the dealing, like it's all he's focused on. At least he's keeping busy, you guess.

"6 of diamonds," Rose says simply, not bothering to clarify. Not that she needs to anyway.

Let's see what CrabTroll has given us to work with.

**You've Got: 9(H), 9(S), K(S), J(H), 4(C)**

"Well, well! Something that doesn't totally suck," You say. Kanaya nods pointedly.

Jane hands four of her cards over to Karkat, who continues to stare at the deck. He hands her four back. She smiles. Dirk passes three in Karkat's direction. Neither he nor Nepeta react much.

"Any wild ideas with this one or should we just play it simple?" Kanaya asks.

**== > Karkat: Behold again.**

You've been over this. The only thing important happening right now is dealing cards.

Dealing cards demands your full attention.

Just think about cards. Cards don't have clothes to lose.

Don't think about her being naked. She's been almost naked for half an hour now and you were just about ignoring it completely. So don't think about it now.

Don't think about how much you've gotten used to the coloration after almost two sweeps of contact with these hideous awkward larva.

Don't think about Terezi cackling at Dave and Jade as if staring at a naked couple was a socially acceptable passtime. It's bait. She has 3NTR4PM3NT written over every inch of her wonderfully spiny little soul and while her games may lead to good times there are far less painful ways of getting there without entertaining her injustice complexes.

Actually, do think about Terezi cackling at Dave. Jade wasn't even involved. She finds his human junk amusing, clearly. That is a desirable state of affairs.

And while you're at it, don't think about Dave's human junk or anything involving that antagonistic smarmy noodle-fondler. As if you needed a reminder, right? 'Rails don't pail, end of story. Unless they're god-tier fairies apparently.

Just don't think about it. And don't think about Terezi's fingers under your aural shell, trying to goad you into looking over there.

Don't think about her making lewd and hamfisted references from your cards to Jade's body.

Don't think about how much grief she's going to give you for being a repressed little ball of romantic fury if you never look at one of the closest things she had to competition and _god dammit fine you'll peek right quic_ k.

There, nothing to even be that concerned over. She's still that weird bronzy shade with sunspots. Her hair is still a royally overdone pile of tresses to give Serket a run for her money. Her pink lips still have that cute pull in them like she's always smiling or angry and never anything between. The curve of her butt is still amazing, especially sitting side-legged.

And yeah there's part of you that still wants to be what she's curled up against.

It's not that Jade's gorgeous or anything, because she isn't. That's exactly the problem. Jade's damn pretty in her own way (especially for a human), but a category of pretty that still leaves the door open for a terminal failure like yourself. Odd that Terezi happens to be in the same category despite them looking nothing alike.

But then, that's why you are where you are, isn't it? It's something they share, one of Terezi's features you find so pitiably appealing, that someone with so many good qualities could still look and act downscale enough that they don't need to or think to reject out of hand a nubby caustic bumbling dork for a suitor. And it's those thoughts that make a person's pitiful qualities sound like an insulting thing to find attractive and casts your whole cultural upbringing into question.

_If I could understand what brought you here,_  
 _It's for my good that I have you near,_  
 _Pity, pity is so complicated, the way I feel about you,_  
 _Makes me want to change my attitude._

"Troll Lord Byron was a maudlin hack and we both know it." At least Terezi's trying to whisper this time.

"Troll Lord Byron wrote timeless classics and I'll thank you to stop pretending to read my mind." You know you're diving into something ill-advised, but pondering the mysteries of love was starting to interrupt your poker dealing.

"I don't have to read your mind! It's always the same stanzas when you're left conflicted by pretty barkbeast girls. And yes, me poking you in the ear contributed to you finally looking, we can bypass arguing the circumstances." Great, now you're outsmarting each other. This is probably going to take a while...

**== > Karkat: Be someone more aloof.**

Because giving a shit is for chumps who want to go through life angry. Aloof ain't all it's cracked up to be, but it's usually pretty awesome. Welcome back to being Dirk Strider btw, been a while but what else is new. Consider yourself lucky anyway omniscient narrator, being you is one of those things that goes from 'get to' to 'have to' after a while.

Case in point being that you're now roped into standing around with your crank out from the next hand you lose to however much longer this shit can drag out. Might as well start psyching yourself up for it, Striders swing more to the 'grower' end of the scale and in the immortal paraphrase of Dee Snider, if people are expecting to see a dude swinging free and easy they expect him to be pumped. And you were already beaten to the punch by your bro, so make sure you stick the landing.

It's not like it's that heavy a trick for you anyway. As embarrassing as some parts of your past might be, it's no secret from yourself that you used to decorate your pad with pictures of nearly-naked men in riding gear striking compromising poses. Let's just put that shit on the table, shall we? And then and now, you respect the balls it takes for a man to don bodypaint and bridle for a photoshoot that outlives the human race. It's not exactly something you wanted to try yourself (anymore right? cue laughtrack) and not something you'd think done in polite company. Then again, guys who would do that in the first place probably only had 'polite company' who would enjoy a nude man in a saddle, and y'know what maybe you should go back to not giving a shit about the whole thing.

Aloof is clearly the right course of action, as ever and anon. But speaking of pointless things to give a shit about, your ridiculously cute partner still looks kinda spazzed over the Human Penis Revelation.

"Don't worry sport, it might try to bite but they have a short reach. Just never tell the owner that."

"Oh no no, I'm not worried about nips," for the love of fuck please be playing along, "It's just, well..." She knots her hands under her chin, adorably. "I don't pawnt to ask if they all look like that, but... do they all look like that?"

Nep's actually really good at playing up the super-moe schtick. "Yeah I'm not buying that any teenager, even you, wouldn't recognize a dong on sight." She flinches and giggles, called it. "I'll admit my troll-porn collection was never that impressive, so I won't say anything with authority. But whatever smorgasbord of human genitalia awaits in your H-rated catgirl future, if you see one that doesn't look like a crimped sausage with a little mouth then yeah you should be worried."

"It looks so simple! You boys claways make such a big deal about bulges, and that's all there is to it?"

Man, whatever. "The key is not to overthink it, I told you they're idiotproof. Don't worry, once you find one to pounce on I'm sure everything will come naturally from there." There's that olive blush you like to see. "And give everyone some fair warning, so they can get in or out of the orgy blast radius."

While she tries not to laugh through a fake gag, you hand your cards back to the dealer, who seems to have finally remembered that he's running a poker hand. Neither of you need cat-mutant ears to hear him and Pyrope having another whisper fight. Right as you're about to interrupt again and forestall whatever new fucked up alien marital strife Karkat and Terezi are having this time, he does it for you.

"Okay, that's it." The room braces for impact but all he does is turn to your bro and his gf. "Jade?"

"OH, uh, yeah?" She has a great headlights look when she realizes she was already staring right at him.

With a voice more natural than his usual stupid leader tone, he just says, "You are fucking beautiful."

Jade doesn't take it nearly as awkwardly as probably everyone assumed. "Well, thanks Karkat!" Giggles and a little demure self-cover, nice work girl. Dave of course is ice cold, but doesn't get a note out before he's silenced by the paw in his lap. Some quick bromunication confirms he knows what he's doing.

All the dealer has for his monster wife is, "There, satisfied?" Terezi's grinning face puffs like she's actually swallowing another nonsensical button-punching harangue and just beams "Y3S!" at him. Karkat's starts another mini-speech before he's belted with an open-mouth kiss mid-sylable, before Terezi backs out as quick with red tips on her shit-eating grin.

Your cat is melting under the weight of all these feels and probably some internal conflict watching her crush get mollified. This stuff is crack for troll-shippers. A scratch behind the ears keeps her in check. Soon cat, real soon. When Vantas finishes with their own hand you get to hear, "Alrad, lez egd bag ta feneshing dis ame," with as much confidence as slurring. Fuck yeah, being aloof is awesome.

**== > Roxy: You've got a pair...so...you know...**

You decide to do the obvious pair thing. Really, anything else probably wouldn't have really contributed in any useful way to your hand.

"Well I've got wild ideas about other stuff worthy of some suggestive wonks, but I think in this type of dealie we should probably just keep the 9s," You say.

You give Karkat three cards. He and 'Rezi are still doing their weird thing. It's probably Troll-related. You wonder if Kanaya is going to want to do weird Troll stuff? It seems kind of confusing and stupid, really. You hope not. Your budding whatever is already complicated enough as it is.

**You Get: Q(S), 8(S), 7(C)**

Ah, well. You still have a pair, and that's probably good enough!

Aradia takes a solitary card and Rose opts for three. Both teams look passive. Finally, after a thorough licking of the cards, Terezi gives Karkat three.

"Let's go," Aradia says, businesslike.

**Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Aces and kings**  
 **Dirk & Nepeta Have: A pair of 4s**  
 **You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 9s**  
 **Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; Jacks and 4s**  
 **John & Rose Have: A pair of 5s**  
 **Karakt & Terezi Have: A pair of queens**

"Sheesh, where have all the penalty cards gone?" Vriska asks.

"Guess we're just picking the wrong ones..." John says, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, anywaaaaaaaays...who's bearing it all, Team Heart?" Vriska asks with a grin.

"Man...our luck has been pretty pawful, hasn't it?" Nepeta says.

"Yeah, kinda. I think the game may be starting to sense we're tool cool for this shit," Dirk responds.

"Well...I think it's gonna be me!" Nepeta pipes up.

"Uhh, and what gives you that idea, MegaNeko?"

"You've got a dare hanging over your head. I don't. So...there's still a tiny little chance that I can keep you from that, so I'm gonna try!"

And without waiting for another word from Dirk, Nepeta springs up, grabs her panties and jerks them down quickly, finally kicking them away with her foot. She's got a large triangle of hair down there, looks like. Not totally unkempt, but definitely the most substantial of any other girl you've seen here. You certainly can't see any olive, the way she's standing. She does a twirl and you get a quick look at her cute ass, before she sits down and draws her legs around herself, curling up against her "purrtner" and hiding the majority of her goodies from view.

"Let's just hope this doesn't trigger another one of her orgy spells," Jane says, warily.

"I kind of hope it does, really..." Aradia puts in.

You find that you also might be totally down with that. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sadly cannot take credit for Troll Lord Byron. That coveted accolade must go to SideAnon.
> 
> My jealously is as palpable as the real Lord Byron's foot was clubbed.


	79. Interlude 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SideAnon has once again created a finely honed piece of literature for you all, folded over a hundred times in an ancient Japanese forge, this passage is rumored to have mystic properties.

**== > Roxy: Give even less of a fuck.**

You cannot be Dave right now, because Dave is busy trying to ignore any possible Room Banter shenanigans going on, especially between any daffy chicks with the hots for him. He would be more specific, because that's a category that includes all chicks, but Dave isn't here to make remarks like that. Dave is currently occupied enacting the sort of comeuppance made easier by nudity. He's gotta keep his hand in the game.

That's gonna be solid gold double entedre a few paragraphs down.

If you could be Dave right now, he'd be reassuring you and by extension himself that it has nothing to do with a certain desperate schmo admitting about Jade what everyone already knew. Dave's girlfriend doesn't need any reminder who she's teen-hitched to. He'd also be reassuring himself-slash-you that it's in no way related to his sister's habit of getting busy in a guy's pants, this is about emotions or some shit. Rose just does that because she's more obsessed with penises than you are. You mean more than Dave is. Dave means more than he is.

But yeah totes dif. Also, no homo.

It's only harmless fun, something a hypothetical couple who are comfortable with showing off their smoking hot intimacy might do when they find themselves naked in public while their multicultural peers are engaged in a friendly game of non-money poker. Also something to distract Jade from Pyrope's batty-ass euphemistic propositions, because are you seriously hearing your ex try to talk your gf into a fourway?

You mean is Dave hearing that bullshit. Because for real you're not Dave Strider right now.

**== > Not Dave: Engage in shenanigans.**

Shenanigans? You'd hardly call a friendly conversation shenanigans, although talking to Terezi is always a little shenanigan-y in itself. So is being Jade Harley, it comes with the all powerful territory. But you'd say that the way her very appreciated mention of getting Karkat to finally compliment you (yay!) was her helping bygones be bygones translated so fast to Terezi complimenting how you and Dave look that it does have a smell of shenanigans.

You get a chance to mull this over while Karkat keeps her from licking the cards. "Were you not raised by an animal? Other people have to use these y'know."

"I can't help it! The air's getting so funky in here I can't tell the hearts and diamonds apart without my tongue." Everyone has a good giggle at that. Appropriately enough, shenanigans smell kinda sweaty.

Then she's back. "But anyway, as adorable as it would be to have something to dislike you over, I thought I'd skip beating around the bush. Oh isn't it ironic, the four of us situated like this, or something equally stupid." Terezi can actually whisper when she wants to, she just usually doesn't.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I appreciate the honesty. But, me and Dave are kinda set right now. That is, tonight." You don't have the heart to say 'and every night forever'. "N-no offense or anything, it d-does sound great!" You actually had no idea if she was serious. You get a lot of practice decoding deadpan lines from Dave, but Terezi is a different kind of crazy. They must have driven each other up the wall with this stuff.

But while you're talking this over, _something_ is definitely up, because as you speak there is a hand creeping around your butt. You can see both of Terezi's so it's not hers, surprisingly. Which leaves one very handsome possibility! Dave's always pretty coy about the whole Public Displays thing, being too cool for emotions. Normally you get his patented 'Christian Side Hug' or other irony-maximizing stuff while you do all the work until you're alone. But he's not above copping a very tame feel when he thinks there's a good gag in it.

"No offense taken! Clearly for you two every day is still as fresh as the one before it. It's beautiful isn't it, never having to catch each other off guard?"

This hand is neither tame nor a gag. Nothing prompted it, and you think he's trying to keep it hidden. The way his fingers are sliding their way between your cheeks has none of the makings of a feel! There is no copping going on at all. You'd go so far as to say fingery criminals are running amok under your butt from the lack of copping on the street. They're perilously close to cracking the vault and you've really taken this metaphor as far as it'll go.

"Not that I'm complaining of course." Karkat grunts something, but Terezi ignores him. "This is just a very special occasion, a time for doing things almost none of us would otherwise. Some ideas came to me during that magic spell a minute ago-" You both glance at Nepeta who's been watching the whole time. They share a friendly wave. "-and since we're sitting here I decided to offer."

Hey now Strider, don't touch _thaaat_! Sure it's on the way and hard to avoid but _ewww_ , c'mon, just a little farther.

"No no, I follow you, and I bet somebody might be into something like..." Your sentence trails off there, because whoa the hand is now on your cooch. He's been stroking all slow around the edges like you taught him and fuck do you have to hold together now. Not that you don't want him there or anything, but it's only been a couple seconds and you can already tell how long this is going to last versus how long it might be before you embarrass yourself.

Someday you're going to remember that Dave is 'be careful what you wish for' personified. At least his hand isn't around front.

"...Not to suggest a competition or anything, but you two weren't all I've had in mind. I'm sure you've noticed by now."

Oh right Terezi is still talking to you. WOW, that is really distracting. You might owe Dave an apology for the ice cube thing.

"Well, don't let me interrupt your fingerbanging any further, Harley." Busted! Great now Dave's chuckling, and Terezi's grinning at how red you're probably turning. "But don't worry! Refusal accepted and the door is always open! I was just sniffing around for ideas."

There is more mischief in that whisper than you're comfortable with, so you just huddle closer to Dave. Leaning against him side-legged with your arm around his shoulder, his arm is entirely behind your back. A glance around the room confirms nobody else has noticed. Okay, almost nobody. Nepeta was obviously paying attention the whole time and she is hard to escape. She catches your eye with a pleading grin. And because you're absolutely cool with being fingered in public, like so absolute zero cool or something totally made up, you wink back and enjoy her little squeee face.

Jeez, how much longer do you have to sit here anyway? No wonder John and Rose started going stir crazy last time.

It dawns on you that Dave _could_ stop time for a few minutes and you _could_ teleport out and back. But you've tried stuff like that before, and it never works because you both look like a slobbery wreck when you return. It's kinda obvious and rude and unfair. And Dave is definitely trying to fuck around with you so he probably wouldn't do it anyway. Just gonna have to tough it out.

Mmmmmm _mmmm_...


	80. Hand 55

**== > Roxy: Three down...**

And at least nine to go. Potentially one more if the last team _really_ comes down to the wire.

Of course, since everyone ended up pretty much stripping together, they're gonna start dropping like flies, you guess. You and Light Bright might be topless, but you're still in some of the best shape compared to a lot of the groups here.

Janey grabs the cards and begins handing them out. She's still trying to awkwardly cover her boobs. Oh, Jane. She needs to join everyone else here at the not giving a fuck party. Oh well, she's done way better than you thought she would. You're proud of her.

You hear that the 9 of hearts is the penalty card this time. Let's hope it does some damage this time...except...you know...not to your team.

**You've Got: Q(H), Q(D), 8(H), 4(C), 3(S)**

Hey there, sexy! What's that? You're two lonely broads looking for a good time with some classy ladies? Well, you picked the right team, bitches, 'cause _now_ this is a party!

"What are you smiling at?" Kanaya asks.

"Oh...we got queens! Sweet, right?" You respond.

"I...suppose. Still, you were looking kinda...odd there."

"Well...I was, you know, monologuing about them...internally, and like applying all these crazy personifications to them since they're like two classy ladies and so are we...so...yeah..."

Kanaya is silent for a few seconds.

"You're a strange girl, Roxy."

"...I know..."

Dirk grabs three cards from Janey, which brings things around to you.

**== > Roxy: Keep the lovely ladies.**

Well, that goes without saying. These two dames are the life and soul of this little get-together aren't they? Hmm...Kan is looking at you weird again. Maybe you should ease up on the personification a bit.

**You Get: K(D), J(H), 10(C)**

Well, nothing all that new and exciting, but also no 9 of hearts so let's keep this glass half full, here.

Aradia, Rose, Karkat and Jane all take three cards apiece. None of them seem to react all that much to them, with the sole exception of Vriska looking a little sour over Aradia's shoulder.

"Let's get the fuck on with it, then," Karkat says.

**Dirk Has: Two pair; 10s and 2**   
**You and Kanaya Have: A pair of queens**   
**Aradia and Vriska Have: A pair of 2s**   
**John & Rose Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: A pair of aces**   
**Jane & Jake Have: A pair of 6s**

"And another hand with no penalty card and someone losing with a pair," You sigh. "So...Aradia or Vriska...who's gonna dare for us?"

"That's easy," Terezi says, rummaging around in her discarded pants on the floor and producing a coin. "Good heads it's Aradia, bad heads it's Vriska."

"Why am I bad heads?" Vriska asks, indignant.

"There are so many answers to that question I don't even know where to start. Anyway, shut up! It's flippin' time!"

'Terezi flips the coin in the air. It lands on 'heads.'

"Guess that means it's you, Megido," Vriska says lazily.

Aradia draws one of the four remaining single dare cards and reads it aloud: "Get a popsicle and suck on it as erotically as possible for one minute. Then feed it to the player on your left."

Oh, score! That was yours!

"Uh...where even are..." Aradia starts.

"O-oh...." Jade says distractedly. There's some slight scuffling movements from her and Dave. Just what are those two up to over th- you know what? You're not even gonna ask that question. "Yeah...u-um...there you go." Jade's voice is quavering slightly, but a green flash results in a box of popsicles appearing above Aradia and bonking her on the head.

"Ow..." she mumbles as she rubs her forehead. "Oh, well...here goes...whatever this is, I guess." She grabs a plastic package from the box and peels it away from the orange stick of frozen sugar disguised as juice.

She pushes out her tongue and teases the end with it slightly. She then moves the tip slowly into her mouth, her tongue running slow circles around the circumference. She pushes the popsicle in a bit further and lets out a quiet, yet theatrical moan.

Really, Aradia, really?

As she continues to suck on it, she begins to rub her free hand along the rest of the popsicle, orange justice eventually beginning to drip from her hand.

Finally, she starts vigorously shoving the entirely length of the partially frozen treat in and out of her mouth. She takes the melting popsicle and pushes it up to Vriska's face, who awkwardly opens her mouth as the remains of frozen orange slide in. Vriska swishes the cool juice around her mouth a few times and then swallows. Aradia sighs contentedly and begins to lick her fingers and hand clean.

"I don't see what the big deal about that was," Terezi says. "That's how I eat pretty much everything!"

"Yeah...I know..." Karkat says in a far off voice.

"Anyhoo, it looks like there's only three left in there, and I don't know about you guys, but these are starting to seem a bit tame to me. What do ya say we freshen these pots up with some new material?" Vriska suggests.

"I don't see the harm," Rose says. "John and I won't be doing any regardless."

"Hey, you never know when you can get involved in these things! They're tricky. Anyway, I say let's just do this. Everyone still in the game make up a new single dare card, and all of the teams left come up with a team one. We'll have more than enough by that point," Vriska says.

You look at Kanaya and ponder for a moment...

"Don't forget the, eh...current state of dress of pretty much everyone here, or our dearly departed losers, when you think about what you want to write down," Vriska adds with finality.

Hmm...what to write, what to write...


	81. Intermission 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undead had a sudden absence come up, so as long as the game is temporarily on hold...
> 
> ==> SideAnon: Unleash forces beyond your control.
> 
> If you'd like to contribute suggestions to this ludicrously ill-advised escapade, please head over to the thread in the notes at the end.

**== > Aranea: Receive cards.**

A8solutely, you can receive cards. All you have to do is wait for Latula to deal them after all. Which is good 8ecause sitting still is a8out all you're willing to trust yourself with at the moment, especially since _she_ is still looking at you with a soft 8ut entirely too friendly grin.

You used to think it was difficult to tell what anyone was really looking at, since no one here has pupils, 8ut 8eing a god of vision does help. It also helps keep things in perspective.

Porrim is not malicious, nor even advantageous. At the risk of a vaguely sexual metaphor, you would say Porrim's 8oundaries are wide 8ut very firm. She is not one to encroach where she does not 8elieve she would 8e welcome. While the two of you have 8een emotionally intimate 8efore, physical intimacy was... well, it just felt out of place. Not that she didn't make a million offers of course, 8ut that's just part of her way of 8eing friendly. Porrim is almost incapa8le of 8eing insistent, at least with anyone 8ut Kankri.

You still can't shake the feeling that there was quite a 8it of unrequited intent in her actions, whatever the Dare Card may have commanded. Then again, may8e she just took it upon herself to remind everyone that the whole purpose of this game is physically gratuitous entertainment, and that it took over two dozen hands for the first dare to appear.

And while you've 8een reconciling an understanding of Porrim's personality everyone already had, you've completely forgotten a8out getting these cards. Pull yourself together Serket, it was just an old friend.

**You've Got: Q(S), 10(S), 9(C), 5(S), 3(S)**

That is a paltry excuse for a hand. The spades flush is a distinct possi8ility 8ut your command of fortune has reminded you of just how much 8lind luck is truly involved in this game.

Porrim hands in three cards, and as if she needed to look any more pleased with herself grins at the result. Kankri also returns three and seems accepting of the return. Meenah however hands in four and practically growls at what Latula hands 8ack, setting her grinning.

Looks like you're up against at least two pairs, 8ut you might have Meenah to throw under the 8argain community transport. Wouldn't that 8e pitifully mean of you?

**== > Aranea: Go for the flush.**

You promised yourself you'd 8e willing to take risks tonight. Play a little more loosely, as it were. Meenah gives a sarcastic whistle when you hand in one card. You're still is a safe position, so why not? And if it works you'll get to enjoy a turn of phrase like 'a spades flush'. 

**You Get: J(D)**

Or, that could happen. Crap. You don't say anything, 8ut you must have looked pretty sour as Meenah quips, "Bad break lucky? Or ya jus' fishing for sympathies after that hot action?"

You don't even 8other looking disapproving. "No, just noting a frustration with the operative element of gambling, which is indeed the gambling."

"Hey we're all like as almost tied anyway..." Rufioh offers with an easy air, "I always think I got the worst hand and look how that's working out." True enough, he hands Latula four cards and looks only mildly displeased with the return.

While Latula draws three for herself, Porrim just says, "Yes aren't we all so humble. Now, show us what you have."

**Porrim Has: Two pair; queens and 4s**  
 **Kankri Has: A pair of jacks**  
 **Meenah Has: Ace high with queen**  
 **You Have: Queen high**  
 **Rufioh Has: Ace high with king**  
 **Latula Has: A pair of 9s**  


"Ar-right! Someone else finally joins the undies party! Let's see you whip it Serk!"

"...Thank you for the encouragement Latula." It's not a mind-8oggling issue or anything, it's just 8een so long since you've 8een so much as pantsless in the same room as someone you struggle to remem8er the details. Your 8louse has served you well, 8ut it's time has come.

Confidently as you can muster, you cross your arms to gra8 the hem and slowly pull it up in paces. Stomach, chest, past your face quickly so you don't look too silly, and up over the horns for the full display. Not that you have any practice whatsoever at looking sensual, 8ut the concept is easy enough to grasp. There's a part of you that hopes you live up to the classic com8ination of sexy and 8ookish, otherwise you'd feel a 8it em8arrassed sitting here in just your glasses and 8right orange godly underwear. And your necklace, which you forgot to take off. It actually looks nice sitting on 8are skin.

Maryam can always 8e relied on for fashion compliments. "I think I'll retract my doubts about the orange. The cerulean was too much contrast, but reduced to the basics the bright color looks quite good on you by itself."

"Thank you Porrim, although I really only wear them for the comfort." They are magical after all.

"I should think so, those bloomers look quite roomy. I still say you should lose them, they would have been frumpy even when they were popular. Something more modern maybe... If anything at all." Oh that's just awkward. At least she can multitask dealing cards with 8eing coyly lewd.


	82. Intermission 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The intermission continues, with an unusual dare. How will our heroine approach this challenge?

**== > Aranea: Assess state of the game.**

Not that you really need to, 8ut things have 8een a 8it distracting lately. And you do love cataloging the patently o8vious.

Starting anticlockwise, Meenah is doing her level 8est to 8ring the sexy to the party. This translates to a 8right fuschia 8ikini top and her 8aggy 8lack cargos 8ecause leaving her socks on would have 8een too dorky. Why would anyone even wear pants with that many pockets when she has nothing to put in them? And since they would drop clear off her legs without 8eing 8elted to her hips, Meenah's sea-green thong is no mystery either. Whether she chose mismatched underwear or just didn't notice when she threw them on however many nights ago is anyone's guess.

Speaking of dorky, Kankri is still tied with Meenah and yourself until the previous hand at three articles despite an early losing streak. 8y a group decision so unanimous he couldn't 8ring himself to o8ject, _The Pants_ were the first to go as soon as they were eligi8le to remove. Poor Kankri has since spent most of the game in his startlingly unimaginative undershirt, 8riefs, and tu8e socks. There is one contextual upside that they all leave little to the imagination.

Porrim is technically losing although just 8arely. It is a significant 8arely, as she is now also the first player to tap into the Dare Jar, which you are still studiously avoiding thinking a8out. At any rate, she has 8een reduced to her 8alconette and side-ties. They're an excellent hidden layer to the 8reezy ensem8le she picked out tonight, and its a testament to her skills that she can craft an outfit that looks equally classy with any one piece removed. You can't help 8ut think she dressed expecting to take everything off piecemeal, 8ut then Porrim always dresses as if she expects a need to 8e naked at a moment's notice.

Separated 8y only one loss and now tied with yourself, Latula has 8een making the most of some languorous stretching in her matching crimson and 8lack athletic 8ra and short-shorts. Despite a cross-universal precedent she seems to have elected not to treat her sunglasses as 'clothing' although she hasn't mentioned them either. Not nearly as surprising as her 8eing here at all as the only player already in a truly committed relationship. Then again, as a matesprit Mituna is hardly a... traditionalist and not much for social events anyway.

True to his perceived character, Rufioh has managed to 8e 8oth the first player genuinely 8are-chested whilst also suffering the fewest losses. No one goaded him into taking off his shirts first, even though he seemed to 8e exercising his own willpower to make it happen. The result is more than a little stunning. He still has his 8oots, socks, and pants, and you strongly assume he has on underwear of some sort. You could check with your spectral vision 8ut that would just 8e unsporting. And if you're honest with yourself, a little too temping.

And finally yourself. 8efore the last hand you had 8een nearly accustomed to wearing only a 8louse for modesty, 8ut now you've joined the undies party at last. The Sylph aspect grants some rather spacious undergarments to compliment its flowing ro8es, and while they may look old fashioned to your contemporaries (8ecause they are) they're also wonderfully easy wearing. Like the others, you don't expect to 8e using your glasses or necklace as articles to lose, although if everything goes according to plan you'll surely 8e taking them off as well later on. If you had any kind of plan that is.

That contextualizing introspection out of the way, let's see what Porrim has given you to work with.

**You Have: A(H), Q(D), 10(D), 7(H), 5(S)**

Theoretically this is even worse than the last hand. Not many options here.

Kankri appeared to suffer the same fate, turning in four cards. He lights up almost guiltily at what he gets 8ack. Meenah is also in the same 8oat with four cards thrown, and doesn't look nearly as happy after.

Suffice to say you'll pro8a8ly 8e doing likewise. Hopefully some luck comes through this time.

**== > Aranea: Keep the ace.**

Statistically speaking in a game where only the lowest hand actually matters you might have a 8etter opportunity getting five new cards instead of just four. 8ut there's not much for such experimenting right now so you just do what's o8vious.

**You Get: J(D), 9(C), 6(D), 4(S)**

Lo and 8ehold, you were right. That's pro8a8ly even the same Jack of Diamonds. Truly a pale pretender if ever you've known one.

Rufioh could not look less concerned as he turns in just one card, and Latula is downright chipper turning in two. 8y the time Porrim retrieves four cards for herself she's a 8it pertur8ed and doesn't improve.

"Alright so," Rufioh puts down his hand, "check this shit out."

**Porrim has: Ace high, with queen**  
 **Kankri has: A pair of aces**  
 **Meenah has: Ace high, with jack**  
 **You have: Ace high, with jack**  
 **Rufioh has: Two pair, jacks and tens**  
 **Latula has: Three queens**

Everyone does a dou8le take and looks to yours and Meenah's hands. Her third card: **ten** to your nine. Now that is just em8arrassing. You let out a theatrical sigh over Meenah's hooting and everyone else's chuckling, and reach into the dare jar when it's passed over to you.

_Do not read this dare aloud! From now on, flirt with the person to your right until you get them to kiss you._

Good thing you're such a cautious reader. "Well, I would describe my punishment, but the card has specifically instructed me to keep it a secret."

Kankri manages to o8ject first. "A secret dare? Well without the rest of the participants being aware of the terms, it can hardly count as a dare at all. That's quite a privilege only being bound to-" A finger from Latula steals the room's attention.

"Whoa time out Kankles! Let me ask, did anyone write a 'secret dare'?" No one proffers. "Good then, it's mine. So even with her dare on the D-L, I know exactly what Aranea's supposed to be doing. And it's gonna be sweet too!"

"So... do we give her some privacy to carry it out? Blindfolds perhaps?"

"Nah, we just keep playing. Trust me, I'll know if she's actually doing it, it'll be real obvs real quick. And you all know how sers I am about stickin' peeps to their word." Indeed, the Knight of Mind is quite good at that. Some of your friends were 8affled to learn that a true radical like Pyrope could 8ecome an exemplary officer of the law in another world. You were not surprised in the slightest.

Which makes the situation all the more pertinent. Not least 8ecause, in several sweeps of life and a8out a 8illion of death you enjoyed essentially no practice in the fine art of flirting. Aside from the natural attractiveness you've 8een intimated to possess, your skills at 8eing alluring are surely a8ysmal.

Then again your target is Meenah Peixes, truly a dou8le-ended fork. Of anyone you could seduce, you know far more a8out pushing Meenah's 8uttons. 8ut then... That isn't terri8ly new ground is it? So much for attempting more risks.

There is another possi8ility. Latula's instructions carry an air of secrecy, 8ut there's no mention of penalty. You could ignore the terms and dare her to enforce them. Just not participating would 8e unsporting and not much fun, 8ut that's not the only way to violate a command to secretly flirt.


	83. Intermission 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More intermission, wrapping up a challenge with surprising speed.
> 
> Seriously, I'm writing this and I can hardly believe how I let it turn out.

**== > Aranea: Ponder the wherea8outs of your other friends.**

You do have rather important matters to attend to, 8ut you can always make time for a good ponder.

Latula wanted to participate and reluctantly took it upon herself to recuse Mituna from joining, and he didn't seem to argue a8out it. For however many minutes he was aware of the situation. You dou8t anyone present would have o8jected, 8ut Minuta is simply uncomforta8le with social situations, and unfortunately social situations are uncomforta8le with him.

You 8elieve some8ody tried to ask Kurloz if he was interested, 8ut as usual no8ody 8ut Meulin had any idea what his answer was. O8viously a no. As for Meulin, she was more than welcome to join 8ut seemed surprisingly disinterested. She is already familiar with all possi8le permutations of casual romance 8etween her friends anyway. Instead, she took paradox space's opportunity to o8serve the living players having their own game that this one 8orrowed its premise from. The fresh canvas was just too appealing.

Exactly how Damara was avoided you're not sure, 8ut Rufioh was on 8oard to participate from the start and pro8a8ly had something to do with it. Not that you would really complain, she's a handful at the 8est of times and trying to explain the concept of strip poker to her or keep her from running the ta8le with all of you would have likely turned uncontrola8le very quickly. The room is girl-heavy enough anyway. You suspect Horuss wound up dis-inviting himself for altogether similar reasons.

And Cronus wasn't invited. That should 8e all there is to say on the matter 8ecause seriously, fuck that guy. He can roll his R's all he wants, it will no more transform him into a gam8lignant than inspire you to loathe him in any way 8ut the very most platonic.

**== > Aranea: Stop 8eing distracted.**

Right, 8ack to the matters at hand. The first matter 8eing indeed the hand.

**You Have: Q(C), J(D), 10(H), 5(H), 4(S)**

Fa8ulous. And oh look, your old friend the Pale Jack decided to show up early this time.

Meenah's pokerface is printed word, and she wears a small 8ut smug grin handing only three cards to Kankri. Might as well at least try to make a fool of yourself. "Already feeling more confident, princess?"

"Damn strait, nice to net a catch at least once without tryin'." Given the game, there's really no reason not to 8e honest a8out one's hand, it's not as through folding is a thing one can do. And you're positive she spelled that in her head as a watery strait.

Anyway, what to do with this measly hand? You're reminded of your earlier musing on the relative lack of merit in high cards, 8ut you've really learned not to second guess luck. It could go either way.

**== > Aranea: Drop everything.**

Yes, there's a difference 8etween 8eing 8old and 8eing honest, and this is one place the conservative approach will do you no favors. This is quickly 8ecoming far too metaphorical, let's just get some cards.

You try to 8e casual with giving your whole hand to Kankri, narrowly 8rushing Meenah's knee in the process. Hopefully it wasn't too o8vious, she's not really in the way. "Heh, speakin' of carpy hands."

"Wish me luck, I'm sinking fast here." Don't force it Serket.

"You'll look better without that orange junk anyway. " You're going to take that as a sign of encouragement.

**You Get: 3(C), 3(H), 8(C), 7(H), 2(D)**

And the paradox gods smile on you at last. That other three was even the last card, you really were right. It's not much to stand on of course, 8ut you can allow yourself a little grin just for finally 8eing right a8out something and escaping the high-card a8yss.

Rufioh is as placid as ever handing in three cards, with no reaction to the return. Latula does likewise. And Porrim does the same as well. Were they all dealt a pair to start?

Only Kankri is actually concerned, "Well at least I get to share in Aranea's experience of this game's equivalency of a fold." He drops his whole hand for a new one, and lights up a 8it more than you pro8a8ly did. Oh dear. "And it turned out rather well."

**Porrim has: A pair of sixes**  
 **Kankri has: A pair of kings**  
 **Meenah has: A pair of fives**  
 **You have: A pair of threes**  
 **Rufioh has: A pair of sixes**  
 **Latula has: A pair of eights**

Everyone has to check twice, and Meenah is snickering 8y the time you 8ury your face in a palm. This... is not your night. "Aw, sucks to be you Serk!"

"I should hold you partially responsible for this. I told you to fish me luck, but did you? No."

"Hey I never figger'd you'd need it. I was set to be mad jelly of our luck-god, but you forgot to cheep or somefin."

"Reely? You think I would cheat at somefin as immaterial and personal as strip poker?" The rest of the group is actually giggling at this, since it doesn't sound much like an argument. You and Meenah just talk to each other like this.

"I wanted you to! I should've known it'd take more than dragging you to a strip party to loosen you up."

You set a8out fum8ling 8ehind your 8ack, too distracted to undo the archaic clasps. Damned Sylvan unmentiona8les. "You prawnfess to know me well enough to prescribe nudity and gambling to improve my dispofishion, and expected me to abuse my powers in the process? Cod this berating be another attempt at loosening?"

"Fuck yeah beach, just listen to yourself. I kelp telling you you're crafty and sexy enough to be as cool as me, you just gotta learn how to work it. Starts with usin' what you got." Even for a troll her sense of personal space is deplora8le.

"Oh, an object lesson then, how inspired. And your skewering will also make me more comfortable with getting naked?"

"Maybe, but this shore will!" And 8efore you can catch it, she darts in fast enough to clink your glasses together as she... smooches the hell out of you.

Um. _Wow._

Not that you weren't already o8ligated to make this happen, 8ut you weren't even trying here. You were just going through the motions of a little morail-8ickering... and unshaka8le em8arrassment. 8y the time you process that Meenah is actually kissing you (roughly you might add), you realize she's 8een messing with your hands. Suddenly she separates, deftly pulling your arms around front... Along with your 8rassiere. Instinctively you try to protect your modesty, 8ut it's almost pointless.

"Peixes, that was entirely uncalled for!"

"Yeah the shell it wasn't, frumpy," she retorts, twirling your underwear around her finger.

"I'm more than capable of undressing myself thank you."

Latula pipes in, "But that way was totes presh instead! A million points towards your dare too, you rocked that shit girlfriend."

Kankri wants to sound indignant, pro8a8ly on your 8ehalf, 8ut even he's amused. "THAT was her secret dare? Getting Meenah to strip her?"

"Cuh-lose enough!" Latula is enjoying this far too much, and Porrim and Rufioh find it all plenty funny as well. _These people_ are your friends.

Okay okay, that actually was pretty fun. And it even a8solved your dare in the process, how serendipitous.


	84. Intermission 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much actually happens. Just to prove I'm not rigging results for maximum fun density or anything.

**== > Aranea: 8e mortified.**

Oh come now, it's not that 8ig of a deal. Yes, you're the first girl in the game with her spheres out, 8ut the nature 8y which it happened kept it from anyone really lingering on that fact itself. Just lingering on your smoldering so-called "chemistry" with the resident egomaniac.

**== > Aranea: Linger on fishy kisses.**

Now you're just 8eing silly. Meenah am8ush-smooched you for the purpose of em8arrassment, and some vague attempt at pale-ish encouragement. She's just like that.

She's also all salt, teeth, and chapstick just as you recall, 8ut you're not going to hold that against her. It's 8een eons since even the most chaste kiss you've shared, and that is more or less why you're here. And that it's 8een eons since your last real kiss with anyone and then some. Even 8eing the immortal dead and kind of a dwee8 8esides hasn't saved you from the eternal imperatives of 8eing a teenager.

Anyway. What's far more concerning is that you've gone from comforta8ly safe to dead last in three hands. That is atrocious. Now let's see how fortune has decided to mock you this time.

**You Have: 9(S), 9(H), 5(S), 5(H), A(D)**

You're still going to chalk this up to fortune mocking you. 8ut that is mocking you can accept.

First up, and the decision certainly isn't hard. Although you could just stand and freak everyone out. Either way, you might compliment Meenah on the dealing, even though she 8ears no responsi8ility. And that you're not o8ligated to flirt with her any more.

**== > Aranea: 8e conflicted.**

It's a surprisingly fractious decision, whether to play the game as intended and attempt to improve your already impressive hand, or seize the freedom of 8eing assured you won't lose the hand to appear overtly confident. It would 8e a very transparent action once the hands are down though, as the ace doesn't do anything on its own. It's so smug that it strikes you as unsporting. And also feels like something your roguish reincarnation might do in such a situation, and while you did admire her 8ravado you're not trying to 8reak that far out of your shell.

You've also 8een pondering this for more moments than you should have, and your choice even surprised yourself.

**== > Aranea: Drop the ace.**

You've 8een trying to cover yourself 8y keeping 8oth forearms pressed to your chest as through reading a miniscule 8ook. When you hand the one card to Meenah you maneuver in just such a way as to leave yourself exposed only to her.

A glance might have reached Kankri too, 8ut you're not going to 8other 8eing concerned with that. He raises an eye8row, 8ut it's nothing compared to Meenah grin. "I don't care what Maryam shad, that ugly ass orange is not your color Serk."

**You Get: K(D)**

Pointless, 8ut oh well. "It's more flattering in an ensemble, true, but any color is better than nothing."

"Not from where I'm sitting it ain't."

A very well toned arm stretches past you. "I don't wanna butt in my girls getting their game on, but-" Right, other players. Rufioh sounds a 8it nervous tossing his whole hand especially after that failed you, 8ut he lights up afterward. "Shit, thanks princess."

Latula reacts the same when she hands in three. "Ditto paycheck." You suppose everyone is finally catching on that there's no such thing 8luffing in this game, and all sem8lance of pokerfaces are 8eing a8andoned. 8ut Porrim doesn't say anything to her three cards.

Kankri however tosses all five and practically growls a8out it. "I don't know why you're all acting like Meenah is somehow responsible for the outcome of the hand. It's a good thing she's not, with cards like this."

"Eff you too. And if I was, I squid've saved the good ones for myself." Indeed, Meenah also drops her whole hand for a new one. This is unprecedented.

**Porrim has: A pair of eights**  
 **Kankri has: Queen high**  
 **Meenah has: A pair of tens**  
 **You have: Two pair, nines and fives**  
 **Rufioh has: Three kings**  
 **Latula has: Two pair, fives and twos**

"My point exactly," Kankri harumphs. "I think it does a disservice to the dealer to ascribe the good hands to them, because then you have to blame them for the bad ones, and Meenah doesn't deserve that for this kind of crappy hand."

Latula makes like she's playing the world's tiniest catgut-strung instrument. "Aw, poor Kanks finally got rofflestomped for one round. Maybe Aranea will lend you some pity." No, you pro8a8ly won't.

"What? I lost fairly, that doesn't mean I have to be happy about-"

Porrim cuts him off, "Just take your socks off Vantas," and makes for his feet, 8ut he swats her away and pulls them off himself. What a shame, that was hardly sexy at all.


	85. Intermission 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probably the last intermission, thanks for playing along.
> 
> Next, back to your regularly scheduled competent writer.

**== > Aranea: Deal.**

You gra8 the cards from Meenah all set to forestall any further aggitation, when you suddenly realize what she's still grinning a8out. Of course, you're topless now. That might present a pro8lem. Yes, you did make a calculated flash of them to her moments ago, 8ut that's a 8it different from leaving your spheres hanging in the 8reeze while you work. Metaphorically hanging that is, they're actually quite pert and shapely and really not voluminous. The pros and cons of 8eing nine-ish sweeps eternally.

Thinking quickly, you try a method of holding the deck with one arm across your chest and dealing one-handed. The struggle lasts one revolution 8efore Porrim speaks up. "Darling, you know don't need to be so embarrassed around your friends. I think we're all mature enough here to cope with the knowledge that Aranea Serket possesses secondary sexual characteristics, complete with dare-I-say-it nipples."

Then Kankri 8acks her up. "Right. Not to imply that anyone's trying to ogle you-" Unintentionally 8ackhanded reassurance, as usual. "-but I think you can trust us enough to ignore propriety for convienience."

You're not em8arrassed per se, you just really are naturally shy. All the same, proper two-handed dealing goes a lot smoother, even if you ineffectually hunch over since you are nothing if not propriety incarnate. There's some askance looks from everyone in the room, 8ut you're not going to make a fuss.

Rufioh hands you three cards, and whistles at what you give 8ack. "Y'know, it's like to be a shame were not actually playing for anything but sex. Dang." _Well then._

Latula returns three and doesn't react anywhere near as strong. After struggling with the decision for a moment, Porrim keeps the trend alive and hands in all five. She immediately sours with the first and just keeps worsening until the last card, when she almost chuckles. Kankri and Meenah 8oth take three cards with little more than a smirk. Finally, you can pick up your own set.

**You Have: K(C), K(H), 7(H), 7(D), 5(S)**

Dichotomy, thy name 8e Serket. And the course of action seems quite clear...

**== > Aranea: Receive full house.**

It'd 8e pointless not to try.

**You Get: 6(H)**

Well whatever. You 8arely finish picking up the card 8efore you're accosted 8y, " _Bangarang!_ "

 **Porrim has: A pair of queens**  
 **Kankri has: A pair of nines**  
 **Meenah has: A pair of tens** again?  
 **You have: Two pair, kings and sevens**  
 **Rufioh has: Full house, sixes and jacks**  
 **Latula has: A pair of eights**

Sixes, sevens, 8s, nines, tens, jacks, queens, and kings all represented in scoring sets. The esoteric coincidence is astonishing... to you. Everyone else is more interested in Latula losing that closely. "Weeeaaak!

"Hmph, well Latula," oh Kankri please don't, "I just want you to know that you still have my sympathies, despite very clearly asking for that one."

"Yeah yeah whatever. Yo Aranea, jar me."

"I'm just saying, it's perfectly reasonable to feel like a hypocrite right now if you're unhappy with this turn of events. No one should hold it against you." Okay he is grinning, for once he might 8e getting what a joke this is.

"Oh man, this dare better be awesome! C'mon distraction..." Latula makes like she's engaging some well-honed strategy for picking exactly the right random slip of paper. "Aaaaand- _Trawl the dream bubble and snare the first person you meet, then mako with the sexy lap dancing._ " Meenah straight up cackles as Latula just stares 8lankly at the card. Suddenly she jumps to her feet with a snap, "Right then, I'm outies! Wish me luck jokers." And with that she's off, even as the 8u88le reshapes in her passage.

After a moment, Rufioh asks, "So, should we like go after her or something? Would kinda suck if we didn't get to see any of it."

"As much as an audience might improve her performance," Porrim offers, "I doubt Pyrope would appreciate us tromping around behind her attempts at physical seduction."

"Don't worry all, you do have a god of all things visionary at hand." It's smug 8ut also true. With eons of practice o8serving other people 8eing interesting, you deftly weave the fa8ric of the 8u88le to surreptitiously watch Latula on her mission. It's almost enough to distract you from having to do the fancy magic motions whilst nearly naked...

**== > Aranea: 8e kickin' rad.**

Th1s 1s som3 gr4d3-4 hoofb34st sh1t you've b33n gam3d 1nto, but you 41n't l3tt1n' nobody c4ll L4TUL4 PYROP3 bust4h for b4ck1ng down from 4 l4m3 ch4ll3ng3. Before you go any further though, you decide monologuing in your quirk would be a huge pain in the ass. Leave that to peeps with simple deals.

So this ain't gonna be no thang, just gotta find somebody not repulsive to grind hardcore until they get hot and bothered. Tuna has to be around somewhere, although you don't know if randomly getting all sexy on him wouldn't freak him out. Or if he'd freak out when you stop before going for the gold, poor little guy. Or maybe you'll run into Meulin on the way through this serviceably lame shopping center your memories conjured up. She'd play along and be totally cool with it, and you don't have a lot of options left over outside the gang back in the poker room.

As you cross the mall's half-assed old ramp park it starts to get a lot more wooded than in should be. Like for real, this is a forest. A torch-lit forest with treehouses and you've got a baaaad feeling you know whose memory this is. Of all the times Captor could get himself lost, you really wish it'd be now. But of course your luck runs out when you round a tree and bump into _her_.

"Uh, sup Damz."

"Koncha, bonkura."(1) She makes no effort to keep from puffing her chronic in your face. How the heck did you not smell that com- _OH RIGHT_. A non-working nose is barely a disability (seriously Vantas, it's not) and especially with the people you know it can be a good thing sometimes. All in all this basically sucks, but a dare is a dare and you're not afraid of nothin'.

"Lemme talk at'cha girlfriend. I don't know what you may or may not still be mad at me about, but I need you to do me a solid."

She surprisingly doesn't care about putting your hands on her shoulders. "Hai, katai mono ga yoidesu."(2)

"Word. Now, this isn't gonna make a lot of sense, and maybe it's best I ran into you. This might work better without words." Damn, you should get a medal for being this smooth. She continues to give no shits about getting your grind on and guiding her to a park bench that survived this deep into the forest.

"Anata no kishoi karada de watashi o karakau tsumoridesu."(3)

"...Totes def, you catch on quick."

She even sits back on her own to let you rub your butt in her lap. "Watashitachi no apo wa mirai kara kita."(4)

"Oh sweet, that makes this way easier! How long were you gonna keep me hanging?" It then occurs to you that she actually must have ambushed you. Well that's just super. True enough, when you're facing her again, she pulls you up onto her lap, copping some serious feels in the process. "H-hey now, you of all people should know there's no touching the dancers!"

"Zama miro. Tokorode, watashi wa uma ni shakuhachi o ataeta."(5)

You have no clue what Zahhak and flutes have to do with this, but it means Damara pulls you by the bra into a kiss. Even with your nose jacked up you know an ashtray when you taste one. Whatever, fine, everything is fine! As far as you're concerned, she's just helped you roxxor the fuck out of this dare and as soon as she lets go it's ollie time.

Except she's not letting go, and she's still kissing you, and _holy crap_ that is her hand going down the front of your shorts like what the eff is this. You break free of the kiss but she doesn't let go of _anything_. "Alright alright Damz, you made your point. I've got a game to get back to, we cool now?"

"Nai. Anata wa, dansu o tsudzukeru ka, matawa watashi wa anata no bura ga kakarimasu."(6) Well shit! This is already awkward enough without trying to actually fight her off, and she could probably kick your ass anyway. Sometimes you just have to eat the pavement, Pyrope.

You gyrate in her lap a bit to put on a show. She lets go when you prove you're not going anywhere, retrieving her joint to blow puffs at you. You're not stupid enough to bolt. Or is it smart enough? Who cares. You just put your hands behind your head and try to work it enough to get this over with. But it doesn't take long before you kinda get into it, because whatever Latula Pyrope does she does to the max, and surprise surprise Damz knows _exactly_ what to do with her fingers. After a... minute (??? Damn time witch!) you're getting for realz hot and sweaty over this and just a little wishing something would actually happen to break the tension.

She finally reaches up to fondle you... "Berigu, anata wa kanryodesu,"(7) and shoves you off by the tits. "Atode watashi o mitsukeru, bijin."(8) That and a swat on the ass when you get up is all the goodbyes you need to make your escape. "And tell Nitram say fakku."

Crazy bitch. Of course everybody saw the whole thing, so you come in with a bow and a taste of your moves. Except for Rufe they all clearly enjoyed it, and even he's just a bit sheepish (for a bull). "That's right kids, Tulie's still got mad skills! Now let's get this game on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> (1)Sup, bitch.  
> (2)Yes hard things are nice.  
> (3)You're going to tempt me with your filthy body.  
> (4)We have a date from the future.  
> (5)You asked for this. By the way, I just gave the horse a blowjob.  
> (6)No. Now keep dancing, or I'll keep your bra.  
> (7)Good enough, you're done.  
> (8)Come find me later, hot stuff.


	86. Hand 56

**== > Roxy: Snap back to reality.**

Hmm? Ah, yes. You're pretty sure you were daydreaming to the max there for a second.

You guess you were thinking of dare possibilities to write down, maybe? It feels like you zoned out for a while, in any case, but everyone else still seems to be writing, so you suppose it couldn't have been that long.

Let's see...what could you write?

**== > Roxy: Resist urge to write an alcohol related dare.**

You fail to resist that urge.

You write: "Take a shot of hard liquor, close your eyes and spin around three times, then proceed to engage in furious blind makeouts with the first body you find."

That sounds a bit like one of the first dares people did here, but who cares! That was awesome!

You see Kan folding up her dare nice and evenly and slipping it into the jar. You wonder what she did this time? Maybe more spanking? You could definitely go for that.

"So..." she begins. "Do you have any ideas for what we should put down for our group dare?"

"Hmm...how about...the team has to like do a kind of erotic charades thing with their bodies and the team that guesses right gets to spank them or something?"

"I...that might be okay. What happens if no one gets it?" Kanaya says.

"I dunno? They fail and have to strip, or maybe the group decides something for them to do? I dunno, we'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

You write: "Secretly decide on a sexual scenario, then act it out for the group. Every team, clothed or not, gets one guess at what you're doing. The team that guesses correctly gets to spank each of you."

You put the slip of paper into the team dare jar. Eventually everyone else follows suit and Dirk picks up the cards. You're vaguely aware of someone calling out the 3 of diamonds as the penalty card.

You pick up the hand Dirk dealt you.

**You've Got: 6(D), 6(S), A(D), 8(H), 3(C)**

"Could be worse..." Kanaya says. You suppose that's true. Could be better also, though.

**== > Roxy: It's a pair...so...you know...**

Yeah, yeah. But being able to choose is the point!

Anyway, a pair is better than nothing, so you hand Dirk the three cards that don't match.

**You Get: K(H), 5(C), 3(S)**

Nothing of consequence, but no penalty card either, so maybe your luck will hold for this round.

Vriska passes three cards to Dirk. Both she and Aradia seem impassive. Rose forks over a single card. She and John seem pleased. Karkat also takes just one. Jane, on the other hand, looks positively panicked as she turns over her entire hand, a mood which does not improve with her replacements. Finally, Dirk gives three to himself.

"Alright then, what's everyone got?" Terezi says.

**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 6s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: A par of queens**   
**John & Rose Have: Two pair; 6s and 3s**   
**Katkat & Terezi Have: Two pair; Kings and 2s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: King high**   
**Dirk Has: A pair of jacks**

"Damn, how does everyone keep avoiding the penalty card?" Vriska asks, exasperated. "Oh, well. We finally get another team dare!" She flashes a fanged grin at Jane and Jake. Jane gulps and reaches for the jar.

"'Wear your teammate's underwear for the rest of the game. You're allowed to do the switch in private if you're a pansy.'" She reads.

You see John and Rose smirk at each other. You wonder if Jane appreciates the sheer amount of ticks John has acquired on his PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT at the expense of his "Nana" with this dare. Indeed, DaughterMom seems to be reaping the spoils as well. Typically, Lalondes are pretty hopeless when it comes to their Gambits, though since hooking up with John, Rose seems to be learning slightly.

"This is pretty much the best idea anyone has had so far," You say.

"Agreed, well...let's go, guys! Change 'em up!" Vriska says.

"Hold on! That card said we could change in private! Since...you know...NOT showing off is kind of the goal..." Jane protests.

"Yeah...'if you're a pansy,'" Vriska quotes back.

"I was going to propose slightly less harsh terminology," Rose says. "But John insisted."

"I propose a compromise," Aradia begins. "Simply tie something around your waists and trade that way. We still get the awkwardness of the changing and you don't have to show anything...probably."

Jane sighs.

"Fine," She begins looking around at her clothing pile. "I'm guessing the skirt would be considered too 'safe?'" Jake hands her his green jacket.

"Here, Jane! It's got longer sleeves," He says.

"Uh...thanks." Jane takes the jacket and ties the sleeves behind her, with the majority of the fabric covering her front. Meanwhile Jake has rigged up something similar with his t-shirt.

With her front facing everyone Jane leans down to pull her panties off. As she does she stumbles slightly and turns, and gives everyone a brief involuntary flash of her generous ass. She straightens up, red faced, picking up her panties from the ground.

Jake has less trouble with his boxers, and slips them off with retaliative ease. The two awkwardly exchange underwear, and then try to pull them on as quickly as possible, a process involving a lot of hopping on one foot and nearly falling over. Eventually the two stand upright again and it's time foe the big reveal.

Jane unties Jake's jacket and it falls away. She is now wearing Jake's camo boxers, which don't look that bad on her, actually. Maybe a little loose. Hell, if she shrank those things down a couple of sizes she could probably make them look downright sexy.

Jake is a little more reluctant to untie the shirt around his waist.

"C'mon, dude...we're waiting," Dirk says, a slight air of smugness detectable in his tone.

Jake lets and covering drop and...yeah...seeing Jake is a pair of white and blue polka-dot bikini bottoms might just be the highlight of your life. Seriously, even if no one had gotten naked, Nepeta had never sex-hexed everyone and you hadn't started getting cozy with Kanaya, this moment right here would have still made the entire night worth it.

"Um..." Jake is self-consciously looking around as the giggles pour around the room.

"They...they look great on you..." Jade says, trying to keep her voice even through the cracks.

"Totally stylin,'" Dirk agrees. Even Jane, despite her similar situation, can't suppress a wide goofy grin across her face.

"Okay...can we...uh...sit down now?" Jake asks.

"Just hold up for a second..." You say. "I just want to immortalize this moment in my memory forever."

Jake sighs.

"Okay, good enough," You say. Jane and Jake sit down amidst fresh giggles.

Dirk hands you the cards. Not a lot of game left now. Time to start bringing this to a close.


	87. Hand 57

**== > Roxy: Behold Jake.**

Oh, you're beholding alright. As you gather up the cards and start to deal you notice him fidget around.

"I say, Janey, these...damn britches are riding up something awful!" He says in the hoarse whisper to her that is audible enough for most of the people present to hear.

"Oh, quiet down. They're not that bad," she fires back. You notice she's grinning.

You're about done with the dealing when Karkat remembers they won the previous hand. He selects the 10 of hearts at Terezi's insistence that he pick something red.

Vriska sends single card your way. She and Aradia seem pleased. Rose simply shakes her head.

"We're good," John says cockily. Great, that sounds swell.

Karkat takes three. He gives the new cards a determined nod. Jane also takes three, but lets out a groan when she gets her new cards. Finally, Dirk hands you two. Stoic as usual.

So great...looks like everyone has at least a pair. If you're stuck with just a high card this hand could be trouble. Kanaya shows you the cards.

**You've Got: 8(H), 8(C), J(C), 7(S), 4(H)**

"Hmm..." You say.

"I suppose it could be worse, given the competition," Kanaya offers.

"Yeah..." You agree.

What next?

**== > Roxy: Pair up.**

You're already paired up, though...you think, anyway. Your glittering partner gives you something remarkably close to a flirty grin. So...yeah, you think you could say you're paired up for now. For tonight at the very least.

Oh...right...the cards. This is about cards. Okay, let's see, then.

**You Get: 8(C), 9(S), 5(S)**

Niiiiiiice. That might be just the added kick you needed. Given everyone's discards you were a little worried about this hand.

"Well, that's everyone, then. Let's see 'em," You say.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; Aces and 7s**   
**John & Rose Have: Straight; 7-J**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Two pair; 4s and 2s**   
**Jane & Jake Have: Two pair; Queens and 10s, _one is 10 of hearts_**   
**Dirk Has: Three of a kind; 4s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: Three of a kind; 8s**

Everyone looks at the hands in confusion for a second.

"Wait a second..." Karkat says. "Wait a _fucking_ second! Did...we just lose with two _fucking_ pair?"

"Yeah....yeah, we did..." Terezi says glumly. "I guess it's me, then? Since I have a dare left?"

"Um...yeah...I guess?" Karkat says, eying his boxers uneasily. Terezi shrugs and reaches for the jar. She pulls out the slip.

"Uh...." she says uncertainly for a few seconds and then licks the piece of paper. She then recites: "The next time a single player goes out, you must remove that player's clothing with your mouth."

Vriska grins.

"Maaaaaaaan, what awesome timing! Someone on Team Jane over there has gotta take it off this turn," she says. "Finally, penalty card is paying dividends again."

Jane and Jake look at one another, both red in the face.

"Aww, too bad! They just switched undies too..." Nepeta says.

"So...who..." Jake begins.

"Oh, it's not a fucking decision you guys get to make this time. One round with you in those panties is not enough. So...sorry, Jane, but I think comedy has to rule this situation," Vriska says.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but...yeah..." Dave says. "Honestly, there's duel advantages to that choice. One: we don't have to see Jake's junk. Two: he gets to keep wearing the fashion statement of the year. Also, we get to see Jane naked, with the added bonus of some awkward pseudo-xeno-sapphic connotations. So like...there are hella more advantages than I originally guessed."

"Dave...you realize that you just listed my Mom getting naked as a positive right," Jade says.

"What? There has been a metric shitton of ogling going on here, something that you have definitely been fucking participating in too. I'm just enjoying the scenery and that's it, 'cause, shit, I know where my bread is buttered."

"Okay, fiiiiine," Jade says rolling her eyes.

"I...uh...guess they chose for us..." Jane says.

"A-are you okay with that?" Jake says.

"Yeah...I think so. What about you? I mean...do you want me to do it?"

"Erm...huh?"

"I said do you want to see that happen to me," Jane specified.

"Oh...goodness...um..." Jake's face goes red. "I wouldn't want...I mean...if you...or uh..."

"Just a 'yes' or 'no,' Jake."

"Oh! Uh...yes...then..."

"Okay. If that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. You're up, 'Rezi."

Damn, when did Janey get so confident? Shit be crazy, yo. This could be good.

**== > Roxy: Be Jake.**

Oh, damn it all! What did you just admit to? You basically just told Jane that you wanted to see her undergarments removed by a female alien. With her mouth. Granted you didn't say that in so many words, but the implication is there.

So what if it's true!? It's still not a very gentlemanly thing to say.

In fact...you shouldn't even watch it! You owe Janey better than that!

So yeah.

You're not going to watch it.

You're going to think of adventures instead.

Or skulls.

You see movement out of the corner of your eye, but nope...nope you aren't going to look over there.

...  
....  
.....  
......

Shit, you can't help it! You look. Terezi has her arms pinned on either side of Jane. She lowering herself down Jane's naked torso. Jane isn't bothering to cover up anymore. You should...you should stop staring, but...

Terezi catches the hem of your former boxers in her mouth and begins to crawl slowly backward. Jane's face is brick red at this point and her eyes are shut tight.

The boxers slide pretty easily downward since they're so loose on her. Her raven pubic hair is exposed, more substantial than anyone else has revealed so far but not excessive. You think you catch a brief flash of pink before she moves her legs and you can't see anything anymore.

Terezi finishes dragging the boxers off Jane's feet and pulls them out of her mouth. She then moves back up Jane's now fully naked body, her arms pinning her down once more. Jane tenses up as Terezi runs her bare skin along hers and she continues to move up until their breasts are touching and their faces are extremely close. You feel a lump in your throat and...well...in other places, too.

"You have to understand..." Terezi says, in a low voice. "The way I sense things...that was a way more intense experience for me than it would have been for anyone else here. I feel like I know you pretty well now." Terezi lets out a low giggle. She moves her face in an brings her lips toward Jane's, who for her part looks totally stunned. They might have met. You can't quite tell. It would have been the lightest thing, but she might have just done it. Terezi pushes herself upwards. "Yep...pretty well."

Terezi then gets up and sits back next to Karkat. Jane is still red-faced and wide-eyed.

Damn, all of these girls here are super intimidating.


	88. Hand 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Nepeta interlude was the always charming work of SideAnon. The Kanaya bits were me.

**== > Jake: Be Kanaya.**

You are now considerably more undead than you just were. Also more alien. And more female.

It strikes you that you and your partner-slash-paramour are now actually in the lead, with a piece of clothing and a dare remaining apiece. Granted, in an ideal world you would have kept your tops on, but considering the state of the game you figure you're lucky to be where you are at all.

It would only take two bad hands to land you out of the game, though. Of course, everyone else is in the same boat.

Truth be told you're kind of hoping this game wraps up soon. You are rather more anxious to see what happens next with the person right beside you than to see any more of the flesh of some of the others around your vicinity, interesting as that would be.

Aradia is passing out the cards now and Rose calls out the five of clubs as the penalty. You smile at Roxy. She smiles back. You wink at Roxy. She wonks back...which you guess is similar enough to count.

After all of the cards are handed out, Roxy shows you the hand.

**You've Got: A(D), A(C), 9(H), 6(D), 5(H)**

"Not too shabby," she says. You have to agree.

Rose takes four cards. She and John look troubled. Maybe their luck has finally run out? They've been hanging by a thread for ages. Karkat takes two cards. Pretty obvious hand there. Jake takes three for his hand. Jane nods in encouragement, though she's still a bit pink in the cheeks. Dirk asks for four. Nepeta squeaks when she sees the new cards over his shoulder. She seems to have taken to using his body to hide her modesty for now.

"Welp...we're up, Light Bright. Got and crazy ideas or should I just keep this vanilla?" Roxy asks.

**== > :33 < Mighty Huntress: Continue stalking.**

You want to... And you'd like to, but it f33ls like the chance to strike, if there really was one, came and went already. Unless some superduper crazy dare comes along there will probably be no pouncing today, at least on your One True Prey. You're a little disappointed ( :(( ), but you weren't expecting to leave the game set for life with a purrfect intimate other or anything.

(Secretly, you kinda almost were, but even you know that'd be silly. Its fun to pretend, and hope. You're really good at hoping.)

It might be different if you didn't f33l in your bones how much everyone is ready to wrap things up and head off to be alone together. Roxy and Kanaya putting their hands all over each other like they think no one can tell ( >:33 ). Rose and John sharing corny whispers about how much better they must be at making love than their friends ( :oo ). Jake snuggling up to his hopeful friend after Terezi left her all ruffled (that one you are a bit sorry about, like maybe you should have at least traded seats with Dirkitty, but Ms. Crocker might have been upset about that). And your painting partner over there getting started with Dave, that lucky barkbeast.

Speaking of Jake, he's almost glowing from how awkward he must f33l after what Terezi did to his partner last turn. "By the by fellows, I... respect your vote and all, but I really don't think these undies are that awkward. Only a little most festively colored than my Skaian singlet."

"I have to agree, there's some comedy value but it's only so funny seeing some panties awkwardly stretched out." John seems a bit worried about Rose speaking her mind over Jake's underwear. "Personally, I thought the game was girl-heavy enough and would have benefited from another touch of male indecency. Even the field a bit from all this femininity."

Terezi objects with, "You say that like it's a bad thing! I for one am not disappointed with any revelation yet, girl heavy or otherwise. Although I will say, some of you girls could learn a thing or two about trimming. I should warn you before its too late that hair is terribly unappetizing."

"Oh that's rich," Vriska snorts, "Personal grooming tips from the kid who was raised by an egg."

"I learned plenty about taking care of myself from my egg! I notice only one of us ever managed to cut our own bangs straight."

This gets cerulean, maroon, and olive tongues stuck at her. You think you do a fine job of trimming your fur! The head part anyway. Karkitty's voice is all business when he interrupts. "Terezi, I am intimately familiar with your grooming habits. At best, you have a rough shadow like your nook has been up overday solving a murder."

Aradia gets to quip, "How incredibly appropriate!", over the wave of giggles. Dave adds, "Word. That shit is kinda hard boiled girl," but when Jade whips her head around he's just, "What?" Iiinnnteresting!

By now Terezi has gotten right up in her Karkitty's face. "Wow, rude! Not that I've heard you complain..."

As the chuckling dies down, Jane finally composes herself enough to respond, "That's... That's quite generous of you Terezi, but I think I'll find my own way to manage. Appreciated, really, but i-i-it's really okay."

You're not embarrassed yourself, you're pawsitive that you're not, not embarrassed at all, but you can't stop yourself from pulling your legs into a more self-conscious pose. You realize this is probably a cute pose as well! "Um, Terezi, I... wouldn't mind talking about it. I nyow I can be a little stray, compared to an expurrienced girl like you." For both her and her partner's benefit, you hug your knees tight, putting on your sw33test face possible. It helps that it's true! You're not ashamed of being closer to nature than other people, so to speak, but you'd love to talk to your friend over ways to be more appealing.

It's true that the only use you have in mind fur that is trying to seduce her matesprit. But your friendship is so much bigger than worrying about that happening!

"Well certainly Nepeta! I'd been wondering how best to broach the subject." Fur what, thr33 minutes? Terezi has never been afraid to broach anything... "I know we've always been close, yet it just felt a little too forward, offering to bring you into the loop, as it were. It would be a shame to miss this opportunity to be closer with my best friends." Why are her eyebrows wiggling like that? You feel like it's a good reason.

Karkat looks like he's going to sputter about something that suspicious, heck you're sputtering about that, before Roxy blurts out, "Oh my god, are you girls seriously swapping groundskeeping tips? As totally adorbs as you are, how 'bout you hold on a bit for the end of the game, then you can get as detailed as you want." She flips her cards up seductively, "Besides... everyone knows _completely devoid_ is the only way to go." Oh yes, because you don't look enough like a wriggler already.

After struggling to maintain her composure so fur, the other Lalonde finally glomps herself over John in complete meowtifaction as the hand goes on without her. Humans are so silly. Except fur the best human, who gave you another elbow nudge over Terezi's _closer_ thing. You're not even going to think about it, but...

Well, she is only your best friend after all.

**== > Kanaya: Do not have any crazy ideas.**

Done. About the hand, anyway. Plenty of crazy ideas to go around for other things...like possible after-game activities, but this is the time for strategy, and every one of your finely honed meddling senses is telling you that doing the obvious thing is the right move here.

You simply nod at Roxy who then hands three cards to Aradia.

**You Get: K(D), Q(H), J(C)**

Well...nothing that helps. You guess they look a bit more respectable?

Vriska hands Aradia three as well and a large grin appears on her face. For a supposed gambligant, she is remarkably easy to read.

"Okaaaaaaaay, let's see thoooooooose caaaaaaaards!" She says.

**John & Rose Have: King high**  
 **Karkat & Terezi Have: Three of a kind: Aces**  
 **Jake Has: A pair of 9s**  
 **Dirk Has: Three of a kind; Kings**  
 **Roxy & You Have: A pair of aces**  
 **Aradia & Vriska Have: 4 of a kind; 2s**

"Oh...damn..." John says.

"Shit, way to let Team Original Earth down, guys," Dave says. "We were counting on you to not make a total mockery of the first and by far superior Earth, but whatevs. Now every time someone comes and badmouths us I can just point to you guys."

"Well...we're not first out, so I consider that an improvement," Rose says, resigned. "At least you can say we're improving, unlike some other teams here."

"Hey! We were the best last time! There was nowhere to go but down!" Jade says.

"And that you did. All the way down." Rose answers as she grabs the waistband of John's boxers.

She unceremoniously yanks them down, revealing his still semi-erect manhood.

"Geez, Rose! A little warning next time!" He whines, quickly covering himself.

"Oh, it's best to just get it over with. Like a Band-Aid. Your turn."

John sighs and readjusts himself, trying his best to position his legs to hide his dick from view as he moves toward Rose. He grabs her boy shorts and, slightly more gracefully, tugs them off with the practiced motion of someone who has probably done this a few times before.

Rose does nothing to hide the close-trimmed blond hairs on her pelvis, though keeping her legs shut, looking fairly relaxed in her nudity. John looks a bit more awkward, but nevertheless doesn't make a big effort of trying to cover himself.

"You know the rules, guys! Turn!" Vriska says, not even bothering to hide her amusmenet.

John and Rose stand up and revolve slowly on the spot with their hands at their sides to show off their recently exposed lower bodies and their backsides, neither of which is too bad to look at, actually. You still find male genitalia to be mostly humorous, however. You just don't see the appeal. The two then sit back down close to one another.

Rose seems cheerful enough, though, bumping her shoulder affectionately against John's, who puts his arm around her. It is a bit cute that he's blushing, to be honest.

"Well, well...that's six of fourteen down so far. Almost halfway there, and I can't help but notice only one of them is a Troll..." Roxy says.

"We were always better than you, this is just visual proof," Vriska says.

"Yes. The single article a winning toll would be wearing clearly shows massive domination. Clearly," Jane says, rolling her eyes.

"Let's just go to the next hand. I guess we give the deck to Karkat? Goodness, we're starting to have big gaps here." Aradia says, handing the cards to Rose who passes them down the line until they reach Karkat.

Things are coming down to the wire, it seems.


	89. Hand 59

**== > Kanaya: Figure chances.**

Well, you suppose your chances are better than anyone else's here of winning. Of course, that hardly matters now. Both you and Roxy are topless and the idea showing the rest doesn't seem nearly as embarrassing now as it did at the start. Still, bragging rights are always nice to have.

In any case, while you are in the lead, you're still just two bottom of the heap high cards away from total nudity, and that's without penalty cards. John and Rose being ousted means you've got one less group to compete against, but it also means you have one less chance of someone having a worse hand than you. What seemed like a good hand before may not be as impressive now with only five teams still competing.

Still, no sense laying on the doom and gloom until you see what you've got.

"Penalty card is the ten of clubs," Aradia says.

After Karkat finishes dealing Roxy shows the five cards to you.

**You've Got: 5(C), 5(C), 7(S), 3(S), 2(D)**

It's not a super impressive hand. You've got a pair, but not a really high one. None of your other cards look all that spiffy either.

Jake shows his cards to Jane who bites her lip. She whispers something in his ear and he turns in everything. His eyes widen at the new hand while Jane simply looks nonplussed. Dirk turns four in. Nepeta grins at his new cards.

"Well...think this hand deserves any odd treatment?" Roxy asks.

**== > Kanaya: Adhere to predictable pattern.**

That shouldn't be too difficult, since it's pretty much been the go-to strategy for the entire game.

You just nod at Roxy, who gives Karkat the three cards.

**You Get: 7(H), 7(C), A(D)**

Well that was certainly handy! Hey...that gives you and idea...

"Well, that was certainly... _hand_ y," you say.

"Yeah, totes," Roxy replies.

"No...it was... ** _hand_** y."

"Yeah...I heard you the first time, Light Bright. What's your deal?"

You sigh.

"Nothing. It was nothing."

Aradia hands Karkat three. Karkat himself takes two cards.

"Okay, show your stuff...your cards I mean, show your cards," Karkat says. Terezi grins.

**Jake Has: Three of a kind; 8s**  
 **Dirk Has: Two pair; Aces and 4s**  
 **Roxy & You Have: Two pair; 7s and 5s**  
 **Aradia & Vriska Have: A pair of jacks**  
 **Karkat & Terezi Have: Three of a kind; 5s**

Vriska sighs.

"Remember the good 'ole days when a pair of face cards meant you probably weren't going to lose?" She says as she reaches for the dare jar. She pulls the slip out and reads: "Using only your mouth, you must make partner moan."

"Ho boy..." Aradia says in a somewhat resigned tone that doesn't totally disguise an underlying playfulness.

"Damn, I am like...getting all of the mouth stuff. What's up with that?" Vriska asks.

"It's 'cause you've got a big one. Now put it to some use," Aradia says, businesslike.

"Seesh, keep your horns curled, bossy."

Vriska crawls slowly towards Aradia and then kisses her softly on the lips. You can see Aradia kissing her back, their two tongues making circles around one another. The room has gone quiet, everyone focused on them.

Vriska breaks kiss and moves her lips down to Aradia's collar-bone, which she begins to nibble and suck on. Aradia closes her eyes and smiles serenely, but remains silent.

You find yourself biting your lip. Earlier on...maybe even earlier tonight you might have imagined yourself in Aradia's place. Now, though, you're just thinking about maybe doing something similar with the girl sitting right next to you. You scoot right next to Roxy and begin rubbing her leg while you continue to watch the team to your left.

Vriska leaves Aradia's neck and moves further down her body. She reaches Aradia's generous rack and begins to run her tongue in a circular motion around her nipple. Aradia squirms slightly and chews on her lip, but still doesn't make a sound. Vriska switches to the other breast and begins to kiss and suck on the red bud. Aradia runs her fingers through Vriska's long mane of hair.

Your hand has reached the area of Roxy's inner thigh. You feel Roxy's hand sneaking it's way up your own leg.

Vriska stops focusing on Aradia's chest and moves still further down, running a few circles with her tongue around her partner's bellybutton before moving to her panties. She moves her mouth to the side of the garment right between her legs. She works her tongue under the material and begins to lick in earnest.

You hear Aradia's breathing begin to quicken. You can see her ample chest move up and down, the nipples still showing the signs of moisture from the lavishing they had just received.

You feel Roxy's fingers move past the border of your panties, making contact with the soft patch of hair on your pelvis. You push even more against her, your heart hammering louder in your chest than you ever remember it doing.

Aradia's hips make an involuntary motion forward and she lets off a soft moan she quickly tries to stifle, but the damage is done. A low, sensual giggle travels around the room and Vriska emerges looking mischievously triumphant.

"That didn't take long," She says, smugly.

"Big talk, Serket," Aradia responds.

"We'll see who comes out on top later,' Vriska says, pointedly.

"Well phrased," Aradia counters.

Roxy quickly takes her hand out of your panties. You sigh a little in regret, but there will be more time for that later, and a smaller audience to boot.


	90. Interlude 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More lovely writing from the eloquent SideAnon.
> 
> ...or is that the other way around?
> 
> Who knows? Either way, it works.

**== > Aradia: Contemplate.**

Oh you're contemplating alright. Contemplating that warm fuzzy feeling. You can still feel the damp on your skin, it's hard to ignore, and you wouldn't want to if you could.

Alright Megido, don't start fondling yourself, just remember to tell Vriska how much she's improved with practice. She'll be so eager to impress you.

**== > Aradia: Contemplate harder.**

No need to force it. You really enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling deep in your guts, and there's nothing wrong with thinking about it after an hour or so of watching all your friends get naked and handsy. But yeah, you should probably not space out or anything.

Aside from a few trysts when the game dictated them, you haven't been doing a whole lot besides contemplating. Not that you're complaining, you've stayed plenty entertained through the whole game. But things are rapidly coming to a head, and you don't need any special power to see that most of the room is ready to abscond to privacy.

At arm's reach of course there's your old and new friends who've been practically coddling each other most of the game. They make such a lovely couple, especially since they've both seemed desperate for companionship as long as you've known either of them. Kanaya isn't one to take any advance lightly, so you've never tried. You can't help but enjoy thinking you and Vriska helped them along a bit, even if she and Roxy were already all over each other. You'd love to be a butterfly on the wall to that, they're going to be beautiful together.

Likewise, John and Jade's ancestors will probably head off to get better acquainted. You don't know them any better than the other new humans, but between crossing paths while they rested during their own adventures and no end of gossip afterward the tension over their relationship is no secret to anyone. And again, it's great to see people who've had such a hard time finally get to enjoy themselves.

You don't even want to think about how many rocks Terezi and Karkat had to drag each other over to get where they are now. The constant bickering might be confusing to some, but you've been around them both long enough to know it's a good sign. Although you don't know what Terezi's been whispering about so much over the last few hands. Probably has something to do with Karkat finally loosening up. Definitely a good sign.

At the other end of the scale, you can tell from here that Jade and Dave have already started consummating their friendship, as usual. They're both so great, you're almost jealous of them for being that close. Troll relationships are inherently less contained, and while you're not keen on being locked into one partner forever, the way they show it off does have its charms.

Case in point your current partner and her associates, who by extension are your associates too. They managed to craft a respectful relationship that baffles humans and trolls alike and somehow you're involved in it as well. And you have no problem with that. Even when Vriska tries and fails to act like being around you is some kind of chore.

Speaking of which, after she and John whisper for a while about the last dare, Rose leans over to ask, "By the way Vriska, not to be a pest but what exactly did you have in mind for post-game entertainment? We don't want our favorite troll to feel obligated for anything."

"Oh I see, I get Megido's rocks off and now you remember I've been here the whole time. Suddenly afraid of losing me?" It's amazing how her typical snide voice manages to sound friendly when she's talking to her mates.

John steps up to the plate with, "Absolutely Vriska, I mean, anyone can see a couple dorks like us could never compete with those good looks." You put on your best smile but they're barely paying attention to you. It's their relationship after all. "We know we have some solid competition for your attention, over a girl as nice as you." Rose adds a "Not to mention gorgeous" while she plays with a lock of hair.

"Yeah yeah that's cute. Look, I know _huuuuuuuuman time_ when I see it coming and I had my fill of that last movie night. As much as I love crashing a party, I don't feel like breaking up getting your hands on each other. Might even get you off my case for a day."

This has to be as transparent to John as it is to you, right? Oh be still, soft spot for dorky boys. "Well now wait, it doesn't have to be that way. Yeah Rose and I have been getting frisky and whatnot but that doesn't mean..."

"Joooooooohn..." she pulls him close by the shoulder, "John. How often do I need to say that I don't have to be around for every little thing you two do? You _aaaaaaaalways_ have my _express_ permission to hang around with Rose and take care of your weird human emotional stuff, without me. If you want."

"Vriska, you know as well as I do your troll emotions are just like human emotions."

"Not the point. Point is, I'm a big enough person to know when I'm intruding-" you can't stop yourself from chuckling "-and I know when you two need some romantic time. Keep things fresh and all."

Rose leans in from John's other side, perfectly casual. "I hope you don't feel put out on my account. You know my door is always open, and that you're more than entitled to your own space." Oh hey look, you have cards now, great. What's Rose saying, something something too much of a good thing? You're around these three every day, and you still have no idea where the passive aggression begins or ends.

John tries some unneeded placating with his chance to talk. "Well that's really sweet of you Vriska, I mean, I didn't want to... ask or anything, but you're sure okay with-" Vriska cuts him off with a kiss. Pity, you love listening to guys be awkward.

When they finally separate, Vriska assures him again, "I can deal. Don't worry, you have the rest of forever to make it up to me." God, you can hear her grinning.

That was the right level of sexy and confident to make her exit. She flips her hair over her shoulder and scoots the few inches back where she can pretend to care about your cards. "So Serket, sounds like you might be free later. Any plans?" Considering she just tongued you out with the promise of more, being coy would be silly.

You're surprised when she only answers with a dismissive "yeah maybe". You're a little surprised. A little.

"Something wrong?"

"Nah, nothing. Just another night after a game of poker entertaining myself, with my kinda friend. Again. Nothing wrong at all."

Yeah, not even a little surprised. She's been unusually tense the whole game, and you're pretty sure what's going through her head. She's regretting that she didn't snatch up John when she had the chance, and even though she'll be stuck to him like glue all day tomorrow she's already feeling left out. This has all been whined to you before and just like before she'll take it out on you even in the throes of borderline-hate-passion, because Vriska has never met a morail she couldn't blame for her own insecurities.

If that's even what you are. Close enough really and you'll take it for what it is.

You don't want to call it jealously, because you don't begrudge anyone. But yeah. This is kind of bringing to light that you're the only one here not in a relationship of some sort. Not one you could talk into partnering up for strip poker anyway, not that you're upset about that either. Even Vriska's seeming a bit disinterested all of a sudden, as usual for her mood swings. Pity she's your only option for doing anything after the game.

Although now that you think about it, if you're anyone to judge you did leave out a few people from your guesses earlier. A couple people, Nepeta and Dirk Strider. That's... Well, you sure don't have anything to _dislike_ about either of them of course. And you've never gotten a hint from either of them of their relationship being anything but the very most platonic.

So where does that leave you, if you're feeling blase about spending time with Vriska now? You've met more Nepetas than you can count and they're always nice, especially the original at the risk of sounding biased against non-alpha timelines. But from those countless meetings you've never had a feeling that she does or would look at you as more than a good friend. She is a good friend, but that doesn't do much for making plans later.

Is that really what you've come to? Shopping around for who'd be interested in casual sex because you don't want to be alone or bored? Bored with someone you probably shouldn't be having sex with anyway. You almost sound like _her_ , that poor crazy bitch. You've never pressured anyone into something they didn't already want, at least you don't think so, so you've got that much up on your ancestry. You can be too... enthusiastic sometimes, but all things considered you'd rather be too lively than the other way around. Heck, you've never pressured anyone except Vriska and she likes it that way.

Sometimes. If her moods feel like playing along. And you're already unsure if they will tonight.

Where were you? Right, probably not fooling around with Nepeta. Hard to say if you really have a type but small, scrawny, and childish doesn't do much for you anyway. Now tall, scrawny, and immature? That you can work with.

Leaving Nepeta's partner-partner. The enigma, so you've heard. You still don't know what everyone finds so impenetrable about Dirk aside from him being evasive. Sure he's intense and shares his ancestor's ludicrous sense of humor. Its endearing really. Maybe you're just too literal a person, but you can't be the only one who thinks he's actually saying exactly whatever's on his mind.

Wow that sure was thinking about his personality. Weren't you supposed to be cruising for sexual attraction? Well, he is every bit as handsome as Dave, maybe even moreso with the spiky-business he has going on. A good combination of light frame and hard angles, the stern set face, the solid tone. Even the human color thing isn't bad, you happen to like gold.

You know someone would be a bit jealous hearing you describe a boy like this. Well it's just an idle musing, and would take some ingratiating you've haven't even thought of until now. You've heard he has odd tastes for a human anyway...


	91. Hand 60

**== > Kanaya: Be Roxy.**

You are once again Roxy Lalonde in the driver's seat. Granted, you might need a designated driver on occasion, but you're feeling plenty focused right now, thanks.

Anyway, the deck has been passed to Jake, who is handing out the cards.

Things are still a little steamy from that last dare, and frankly you and Light Bright over there were having your own little playtime as well. You're hoping that was just a preview for things to come.

The good news is that you two have a comfortable lead now. In fact, you're the only ones with dares remaining. Any other team could conceivably be removed in a single hand. It would take at least two for you.

Jane whispers something in Jake's ear.

"Oh...err...right. Penalty card is the queen of clubs," He says.

Once all of hands are dealt, you pick up yours.

**You've Got: 4(H), 4(S), Q(C), 10(C), 6(C)**

"Well, at least we got it first," Kanaya says.

That's true, you suppose. Kind of a big advantage, really. You're not as crazy about the low pair, though.

Dirk takes three cards.

You're up next.

**== > Roxy: Repeat pattern.**

The endless cycle of pairs has resulted in the same strategy over and over, but alas it makes the most sense.

You hand Jake your three cards.

**You Get: Q(D), 10(C), 6(C)**

Huh...that queen came up last. You would have actually gotten a flush if you had kept your clubs. Oh well, there was literally no way to know that and it would have been a stupid gamble if it hadn't worked out. It's just annoying to know _now_ with the gift/curse of hindsight.

Aradia requests a single card. Great. Karkat merely shakes his head and Terezi seems to be giggling like a mad woman. Le sign. Even better. Jake takes three for himself. Man, this isn't looking particularly awesome.

"Let's go, let's go!" Terezi says.

**Dirk Has: A pair of jacks**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 4s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Two pair; 9s and 5s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Flush; Hearts**   
**Jake Has: A pair of 3s**

You breathe a sigh of relief. You thought that low pair might have been a sure loss for you, but you lucked out.

It looks like it's all down to Janey and Jake now.

**== > Roxy: Be Jane.**

Well...this is it, you guess. Your team lost. You're already naked, of course. You've gotten used to it by now. Well, not really, but it helps that there are plenty of other women in the same boat as you in this room.

Of course...now you have a daunting task ahead of you. You have to remove your former article of underwear from your partner...from Jake. This is going to be your first close encounter with a...thing. You know. A boy thing. Which is to say something different from a girl thing in that it is exterior rather than interior.

You've seen them before. In pictures. And there are some present here if you cared to look, which you haven't.

Okay, maybe you peeked at Dave's a little. Not much, though! You were just kind of curious.

You scoot over to Jake.

"Sorry, Jane! I guess I kind of gaffed, huh?" Jake says.

"It's really pretty much just luck, Jake. You did the best you could under the circumstances," You reply

"So...uh...are you gonna...you know...?"

"Oh...OH! Yes. Definitely. Just. Yeah. Gonna work...on that."

You grab the ends of your former bikini panties, which still look ridiculously contrasted with his masculine form and hairy legs. You have to admit this isn't how you pictured this.

Of course, now you have to admit you actually _have_ pictured this. Several times.

You pull downward. You catch a glimpse of dark pubic hair and see his shaft pinned downward by the too-tight garment. You finally pull the thing down in earnest, freeing his semi-erect member.

You throw your old panties onto the clothing pile and look at Jake. He's blushing pretty good and can't quite seem to meet your eyes. It's pretty cute, you've got to admit.

You move back next to him, content to just watch the rest of the game. At least you're out of the spotlight now.

On a whim you lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. He goes, if possible, even redder and rubs the back of his neck. Yep. Definitely cute.

"And then," Vriska says. "There were four."


	92. Hand 61

**== > Jane: Be Roxy.**

Aww, that was kind of sweet. Your little Janey, all grown up and stripping men naked. You always knew she had it in her.

And now, just as Vriska had said, there are only four teams left. With the exception of yours, any of them has to the potential to be eliminated in a single bad hand. Of course, if they keep getting pairs it's going to take a little longer.

"The four of clubs. The card is the four of clubs, I guess," Karkat says as Dirk tosses out hands to everyone.

Time to see where you stand.

**You've Got: 2(C), 2(C), Q(H), 9C), 3(S)**

Huh...well it _is_ a pair, you suppose. It's a really shitty pair, but it's a pair.

"What do you think?" Kanaya asks. "Make a go of it or just ditch the whole thing and hope for the best?"

You idly wonder if it wouldn't be too hard to be dealt something other than a pair for once. Maybe something a little bigger.

Oh well..guess you'll just have to to deal with it now.

**== > Roxy: Do the pair thing.**

"Well, I guess we should just get keep the twos and hope for the best," You say.

"Or we could keep the twos and the nine. Both of the twos are clubs, so we've got a pair, regardless..." Kanaya offers.

Oh yeah, you hadn't even thought of that. Thanks to double deck shenanigans you can actually take a risk on a flush while still maintaining a degree of safety. You'd feel better with a higher pair, but...well, at worst only one of you will have to dare. Unless you get a penalty card.

**== > Roxy: Do the flush thing.**

To hell with it, you're going for it. You hand the two non-club cards to Dirk.

**You Get: 7(S), 3(H)**

Welp...absolutely nothing helpful. Still, at least it wasn't a penalty card.

Aradia also takes two cards. She and Vriska seem content. Karkat takes three. Terezi grins. Finally Dirk deals four cards to himself. He is stone-faced.

"Let's proceed," Aradia says.

**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 2s**   
**Aradia & Vriska Have: Three of a kind; Aces**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Two pair; Kings and jacks**   
**Dirk Has: Ace high**

Another narrow escape. That was a little too close for comfort.

"Welp..." Dirk says and stands up. Nepeta pouts.

"Sorry, purrtner..." She says.

"Don't sweat it. We played like pros. We could have ended up like BroSon, over there. Out in the first round like chumps," Dirk says.

Nepeta sighs and pushes herself on to her knees, coming to about waist-level with Dirk. She grabs his boxers and tugs them quickly down.

Seeing Dirk Strider's dick had always been something that was on your list of things you definitely felt would be a worthwhile experience, and while you are glad to check that particular event off your list, you find the warm, distracting skin pressed against your arm has you caring a lot less about it than you would have a year ago.

True to his dare, though, Dirk continues to stand fairly casually, covering up nothing and the Strider downstairs continues to hang there impudently as if nothing the fuck were different about today than any other day. You suppose you aren't surprised.

After everyone seems to have gotten used to the naked Strider just standing there, the three teams remaining scoot in a little closer as the defeated teams watch with interest to see who will be out next.


	93. Hand 62 Part 1

**== > Roxy: Deal.**

You are indeed dealing right now. It's going a lot faster than last time since now there are only three teams left.

You and Kanaya both have your panties and a dare each. Vriska and Aradia have their panties, and Karkat and Terezi are in the same boat, both having their final item of underwear, but no dares.

The odds are most certainly stacked in your favor clothing-wise. Of course, the last two hands you've only just barely won. If your card luck doesn't improve, your extra chances might not mean anything.

Everyone is focused and very little banter is being exchanged. Even the teams that have lost are mostly being quiet, watching the game with interest.

Aradia designates the ace of diamonds as the penalty card.

Vriska scowls at their cards and Aradia curtly hands you four. Neither of them look particularly happy with what you give them. Terezi, however, seems just fine with the four cards you gave to them.

Kanaya shows your hand to you.

**You've Got: K(H), 10(D), 8(C), 6(S), 3(S)**

"Well...shit..." You say.

This could have been better, that's for sure.

"What's the plan?" Kanaya asks.


	94. Interlude 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a fevah! And the only prescription...is more SideAnon.

**== > Roxy: Anticipate.**

Like you're doing anything else! Gotta keep a lid on that shit, you almost broke down and knocked boots right here already, just gotta bottle up that temptation for a few more turns.

Even though you're pretty sure nobody would actually stop you. Hell, they'd probably take notes.

No no hold it girl, keep it together. Like four, maybe five hands, how many long could it take? Even if you lose one or two, that just means you and Kan do dares and, shit yeah, _dares_. If anything, especially with that bullshit Lonely Dare you've kinda missed out on the fun. Not that you're hoping the game takes any longer to finish but a little more anticipation won't hurt anybody.

Heck, could be as little as two hands even! Both competitors drew four replacements after all, and the next might go the same. Two shitty hands for Team Bitchin' Bitches and Team DomRomDramCom and you'll get to punch your ticket to Transyl-fine-ya, aka Vampire Sex Town.

You are all the fantasies right now.

You're like the only team even still paying attention. Everyone else is ready to split, Vriska and Aradia are eyeballing the room, and Terezi and Troll Patton are having yet a-fucking-nother private convo about something she wants and he doesn't. Man you hope all relationships aren't like that and fuck what are even saying.

Eh, nothing to worry about. This is going to be tight, because you and Kanaya are in fact not crazy and also not taking anything wildly seriously. You're just going to find somewhere private, totally have lesbians with this vampire chick (you netted yourself one heck of a first time there RoLal), enjoy each other's company like always, and then... you'll figure it out from there. If there's one thing you've learned from the rollercoaster of stupidity that has been most days since The Game, it's that the best way to fuck up a relationship is to overthink it.

So you couldn't care less what the other teams are getting all weird about here at the end. Even though you usually love hearing Terezi's wacky musings. You know the score, the only score that matters. Your score. As in, the one you're going to have.

**== > Roxy: Care what the other teams are doing.**

What did you just say? No cares here.

**== > Roxy: Be another team.**

There's one team that would be happy to indulge some insight! Terezi Pyrope now joins herself, for a conversation already in progress.

"And when exactly did this idea come to you, during your magic-induced nub-suckling? When you were grabbing handfuls of thorax like ripening fruit? Or is your fatigue with me as a lover and pailer just a slow burn with no discernible origin?"

He is usually not this grouchy, at least this specifically! Any ordinary matesprit when asked a question like, 'how do you feel about someone we both think is attractive and nice joining us in the coon for a day and not to recuperate?' would not respond with, 'insulted and terrified because that is lunacy'. While he's still neurotic about abandonment, he doesn't really need reassurance of your affection. Just waking up together everyday is proof enough that you're not going anywhere, because he knows you would if you wanted.

But then, you probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him one, twice, or a million other times if he was ordinary and sane, no matter how normal he pretends to be. Its chivalry and compassion bordering on truly universal fear and you feel so goddamn sorry for him sometimes you get warm thinking about it. Like now.

Especially when you both know you're right. "As a matter of fact if you refuse completely, I will be just as _fatigued_ with you when we arrived, which is _not at all_. It was an idea I had a little into the game when the stakes for anyone besides us became clear. This is about concern for our friend, not because I'm tired of you."

"You really expect me to buy all that? What was that business with Jade and Aradia about? I would have expected a warning before you start openly propositioning our friends for quadswapping parties."

"I was bouncing the idea off Jade because she happens to be sitting right next to me dunkass, and is a mutual friend who could give me some perspective." You knew she and Dave would say no, that's what made her the right start. "And I was practicing my approach."

"Uh huh. And Megido?"

"What about Megido? The card said to make out with the first person she grabbed. It was me. I enjoyed it! Are you saying you wouldn't?"

"Out of respect for you I would have at least tried not to."

"Out of respect for me you would have frozen solid! Yes, you're supposed to, I get it and it's charming. Whatever. But seriously, it was just random chance and I enjoyed it, there was no plan." For once you really mean that. When you see an opening to seize, you seize it! Just look at her, that opening was made for seizing. "And if you ever have the opportunity, you have the Seal of Pyrope Approval to go for it!"

"In the cards eh? How about your victory honk after the wrestling, what card told you to do that?"

Oh darn he caught you how ever will you explain? "I'll admit, that one was self-indulgent. But c'mon, it's Nepeta, she knows I was playing around." You almost add that she'd do the same to you, but she probably wouldn't. Which is a shame. "Besides, if I hadn't gone for it then the opportunity would have been lost forever, and that's exactly the point I'm trying to make!"

"Alright alright whatever. This is still a fucked up proposition whenever it popped into your head to rent me out like goddamn emotional gigolo and I'm not fucking cool with where anyone could plainly see it going. There's a reason people call this shit weird Terezi. If it was sensible everyone would do it." Not giving him points for that, even if it is demonstrably true. "Provided anyone around here were sensible that is, which kinda fucks up the generality but my point still stands."

Of course it does dear. Time for the direct approach. "Look over there and tell me you genuinely don't want this." You have to poke him once but he does as asked, sternly looking straight over there. Someone else might not notice, but you can feel him crack and melt under the look he gets back. This is totally going to work. "See? We're talking about a friend here. A friend we know very well! The only one who might _actually get this_. Everyone involved is going to love it, including you."

He weighs the options in his head for a moment before he comes up with a good response. "...This isn't going to turn into a thing like Vriska's insanity with her humans, is it?"

 _Blargh_. "Wouldn't it be a shame otherwise? I thought you liked perpetually unstable and demanding relationships!" He chuckled with you, score! "Yeah don't worry, I'm not planning anything like that. A one off, testing the waters at most. I promise I'll have everything under control. Now what do you say?"

"Terezi, you have exactly jack shit under control and of all the terrible, terrible ideas I've indulged over time, this is easily the most inane." So the leveling begins. Now you feel it coming. "You're begging me for the chance to play with fire and put an already tenuous arrangement in jeopardy to try to make a friend happy for one night compared to every one that comes after it and..." Of all his disgruntled, disgruntled sighs, this is one the best efforts his longwinded lungs have produced. You give him your sweetest grin to drive the point home. He finally continues in a bored monotone, "Yes it's the best opportunity there will ever be and it's not like we could ever possibly dislike each other and it's only been obvious for sweeps and okay fine let's do it."

"You're a sucker for pretty girls Karkat, it's so precious." He gets a kiss on the cheek for that. Another victory for Team Pyrope!

"Oh I'm a sucker alright. Everything will to turn to shit tonight and I'm going to hold you personally responsible."

"Of course you are. By the way, when we make the offer would it kill you to look more... well, anything other than depressed about it?"

He squares his face at nobody with that cute 'sick of this shit' look. "You say that like weary disdain of this kind of emotional bullshit isn't exactly what got me showered in awkward pity in the first place. I'm sure you can work that into your scheme."

By god he's right! "Ha, yes! Just be yourself then sourpuss and let me do the talking. I was going to anyway, but hold off on your angry interjections unless I give the signal." If anything they might help, since he's a walking 'pity me' billboard. Then again, you've always had a slightly different idea of palebait (or is that _pailbait_?  >:] > :] >:]) than other trolls. At least, trolls besides your friend, obviously, which only stands to reason.

It really would be a shame to keep this all to yourself, when there's already plenty of precedent for breaking the rules. Oh yes, time to prove Terezi Pyrope still has what it takes to control of a crazy scheme. This is going to be great, for everybody. And Roxy and Vriska and everybody probably want to see your cards now, oops.


	95. Hand 62 Part 2

**== > Roxy: Keep that high card.**

Yeah, okay then. It probably won't be that big of a help, but whatever. At least it's the suicide king. That guy is always pretty unique.

"Eh, let's just keep the king," you say, bored as you toss down four cards and give four new ones to yourself.

**You Get: 7(H), 7(C), A(S), 4(D)**

Swag! That could have gone better, but you'll take that. Hopefully you'll beat one of these jobbers, at any rate.

"So...let's see them," Terezi says.

**Aradia & Vriska Have: King high**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: Two pair; Aces _(one is ace of diamonds)_ and 9s**   
**You & Kanaya Have: A pair of 7s**

"Aw, damn it!" Vriska says. "I was hoping to win this time! I keep getting third place."

Vriska scoots over to Aradia and grabs one side of her panties. She drags the garment down the other hand resting firmly on her ass. As the crimson clears her waist, you can see a dark triangle of pubic hair points downward towards her core. Vriska grabs the panties off Araida's foot, her hand still on her ass.

"Enjoying yoursef?" Aradia asks.

"Pssh, not my fault your massive behind provides good leverage," Vriska responds.

"Uh huh..." Aradia replies before quickly tipping Vriska backwards and pinning her down. She kisses her hard on the lips, which Vriska tentatively allows. After breaking the kiss she begins to kiss down her body.

"You. Like. This. Admit. It," Aradia says, punctuating each word with a descending kiss before finally reaching her panties. Aradia grabs the cobalt underwear in her teeth and drags them downward. Vriska's pelvis is mostly bare, save for a thin landing strip.

"Yeah, yeah...maybe don't try so hard, Megido." Vriska is trying to sound dismissive, but the corners of her mouth are twitching upward. Araida finishes pulling the panties off and releases them with the rest of the clothes in the pile.

She gives Vriska another quick peck on the lips before pulling her back into a seating position.

"Well...now that we got to be witnessed to _that_ for some reason, I think there's the matter of a certain card we're in possession of..." Terezi is grinning wickedly.

Oh shit! You forgot about that rule!

"So...since the other team was eliminated I guess it goes to you guys by default..of course, we would have given it to you anyway. Fair is fair."

Terezi hands the card to you. You look at Kanaya.

"So..." she says, doing her best impersonation of casual. "Who takes one for the team?"

**== > Roxy: Let Kanaya take the dare.**

"Well..." you say. "How about you take this one, Light Bright?" You ask.

"Really? Not exactly the most courteous choice is it? You're going to owe me for this later," She responds as she reaches for the dare jar.

You aren't exactly sure what she meant by that, but her tone suggests you might be more than willing to find out.

"Spend the rest of the game with your hand in your partner's pants or panties, no matter what," she reads aloud. "Well, it looks like it came back to bite you, anyway, Roxy."

There's a collection of "oooohing" from some of the audience. Kanaya sidles up next to you. Damn you're lucky this didn't happen earlier. There isn't a ton of the game left. Hopefully you can get through the rest of it without Kanaya totally breaking you in front of everyone.

You feel her hand briefly on your stomach before it ventures down into your panties. Her skin is still amazingly warm. You tense up automatically. Her fingers brush against you bare pelvis, rubbing the smooth skin, before before moving under and finding your womanhood. She begins to run one finger along it slowly.

A shudder moves up your body. You look over at her, and she's giving you a coquettish grin. Most of the people watching you are doing so with equal smugness, as if to say you had brought this on yourself.

In any case, you aren't going to be able to ignore this stimulation forever. If you don't bring this game to a close soon you're going to make quite the display of yourself.


	96. Hand 63

**== > Roxy: Attempt to concentrate.**

You are doing your best, but your partner is also doing _her_ best. You can feel the tingling in your loins and you know she's starting to get to you.

All you have to do is win this hand and catch Karkat and Terezi with a high card. Simple, right?

"Penalty card is the 5 of spades," Terezi says as Karkat begins to deal. "You smell a little flushed, Roxy. Are you feeling alright?" Terezi asks, the mirth in her voice barely contained. Let's just see what these cards are.

**You've Got: 5(S), 5(H), 3(H), 3(S), 10(S)**

Kanaya's fingers trace delicately across your lower lips as you contemplate the hand. Luckily she hasn't found too sweet a spot yet.

This hand warrants consideration. You have the penalty card, but you also have a second five as well as another pair. Two pair is a pretty good hand. In fact, you have a decent chance to win with it. If you do, then you can end this game here and now and maybe get Kanaya back for nearly getting you off in front of everyone.

But...if they somehow win, then you have to do a dare (with Kanaya still playing with you, you realize) and someone will have to take off their panties, leaving you with only one more chance to win.

It's a gamble, that's for sure...

**== > Roxy: Drop the 10 like it's hot.**

Yeah, pretty much. Even if the pimp were in a place that could remotely be described as his "crib" (which he isn't), then this would still be the best plan.

You were all but given this hand on a silver platter. In fact, you don't even know how it could have gone better. Well...you suppose you could have gotten a third five or two, but even still it would take a super long shot for this to go wrong now.

Kanaya's fingers enter you just slightly and you find yourself tensing as you hand over your solitary card.

**You Get: Q(H)**

Well, nothing much. Again, it shouldn't matter, though. Karkat meanwhile hands four cards to himself and looks pretty resigned to defeat.

"Let's just get this over with," He says.

**You & Kanaya Have: Two pair; 5s _(one is the 5 of spades)_ and 3s**   
**Karkat & Terezi Have: King high**

"Hell yeah!" You exclaim as you stand up, your breasts jiggling as you raise your arms in triumph. The sudden movement buffets Kanaya forward and on to the ground, her hand forcibly removed from your panties.

Sweet! You did it! Your awesome plan worked! All of your friends are (or will be very shortly) totally naked and you got to see everything! You didn't even need your last penalty card.

Karkat and Terezi stand up. Terezi grabs the edge of his red boxers and tugs them down quickly, causing Karkat to stumble slightly. His semi-erect member pops out, grey and capped with a red head. You suppose like most things troll, a troll dick is basically a palette-swapped human dick. You're glad there don't seem to be any tentacles involved for either troll sex. You have a feeling that would weird you out.

Recovering somewhat slowly from the sudden loss of his modesty, Karkat turns his attention to Terezi's thong. He grabs the thin strips of teal fabric sitting on her waist and brings them slowly down. He is briefly at face level with her newly uncovered patch of raven hair, his breathing unknowingly teasing her for a few seconds before he takes the underwear off her ankles and casts it aside. Karkat stands back up, grabs Terezi's arm and turns the two of them together to show the rest present their asses. Not a bad view, if you don't say so yourself, which you just did.

"Well...that's that. Another victory for the humans. Well, and Fussy Fangs. I suppose she'll do as a rep for Trollkind," Vriska says.

"What a stunning vote of confidence," Kanaya says, sitting up from her spill on the ground. Various people seem to be milling around. The game being over, you suppose now is the time some of the couples present here might go off to...relive some of the tension built up tonight.

You can see Jade, her arms and legs wrapped around Dave's waist, whispering something in his ear. His eyes go wide for a second.

"Welp, I guess that's it. See everyone here later, probably with fewer boobs and junk flopping around, but who knows with us right?" He says.

"Dave...just shut up," Jade says as a green flash erupts around the room. When the light returns to normal Dave, Jade and their clothes are gone.

Ok...while Light Bright is great, you do kind of wish her space powers could teleport you places.

And there goes DaughterMom standing up, not a care in the world that all of her is hanging out for everyone to see. She grabs John by the hand and pulls him up.

"I think we'll be heading off, too. Would you like to come along, Vriska?" She asks.

"Nah...I think I'm good here for now. You...you guys can go have your fun," Vriska responds as evenly as possible.

"If you're sure then..." Rose says after a few seconds pause, before she leads John out the door, their clothes trailing behind them on a blue gust of wind.

Jane is hastily dressing herself...well at least covering herself. She has pulled on her panties and shirt, seemingly skipping the bra, which has caused her chest to be far more apparent in her clothes than it was before. Jake pulls on his shorts, not bothering with the boxers this time. They're talking fairly lowly among the other noise but you can just make it out.

"Look do you maybe want to..." Jane begins.

"I was pondering...perhaps we could take a walk somewhere...you know...away from here?" Jake says at the same time as Jane, somewhat anxious.

"Oh...um...sure. Let's go then..." Jane answers, looking pretty damn nervous (and a bit cute for it, you admit) as she gathers up the rest of her clothes under her arm and stands up. Jake follows her example and two make a beeline for the door.

This place is rather quickly emptying out, it seems.

"So..." Kanaya begins.

"So?" You ask playfully.

"I was wondering if you might show me what your room looks like. I have to admit, I've been rather curious to see what you might have in there. Maybe I could get the grand tour?"

Damn, she might as well be waggling her eyebrows at you.

"I think I can make that happen," You say. You stand up and grab your clothing from the ground. You offer your free hand to Kanaya, who accepts and stands, her clothing pile tucked safely under her arm as well. You don't let go of her hand as you lead her out the door and down the corridors towards your room.

Every step seems to raise the tension between the two of you. You suppose the entire night has been building to this: a literal climax at the same point as a figurative one.

You offer yourself a smile.

Hell, why stop at one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last the game is done. Now all that remains are the epilogues...


	97. Casual Acquaintances, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the first of the epilogues. This one by SideAnon!

**== > Roxy: Be the other guy.**

Other guy? Playing loose with the referentials there. You are once again Dirk Strider, reflecting on a life well-spent. You are currently a butt-naked human standing tall and proud in a room full of naked, sitting trolls. The list of things you were prepared for in life didn't exactly include post-strip-poker conversation, but 'ass deep in nude Alternians' was probably on there somewhere. With your not-sister and the vampire having departed wordily getting in each others' panties, the six of you left are busy making the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Luckily you're good at that.

"So." Masterful.

"So?" Aradia follows.

"So." Vriska fills in.

"So, uh..." comes a little voice from near your knee.

"So!" Terezi adds before launching an elbow Karkatwards.

"Screw off, I'm not doing it."

Vriska chuckles before asking the obvious question, elbows on her knees. " _So_ , why are you two still here anyway? Don't you have nine excruciating minutes to work out in private like everyone else?"

"As a matter of f- Nine?" Rare to see Terezi do a double-take, and Vriska relishes it.

"One for the groping, eight for the crying!"

Vantas' face could make a whole encyclopedia of 'getting real tired of your shit' reaction images. But the voice unnervingly close to your crotch asks, "Nine mewnites of crying? Are you sure you're not pawsibly doing it wrong? I mean, I know there's meor to making love than that. Right?" No one that obsessed with romance can be that naive, surely. Especially after all her time around you.

Terezi beats you to an answer. "Don't let her fool you Nepeta, her taste has just been ruined by human sex. The real thing is vastly superior, I promise!"

Oh now it's on bitch. "Gonna have to call bullshit there as the remaining Earthling here." C'mon little man, don't go soft when everyone's looking, time to represent. "When it comes to which species has the better sex, I'm siding with the one that built a civilization on excuses to screw each other, over one that rates its members by fluid output of hate-fucking at gunpoint."

Already laughing at all this, Aradia gives you, "You have such a lovely way with words Mister Strider," through her hand.

Her partner piles on with, "And not that I'm defending anyone, but you are noooooooobody to talk about human sex, sister."

"Irrelevant! Troll sex is perfect, Q.E.D. anything else can only be inferior." Forget having tits and navels, why do trolls have Latin? "Besides _sister_ , don't you have somewhere you should be as well?"

Vriska's voice takes on the distinct tone of rejection, which makes no damn sense but whatever. "You heard me tell them to go on without me. Not in the cards tonight." Weak. "And before you blame it on the sex, humans are like a good maggot-broil, the longer you make them stew the better they are latter." Not done justifying herself yet, she continues with idle hand gestures, "Besides the three-thing is kind of a pain when you're not in mood for it..."

Because she wouldn't be adorable without walking into it, Nep asks, "How does that wurrrk anyway? I've... noticed you and your hmewmans usually like it, and-"

"Well Nepeta, its nice you should ask!" Terezi jumps into the conversation, clapping a hand over Vantas' mouth. "Karkles and I have been _wondering_ the same thing. Wondering a lot! Me at least since that was the point of these shenanigans. And after watching you watch us for most of the game, I had a sneaking suspicion you were pondering some... unusual ideas yourself Lejion. And I strongly suspect you didn't have any plans for the rest of the night, which is exactly the issue!"

Your girl makes a confused mewling noise. Pyrope was the first troll you met in person, and she's still a shining example of the race's grounded and sensible nature. Vriska just leans back on her arms and grumbles while Aradia rubs her shoulder, watching this happen. You had a sneaking suspicion and finally it's coming.

"I guess I've been pawndering a little, about everyone... uh, at the game here. Nothing weird! But the mighty h- I mean, I've watched everyone else having some fun and stuff, like always, and..." The awkward dam is breaking, here it comes. "And yeah I noticed you two sitting over there, since you're rrright there, and, well whatwere _you_ thinkingabout Terezi?" Aw she bailed. Figures.

Karkat pries the hand off his mouth to cut this short. "Nepeta, I appreciate you leaving her open to make a fool of herself, but this is just going to get more painful before it gets where it's going. Terezi's saying she and I are going to have sex." Resigned whinge. "She wants to know if you'd like to join us."

She bolts upright against your leg while Terezi closes the distance on all fours to sit beside her. Now comes the best part of the menage-a-trois, the sales pitch.

"I've been thinking a lot about how we came to be here, and what we've tiptoed around before and since. I was lucky, and a lot of things happened that nobody wants to look back on. But I know you still wish about the things you did then too, and especially with you and us being here, like this..." This is so ambiguously sappy you're going to hurl. "I don't think we should have to worry about what we used to. We're bigger people than that!" She leans in close to hug Nepeta, god this is weird. "And if there's _anything_ I can do to make my best friend happy after all this time, you know I'm going to do it." Just end this already, Jesus. "Karkat and I are going to make sweet sweet love tonight. I'm sure you'd enjoy that too! So as long as the opportunity has never been better, what do you say to indulging it?"

"Tha... That's, uh..." If you were anyone else, you'd be dumbstruck too. In this case, because she can barely contain herself. You nudge her with your knee and she looks up with that perfect face for an answer. You give her your best attempt at a 'go for it' facial expression and apparently succeed. "Well, it's a rawr pawportunity yeah... W-what does Karkitty think?"

Terezi leans in closer to your leg, echoing, "Yes Karkitty, what do _you_ think?" Yeah Karkitty, make with it.

He lets out a hell of a sigh but lays down the real-talk anyway. "Look... I've made a lot of mistakes over time, especially with... Well everybody, but probably more you altogether." Why do guys keep doing the hand-behind-the-neck thing, did you fall into an anime here? "And if we can pretend there was only one thing I really did wrong, it's that I never thanked or... fuck, respected the people who actually tolerated me." From the fraction of this girl's private thoughts you've heard, she way more than tolerates him. Meanwhile, your appreciation of irony is grappling mightily with your instinctive urge to get your naked legs away from this heart to heart shit going on down there. "So yeah, I know you've been _interested_ in me and you know I know and I know that and well... Terezi's been wanting to do something different which I thought was fucking psychotic but what else is new and you're her best fiend on top of everything else and, yeah, I'm okay with the whole thing if-"

In an instant, Nep crosses the distance in one bound to pin him to the floor in a tangle, completely ignoring his junk so far. She's a babbling mess of thanks until Terezi pries her off and they set into some kind of reassuring girly conversation in that girly manner than only girls can do. You cannot even care at this point, the deal is sealed, and you almost join the remainder of the peanut gallery in cooing at them.

They finally stand and haul Vantas to his feet for two thirds of a group hug. After he makes it clear he's not going to fight them off, they're ready to leave. At least your cat remembers you're here to wave, "Bye Dirkitty! Thanks fur everything in the game, we have to play again sometime!"

"Pass. I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do but that's already shot. So hey, Pyrope, just have her home in one piece by eleven."

"I make no promises!" is all you get to that, before they depart on more girl-convo about ancient secrets and mutual taste in boys, as engrossed in each other as they were in the boy in question a minute ago. It's easy to forget you schmucks really are sixteen.

Forgotten and taken for granted as usual, Karkat bends over to bundle his and Terezi's clothes, giving the room a full view of chiseled gray ass. All shame has truly abandoned the world. Aradia takes in the sight for what it's worth but the other girl pulls out her usual mocking voice. "D'aaaaaaaaw. I gotta hand it to you Vantas, only you could have two hot chicks tugging at your arms to pail them and still make yourself look like a chump. How doooooooo you do it?"

He stands to turn on her, bundle tossed over one shoulder with all of his knightly build on display. "Only me? Pfft. It's now a recurring trend for our post-apocalyptic paradise. We both know someone else who wrote the book on looking like a put-upon chump, you should ask him next time you're cuddled up picking blond hairs out of your fangs."

That got her fuming enough not to respond. "Sick burn, nice recovery." You're really going out of your way to like the guy, since you practically gave your ward away just now. It is a little harder with how much troll dicks look like lipstick tubes, but he can look surprisingly dignified when he's not begging for respect.

"I'm holding you partially responsible for this insanity. I knew her getting a replacement bunghole pseudo-moirail was only going to corrupt her further."

"Corrupt? Man, I pour molten irony into that kid and she's just as square as the day she first latched onto me. You got no one to blame but your girls for this escapade."

"Like I don't know the extent of her problems. I'd think you'd care about what kind of trouble is going to cause all of us, and her."

You cock an eyebrow at him. This guy takes suffering to a new level. "You really saying you don't want an epic tale like this?" The pun was just for you.

"What the fuck am I supposed to say? Yes, I'm eager to put a hard won relationship at risk for one night of fooling around with someone I've repeatedly turned away? No, I'm repulsed by someone who's been smitten with me for ages but I'm going to grudge-fuck her anyway in the hope of not hearing about it anymore? Supposedly you're in command of this heart crap, help me out here with some princely wisdom."

Fuck you dude, you're making it sound like a genuine quandary. "Normally I'd say the worst advice ever given on any world is, you should casually bang your wife's best friend because she'll be totally understand you. But by some sexy catgirl miracle that is exactly what's goin' down, so my advice is count your fucking blessings, live the fantasy while it lasts and stop trying to wash out the party." You're not going to let yet another blossoming romance fall victim to a rational wet blanket. "How could you say no to a face like that anyway?"

"I don't know, but I managed for a couple of sweeps. Is it a crime to say my thoughts were-"

"KARKAT!" Everyone but the man himself winces at the nails-on-chalkboard sound. Terezi makes a show of stalking back in to grab her sputtering boy by the horns and tug him to the door where your girl is giggling herself bright green. Every fiber of your being wants to jeer Karkat onward with some whipcracking, but you're trying to be supportive of Nep here, no need to put him more on edge. After Terezi deposits him at the doorway he looks at his new charge for a moment, Nepeta being the most honestly bashful you've ever seen her with her paws at her chin and those terrible saucer eyes.

She starts to open up and actually talk to him for once, probably 'you don't have to if you don't want to' or something equally saccharine and self-defeating because dammit Nep's going to be true to her sweet little self no matter how bad an influence you are. But Vantas finally grew the pair apparently needed to bone two chicks who want him bad. There's some close whispering, some hair tussling, arms around the sides, and he leads her out with the air of a man trudging off to war.

Oh yeah. Being human and single is the best thing in the world.


	98. Casual Acquaintances, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sideanon here, finally adding my own parts to the archive with some editing. Protip: Write everything when you're dead tired, it'll look awesome when you wake up.

**== > Other Guy: Be human and single.**

Done. Still the only human in the room, still unattached. Given that your company is a curvy gray chick with handlebars and a leggy gray chick with canopeners who've had their hands all over each other, there's no sign of that changing.

In the wake of the love party's passage, Serket groans. "Well I'm good and disgusted, how 'bout you guys?"

"You joking? That was a new definition for the word adorbs. From now on, if you want anyone to think you're cute, you'll have to round up a couple naked friends to gush about how awesome love is and kick virginity to the curb." Your girl is the standard now, which is good if it'll stop people saying 'adorbs'.

The other troll makes the obvious point. "Besides, I thought you would have appreciated Terezi making ends meet like that. It worked out elsewhere didn't it?"

"Give me a fucking break! Figures she'd come up with an idea like that, but I can't believe Leijon and Shouty actually went for it. That was the easiest sale I've ever seen. _Oh dear sweet precious Nepeta, I've put toooooooons of thought into our friendship over the last few minutes after I realized you weren't going to disappear when the game ended. I know you've always wanted a relationship with the guy I snagged sweeps ago, and now that I've worn him out, I've decided he shall screw you so I can feel satisfied with how generous I am!_ " Her hands fill in as half-assed puppet actors, the lowest form of puppeteering. " _Of coooouuuurse our love is big enough for three people, who are we to let little things like decency or common sense stand in the way of eeeeeeeeveryone getting a sad, brief taste of what they really want!_ " Her Terezi imitation transparently mutates into Rose. " _Besides, my man's a big-hearted schmuck who can't say no to me, he'll pitypail you inside out if I tell him to._ Seers. Eugh."

"That turned personal in record time." Aradia slides over, Vriska just shrugs her off. "I was there for both of those conversations Vriska, that is barely like what happened."

Might as well stick up for your family's stake in this nonsense. "Hey, don't be dragging Pyrope's shit onto Rose. That ain't how she told me it went down, and she's got nothing but good things to say about you. Y'know, good in the way she says things."

"Yeah yeah, that's great. You weren't there for the rest of it. I'd feel sorry for Nepeta, if she weren't too optimistic to recognize just how complicated things are going to be for her." God damn this bitch is broody. "Even if Terezi makes it some permanent thing, oh whoops looks like the real boss of the clusterfuck wants the guy to herself tonight, guess you'll have to find some other good friend to sleep with."

Guess this is the self-contradiction you've heard so much about. "Is that supposed to be why you're here right now?"

"Fuckin' duh."

"We were all there for _that_ convo, that's not even close."

"Whatever Strider, none of your business anyway. And are you just gonna stand there with your junk out all night?"

Oh right, naked. Getting pretty limp now with the talking and everything to look at gone. Quick, think sexy thoughts. "Hey, if he and I aren't wanted, we'll split any time."

Aradia takes the bait with a giggle. "He?"

"Yes he, say hey little man." _Hey little man._ With the twitch too, still got it.

At least somebody appreciates good ventriloquism, but Broody just stares and gets up. "Okay that's it, I'm out."

Aw shit, overdid it. "Y'know I can leave if you girls want-"

"Not even about you, human. I need to be somewhere my concerns will actually be appreciated. Like alone."

Her girlfriend if that's even the right term tugs at her to stay. "Oh come on Vriska, it doesn't have to be like that. You know everything's fine, and you wanted me to make it up to you."

"Are you seriously putting the moves on me _now_? Yeah 'cause I'm crazy horny after a night like this. You act like we're in love or something." If you were a low enough man, you'd call her the definition of tsundere. Remember to wash yourself for even thinking that.

Not-girlfriend takes it in stride. "I know you're being mad for its own sake, and you know it too. We can do this any way you want... because you know you do." Damn you love being here right now.

"Nuh uh, had your chance before you started talking. What I _want_ is you to find me when you're ready to grow up and do this right. Like, respectfully or some shit." Not making any sense, she straightens and retreats in melodramatic fashion. "I need some grubs anyway. Maybe I'll let you touch me if I'm in the mood, since we all know you'll still be." Petulant, vulnerable, and a perfect swish of hips and hair with every step out. You can see that driving your Little Lalonde crazy, and probably anybody else but you.

"Well that was fucking awkward... She knows she's naked right?"

"I pity whoever points it out to her." Aradia settles her buxom self into a comfortable seat. "But don't worry, Vriska just needs to stew sometimes. She'll feel bad for herself then remember she's supposed to be awesome, and jump me with furious intent when I find her."

"I'm no troll scholar, but beyond the 'rails don't pail thing, wounding seems like a real concern. I assume you mean wounding."

"Oh she'll try." Smoke-thin ruby wings unfold from nothingness behind her to flutter in the light. "We both do it all the time. I'm almost afraid she'll lose her taste for it and resort to something worse." Then they disappear in a twinkle of magic bullshit. "I think the way the game ended brought up too many memories. Even when she's on top of her act, all it takes is one sharp reminder and she's obsessed with her failures. After she gets what she actually wants, everything will be fine again."

"Gotta say, the troll hatelove thing? Couldn't be happier humanity missed the boat on that. On good ol' Earth, crazy people are only crazy."

Instead of trying to defend it, Aradia laughs and shrugs. "Does sound nice. Anyway, looks like we both have time kill. Want to sit down?" She pats where Vriska was invitingly.

Not that you had anywhere to be but... Eh, why not. After you take a seat next to her, you both glance around at anything but each other's genitals for a moment, no conversation forthcoming. Fantastic. "So, read any good books lately?"

Another good laugh at that, you're starting to like this girl. Friendly, playful and a bit tense, just like your other couple of girl-friends. "Sorry Dirk, you don't have to humor me. I didn't get the sense that you'd have any commitments after everyone split off for the night, and... I'm sure you've noticed I don't either. I thought we could... hang out or something." However, that voice is way too dusky for someone looking to kill time.

You call her bluff, "If this is troll flirting, it's pretty oblique." Especially since you can see her crotch, you're going to guess this chick was horny as hell before she got blue-balled. Now you're in the crosshairs for some reason.

At least she chuckles and gives you a real answer. "Alright you caught me, I think you're attractive and I'm definitely available for the moment." You'll take that. "But really, we can chat if you want. You don't seem to be going anywhere yourself."

What's the worst that could happen with this sweetheart? "Nah I'm game. Fucking or just fucking around?"

Aradia taps at her chin for a second, before another big smile crosses her face. "I've got an idea." She retrieves the dare jar from where Kanaya put it last and shakes it. "What do you say, one last round to end things on a high note? Could be amusing, in an ironic sort of way."

You're pretty sure she's only throwing the word out because she heard it means something. "Yeah why the fuck not. Go ahead, it's your idea."

Chin still on her hand, she makes a show of carefully drawing out the best one, long fingers playing with the paper more than necessary. Finally she decides and breaks down giggling. "Well, this settles it then. Almost serendipitous."

"Awesome. What humorous bullcrap you rope yourself into?"

She thinks for a moment while her look turns unnervingly... sultry. "I think it'd be best if I just showed you." That's not suspicious at all. She slowly runs her hands over her tits with a generous cup, down her sides, down her hips while she gets on her knees with the goods on full display. And slides over to you, all her notables jutting out impudently.

"Do I have time to guess? Poledance? Specific pose? How long it takes me to cop something? Because you've got perfect form on the tease."

"Don't worry so much, it should be obvious quickly." She's got her hands on your shoulders, settling herself on your leg. "Kind of surprised it's taken this long already."

You officially don't know what the fuck's going on. While you are on friendly terms with every cocksucker in this demented transdimensional boardinghouse, you can't say you're too familiar with Aradia. Just another troll destined to show up. Shame really, compared to the rest of her species she seems pretty down to earth. Bonus ironic phrase. You're familiar with the rumor of her jumping anything that moves, mostly because of her ghostcestor, which didn't seem true until right now. Like you give a damn.

But given the alien snatch gently grinding your thigh, this might be one time to kill the punchline before it gets out of hand. "Alright I'll bite, what dare you going for here?" Not stopping, she unfolds the paper in her palm to show you.

_you must give the nearest human male a boner by any means possible. that's the plan. to give them a boner._

"Dammit Egbert. I swear causality brought that whole fucking family tree into existence to make the rest of us look dumb by association." That was pretty serendipitous.

"We had some characters like that in our universe. You've met a few of them of course." Lippy kiss while she throws the card away. "But it's not a compromising dare, at least it's something to do. I have to admit, I thought this wouldn't take more than a few seconds."

"You'll find I'm a tougher nut to crack than the last boy you might have sexed up."

Hell, she's smiling again. "So I'd heard. It's new for me really, I've never actually had a challenge like that. Or anything else with a boy for that matter. Not yet." Oh woman, did you ever come to the wrong place.

Okay. Let's review.

An idle conversation with an acquaintance has turned sexual and you let it happen. You didn't make this situation, you didn't plan on being here, you didn't really plan what to do afterward once it looked like there was nobody particularly interested in vague activities later. Some RoLal machinations got you involved in this game, in that she asked the magic dog girl to teleport-nab you which never gets less unnerving but whatever, and you spent the whole time figuring you'd be left alone to turn out the lights at the end.

Didn't expect a ram-horned pin-up doll giving you a lapdance. But that's what's happening. Fucking game. You've got three options now jackass.

First option: Turn and push. Turn, and push. You can be true to what you're fairly sure you know about yourself, tell this poor girl she's on the verge of date-raping you, leave and... probably rub one out alone again and call it a night. You're only human after all, you can't spend an hour surrounded by naked people without building up something that needs letting off. This would also be powerfully uncool on multiple levels and angles, as if your description of the plan didn't make that clear.

Second option: Freeze with indecision like the Math Club President getting jumped by a cheerleader with a tazer, and let her do whatever the hell she wants and feel weird about it on her own time. This is technically what you're already doing so it's not untenable, but it might be even more lame than the first one.

This is hardly the weirdest challenge you've faced or the worst shenanigans you've sucked up. It's miles short of the shit you just handed Nep off to and that was an order of magnitude less weird than that candypower bullcrap back when. At least these kids are all facing their romantic gangbang hangups head-on without letting self-awareness-destroying magic do all the work. Nep's business notwithstanding, that's a bonus.

Finally sensing how you've tensed up and shut down, Aradia stops gyrating to make eye-contact, smile gone. This is going south fast. "I... I-I'm sorry. It's been such a heavily charged evening and you seem like you wanted... No, look I just go a little overboard sometimes, I'll-" She stops apologizing when you take her face in hand and give her the long look you've perfected on Nepeta. Hopefully it's not romantic, that'd be all wrong.

Third option: As long as Megido's straight up asking for a ride, you can knock the bottom out of a unanimously-hot chick and add the story to your referential repetoir For Ironic Purposes. Might as well see what the big fuss is about at least once. Biggest irony ever that you're a stone-cold piteous sucker for pretty girls. It's obvious you both need some fucking inconsequential interaction more than anything else, even if it's talking.

"Look girl, you don't have to apologize for my shitty hangups. Or for being upfront about what you want. Yeah you're forward, if I was offended I would have said so." Good, smile's back and not as creepy as before. "This whole place is coming apart at the seams from worrying about who's gonna own what tail for the rest of their lives, it's disgusting. No wonder they all think I'm weird, the concept of not giving a shit is more alien to them than either of us."

"Then you don't mind if we... actually do this? As like a one time thing?" So she had the same idea.

"Just promise you'll still respect me in the morning."

Creepy smile, excellent. "That implies I respect you now, silly boy."

"A joke at my expense? From a troll? That clinches it, spiderbitch was right you are the bad one." She actually laughs at that and sends her hand down your stomach. You send yours to her big firm hips, as long as you stay away from the important curves you should be fine. "Figures, they call you the craziest of your bunch and you're the only one who's not terrified of shit falling apart if anyone gets the slightest bit reckless."

"That's ironically prescient of you actually, and I don't want to say they're wrong. But most of them could stand to loosen up a bit. Good thing we had this game." Meanwhile she's wrapping her fingers around your business. Oh hey, dare accomplished. "I know it's not exactly a great time to ask, but since you brought it up, I don't suppose you'd be available for an outside perspective?" It's such a inappropriate time to ask that it couldn't be more fucking perfect. "Okay well, it's about Vriska..."


	99. Decent Behavior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sideanon again, catching up with myself and adding more to the archive. Continuation, and Jade and Dave. At last, actual smut!
> 
> Next segment will be coming soon, we swear.

**== > Jade: Pry.**

As much as you'd love to jump straight into the fun, there's a question that's been on your mind for a bit. You're not as... concerned about it as you were at the time. But now that it's come up again in yakking about the game, you don't want to be preoccupied with thinking about anything else when it matters.

Let no one say Jade Harley is possessive but... he is _your_ Dave now and there's still plenty you don't know about your time apart. When you're both done kissing away his concerns about your friends' relationships, you give him the question. "So, how'd you know what Terezi's hair looks like anyway?"

He doesn't miss a beat. "What do you mean? My shades aren't that dark, I can see those crazy bangs like anybody."

"Not that hair doofus. _That_ hair, that you had opinions about!"

"Oh you mean how'd I know she keeps her snatch with a five'o'clock shadow?" He says that like doing anything with it is easy. Damn lucky boys. "Well you know me, crowned Pimp King of the Party Rock for my legendary ladykilling. Lay down some phat rhymes and those alien panties just fly o-" You palm his cheeks and float in for a shutting up smooch before you make him whither under the Harley patented 'Like I wouldn't know better' look.

"I know exactly how many panties you made drop before mine Strider, and that took a card game!"

"Am I not supposed to dodge topics about 'Rezi with very slight exaggerations of my wooing prowess?"

Here we go again with this conversation. "Daaaaave, you _know_ I'm not jealous!" Really, you're not! Yes it happened, and you understand perfectly. It was a long three years after all, you know as well as anyone... "I'm just curious! It's not the kind of thing that comes up in polite company."

"You're underestimating that poli- pfft, fuck I can't even finish that phrase. But if you don't want the fun lie you get the depressing truth instead." He doesn't pause but it does weigh on him. "We were all sorry excuses for ourselves after our voyage of the damned but Terezi probably took it the hardest. She was a complete mess by the end and let's just say I caught her with her pants down a few times. Not that she would have cared if she was on the ball anyway, but that's all there was to it."

Yeah, you've heard the stories. "At least that bullcrap's over with! And she seems fine now. Y'know, for Terezi."

"I'll give my bro credit where it's due for putting her back together as insane as she used to be. But no joke, don't write off those little proposals. Pyrope wants to get in your pants almost as bad as her boyfriend." Oh jeez, and you thought you were paranoid. "I dunno if it's even personal. It's like sex was a great epiphany to her and now she won't be satisfied until she's archived everybody's O-face for herself."

Doubtful, but where do you take this conversation? Abscond and continue jabbering? Or do like the pro and advance? "But wouldn't it be a shame if we didn't help her out? At least she was nice enough to ask, and just think how much your choice bro must be suffering for it."

Dave actually gapes while he musters a response. Score! "And to think I used to know a bashful geek from an island hermitage. Whatever happened to that girl, and who's this kinky nymph with her cokebottle glasses?"

"I don't know how you got this impression I'm some delicate belle who'd blush to death finding out sex really is nice. Being ladylike doesn't mean I'm afraid of liking something."

"Something like having your bare ass paddled for an audience?"

Oh uh, er _that_ "...Hypothetically if I did, that would be too much for the Pimp King to handle?"

"Exactly, would being a little too ladylike kill you? Give my chivalry boner something to work with here." You settle yourself on his bed, already planning your next move when he blindsides you. "Still get hot thinking about how it took me a year of trying to get you to say _fuck_ for the first time."

"Hmmph. I also had a Furaffinity account when I was eleven Dave. I've seen shit that would blow your mind..."

"That's what I'm afraid of. Today it's the masochism, tomorrow the gangbang, who knows what after. Our biz is spacebending enough without adding any more crazy-ass fetishes, not to mention your tele-exhibition thing."

"I said I'm working on the teleporting!" Engage plan! "Besides, I'm starting to get the impression you don't even want that much." You lean back on an elbow and run a hand over your belly in a probably very sexy way. "Don't tell me this is too hot to handle."

Loving you is the one thing Dave takes way too seriously. You love chivalry as much as the next gal, but he's gotta learn that there's nothing wrong with thinking you're a respectable girl when you want him to do things that aren't supposed to be completely respectable. Such as having sex, the real way real grown up people do instead of making out a lot before timidly fooling around for a couple minutes until one of you can't hold it.

Instead of creeping up, Dave's suddenly on you and in you and... The airy weight of him is just so _comforting_ , and you can feel the conflict melt out of him. You wring a few sparks from your fingers and pull him the rest of the way onto his bed. Ladylike behavior can go soak its head, you _needed_ this. You're not afraid to let him know either. He tries to position himself for a stroke and you wrap him in your limbs. There'll be plenty of time for that later, right now is Jade Time and Jade Time is slow time Time Guy. He gets the hint, Dave always gets the hint, and eases himself down to kiss wherever takes his fancy. And babbles at the same time.

"Don't worry my sweet, you know what an inventive guy I am. You need fresh entertainment and I can fucking provide. I've got designs on your body that would make you nasty delirious with furtive arousal."

"Oh Mister Strider, how you shame me! My loins are aflutter with forbidden curiosity! Whisper, so that no one else discovers our secrets!" This is awesomely stupid.

"But you already know of my darkest desires Madame Harley, the most shameful yet devised by man." He buries himself fully to push the delivery. "Consensual intercourse in the missionary position for-"

"Ewww gross!" You both tussle a bit for another kiss. Reference secured, he doesn't need to get out the whole punchline. Of course you get the irony that it's exactly what you're doing right now, except for the purposes of procreation part because _holy crap sixteen_. He offers no resistance to rolling over so you can be on top instead and get away from the joke, and let him get as handsy as he wants.

It's not long before his callouses dance down your back to rub and then grab some handfuls of your rump. You've always enjoyed it after all, and since you're on the same wavelength you know exactly what he's about to say.

"If I wasn't the most fly and righteous of knights, I'd be tempted to make you eat some words girl."

"Oh please, you don't have to guts to spa _AAAAH_!!!"

Fuck, he does have the guts! Why wouldn't he have the guts?!

He gets a glower for that, not just for doing it but for how pleased with himself he looks. "I'm totes cool with you wanting to kill me now but before I go you gotta know the way you clenched up was awesome." The shock was definitely more surprise than anything, it doesn't even hurt. Maybe you deserve a little embarrassment for egging him on. And he has to ask, "How about it? One real shot to put it to bed?" You can't bring yourself to say you actually want to be spanked... You're too curious to say no either. You brace for impact instead, and of course he gets the message with no hesitation.

One motion as smooth and firm as Dave only could be. The hit itself isn't exactly pleasant but... The way your skin flushes and tingles a second later does have its charms. Especially how sensitive it leaves the cheek to being caressed.

You don't even notice you're squirming until you reopen your eyes and meet Dave's. "So am I dead meat or are we really going to become terrible people and make this a thing?"

The best you can do is put on your most mischievous grin. "I dunno... Maybe we should try again, just to be sure..."

**== > Other Strider: Juggle responsibilities.**

Haven't you had enough of that perspective yet? You're going to get more Strider POV later anyway, how about giving the actually popular character the spotlight instead? Other Strider's kinda busy.

**== > Aradia: Try to enjoy yourself.**

It's hard to say that you're exerting any effort, but you're enjoying yourself alright. Dirk is however exerting a considerable effort and to good effect.

Despite his assurance that he's very well read on the subject which was probably a joke, he clearly doesn't entirely know what he's doing and doesn't really know what to do with you. Handling your vestigial sacs is a good example, they're practically self-explanatory but he treats them like an afterthought. Then again, you've gotten the feeling that you like your spheres being paid attention to more than other girls.

He's been busy elsewhere, and there's nothing wrong with that. What he lacks in knowhow he makes up for in finesse and... attention to detail. It's all you can do to focus on talking.

"It's not like I'm... encouraging people to fool around outside their quadrants. I mean of their own accord that is. But as long as the other quadrantmate is willing to permit- _eunnnh_ -I don't see why it has to be vilified."

"Because you're not asking anything substantive, babe. Prior permission is a given factor of the scenario, without that it's just plain old cheating and nobody's pro-cheating except cheating douchebags. The vilification goes beyond everyone involved being cool with corner-swinging. And that's just trolls, who are supposedly polyamorous anyway, it's worse for humans."

There's a lot of rumors about you already floating around, that doubtless started when people learned how you'd stopped caring about any rules growing up should have instilled. You've seen the consequences of people spending their lives worrying about what everyone else thinks of each other played out across the cosmos. You came to the conclusion long ago that taking life that seriously was more trouble than it's worth. Especially after all this group has been through, friends will still be friends as long as no one is really hurt. However much they joke about you being single and loving it.

"I know it's broader than agreement, but I don't think it's a natural... barrier... A little softer there or maybe... Oh _hhh_ that's perfect... Everyone finds the idea wrong for one reason or another, but almost nobody can seem to explain why except that they just know it."

"I'd call possession like eighty percent of it. Love, pity, hate. They're all about exclusive rights to someone else's deepest shit, and let's be honest you have to be stone chill to screw like you mean it without hanging your soul out there in the process. Or so they sell it. I'm not sticking up for anything, but that's the gist I got."

"But do you th... think everyone would still think physicality outside your quadrants is unacceptable, if no one had ever told them so?"

"I'm firmly of the opinion the quadrants BS is a construction itself but in that regard yeah I'd have to agree. Nobody ever really sits a human down and explains that friends don't fuck, we just figure it out from context. Sure it happens, but nobody believes it can last on its own, either the sex or the friendship has to give. Heck, even on your turf only half the quadrants are supposed to boink. I would personally chalk it more up to emotional hangups than biological imperative though. It's all a question of romance, as usual."

To call you promiscuous is giving you way too much credit. The former Megido's reputation has to be involved, if it's not her own doing explicitly. You're no more like Damara than the rest of your friends resemble their own pale and conceited forebears. Yet you're not afraid to admit to taking after her in some ways, like enjoying the physical aspects of being alive. You love all the aspects of course, but the physical part has to be near the top of the list.

Really, why should anyone be ashamed of enjoying this?

You get lost in thought for a minute, riding through the simplicity of rolling a bulge in yourself with all the extra attention. Beyond the finesse, Dirk's ability to multitask is incredible. You're doing little more than sitting in his lap trying to maintain a conversation, he's working both hands in your folds and his hips under you while carrying the dialogue.

You finally round your way back into the conversation without a huge gap. "See... Everyone recognizes that romance is more than sex. Romance doesn't even need sex, sometimes even the concupiscent kinds. So if that's the case... then why does sex have to be about romance?"

"Same reason, the soul-baring nastiness of it all. People call it heartless smut otherwise."

You do your best to turn back and look at him. "Mister Strider, is that a hint of worry I hear?"

"Nah, just being honest. Not that I'm saying there's negative attraction here or anything, but, uh y'know..." Ahhh, there's that male awkwardness you love so much. The perfect extra touch.

"Don't worry too much about insulting me. I started this and the conversation, you have nothing to prove to me."

"See, this is why we're both cultural pariahs. All the fun of fucking without getting bent out of shape over what it means we do tomorrow. It's like romance without the highly combustible fireworks. Turns out the root cause is just mad jealousy of how locked down we are."

Too bad you can't kiss him from this position. "Careful boy, a girl could fall for that kind of understanding." You do the next best thing and gently cup and stroke the parts of him you can reach. You finally hear him make a satisfied sound and sag underneath. At least one of you can pretend to know what you're doing.

It's true, you're still hardly one to judge Dirk's amount of experience. You might be able to make a good guess, but attitude is only attitude and despite all the rumors, you can count on your hands the number of times you've actually had sex. All of them Vriska too. Not that you're complaining - the one thing about her _beyond_ complaint - you'd just like to branch out a bit if the opportunity comes up. You do want to settle in an emotional relationship as much as anyone, there's just no reason to shut out any fun that might come along in the meantime.

For that matter, you're not complaining about Dirk either, even if he wasn't a likely pick until a few minutes ago.

You're not above giving him some direction anyway, pulling one hand off where he was stroking to put it to your spheres. "By the way, you're hitting all the other right spots perfectly but you're missing something. It'd be a shame to ignore these as long as I have them."

"...Just not my style. 'Sides, every girl I've talked to thinks boys make too big a deal about them."

"I know every girl you know Dirk, and we're all pretty different. You're different from the other boys too." With that, he sets into your nipple with his excellent but somewhat mechanical gusto.

You're starting to doubt he'd make a good cuddler. A shame, though you've got longer term commitments to attend elsewhere...

**== > Other Strider: Stride.**

Dave Strider earned the achievement: Stridan'. The electricity grounding through your chin is proof that you are fucking boss at turning a girl into an incoherent and sopping wet mess. A nerdy overconfident girl with an animal fetish, which less chill dudes might not call something to rap home about and those hypothetical douchebags can suck it. You have found your kingdom and life there is good.

You disengage and wipe off your face when the voltage is enough to notice. It's not at the cataclysmic discharge level of earlier which is the point, this is winding her back up to capacity. You're soliloquizing about orgasms BTW. Gotta fucking engineer this stuff, because thanks to the love of your life measuring her climaxes in kilowatts you have literally become a fucking engineer.

Collecting herself a bit now that you've stopped, Jade looks back over her shoulder all rheumy and panting. That train of thought was getting kinda unacceptably impersonal, but she doesn't have to say anything to connect. Bullshit pillowtalk stage is over. She knows what you want, she knows what she wants, and what you both want will mean the end. Jade gives the final approach signal, getting back up on her hands and knees to wag her beautiful beat-pink butt in your face like she has a tail.

Pity she doesn't have a tail, Jade could rock that look.

Neither of you have ever actually said what position this is when you join her on your knees. All joking aside, and you do mean _all joking_ , the intersection of sex and The Dog Thing is weird enough without drawing attention to it. Still, the way she hitches and whimpers when you ease yourself inside is nearly enough the set off right then.

Her butt still has to be sore from earlier, but she asked for it. And after a second, she leans back into you to prove she regrets nothing. Alright time to light it up.

The jewel of your Pimp King crown will always be rhythm. Out, in, press, hold, out, in, press, hold. No jackhammering or showing off, just dropping a hard and heavy beat while you slowly crank up the tempo. To her credit, your poor space maven manages to keep up for the first minute, lost in her own perfect world matching you push for thrust.

Then the elbows give out and Jade settles for rocking in time to her tune.

Then the shoulders give out and she drops ass-up, moaning into the mattress with her arms over her face.

Then the real sparks start flying. Already spilled everywhere, the tips of her hair glow with green motes that dance up and down from the bedsheets. It never actually arcs between her ears like a furry Jacob's ladder, but you tell her it does because she thinks that's awesome.

And like clockwork there's a blinding flash when critical mass achieves, her hips bucking and spasming through the meltdown. You catch your name in middle of the storm. Of all the stupifyingly cute things Jade Harley does, nothing compares to how she goes over the top. Just watching her enjoy herself like this is enough to-

...

**== > Dave: ...**

...

...God _daaaaamn_ that felt good. Fuck, what a crappy night... Right... So... Uh oh, slipped the beat there Pimp King, keep it together. Out in press hold, c'mon legs you got this. And Jesus stop grunting so much.

Out in hold press out hold in fuck it you're done.

One last thrust brings it home. Harley's body finally collapses under the load and you ride her down into bed, unceremoniously rolling off in a heap. Screw style, your job's over. As customary, Jade tries to nuzzle her way completely inside you still shivering with exhaustion while you lay there like a plank and cradle her until the static dissipates. Heartbeats match and settle. Sweat cools.

Heh, she's almost racked already. And to think she was contemplating swingers and other Daves, what a laugh. Although there's no use speculating on if Jade will go for a second round of breaking it down with her ass. You might add it to the setlist for special occasions, but you're sure it'll be old hat eventually. Jade always wants to keep things fresh, and you like to think Dave Strider is a pretty imaginative guy.

You can imagine a lot of things, but at least you can't see ever getting tired of this.

After a while, somewhere in the half-formed sweet nothings Jade manages to say, "I told you I'd get a hand on the teleporting thing. We never even left your bed!"

Unfortunately you have to give her shit. "Sorry Harley but... unless I never noticed... my pad's radical skylight... I think you just moved... the whole bed this time."

She almost looks up but thinks better of it. "Nah that was on purpose. I didn't say I stopped it... I have it under control. And I wanted some fresh air." There's a big flash and your blanket drifts down to complete the cuddling. Okay whatever. You are way too blitzed to give a shit right now if ever. Probably brag if someone found you.

As if that'll happen. Most of the enclave is probably crotch-deep in each other right now anyway...


	100. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things SideAnon does not like: timely posting, consistent narrative flow, puns.
> 
> Things SideAnon apparently does like: threeways, oral. Truly this has been a journey for us all.

**== > Nepeta: Surely you must be adventurin' by now.**

Oh yessssss! There is nothing but adventure going on!

A lot of adventure. Some, when the three of you finally got to Terezi's respiteblock and you finally, _finally_ got your pounce on! It wasn't a perfect kiss, since poor Karkitty was so nervous, but you're doing your best anyway. Fur a first real _kiss_ kiss it was pretty great!

Terezi got into the act, which you certainly can't blame her fur. She really is the bestest of best friends furever! And she affurmed her place in the coveted secret Troll relationship of BFF with the most heartfelt conversation you ever had. So much heart, you wouldn't believe it if you weren't there yourself!

"...And with all that said, my dear sweet Leijon, I think it's long past time we got to the immediate issue! Especially after where we left off," she reminds on a sly note.

You don't want to but have to grip her paws tighter. "I- Yeah, me too... Terezi, I can tell you really want to start and all... I want you to know, you don't have to wait beclaws of me." You were honestly worried about this. It's not something where you can purrtend you know what you're doing. "If I'm getting in the way or anything, I can just wa-"

"See, it's that kind of insecurity we need to do something about. Nobody should have to miss out on this." Terezi pulls you into a little hug, kneeling together like this is purrfect fur it. "We're all naked and absolutely ready. You're so bashful I'm on the verge of forgetting I already have a perfectly pitiful lover!"

Yet the pitifully purrfect boy lying between you objects! "I don't suppose I have any say in all this?"

You both tell him, " _No!_ "

"Fuck."

"Mister Vantas we are in agreement that your petulance is irresistibly cute, but you are on the verge of killing the mood with your suffering complex!" Terezi can speak fur herself, you happen to love how determined he is. You already admitted to fantasizing in the past about being his cure...

"The mood? The mood is I'm being filleted and mongered like a slab of romantic meat, almost literally, and have to listen to you two babble more about your friendship now than you ever did at the-"

While you're sure Terezi would love to argue with him furever, instead she shuffles over to straddle Karkat's head and... plant herself on his face. He doesn't even stop arguing and flails his hands until she catches them, grinding against his jaw. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so gross... No, it's plenty hilarious anyway!

And considering the circumstances kitten, you should pawbably stop thinking it's gross. You're supposed to want to be where she's sitting.

Karkat stops shouting into her body but doesn't stop working his mouth. There's still a heavy air of struggle to it, but their fingers intertwine and Terezi's eyes droop shut. "What a long night. This... This is what we all needed." It's amazing watching her go from cackling with glee to softly hissing with pleasure.

Karkitty and Terezi make love the same way they do everything together: messily, violently, and adorably. It's not what romance is supposed to look like, at least the bright red kind like theirs. But it fits them purrfectly.

Now you really do want to be where she's sitting.

After a bit she snaps back to half-alert and smiles at you. You're so used to watching them have fun together, you guess you both kinda furgot you're here! "Well Nepeta... I know this seems a touch impersonal now with him faceless..." A noise like 'fuck you' emanates from her groin. "But we were getting here eventually, and it occurs to me just how long I was waiting. I imagine you feel the same!"

There's an old well-meaning part of you that doesn't want to admit it, doesn't want you to think about it at all, but ever since the fun picked up in the game... There's been an _ache_ building deep in your body, an ache you figured you'd just have to put off. Again. Of course you know exactly what it is because you're older than five sweeps and not an idiot, and while earlier it was easy to bottle up like claways, as soon as it was clear your Karkitty was going to- wanted to...

"Do whatever comes naturally and it'll turn out fine. Trust me, he'll like it..."

She's talking about touching him but you still hear it as relationship advice. The Huntress' instincts turning defensive? This is pawfully _impurrsonal_ , kneeling over a naked boy laid out fur you. Think of it as your fellow huntress sharing the catch...

It's a shame, his face is the best thing on him. Everyone else knows Karkat is a big grumpy sourpuss but as soon as you met fur real, you could see he was just as tortured as you thought. It's written all over his glares and sneers, especially when he stops to really be himself. Even if it's more transparent than you want to believe, you know it's special. And you know fur all his other worries, what to do with an amorous cat was somewhere in there...

This was impurrsonal a moment ago! You're making it sound like there's anything from his neck down to complain about! Just the right amount of well-practiced muscle, all lean and sprung like yourself. That lovely, unique shade of red glowing under his skin.

And oh yeah, bone bulge! _Right there._ Waiting fur you. Like those ridiculous book covers always promised.

Wow you are thinking way too much about this! How do you stop worrying? C'mon Mighty Huntress! Gotta do something, like, er... Uh, lick it!

You gently take hold of Karkitty's legs and run your tongue up the length of his bulge. He shudders from head to toe, muscles flexing right in your face. If it wasn't solid before it sure is now! Some free-roaming part of you takes that as an invitation to lap it again. And some more.

This is definitely not something they teach in Shipping School, you're acting on purrest feline instinct here. The fleshy taste seems almost familiar and it's certainly not unpleasant. Being more familiar would be okay too. It's also only making the ache deep in your body more noticeable, but somehow that feels even better. You realize you're getting lost in the feeling of nature taking over when you notice something gingerly pawing between your legs to sooth that need, and a second later realizing that paw is yours.

Drifting back into the moment, Terezi isn't sitting on his face anymore. Now she's sitting on the floor holding Karkat in her lap. By instinct again, you freeze when your eyes meet. He looks nervous but full of wonder, while you feel your lip trembling with guilt over something. Fur a split second you really feel like you're not supposed to be here. But why? Because of how many times he's said...

Fuck it! Karkitty changed his mind, like you always knew he would, and his matesprit is smiling to go ahead. You resolve to let him know just how glad you are to be part of this and show actual initiative fur once, wrapping your tongue around the tip of him again before setting in fur a lick that takes it all the way into your mouth.

The way he instantly melts says everything that needs to be said fur now.

And to think you went from getting your first real kiss a bit ago to kissing... uh, doing something pretty adventurous! If only your Dirkitty could see you now...

**== > Dirkitty: Ponder Nepeta's whereabouts.**

As if. Even though Nep's just as much a horny teenager as everyone else in the known universe, if she's going to insist on acting and looking like a damn kid then that's exactly how you're going to think of her. _Asexually._

You'll find out tomorrow if any gray asses need kicking for breaking her heart. Otherwise, no shits.

**== > Dirk: Ponder Roxy's whereabouts.**

Already hashed her out with Megido filling in the vampiric deets. Roxy was never the one with a problem, except shitty circumstance. All things considered, you couldn't be more proud of how she turned out after everything you dorks did to her.

And more specifically, didn't do to her. She's got needs like everybody, what she always needed was someone she could bounce off of and still make her laugh. Hold her at bay and appreciate her at the same time, and with a respectable command of language. There was no question why the two of you got along, but like hell were you going to let her jump your bones, so that relationship could only go so far.

Now she's the latest to stumble down the well-trodden path of an untrodden alien maiden. You're pretty sure she didn't even plan it, they just fucking magnetized automatically. You've been informed that Lady Maryam has the personality of an iron rod and a serious fetish for wild mares, which stacks up to what you've seen.

It's such an obvious match you're listing all the ways they'll probably fuck it up. You know these people.

**== > Dirk: Ponder Jane's whereabouts.**

Already on it. "I mean, any fuckwit with a grasp of pattern recognition who's seen a color wheel can figure out that Sburb has a raging hard-on for concupiscent tessellation. The Game makes the players and it makes them to propagate. Everyone who gets sucked into playing was literally born to screw someone else on the team." Aradia chuckles at your assessment, a feeling way too good to be comfortable with.

"I'm not gonna try to untangle a dozen-strong session from Free Love and Hate Planet, but just look at my forebear clones. A blithering idiot could have drawn the shipping grid for those four and except for some alien interjection that's exactly how it turned out." She agrees, it was painfully obvious to her too. "Doesn't say much for my generation that we fucked up something that simple."

Jane you poor girl. Whatever awkward, hamfisted lovemaking is going down right now, you deserve all of it and more. Irony aside, that's supposed to be a well-wishing statement. She really needs stuff to work out for once.

"The Game fucking built Jane to plonk out sardonic blond wrigglers, and neither of us even wanted to mention it. Joke of an option at best. I still can't help but think I took it out on her somehow when I realized it, like sorry sweetheart but the Strider ride's got no room for good wives. And don't even get me started on how I locked up her only avenue of strai..."

Aradia does not let you get started, bringing suction into play while her fingers find their way to some very interesting places. You catch her eyes, and gotta love that smile beaming around your rod.

As half of the last resistance against an alien invasion, you promised yourself you'd never find trolls attractive. Except they're just slightly-spiny gray people and the war's as good as over, so it's getting easier all the time. Now, she being _she_ does complicate things, but you can appreciate good looks on a platonic level. You appreciate fearless skill more.

"Hey, honest question, are you getting something out of this or just trying to be nice?"

She stops for a second, and casually licks out a clean separation. Sweet fuck. "You worry too much. Sure I'll admit, it's not that the inside of my mouth is doing a lot for me but like you said, if I wanted to stop I would." No man should want a girl giggling next to his dick. "I guess I wanted to see what the big deal was. Every time Vriska thinks Rose is edging her out on sexiness she'll brag about how good she is at this. Especially if John's around."

He is the Chosen One after all. "So that bitch can compete over anything. Blowjob skills, really?"

"I think she's more self-aware than it sounds, she knows how strong her own need for attention is. We all have our own problems to cope with." You have to dig the way Aradia smiles after saying crap that melancholy. "Anyway, it's not bad, and a little entertaining. Nothing else I've done managed to break your concentration." As completely unnecessary proof she frenchs the head and...

Yeah, that'll break some concentration. At least you have an idea what might be getting into her. With your awesome fractal brain distracted, your Heart sense twigs to the mauve fog in the back of your mind. If that stuff can slip past your defenses from this far...

Nope, definitely don't want to know what Nep's up to.

**== > Nepeta: Heart Power, wake up!**

You cannot be Nepeta right now. She is too busy living in the moment to spare any room for a POV. Besides, if you were privy to her thoughts, it would just be _oh my pawd_ repeated like thirty three times. Try someone else first.

**== > Karkitty: Say fuck again.**

That's clearly why you're here, to be entertainingly vulgar. You sure ain't stopping now.

Fuck your life.

Seriously, of all the fucking moronic decisions you've made, of all the objectively bad ideas you've pursued far past their logical conclusion, this has to be your crowning achievement of retardation. Oh sure, Karkat Vantas has fucked up on grander scales before. Poisoning an entire universe comes to mind. But those were unwitting mistakes and irrational judgments made by a younger and dumber you, and basically fated to happen anyway so who cares.

Never have you jumped bulge-first into a course of action this patently absurd and this consciously. You suppose the harebrained idiocy of how you lost Terezi the first time around and tried to bargain with that fuckface Strider to get her back comes close. Eerily close even, since this is only a few perverted steps away from exactly what you were proposing to him.

The key difference this time being that you're somehow the one in contention, and it was Terezi doing the proposing. Which is bizarre on several levels but whatever, it's happening now. If you have one excuse for going along with this, it's to fulfill your mission in life to make her happy.

Not to mention making her friend happy. Your friend. After spurning her until the very day she died and letting everything in the world come between you for an apology, you really do owe Nepeta some fucking happiness for all the shit she's put up with from you. This is only going to make the rest of your lives more complicated for no goddamn reason, but as long as Terezi is literally pushing you two together for your own sakes, with no hint of stepping back herself, you might as well make the most of it. You are truly the king of second chances.

Maybe you can admit this isn't the worst thing you've ever done. Nepeta couldn't be happier with how this turned out, at least so far. If she could be talked into this, maybe you can navigate your way to a not-completely-shitty resolution when it's over.

Not that you're contemplating some trite fucking harem ending or anything. Even though it feels like you'd only have to ask. But like fuck you will. This cannot become normal. The whole shitty facade will tumble to pieces as soon as Terezi thinks you're actually pailing her friend for anyone's sake but hers.

Maybe not? She can only say she wants to see you enjoy yourself so many times before you're obligated to believe her, right? And it's not like attractiveness was ever the problem. Personality and an interest in you aren't the only things Nepeta and Terezi have in common. Apparently you're a fool for small, pointy, maniacally wrigglerish girls. Considering how much one of them went out of her way to piss you off for so long, compared to the other's fawning flattery, it's a little amazing that things turned out the way they did. Pity is a heartless master indeed.

You were honestly shocked the first time you met Nepeta in person that anyone could be that fucking cute, and time has only made her more fuckably cute. Fucking cute! Where the hell did that come from oh right the pink crap clouding up your higher thinkpan. This just keeps getting better.

Maybe you can admit to enjoying being the meat in a psychobitch sandwich, one girl's modest spheres in your face while your matesprit's fittingly stab you in the back.

Maybe you can spawn some globes and face up to a reconciliation you never thought you'd be ready for.

Maybe you can admit you'd still think all this without a headful of pink magic shit.

Yeah and maybe this isn't going to bite you in the ass when you all come to your senses.

**== > Nepeta: Regain senses.**

Back! Meowstly back! Not caring how much!

It's unbelievable how apurrhensive you were about this earlier. Like, what did you think was going to happen? You were going to screw up sitting in Karkitty's lap? All that matters is you're here.

You cannot get over it. Completely out of cans, no getting of overs. Karkat is _inside_ you.

It's not... exactly... the furst thing that's been in there. Since y'know, you're not a prude. But still! It's warm, it's strong, it's alive, and it's Karkat. He's hugging you close with his mouth on your chest and you're as _together_ as you ever could be.

_puuurrrrrrrrr_

You don't even notice how you start rolling your hips to squeeze him in more, until you feel some claws on your shoulders. Another girl's spheres pressed to you. Fangs on your neck.

Oh pawd, right. You were worried about getting in Terezi's way. Slipped right purrst you. But now she's kissing her way around your face, so that's good?

"Ssseee... I knew you'd know just what to do! Which isn't much except... enjoy it." She's slurring and whispering and you're purrtty sure your Heart powers have fully fuzzed up by now. But she's only your BFF, right? Before you know it she's hugging you too, desperately fitting your lips together, every inch of her _long_ tongue all over yours. Maybe this isn't furrendly. It's way beyond furrendly...

You don't know how long the three of you stay there, completely entwinted in each other, but eventually Karkitty's strength runs out. Without his matesprit to prop him up to you, he slumps to the floor and pulls you off Terezi down with him. She doesn't seem to mind, giggling the whole time while you make good on the purrsition and kiss your boy with everything you've got.

Everything you ever saved fur him. Everything you ever wanted from him.

When you have to come up fur air, you can't help look and... your eyes lock again. You're staring at him again, frozen again. What could you pawsibily still be afurraid of?

Whatever it is, Karkitty brushes it away when he runs his fingers through your hair. "Look... Nepeta, I'm not going to pretend I know what this shit will mean tomorrow." He's not slurring at all. "But I know that, just once, I want to see you not worried about fuck all. Whatever happens, I promise this is going to be okay."

He doesn't need to say it twice! And you've had more than enough talking fur one night. You pounce back into him, your paws on his cheeks and his steady claws holding you, and at last all the hesitation in him seems to disappear. This couldn't be more purrfect.

Then that whispering returns, along with another set of claws massaging your back. Lower, and lower... Okay, it got more _puuurrrrrrrrrfect_...

**== > Future Terezi: Revel.**

You love it when a plan comes together!

Hours later, you are still hot and naked in your recuperacoon. You call it that, when it is really a human style bed, but you made it large and piled high with a ton of human bedding accoutrements so it's both as roomy and cozy as a cuper should be. Among the many ways human intelligence has surprised you is how absolutely perfect beds are for having sex in, compared to a cramped pod full of slime.

Good thing too, because your recuperacoon is also piled high with hot and naked friends! Three anyway, including yourself. At the bottom of the pile is your ever trusty foundation Karkles. All tuckered out, poor guy. He's the definition of hot blooded, which has gotten you through many of his extended bitching sessions. Not to mention your _first time_ which, though you will never ever admit it, was kind of an awkward force of will for both of you.

But thanks to your tender ministrations and awesome imagination, he has vastly improved! Enough to give your mutual best friend forever what was clearly the experience of a lifetime, if her mental fireworks and caterwauling were anything to go by. Fuck fate reading or time travel, she got the best power of everybody hands down. Amazingly, she's not completely out yet, just very nearly so. But after letting Nepeta take the lead in driving Karkat to exhaustion, you were left to finish yourself off with her. As a mostly emotional exercise, this was not a problem!

If it wasn't obvious, unlike some people you have no qualms about saying you were looking forward to an exceptionally raunchy night as soon as Bubblegum Lalonde proposed an all-comers sex game.

You also have no qualms about admitting you think your best friend, like most of your friends, is very _very_ attractive. After all, Nepeta's an even cuter version of yourself and, unrelated to all your deeper flaws and numerable fuckups, you happen to think you're pretty good looking. Getting your hands on Nepeta directly may have been nothing more than a silly notion sweeps ago when you first roleplayed it...

Well, things change. Not that a day went by that you didn't miss her, but Nepeta being gone did at least resolve the question always looming over your friendship of who was going to spend their life with that pitifully angry dweeb you both knew. There was a time you'd considered the possibility of being in different quadrants but... For all Karkat's deeper flaws and numerable fuckups, neither of you could bring yourselves to hate him.

This was an issue long coming. You've met challenges you couldn't out-think before, but you couldn't confront those problems on your own terms like here. This you could shape, control, improve. You knew you were smart enough, Nepeta nice enough, and Karkat forgiving enough to make this work. At least for one night, long enough for it to matter. You can't say if it will be a permanent thing, yet what does permanent mean in a place like this anyway? You don't know what will happen when you all wake up but it couldn't possibly make you anything but friendlier.

It's almost enough to make you want to exhort your plan! Yours and Nepeta's wasn't the only potential conflict lurking in your mismatched collection of romantic refugees. They could learn a thing or two about facing their anxieties head on like you! You and Rose, who gave you the idea. Which would also mean admitting Vriska was... _right_ that Seers are fucking crazy.

Whatever! There's a loyal and caring knight snoring under you, and a lovely doll with your hand in her nook purring on top of you. If saying fuck the rules and getting everything you wanted in life is wrong, then you don't want to be right. You'd think she of all people would appreciate that...


	101. Of Breath and Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this took a long time. Sorry guys, and thanks to SideAnon for taking up the slack during my writers block. Hopefully my next two epilogues will come a bit faster
> 
> -Undead

**== > Rose: Focus.**

That happens to be very difficult at the moment. Your hips buck in response involuntarily to the stimulation you are currently receiving from your boyfriend, who has placed his face rather comfortably between your legs.

You aren’t exactly sure how he managed to get so good at this so quickly. You have, after all, only been dating for a few weeks. Close to a month now, you suppose. Still, in that time John’s level of competence has risen at a rate you would not have thought physically possible, even for gods.

You suppose John has simply had to adapt to the…rather strenuous circumstance that his personal life has thrust (pun intended) upon him. It demands stamina and dexterity, and damned if the boy didn’t learn it in a hurry. And did he _ever_ learn how to use his tongue. You also note this skill has come in extremely useful as it tends to prolong the…festivities by not overtaxing the main weapon in John’s erotic arsenal, which like with all men has the weakness of being a slave to warm-up and cool-down times.

You don’t bother to restrain your moaning anymore. John responds with renewed fervor, plunging his tongue into your folds.

A small part of your mind thinks about your complicated situation and wants to bring it up now, but you realize how completely ridiculous that is. John is in no position to answer back and you have to admit that speaking coherently would probably be nearly impossible for you right now. Hell, you can hardly _think_ coherently, let alone voice a complete thought.

Your sighs and your moans become louder in volume and increasingly quicker in frequency. You’re close. It’s almost frightening how good he’s gotten at satisfying you.

Your muscles tense and your thighs clamp around his head as you let out a throaty cry, and you feel yourself rush in response.

Your legs go slack and fall back against the bed. You see John’s head rise from between them, and he wipes his mouth as he sits up. He always looks so strange without his glasses. He’s grinning that big goofy grin of his that you find both extremely amusing and extremely endearing. And although pride wouldn’t permit you to mention it to anyone out loud, the amount of fondness you are feeling for him at the moment is far greater than anything you ever thought you’d feel.

“That…was…exemplary. As usual,” You manage to say through your heavy breathing.

“Heh…thanks,” is the response. The cheeky bastard is even managing to sound cocky these days. He lays down beside you.

“I think it’s your turn now,” You say, recovering your regular tone of speech and rolling on top of him. You lower yourself down his body until your mouth is level with his swollen manhood.

You feel a ping of pride as you hear his groan of satisfaction when your lips make contact with it.

**== > Rose: Be John and keep it together.**

That is no easy task.

It’s pretty rare to get a blowjob from Rose, actually, but the few times it’s happened have been…rather intense.

A jolt runs through your body as Rose runs her tongue along your head.

You can’t keep this up for long. This night alone has already built up plenty of tension. Rose almost got you off in front of everybody, after all. A groan escapes your mouth as your fingers run through her hair.

“R-Rose…could…you…could you slow down…just a bit?” You manage. Rose obliges and begins to work slower, not using her tongue quite so much. You feel your body relax slightly in response, moving back from the edge.

Rose as your girlfriend is still something that’s hard for you to believe. Up until a few weeks ago you wouldn’t have ever thought this would be happening to you now. Granted, you had thought of Rose on occasion…or maybe many occasions when you were alone with your thoughts, but those ideas always seemed so lofty and far off.

As a romantic partner, Rose has been…well…great for lack of a better word. What surprises you the most is ultimately how little has changed in the relationship between you. It’s almost as if you simply took what was already there and…added sex and the occasional term of endearment. You have always been at least slightly aware that you were more capable of bringing out Rose’s more…sentimental side than other people.

In truth, your relationship, even with the added complication of Vriska, has seemed almost too idyllic to be true at times. You suppose that this is just the honeymoon period. Sooner or later you’ll have to have your first fight and then your first make-up and so forth. If you’re being honest, you have to wonder how much drama you could possibly be shoved into a lifetime which is functionally immortal. You’re hoping the answer is: not as much as you’d think. You’ve only been a teenager for a few years and you’re already ready to leave the drama part far behind.

You push gently against Rose’s forehead to let her know you’d like her to stop. You’d rather finish with actual sex, after all. She obliges and move upward, smiling her intensely complicated smile. She reaches your face and kisses you and the two of you back up towards the headboard.

You break off long enough to reach for the top drawer of the nightstand. Rose grabs your hand.

“No…you won’t need one tonight…” She says simply.

“How do you know?” You ask, knowing the question is stupid the moment it leaves your mouth.

“Because I _know_ ,” she says with added inflection.

You’ve never really understood how Rose knew certain things, but you couldn’t deny it was surprisingly useful when it came to your sex life.

The two of you begin kissing again and in one smooth motion your bring yourself inside her. She gasps against your mouth and begins to move her hips in response to yours almost immediately.

You know this won’t take long. You’ve been pent up for hours and Rose is still sensitive from the treatment you just gave her, so you figure the two of you might as well make the most of it. You grab her around the waist and pull her up against you. Her legs wrap around your torso as you pull her into a sitting position with you. You press yourself into her with steadily increasing speed and the two of you beginning to grunt in unison.

You break away from her mouth to lavish some attention on her neck. She croons in response and tilts her head to the side, giving you more room to work. Your free hand moves to one of her breasts and begins to play with her nipple while the other slides from her waist down to her ass, grabbing it and pushing her harder against you. Rose tangles one of her hands in your hair and tugs slightly.

Your cries reach a fever pitch and the two of you cum in unison. You feel yourself spilling in to her as her own wave crashes against you.

Your vision blurry, you hold Rose against you as the spasms subside and your breathing and your heartbeats slowly start to regulate.

You let out a long sigh and roll on to the bed. Rose snuggles up next to you as she always does, nestling her head in the crook of your arm.

“So yeah…” you say, still slightly out of breath. “This was a weird night.” Rose giggles in response. You always love when you can make her giggle. It always seemed to you to be something so un-Rose that managing to coax one from her always seemed like a personal triumph.

“I suppose it was. I can’t deny, though, that my mother certainly managed to pull off something memorable. I’m just not sure if we can all look each other in the eye in the same way again.”

“Ah, we’ll get over it quick enough, probably. This’ll just be one of our crazy stories we tell each other to remind ourselves of our wild and carefree days.”

“Oh? Even seeing your ‘Nanna’ naked and contemplating relationship troubles?”

“Hey, I didn’t say it was perfect. Just weird. And sometimes weird is good. In the long run, anyway. I mean look at us. Something just like this is pretty much what got us together, wasn’t it?”

“Touché, Childe Egbert. Your point is well made. I certainly have no regrets about the sleeping arrangements, at the very least. You are, perhaps, the best mattress I’ve ever slept on.”

“’Perhaps?’ Is there some other mattress I should know about? Am I going to have to take some memory foam wannabe outside and show it who’s boss? I’d win, too. I’m pretty strong.”

“Oh, I don’t know, John. I’ve slept on some _big_ mattresses before…”

“Yeah, well I bet none of them have nearly as impressive a library of Cage flicks as me.”

“On that count you are indeed unparalleled.”

“Well, then I guess you’re stuck with me.”

“I suppose I am.” Rose grins at you and kisses you on the cheek before settling in against you once more.

You feel your eyelids close and allow exhaustion to wash over you. Tomorrow…is probably going to make for a very awkward morning.


	102. Reconcili8ion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has it been a while? Were you feeling lonely? Your pal SideAnon is here for you.
> 
> I wrote this and I can't even believe how long it is.

**== > Vriska: Get schooled.**

It was this or mastur88ing and like an idi8 you chose videogames. Well, you don't feel like 8reaking it off with Aradia _just yet_ so you might as well m8ke it worth your time when she 8others to show up. Meanwhile you'll just get more frustr8ed and insulted. That's clearly what sane people do when they want to 8low off steam.

"What I don't get ith why you thill think your temper tantrumth are her fault. You make it thound like you told John and Rothe to leave you alone and that'th exactly what they did. Then you thnapped at AA when she came onto you like you two do every other day."

You might have started this convers8ion 8ut that doesn't mean you have to like it. "And what I don't get is how can fall over stuff in an empty hallway but still be better at any game than a person with a life should be."

"Do I need to thay it again? Becauthe I'll fucking thay it again."

"I didn't ask about your damn disability, I asked... Dammit!"

_Raiden Wins  
Round Two, Fight!_

"To anthwer your quethion, I'm juth naturally that awethome."

"Your _lissssssssp_ is really coming back by the way. I don't suppose you'd want those teeth knocked out again."

"Wow, how very uncharacterithtically generouth of you Vrithka, but nah. KK might take it as thome kind of hate-overture and you've got enough romantic bullshit without dragging my ath into it."

"For your information my romantic bullshit is awesome, just... kinda complicated." Harpoon, why are you failing now? "Not that I can't handle so many irons in the fire, but... look it's like this..."

"Holy shit, I didn't care twenty minuteth ago, what maketh you think I care now?"

"You keep steering the conversation back to it. And you probably would care if you bothered to have anything to do with all these people you live with. Everyone gets together to take their clothes off and make out, but Captor's like _that'tttthhhh ditttthhhhgutttthhhhting_. You're weird for not caring!"

"Your relationthip drama hath nothing to do with a bunch of nudity I've got no uthe for. Everyone turnth pervier for a couple hourth of copping random feelth, imagining each other naked, and apparently Therket biting headth off for shit she tharted. Juth like every other fucking day."

" _See_ , we needed your brand of observational humor in there."

"One, fuck you, two, you can laugh but you know I'd be the life of the party. Like oh man, ith that English'th bulge? Hey AA tell me all about it, I've heard tho many great thingth. I better find out for myself, get over here man tho I can get a good squeethe."

A disgustingly cheerful voice 8ehind you answers, "I'd say it measures up to the legends. I didn't get overly personal though, I'm sure he'd be happy to fill you in." Oh goody, Aradia's finally here and just as naked as yourself. 8ecause why would she 8ring her clothes if she's not going to 8ring yours? C8ching your eye, she ignores you and struts up to lean on the 8ack of the couch 8ehind Sollux. "I know you're not feeling left out but I hope you didn't get too bored tonight. Still forgive me?" Not that she'd ask you.

"'Courth AA, I'm fine. Better with you here for thure, but don't worry about it." He says this while rolling his head around in her rack.

"Great! I know you can always find ways to entertain yourself..."

"You make that thound tho fucking dirty. What would a pretty maid know about thingth like that?"

You're gonna 8arf. "Oh my _gooooooood_ would you two spare us all and just pail already?"

"Heh, she thill doethn't get it." Aradia hums in agreement hugging his pencil neck. With the game unpaused, she effortlessly floats over to plant her fat squishy ass on the couch 8etween the two of you and makes herself at home. She doesn't get smug often 8ut when she does Aradia's as insuffera8le as yourself. Feet on the ta8le, thunder-thighs crossed, hands 8ehind her head to put her spheres on full display.

Why couldn't you steal that kind of luck?

So what anyway? She's hot, she's turned on, like she's _always_ turned on, and you know she wants you at least for now. Why does that have to mean anything? Let her get a taste of rejection for once, may8e she'd learn some respect 8eing as mad as you.

_Scorpion Wins  
Round Three, Fight!_

And so it 8egins. "I hope you're not too mad at me either, Vriska. I hate seeing you blow up like that, when you don't need to. The whole time I was... with Dirk we were thinking of how I should make it up to you."

"Like I give a damn what you and Unfunny Strider were doing. That blow up was about..." She's almost _glowing_. Really? "...Eugh, you fucked him didn't you?"

"Supposing I did, why would you care?" She is not allowed to sound that nonchalant, especially with her would-8e 8oyfriend sitting right there chuckling a8out all this.

"Because it's shameful, I'm embarrassed for you! Besides, shouldn't you be asking _him_ that?"

"Heh heh, yeah, thayth the troll who finally found true pity being double-ended by humanth." This is so unfair. "Obviouthly hateflirting the whole univerth maketh you the authority on casual... relationth..."

All your attention goes to the game, fuck his trailing 8urn. You 8arely notice Aradia asking Sollux if she can t8ke over playing for a while. Whaaaaaaaatever. You m8ke a point of ignoring her scooting over to idly chat a8out what everyone else must 8e up to right now. Like you need to 8e reminded. You try not to notice her hand ru88ing your shoulder while she dodges your patented harpoon-spam...

**== > Vriska: Count hands.**

Now you notice. Aradia's edging her 8are ass up against you, with a gleam in her eye you know all too well as somewhere 8etween concern and lust, the insatia8le wench. Sollux 8eside her, looking as happy and relaxed as the grouch ever looks, with... Aradia sitting on the armrest fully clothed, calmly fiddling with his controller.

_Finish him!_

What the fuuuuuuuuck. "You cheating bitch."

_Raiden Wins  
Fatality_

Nude Aradia curiously follows your gaze to the other one, pro8a8ly from the future, who tosses the controller away and pulls Sollux to his feet when he agrees to 8low this scene. She still doesn't 8other saying anything to you as she helps him out of the room. 8ut of course Future Aradia's doing her weird grin thing when she throws her hair 8ack to reveal a sca88ed-over wound only recogniza8le as a love-8ite from the lipstick all over her neck.

8lue lipstick.

Present, naked and amorous Aradia turns 8ack to you with a 8ig knowing smile. This keeps getting 8etter. "What? After the way you treated me all night you think I _owe_ you something now? Future you can go future fuck herself, I'm not in the mood for your crap."

It t8kes more than that to dissuade a Megido. "Yeah you are. Not to put too fine a point on it, but us making out was already inevitable."

"Sure, some time traveling peasant slut flashed my fang marks, clearly I should dive into your nook to avoid a paradox. No need to placate or woo me or anything. Like I give a fuck about your inevitability shenanigans."

"Oh please. If I thought you wouldn't doom an entire universe just to spite me then I wouldn't know you at all, would I?" That's a low 8low even if she's right. "It's inevitable because you already want to, you just can't admit it. Same as when you stormed off earlier."

"I guess you forgot that I _stormed off_ because you were trying to jump my bones and laughing about it. All that human in your nook hastening your pupation into a bimbo?"

Not looking at her doesn't help, you consider chomping on her finger when she runs it over your cheek. "You'd know better than me, wouldn't you? You can call me anything you please, you wouldn't be acting like this if you weren't trying to convince both of us you don't really want it as much as I do. By the way." Kissing your ear. No shame in admitting Aradia has nice lips, they suit her. "You're lonely and angry and let's just say I've seen you this way before..."

Yep, you know exactly what she's doing. She's goading you, giving you a challenge to meet. Like any second now you're going to say _oh yeah you sexy jerk let me show you how getting what you want is done_ and claw your way into her like the kismesis she'll never have. Aradia will realize she's 8itten off more that she can swallow, you'll pro8a8ly use that line to m8ke fun of her, and it'll just get more retarded from there. You'll fuck her into the cushions, lord it over her and feel awesome for winning a fight and putting Megido in her place. _Under you_. Afterwards you won't feel as sorry for yourself a8out rel8ionship crap that you're pro8a8ly 8lowing out of proportion anyway, and you won't spend tomorrow t8king it out on everyone.

Sure you're a liiiiiiiittle emotional _sometimes_ , that doesn't mean you're too much an im8ecile to see your own flaw.

There's nothing wrong with human love. It's a mix of sweetness and respect that _touches_ something you can 8arely even soliloquize a8out. No regrets there. 8ut a human can't tell someone they love to stop 8eing a 8itch, even when they should. A human can't argue all day for the fun of it and 8e friends the next night. A human can't give a competitive... and jealous... troll like you a foil when you need one.

You and Megido don't love each other, and after all you've 8een through h8 would 8e a waste of effort. It took a lifetime of terri8le crap 8ut you're 8ack to 8eing _friends_ in a mean sort of way. Also having lots of sex since you can't actually hurt each other either and need to compete more than ever. Hell, you'd pro8a8ly have sex anyway, she needs the attention. You know exactly how desperate and lonely Aradia can get without something to distract her, and she's more dangerous than you when she's restless, just nicer a8out it.

At the same time, she knows how dangerous you are to everyone around you when you don't get to win something once in a while. No surprise you're kind of a mess. Aradia figured out how to give you what you need without giving you what you want, callous 8itch that she is. The way she keeps you occupied without letting it go to your head is so damn pacifying some days it m8kes you want to kick her in the twat.

Aradia's the worst kind of moirail, an _effective_ one...

**== > Vriska: Make her pay.**

She's 8een sweet-talking through the whole introspection, "...I hate to tell you, but you really are that predictable."

"Yeah, I guess I am." You'll m8ke her taste the vindic8ion.

To no surprise, she is not prepared when you round on her to shove her down and nip all over her jaw. She gra8s you 8y reflex and starts clawing at your 8ack, 8ut just moans when you drag your teeth over her veins on the way down. For a few 8rief 8eautiful seconds Aradia is legitim8ly frightened of you. This is instantly worthwhile. She's going to regret that you were ever mad at anything, including her.

You know she'll enjoy it, enjoy seeing you act the way she knew you would, so you'll have to m8ke her regret that too. She wants the mothergru8 of all hickeys in the future? Slowly and firmly sinking your fangs into her collar should do the trick, especially the way her gasping falters when you grind a knee 8etween her legs. May8e this'll teach her what friends are for.

She gets her 8reath 8ack while you suck at the wound. Pro8a8ly a8out to gloat that you're doing this. You couldn't kill Aradia even if you wanted to and nothing short of that matters now. Who knows what depths she'll trick you into em8arrassing yourself with? Finally she hisses out, "I'm... S-sorry Vriska..."

... _What_?

Right as you're a8out to chomp into her thoracic cyst for good measure, you stop and glare at her. "What do you mean you're _sorry_?" Seriously. She gets in your 8usiness all night, way too friendly for her own good, tries to give you the definition of a pity fuck after you let your emotions get the 8etter of you, lets you 8lame it all on her and give you a target, and _now_ she wants to apologize? What if you don't want her to? What if you want to 8e mad without feeling guilty...

Wow. You are one loony 8itch Serket. May8e you should hear this out first.

"I let this get out of hand. I was proud of the way you let John and Rose have the night to themselves and I wanted you to be in a good mood about it but... I gave up too fast. I said I was letting you think about it, realize on your own what a nice thing you did." As if you needed anyone to tell you how nice a lover you are. "I guess it was an excuse, I sure indulged myself in a hurry after you left..."

You close her mouth for her and give her a hard look. "Megido, you are the last troll to apologize for being selfish. This is _me_ you're talking to." That'll score some points. "Now shut up and let me be mad, and maybe I'll take it easy."

You softened your edges for the sake of love, not friends. Including Aradia's misaimed pity. 8ut she really did say she treated you wrong. You don't _have_ to hurt her. A genuine moirail-apology is worth a lot, even to you. Sure, that's your story.

So instead of 8iting her nipple you can teethe at it, wet her down. It's not long at all 8efore Aradia's sighing into your palm and readily sucks your fingers when you slip them in, running her hands through your hair. It's almost suspicious how turned on she gets from this every time. You keep telling John nipples are only as sensitive as fingertips, 8ut may8e Aradia's 8ig fat sacs just work 8etter than yours.

That or Vriska Serket is one sexy 8east. That's gotta 8e the real answer.

No sooner do you pull your wet hand from her lips to massage the other mound does she start talking again. "I know I pushed you too hard. If I couldn't cheer you up, I figured I could make you mad enough to see how... pointless being mad was. I took advantage of it... of you."

You 8reak suction to get her attention. "We've been over this like a hundred times Aradia." Keep working the other one, so she doesn't get the wrong idea. "You don't want to be boring and alone so you start acting all zany and shit-" One lick, "Then you go too far and scare yourself." Longer lick while she thinks a8out it. "I keep telling you to not to fucking worry, you're actually tolerable to be around now. What's the worst that could happen, you make me mad?" The evil smile is really just for your sake, since you know _exactly_ what you're talking a8out.

"Alright alright, I'll shut up! Sorry I said I was sorry."

"Don't be, it was cute." Nip. "Besides, you don't have what it takes-" Kiss, "To piss me off enough to leave you alone."

"I don't think that's possible," she taunts, ru88ing your horns too. "It's funny, this is the second time tonight this has happened to me. Maybe I really do have a problem."

"Damn right you do but I don't want to hear about that. Right now, your ass is all mine..."

**== > Aradia: Let Vriska have her fun.**

...Hang on... You cannot be Aradia... right now because...

**== > Aradia: Breathe.**

Right, that's what you're supposed to be doing. That was... _w0w_.

Some minutes in the future, it's clear how pent up you were for the last hour or so while you slowly remember how eyelids work. You were even worse off than you thought. That prior engagement was certainly nice for what it was, but at the risk of sounding decadent...

It wasn't enough. A long, smooth rise and fall with the tease of satisfaction but no _crest_. If anything it only made you more incorrigible, having all the enticement without the full blown release.

You're critiquing casual sex now, what happened to you Megido? Oh right, you stopped being afraid of asking.

Not that you're disappointed with Dirk in any way, the experience was fantastic for what it was. You finally have a frame of reference for being intimate with a boy and it lived up to your hopes. Definitely going to be more of that in the future. You really hope he's pleased with himself, whatever he's up to now...

**== > Aradia: Be Di-**

Not on your fucking life. No complaints, but seriously. It was a learning experience for everyone and let's leave it at that.

**== >Aradia: Don't be Dirk.**

Fair enough friend and thanks again! Remember, tomorrow's going to be a _great day_.

So yeah... What were you thinking about? Sex obviously because apparently that's your thing now, but... Dammit Vriska, you're trying to be introspective here.

Anyway, Dirk might have been out of his element with you but he's going to make some guy very happy someday. Humans are adorably silly. At least you can see eye to eye on... variations of love. You'd be the last troll to defend Alternia for anything, but the idea of being locked into one facet of romance with one partner your whole life... Precious, sure... But it sounds so boring.

You say this while dizzy with pleasure from the only person you'd say you're in a true relationship with. And it's still not love or hate. Not really, even if she makes it hard to tell sometimes.

Or maybe that's just you.

With the eyes working again and your shoulders getting sore from holding you up, you remember exactly where you are. You slowly look up past your own breasts hanging in your face... Wow that's hot... Past the red trickling down your stomach... Past your legs hanging in the air, one over her shoulder and the other tucked firmly under an arm. The laughably crazy girl who's found one way after another to redefine your life since the night you met, along with the rest of the universe she left standing... Has come to what can only be described as _devouring_ your nook with fierce abandon.

At last, an activity Vriska's as good at as she boasts she is. It's not just her quick learning either. You're genuinely impressed by how... gentle she can be when she feels the need. The way she can push her jaw almost inside to so carefully rake every bit of flesh between her fangs is almost unbearable, made all the more exciting with your throbbing neck as a reminder of what those fangs can really do. That was excessive but there's no arguing with the future. You wanted her to have fun after all.

That's the point, isn't it? It's enjoyable to the point of degrading, letting her attack you to her heart's content, watching you twist under her thumb. You give each other these moments, pure victories and surrenders, and they're more than placating. They're insults in a way, each letting the other have everything they want until you or her realize just how much you're embarrassing yourselves, running out of control...

Then you make up. Or wrap it together like now.

Even after hissing out her name like a virgin and gushing in her face, Vriska has not slowed down a bit. She's pushing you, like you'd push her, with pleasure or conceit or anything else. She won't stop when she thinks you've had enough. She'll stop when she thinks you've admitted something. Whoever first decreed _'rails don't pail_ really missed out.

You only feel more ashamed for getting Vriska to remember she pities you with the same faltering apologies you used with Dirk. Apparently it was exactly what she needed though. An actual victory, actual weakness. If you didn't know better you'd think you were doing it on purpose with how well that seems to work. Maybe you're just that lovable? You're obviously loose enough with your feelings to be palebait.

And you can admit it's a little exciting on its own. So many people tried to push around the rustblood girl your whole life, Vriska among the worst, and it was about the only thing that made you mad. Now that it doesn't matter, it's fun letting her think she can control you. It feels weird, enjoying being pushed just the right way, but what's imporant is knowing you can stop her any time you want. Even being fun enough that you'd never want to.

In times like this, you start to realize what might have gone wrong in Damara's head, you sound so much like her. It's a good thing you have Vriska around to keep yourself in check. Until a few weeks ago, not in a billion sweeps did you expect to say something like that...

**== > Vriska: Enjoy yourself.**

There's a juvenile Serket somewhere who wants to say _like a good rust8lood she was 8uilt to 8e used_ , 8ut even if you might 8e that mean you hope you're not still that dum8.

You actually envy Aradia when you're in these positions. Not for her looks really, she might have that 8ut you're still indesputa8ly hot as hell. No... As someone who went out of her way to 8e confident, no matter _what_ , you envy how comforta8le Aradia is in her own 8ody. Even though you don't need to 8e constantly ready for action anymore, you can't let your guard down as easily as her. You wouldn't 8e you otherwise, which m8kes you qualified to pull her out of it.

There's something deeply satisfying a8out 8eing a8le to m8ke her _melt_. If you were in her position, you'd h8 the troll looming over you, t8king in your weakness with a smug grin. Aradia's relaxed instead. Too relaxed, and judging 8y the way she writhes she knows it too. Every troll has their excesses, and hers is so damn fun to control.

If you didn't have your pride, you'd love to 8e laying there just to have this kind of attention. She is soooooooo lucky to have you around. And that she tastes so sweet, 8ecause you should 8e disgusted right now.

Whatever inner demon Aradia was grappling with gets settled at last. With no change in tempo from you, she goes from twitching with pleasure to pleasuring herself, massaging those lovely tits. If your guess is right, and it always is, she's accepted that she's getting off on 8eing de8ased 8y you. Mission accomplised. So you drop her ass.

For a few moments she just lays there, staring at you and slowly fondling herself while you do the same to her nook, licking maroon off your teeth. Damn you're awesome. "Finally satisified? I thought you'd never get enough of me. I guess I should have stopped earlier but you looked like you were having so much fun..." Aradia is clearly a little tired of your shit. She slowly 8ut smoothly gets on her knees to gra8 your arms and... kiss you like a desperate lover. Okaaaaaaaay, we're doing this now?

8efore you realize it yourself, your arms have snaked around her 8ack while hers do likewise, suddenly as pressed together as your collective sacs will allow. Serket? Yo Serket, getting kinda heavy now.

It doesn't m8ke sense that eating face is confusing when eating her out isn't, 8ut that's Megido for you. Although it occurs to you that after assuring everyone that sloppy m8keouts would a8ound tonight, you two never did get around to it. Your only actual m8keout tonight until now was _Rose_ and that was a fucking while ago.

Yeah, you need this now. Tomorrow? Just you, John, and nothing 8ut m8keouts. And hell, Rose too, John would love to see you 8r8k her like Aradia. She'll respect you for going to the effort.

Speaking of complic8ed pity, the two of you finally 8r8k for air when you find yourself looking her in the eye. You're not used to 8eing this appreci8ed. "Hey Aradia, I..." You feel sappy 8ut luckily no real words come out. She's 8een honest enough for 8oth of you, and that knowing smile is your free pass. Thanks girl. "...I'm getting some mixed signals here. You know I'm allllllll set for solid pity right?"

"You don't have to do this, I think we've both made our points." 

Feeling dangerously close to honest here. "What? I'm having a great time, and I want to help you blow off steam and all. But isn't this getting a bit _romantic_?"

"A little I suppose. If you really want to help me though..." Still holding you close, Aradia 8reathes, "Do we have to... insult each other every time? Just once, can you admit you want to enjoy it?" Any other time in your life, the answer would of course 8e _no_. Whatever she wants you to feel you have to prove you don't, that's how this works. Should work, especially when she sounds this piteous.

8ut you are kinda sick and tired of 8eing wound up and agit8ed for one night. And you're certainly not enemies. "Am I that 8ig a pain that you can't even spar with me anymore?" Just 8ecause you're ready to 8e nice doesn't mean you have to say it. "Well if you want to admit defeat that's fine by me, we can-"

She tells you "Shut up," in her most sultry voice. Thaaaaaaaat's more like it.

"I mean, we are friends and all, if the competition is too much I'll play along and-"

" _Shut up._ " This is some aggressive fondling, wow.

"All you needed to do was ask, I can pretend there's no overtone of-"

"Shut up you huge bitch and let someone fuck... fucking _like_ you." You're suddenly laying down in front of her now and Aradia looks so damn determined to friendship you speechless it'd 8e intimid8ing if she wasn't giggling. Still pretty exciting.

**== > Vriska: Let her fuck you.**

You scoot to recline on the armrest with your knees apart in the sexiest position one can manage on a couch. "Fine. You win." What a delicious lie. "I proooooooomise I'll try not to let your burning pity be in vain, and point out how hard you're... trying to..." In an a8solutely terri8le showing, your voice trails off when you gra8 the couch to keep from flinching.

Aradia was not waiting any longer for you to stop saying stupid shit. Now there's a 8ig, warm, gorgeous troll smearing wet red lipstick all over your chest. It's even hotter than you thought it'd 8e. You may not have fuck-me-8uttons like her, 8ut she knows what she's doing well enough to... shut you up. She pecks her way down your stomach, terri8ly slow and deli8er8. Her flowing hair teasing the insides of your legs while she gently pushes them open. The urge to trace your fingers over the curve of her horns wins out and fuck you're really doing that.

She's not trying to fight you or goad you, she's enjoying you enjoying yourself. Just like you were doing to her. _Dammit_...

After what feels like hours upon hours of flirting, anger, nudity, em8arrassment, flaunting, jealousy, and 8eing surrounded 8y fucking lust, without so much as 8eing touched anywhere worthwhile... When Aradia _finally_ plants her soft lips on your pelvic nu8 and just leaves them there to mouth at it any hope of keeping your composure is gone. You can't help 8ut clamp her head in your thighs when she holds you down to slurp and ni88le, or stop your eyes from fluttering when her tongue 8reaks through the folds.

And she looks so loving and carefree doing it that you can't even pretend you're mad. One sly glance is all the come8ack she needs. You're so full of crap Serket.

Fine. She wins for real. Who cares? You're gonna lay 8ack and t8ke this for exactly what it is, 8ecause _ohhhhhhhh fuck_ did you ever need it. Of all the old friends you could have accidentally reconciled with, you sure picked the fun one...


	103. Good things come...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, so slow, I'm sorry guys. This is getting embarrassing. I'll try to do better next time.

**== > Jane: Go to your room. Steady nerves.**

You are working on that. The walk to your room is taking a lot longer than it normally seems to from here. It doesn’t help that you and Jake haven’t been able to hold a steady conversation.

“What’s that?” Jake asks.

“I…I didn’t say anything,” you respond.

“Oh…”

And there we go. The awkwardness just jumped up a few more points. You’re trying to figure out why you’re so nervous. In truth, things turned out far better than you could have hoped. Here you are, barely clothed, walking to your room with Jake, who is similarly sparsely attired. The unspoken plan of intimate relations is clearly what’s on both of your minds.

However, away from the comforting fog of adolescent hormones, mischief and curiosity found during the game, you find your confidence slowly but surely ebbing away. A few hours ago and you would have called anyone crazy if they told you _this_ was going to happen. Then again, the same could probably be said for most of the things that happened to and around you tonight.

You arrive at your room and you realize that for as long as the trip here seemed to take, you now wish it was going to take just a bit longer. And then a bit more. In fact, you probably could add on those little seconds forever, so you suppose there’s nothing for it but to just get over yourself and stop having such a mental block about this.

You head inside and Jake follows you.

“Erm…this is a nice room…” he says, looking around. You suppose it is. Nice enough anyway. You get the gesture, though.

You drop the clothes you didn’t put back on to the ground. Jake mimics you.

“So…” he says.

“Yeah….” you answer. It isn’t really a question or a statement.

“What…erm…what do we do now?”

“Well…I suppose we….” you trail off and thumb the edge of your shirt to finish your thought.

“Ah…I see…yes…I suppose…” He doesn’t seem any more confident than you about the subject.

You guess there’s not really any other way to start this. Jake looks as though he’s trying to will his arms forward enough to indicate that he’ll do the honors, but they just aren’t going to get there, so it seems it’s on you to start this. Just as well, you suppose.

You cross your arms, grabbing the hem of your shirt and you draw it slowly up and over your head, once again freeing your ample breasts from their confines with a noticeable jiggle. Jake stares at them momentarily before snapping his gaze back up to your eyes, then back down, then back up. He seems to not know what the proper etiquette is here. You put your thumbs in your panties and draw them down your legs and step out of them, before straightening up to face him, once again totally naked. Jake gulps and then looks down at himself.

“Oh! Erm…right…”

Jake works on the fastenings of his shorts for a brief time before he gets them undone and deftly steps out of them, fully uncovering himself again. You notice, with a quick glance, that he’s certainly had a reaction to your nakedness.

**== > Jane: Be Jake.**

You are now Jake, and you honestly can’t believe you never noticed how damn pretty Jane was before, her short dark hair looks soft, and a few strands have fallen over her sky-blue eyes, which she blinks, looking vulnerable in her current state of undress.

Your eyes move downwards and you certainly can’t believe you never noticed her body before, which you admit is not a very chivalrous thing to say, but…damn…look at her. Her skin is pale, though not unattractively so. Your eyes take in her large breasts with their soft pink nipples and her hips and her prominent backside and you can safely say that Jane looks…curvaceous, a word you have had little cause to use and you think that’s a damn shame, given what you see here.

You realize how badly you want to touch her then, but damned if your feet don’t seem glued to the floor and your hands glued to your sides. The only part of you moving has always had more of a mind of its own, anyway.

**== > Jake: Be Jane, take action.**

Done.

You close the distance between the two of you and move him down onto the bed slowly. You take a deep breath and then move your face towards his. Your lips meet and you can feel things start to ease slightly between the two of you. This is something natural. Something you don’t have to think about as much.

It’s a nice kiss. Not a very practiced one, nor elegant or even the most passionate, but it’s a good kiss for the circumstance. You’re both lying down on the bed at this point, continuing the kiss, your tongues moving clumsily between each other’s mouths, and your hands searching the other’s body, familiarizing themselves with the contours of the other.

You can feel his erection prod against your leg as one of his hands finds your ass and gives it an experimental squeeze. He stops kissing your mouth to move his lips to your neck, which he begins to lavish attention on as he’s seen done in the love scenes of all the countless adventure films he’s watched. You move against him and you realize the movement has positioned him right at your entrance. You bite your lip. You suppose this is it. You suppose it’s time. You see Jake look into your eyes.

“Janey…” he sounds serious. “Is…is this what you want?”

“W-what?”

“I mean…are you sure you want to do this?”

“I…yes…I mean…well…”

“Because I don’t want you to just do this because everyone else went off on their own little soirees. You don’t have to be like them…unless you want to be. What I’m saying is…don’t let what happened tonight decide what you want to do here for you. This is a rather big…event, and it only happens once, so if you’re not ready yet, that’s completely okay. Hell, I’m not even sure _I’m_ ready yet, but on that count I’m willing to wait for you to make the call on this.”

“I…I don’t…I mean…I figured you…that’s you would want…”

“Jesus, Janey, really? I know sometimes I can be…well…an idiot, to be blunt, but I didn’t think you would consider me so fucking boorish that I would want you to go through something like this if you weren’t ready for it.”

You let that hang in the air for a few seconds.

“Sometimes?” You finally reply. There’s a few seconds of pause, before he laughs.

“I suppose my chops deserved that busting,” he responds. You chuckle for a few more seconds, before you decide to answer him for real.

“I…guess…I think that I _would_ like to wait a little while longer. I mean…until a few hours or I guess maybe not even that long ago I didn’t even know if you liked me in that way so…I mean, this _does_ mean that, right?”

“Erm….yes. I admit this is a sudden for me too, but…yes, that’s what I‘m trying to say here.”

“Okay, then maybe we’ll take a little time, go a little slower and find out what that means for us?”

“That sounds splendid.”

“Good. It’s a deal, then.”

You adopt a smile, finding that, with things a little more sorted, you’ve recovered a good measure of your lost confidence again.

“So…” you say, your hand begins to move along Jake’s leg. “Maybe I might not be ready to go all the way tonight, but…that doesn’t mean we have to do nothing, either…” your hand reaches his dick and you gently take hold of it.

“Ah-” he says, his muscles tensing suddenly.

“Does that sound alright?” Your hand begins to move slowly up and down the shaft.

“A-h…ha….yes. M-most definitely,” he manages.

You smile and begin to work your hand a little faster and Jake gasps in response. He clumsily begins to feel a hand toward you, intent on returning the favor, you suppose. His fingers find their way into your lower lips and begin to message around in random places. It isn’t entirely unpleasant, though he hasn’t really hit anywhere extremely sensitive yet. You move your hips, trying to help him in his search and eventually you feel an electric surge of pleasure come from there. Yep, that would be the spot. Your sigh and sudden buck of your waist seems to have told Jake that he was on the right track and he continues to tease the spot with his fingers.

You continue to jerk him off, and you can hear his breathing and moans increasing in volume and frequency. Your own body is beginning to respond to Jake’s machinations. You can feel your wetness down below, surrounding his wandering fingers.

After a few more minutes up constant friction, Jake finally lets out a long groan and he tenses up. A white fluid shoots from his penis in several bursts, and he shudders with the orgasm. He continues to finger you and you seem to be getting close. No longer focusing on Jake, you throw everything into riding his fingers, moving your hips in a rhythmic motion. You let out a throaty moan and then squeeze the sheets on the bed as you cum. You ride out the wave and then collapse against Jake, breathing hard with your body covered in a sheen of sweat.

Jake wraps an arm around your waist.

“That was…wow…something else,” Jake says.

“Heh…thanks. You did pretty good, yourself.”

“Well…first time and all that. I’ll get better at it. You won’t need to help me so much.”

“You did fine. Really, stop worrying about it. I’m _quite_ satisfied right now, believe me.” You wrap your arms around his middle and cuddle up next to him like a large teddy bear. “Thank you. For…you know…being patient with me.”

“No problem at all. Thank _you_ for putting with…well…all of my bullshit.”

You chuckle.

“Jake…I think pretty much everyone here has to deal with a rather startling amount of bullshit from each other. I think we’re just par for the course,” you pause. “Well…maybe we have a little more self control. A _little_.”

“A little is good,” Jake says. “A little is enough.”


	104. Taste the Rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long, and I'm really sorry for that. It was a combination of a lot of things, but I have to admit a big part of it was simply me being lazy. Anyway, this is the big Roxy/Kanaya smutty goodness you've been waiting for, so I hope you guys enjoy it.

**== > Roxy: Go back to your place.**

Yep, that’s the plan. You’re half running, half dragging Kanaya behind you as you make your way towards your room. Your head is buzzing, and for once that has nothing to do with alcohol. You’re heading to your room for sex, which is a milestone you’ve been anticipating for a long time. It also happens to be _lesbian_ sex which, admittedly, wasn’t something you had accounted for, but tonight has certainly given you ample incentive to try it out.

The thrill of the night and of your current raging hormones seem to have pushed any feeling of nervousness or contemplation on the enormity of the step you’re about to take away from your mind, so right now all you can really think about is how awesome the rest of the night is going to be. To be fair, that was the goal from the outset. At least someone should be on top of things here. Incidentally, being on top of things is _also_ the plan for tonight.

You look back at Kanaya. She gives you a shy grin that doesn’t totally disguise a sultry nature you know she possesses whenever she manages to come out of her extremely hard to crack shell. It suddenly strikes you that this is probably a big deal for her, too. In fact…it’s very likely an even _bigger_ deal for her than it is for you. You try to push those implications out of your mind for now, though. You figure the both of you should just try to have fun. Complications are for later.

The two of you arrive at your room. You open the door and pull Kanaya inside. You gather she barely has time to register the piles of purple material, clothes and wizards around the room before you pull her in and are kissing her again. Her body continues to feel unnaturally warm against your own as you pull her in closer. And even through your closed eyes you can see the white glow get still brighter. The two of you fall onto the bed, still locked together. You grin against her mouth and break away. The two of you gasp for breath.

“Well…that…uh…” Kanaya begins. You, however, are reaching for a deck of cards on the nightstand next to your bed. “What are you doing?”

“Hmm…well, the way I see it, the game isn’t exactly over yet. I’ve got my panties on, you’ve got your panties on. There still needs to be a winner,” You say, smirking.

“We were a team. We both won.”

“Kinda, yeah, but we still have to see who’s the better of the two of us ladies.”

“And why do we have to do that?”

“’Cause we’ve _got_ to. There can be only one champion. It‘s like Highlander, except instead of decapitation it‘s getting people naked.”

“If you say so. What did you have in mind?”

“We play one hand. Winner takes the underwear off the loser…and then gets to do whatever she wants with her for the rest of the night.” Your smirk, if possible, becomes more pronounced.

“Weren’t we going to do both of those things, anyway?”

“Well…yeah, but it’s more official this way. Jeez, Light Bright, I figured you were all about rules or something.”

“I think you might be taking certain aspects of my personality and applying them to others that haven’t come up yet in a vague, odd kind of stereotyping…”

“Kanny, I’m losing my lady boner, are we gonna do this or not?”

“Alright, alright.”

You deal out the cards, five to Kanaya and five to yourself. Honestly, you’d be happy with either outcome. If you win, you’ll pay her back for nearly getting you off in front of all of your friends, and if she wins…well, it’s not like you really _minded_ her having her way with you. But acting like it bothers you makes it a bit more fun.

You look at your cards:

**You’ve Got: A(C), K(H), Q(S), 5(C), 2(D)**

Well, these are frustrating. Kanaya hands you three cards. Probably got a pair, then. She smirks at you after getting her new hand.

You sigh, and turn in everything but your ace, sure you’re about to be handed every other face card in the deck as punishment.

**You Get: 8(H), 6(D), 4(H), 2(S)**

Oh, well you didn’t get anything ironic. You just got a bunch of shit. Kanaya grins wickedly and puts down her cards.

**You’ve Got: Ace high**  
 **Kanaya Has: Two Pairs; 9s over 7s**

Kanaya tackles you to the bed, her hands pinning your wrists against the mattress, her legs straddling you. She’s still smiling mischievously.

“I guess that means you’re mine for the night, doesn’t it?” She says.

“You just got lucky.”

“Yes. Yes I did,” she purrs as she runs her hands down your arms over your shoulders and onto your breasts, which she cups briefly, before lowering them down your waist and resting them on your hips, her fingers wrapping around your black panties.

She edges backward onto her knees and she begins to pull them slowly off you. You sigh slightly and lift your ass in the air just enough for her to get them down, exposing your clean and smooth pelvis. She has pulled the panties off your feet now and is dropping them to the side. Then, she pins you to the bed again, a predatory look in her eyes. She kisses you briefly before breaking it off. One of her hands moves free of your wrist and wanders down, down, downward, until it’s right between your legs. You feel yourself suck in your breath. Apparently, you’re still pretty sensitive down there, and pretty wet.

Kanaya goes to work, finishing what she had started in the final hands of the game, her fingers massaging your clitoris and sending electric waves of pleasure to your brain. Her face moves down to your chest and she begins to suck on your left nipple, her tongue making swirls around the areola. You let out a moan and your hand grips the bed coverings, your fingers digging in to the sheets.

It doesn’t take her long. Hell, she had you most of the way there already. Your hips begin to buck, then your thighs clamp around her invading fingers and your toes curl. Finally you let out a cry skyward as you sit up slightly, then collapse back onto the bed, winded and twitching involuntarily. Kanaya lets you lay there for a few seconds before turning you over, putting your ass on display. She gets off your body and moves in front of you.

She grabs the edge of her own panties and pulls them down her legs, before kicking them aside. You are greeted by the sight of Kanaya’s well-groomed pubic hair as she spreads her legs in front of you. You guess that answers that question. It _does_ glow. You guess she’s being pretty obvious with what she wants here.

You crawl forward slightly, then after giving her a quick look in the face, you dive forward towards the glowing, green core. Your tongue slides between the lower lips and you begin your assault on Kanaya’s lady parts. As it turns out, they’re basically just like a human’s, although you’re willing to bet, much like the rest of Kanaya, this is way warmer that it would be if you were trying this on some other girl, even if she was a troll.

Kanaya sighs and runs her hand through your hair as you continue to swirl your tongue around, tasting the salty juices within. Your hands rest on Kanaya’s waist, as her hands pull your face even closer to her body, her thighs closing around your head, preventing your escape.

You suppose you’re doing a good job. You’d never guess you were some kind of Sapphic sex dynamo or something, but you’ve got the equipment too, and you have a pretty good idea what you think would work for _you_ , so that’s something to go on at any rate.

You aren’t sure how long you service Kanaya, but eventually her legs make a vice grip on your face, you hear a long moan from her and a rush of green liquid is released in orgasm. You sit up and wipe your face with the back of your hand. Maybe you’ve been spending a bit too much time with Terezi, but you could swear it tastes vaguely of mint.

You look at Kanaya, but it seems like she’s not done with you yet. She throws her arms around your neck and begins kissing your hard on the mouth. Your tongues circle one another and your hands wander around her body. You grab one of her breasts in your hand and squeeze as the other travels to her ass. She breaks away from your mouth and begins feverishly kissing your neck. You sigh and tilt you head to the side, giving her more access while her knee creeps up between your leg and starts bumping against your crotch.

Suddenly, you feel a sharp poke in your neck and realize that Kanaya has bitten you and is now sucking at the wound, making lustful contended noises. You…you aren’t sure how you feel about this! Well, okay, you’re pretty sure now as the brief moment of pain has been replaced with a rather wonderful, euphoric rushing sensation. It’s almost as if you can feel all of the blood in your body running through your veins and arteries. You feel the pump of your heart as it sends more out. You let out a groan of your own, feeling your arousal mount again, and not just because of Kanaya’s thigh bumping against your nethers.

She breaks away from your neck and she runs her tongue along her lips, lapping up the last vestiges of ruby on them. You see her bite her lip, obviously turned on. Hell, _you’re_ turned on just looking at her do that. She pulls you in and kisses you again, and now you can taste the telltale metallic flavor of your blood in her mouth. She breaks the kiss and shifts the thigh bumping up against you. She lays backwards and lets the leg slide up your body as she inches her own pelvis toward yours.

Your bodies connect, and the two of you begin pressing up against one another, your legs locked together. You begin moaning heavily and run your tongue along your lips. Kanaya begins tweaking her nipple. Your hips begin to swivel in unison.

You can see Kanaya getting brighter and brighter. It almost hurts to look at her now, and the heat coming from her body is the strongest you’ve ever felt. You know you’re close. Just a few more pushes against her and…

You squeal at the ceiling as Kanaya does the same. You shield your eyes as a blast of white light with the intensity of a flash bang fills the room and you feel a rush of hot liquid against your crotch. You let yourself just breathe for a moment. Listening to the sounds of Kanaya gasping for air.

You extricate your legs from her and move yourself upward again, your head finding a pillow. You feel Kanaya’s arms encircle you. The air in the room feels good against the sweat covering your body. Kanaya’s skin is almost gray now. It’s glowing only slightly.

“That…I think I really needed that…” Kanaya says airily, her chest still rising and falling a bit harder than normal.

“Yeah…d-damn, Light Bright! You certainly took to the whole dominance thing, huh?” You say as you touch your neck and feel blood still there.

“Well, I seem to recall _you_ were the one who wanted me to do more…what was the word? Seduceerizing?”

“Well…congrats on that. With a capitol ‘S’ and everything. Vampire charm through the roof. You didn’t even need the horse…or the southern accent.” You hear Kanaya giggle and you feel her stroke your hair.

“You…erm…you’re beautiful, you know that?” You hear her say. Despite all of the shenanigans tonight. All of the dares and the stripping, _this_ is the thing that makes you blush.

“Erm…” You don’t really know what to say. “Thanks…you’re pretty hot, yourself. You know...not just temperature-wise...”

“I never really got a chance to say thank you. I mean, I know I did, but I didn’t really get a chance to say thank you in the way I wanted to for…you know…for the Orb and such.”

“And my reward is a night of vigorous sexytimes?”

“Are you complaining?”

“Not one bit. It’s just…not what I pictured when I did it.” She holds you in silence for a little while longer. You look at her, and she seems to be thinking hard about something.

“Well…I’m probably going to ruin the night by asking this, but…what I suppose I want to know is…well…is this…something? Or well…anything? This being us…here, I mean?” She seems to have trouble getting the words out.

“I…I’m gonna be honest here: I don’t really know, Kan.”

“Oh…”

“I mean…don’t get me wrong: I’d love to just go ‘Yeah! Total lesbians forever!’ and make you happy, but…well…I know there’s still a part of me that likes guys.”

“I see…”

“But at the same time, this isn’t some blond, high school sexy-phase, either. I’m not just doing this to have a bi-sexual experience or something. I mean…I like you. You’re cool and funny and smart and drop-dead sexy. It’s just…I’m not sure just how much I like you yet or what liking you even means. So I guess…my best answer is just to wait and see. Maybe… _this_ is what I want. Maybe it’s not. But why don’t we just start small, okay? Maybe we could have…like…a date or something. See how this goes beyond just screwing around.”

“A date?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright…you’re on.” Kanaya says, a smile blossoming across her face. Then she reaches past you over the bed for something. “But first…” She says as she takes one of your stockings and fastens your wrists to the top of your bed.

“Uh…what are you doing?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but winning that card game means I get you for the whole night, doesn’t it? Did you think I was going to waste 90% of that time sleeping? “

“Well, shit…I knew I was going to end up regre-aaaaaahhhhh” You exclaim as Kanaya begins to play with your body again.

You strain against your bonds, but you know you aren’t going anywhere. You have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.

And you’re okay with that.


	105. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn't want to leave out these dorks, just in case you were wondering what became of them.

**== > Aranea: Skip to the important part.**

How droll. Is it too much to ask that your fractured excuses for contemplation in the throes of passion actually stay private? A 8it hypocritical perhaps, considering what's 8ecome the primary form of entertainment around the enclave ever since your living descendents finally started consummating. 8ut even you 8elieve that some things are 8etter left unsaid. _Some things._

Oh damn, he's still talking. 8etter rejoin the conversation if you don't want to look uncaring.

"You don't think it's weird that I'm worried about what he'd say, do you? He is kinda clingy, s'why I've been havin' some trouble tryin' to get some space. That's a convo I'm not lookin' forward to."

"If this isn't permanent then I don't imagine it would matter much. That is, if you don't want it to be permanent. Not to say that I'm uninterested but I hadn't exactly-" Rufioh cuts off that ram8le with a finger to your lips and a gentle grin. After a few millennia may8e you do owe yourself an authentic one-day stand? For the experience, naturally. "Well... Look at it this way, you do want to end things with Horuss, right?"

"With the way I'm always losin' my nerve I'm not so sure now, but I know that's where my heart's up in yeah." Even for a towering sla8 you can comforta8ly lay on, he's still adora8le when he's pensive.

"The answer to the question lacks a continuum." The diplomatic way of telling him to decide. "If he cares, it will give you the sure footing you need to prove to him that it's over, maybe even shake him out of his recent reverie from the rational world. And if he doesn't really care, or never wakes up long enough to notice, then no harm no foul."

You regret sounding so optimistic even while it comes out, and Rufioh certainly notices. "And you say you've got nothin' in common with ol' Captain Conniving. Y'know doll, you get kinda spooky when you start plannin' stuff." Like you haven't noticed...

"Only because it's not my own relationship in the balance. Charting objective paths was never the problem, I've just... never had the strength of will to take my own advice."

"Eh, I don't worry about that shit anymore. Not like that big wish turned out so hot for anybody but Peixes."

"It was a curse for a reason. Now don't get me wrong, Mindfang was a terrible person and eventually got what she deserved, but a few centuries of adventure and high tragedy sounds a lot more entertaining than what I would likely have done with that time." With the tension growing wistful, you 8reak it with your 8est attempt at a sultry "Case in point...", trailing a finger over the long expanse of his collar8one.

"Other me was one lucky brother." Even though he went soft a while ago, the way he runs his hands up your sides feels wonderfully more erotic than intimate. "And there's no worry about me offin' you. This doll's too cute for anyone to get mad at."

"Charmer." 8oth of you know you don't fully 8elong here, 8ut that's no reason not to enjoy what might have 8een while you have the chance.

As if to hammer the point home, some8ody takes to pounding on the respite8lock door. "Yo Aranea, get your tail out here! Meulin caught sight of the live grubs again and they're fin-ally getting bi-zay!"

Momentarily panicking in a manner hilarious for his stature, Rufioh tries to cover for you. "Uh, Meenah, I think you got the wrong memory-"

"I know she's in there Rufe! Sorry to pry her off your bulge but we need her magic biz, the resolution's total carp."

You're sure that you sighed hard enough for her to hear it. "Meenah, surely you've had enough voyeurism for one night already."

"Not even! Now either you make with the ogle-magic or I dreamshift in there and join you. Water'll it be Serket?" The possi8ility quickly flashes it's way through Rufioh's expression, 8ut tactfully remem8ering you're still laying on him he does his 8est to look dismissive.

Not that you're as terrified of the idea as you would have 8een earlier, 8ut with terms like that you can only answer, "Alright alright, I'm coming!" and immediately 8ury your face in your palms.

"I bet you are!" she hoots 8ack, her stream of laughter trailing away. Of course you had to stroll right into that one for the hundredth time. Now you'll need to catch her just to give her a suita8ly disapproving look. And hopefully get your 8rassiere 8ack 8efore she ties them around her horns or something.

Rufioh quietly stammers and knots up a 8it when you quickly lim8er your way off to collect the clothes you managed to save. "Uh speaking of, uh, clingy..."

"If you're worried about making Meenah jealous, I promise our relationship is grounded on far too strong a foundation for that." You clarify while tugging on your stockings, "Namely: insistingly pretending that there is no relationship." It's a really wrigglerish state of affairs considering you had an eternity to rethink how to put up with her, 8ut you have a system and it works. It'd 8e her own fault for encouraging you to take a risk without her.

"Makes it kinda hard to cheat huh? Yeah, she'll probably just grill me for deets." His typically relaxed tone returns as he enjoys the view. It's... flattering.

"Of that you can definitely be sure. But I'll never live it down if anyone misses a show on my account, so care to join me?" You'd like to think Rufioh would take it up even if you weren't offering him your hand wearing nothing 8ut stockings and a smile, and you're pretty sure he would. Your reincarnation didn't make many admira8le decisions, 8ut there's a few 8eneficial lessons you've taken from her life. Taking a wild chance to get intimate with a nice guy like this? That can count.

And now that you've proved you can take a leap of faith and savor the rewards, time to go 8ack to your typical afterlife of watching other people 8e interesting. Just now a little more... fulfilled.


	106. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter was primarily written by SideAnon, with a little help from me. It makes quite a nice capstone on this epic we've been working on.

**== > Jane: Wake up.**

You are now Jane. Exactly when you fell asleep is hazy, but it only takes a moment for the night to come rushing back.

You slept with a boy, the one you wanted to no less. And came a hair's breadth from buttering your biscuit... One leap a night is a great improvement. Your eyes open groggily as you feel a stirring next to you, and prop yourself up on your pillow to see Jake ease out of bed, picking up his shorts.

You doubt it's what it looks like but he'll never learn anything if you don't rub his nose in it. "Leaving early in the morning before I get up isn’t exactly the classiest thing you could be doing right now." Jake nervously turns to find you laying on one elbow and mostly revealed. This is probably the sexiest you're ever going to look, might as well strike while the iron's hot.

"Ah... M-morning Jane." Even in the darkness he's beat red. "I was thinking... Well... we decided to not go ahead with, you know, the full romp... but if I didn’t leave promptly people might see us leaving your boudoir together and then would assume we did anyway. I was going to wake you first of course! You just looked so peaceful while I was pondering it..."

"Alright, I get it. I guess that makes sense." He definitely gets some of his shine back when you plant a kiss behind his ear. "Go on back to your room and we'll meet in a few minutes for breakfast. We can act all superior to everyone else while they’re super embarrassed about last night."

Jake really does brighten up at the idea of not drawing attention to yourselves, and leans back over to peck your cheek. "You're a peach Janey. So we didn't muster up the gumption, at least we can rub our upright morals in their faces. That's supposed to be even better, right?" Well nobody ever fell in love with Jake English for his cool. As gentlemen go he's an oaf in a cutoff tuxedo, yet you can hardly blame him for still feeling a little nervous. So he wants to couch it in something like protecting your modesty, that's fine. If he has any ulterior motive to not pressing his chances last night and not boasting about sleeping with you, it'll be the first ulterior anything Jake ever had.

It's obvious from he way he looks at you that it's not for lack of interest. That's been settled.

By the time you're ready to pardon his awkward reverie, he's kissed his way to your lips. He sure doesn't object to your hand running through his hair to keep him a while longer. You let him go eventually, even if it feels like a great way to spend a whole morning.

Hanging around to put on the rest of his clothes on would waste the dramatic moment. Jake steps back like a nice dream and after making sure the coast is clear stands framed in the doorway with only his shorts and glasses, the light playing over his chisels and everything. He's in his element. "Until we rejoin in the kitchen then love?"

"I can hardly wait darling." If he's going to play the part you will too, running a finger up your profile.

"Smashing! We'll make them jealous the old fashioned way..." And with two guns and a wink he's gone, leaving you alone with your giggling. What a goober.

But he's your goober now.

**== > Jane: Get up.**

With that excitement out of the way you're still plenty groggy. But no sense in lazing around when you've got a date waiting.

Yours and Jake's clothes from last night lay where they fell, along with plenty more. Domestic qualifications aside, your bedroom is about as tidy as the next teen's. Rooting around turns up comfortable panties and some baggy shirt. Its too dark to tell which, all your lazy shirts look the same anyway.

But when trying to stretch awake, it crosses your mind that maybe you can avoid looking as unkempt as you feel by skipping anything else. This shirt does hang to your thighs. It'll give Roxy something to hoot about besides asking how your night went. Showing off more leg than you're used to doesn't feel as intimidating now that you've had some great assurance these hamhocks are attractive. Just thinking about it... You can still feel his hands...

Perhaps it's time Miss Crocker listened to what her friends actually tell her, instead of being a worrywart over things no one has ever said. So what if you had to be conned into a card game to move things along? Wasn't that why you showed up? Sometimes all you need is a shove in the right direction. What happened happened and it was the very best you could have hoped for.

In short order everyone is going to know that Jane and Jake are officially an item, even if you didn't really seal the deal last night. You came pretty dang close! And you're not going to worry about what anyone thinks like you always have, because frankly you know your friends. They're incorrigible chummy louts. They wouldn't fault you in the slightest for taking things slow, and at the same time if you and Jake were to go at it right on the kitchen table they'd probably cheer you on.

Not that you're doing that of course! Let's not get carried away here.

You are going to enjoy this at whatever speed you want. You're going to believe it was the right thing to do. And tomorrow or next week... Or heck maybe even tonight, you are going make love to Jake English. You'll be ready to take everything he has to give you, and never let him go again...

But your belly's putting up a mighty protest to all this standing around lost in thought. Skirt or no skirt it's time for breakfast. If you're lucky, you'll beat everyone else to the cookery before they can make a mess of things.

**== > Jane: Acquire victuals.**

Naturally when you'd rather avoid any shenanigans for one morning, you only get a few doors down the hall before shenanigans find you.

There's a lot of commotion from Terezi's room, which is nothing unusual really, until a black shape flies out the door and bounces off the wall straight into your arms. Nice catch. Suddenly there's a big precious fanged smile right in your face. "Hiiiiii Jaaane!"

Good thing Nepeta's so light. "Hello yourself sweetheart!" It doesn't take a master of deduction to piece together why she'd be skipping out of Terezi's bedroom wearing a black turtleneck and little else after last night. Gracious! "Having a good morning are we?"

"Good? It's _grrrrrreat!_ " And then she smooches you lip to harelip. Eugh. Before you can say anything about how cartoonish she gets when she's excited, Nepeta's already out of your arms and bounding down the hall in high spirits. Good for her all the same. You're not oblivious enough to miss what's been happening on the troll side of town.

Everyone deserves to have a few dreams come true.

Meanwhile Karkat's been ejected into the hall too. Him barking at Terezi and her needling him back is such a normal part of life around here you almost don't even hear it. You try not to. His morning has clearly not been so great. He's liberally covered in little red scratches and nips, tugging up the mutilated remains of his boxers. Perhaps Terezi exacting revenge for a dalliance with Nepeta? Or was this Nep's idea of love bites?

"Look, you survived! But if you're just going to grump about it all morning then get out!"

Or maybe both.

"I've gotten used to being thrown out like leftovers when you've had your fill of me, and I can almost stand being ordered around as your pet so you can show off. But like fuck are you going to turn me loose looking like this!"

"What are you worried about nubs? Everyone's seen each other as good as hatched now! Afraid they're hungry for more?"

"I'm afraid everyone'll think I've turned as psychotic as you and enjoyed it! You could at least let me walk out of here with my dignity!"

"Like you ever had any dignity!" At which Terezi boffs him with his cute crab-tee and slams the door in his face, cackling the whole time.

Remember Jane, they're trolls. Weird trolls.

You really should've absconded when you had the chance. Karkat pulls the shirt off his face with a grumble and catches you staring at him. Oops.

He's never pleased with anybody being privy to their somewhat touchy relationship but he doesn't say anything while you stand there looking sheepish. Luckily Karkat never directs his tirades at you. You don't know if you've managed to avoid his ire so far, or if he's still leery about getting his torso forked that one time. Sooo glad nobody's holding the mind-control episode against you.

You're about to make a break for it when Karkat starts smirking, looking back and forth between your face and chest. Okay you were staring first, but that's just rude! So you skipped a bra, you don't see what-

...Oh. There's a leering green skull draped over your bust. Did you really... Yes Crocker, you did manage to pick up Jake's shirt by mistake. That's a little too perfect. It may not be camo boxers but there goes your 'Sex, what sex?' plan.

As contrived as it feels you have to chuckle along with Karkat for a moment. It takes the edge off walking in on whatever business he was getting up to with a couple rambunctious girls. "What is it with you broads and confiscating clothes when they're most needed? Have to make sure everyone knows who you managed to undress?"

"We are territorial creatures. Nothing says commitment like picking up someone else's laundry," you shrug. Friendliness aside, you don't really want to have this conversation. "Well Kar, I didn't see nothing if you didn't see nothing."

"Once again Crocker proves the smart one of the bunch. The rest of your ecto-clutch could learn something about shame and tact." You briefly wonder if Karkat's ever thought about you the same way he supposedly thinks about your descendents, but he just stalks off without another word.

It's a nice line and made him happier but do you actually care about this? Sure, it would only take a minute to go change shirts but... You kinda just gave yourself a big motivational speech about not being so uptight. Like you even have anything to worry about, you're clearly on the same level as everyone else.

Except for the fact that you and Jake are probably the only genuine virgins left now. Possibly Dirk but he almost doesn't count. And the Mayor of course, bless him. Maybe the nerdy troll? You're not going to ask.

But at least you didn't give it up to a card game, like almost everyone else apparently. The point being you did decide to make no bones about spending the night with Jake, and at least getting your feet wet. This will definitely help your case!

Walk into the kitchen with your head high, pantsless and flaunting English's honor. You don't know what you'll prove but it'll prove something special.

C'mon Jane, one foot in front the other.

**== > Jane: Proceed.**

Why does your room have to be so far from the kitchen? The TV room is on the way, and you can already hear snips of talking. If you're lucky it won't involve you.

The first thing you make out is a very cool and studious voice, "...essentially expected of our age group. Although in the human parlance women did not take such promenades to sow their wild oats. Mostly due to hideously ossified double standards of sexual relations, but also because our proverbial oats don't exactly work that way." Oh no, it's a _Rose_ conversation.

A sharper girl's voice answers her, "Gross human organs aside, I still don't get the problem. What we're already doing isn't abnormal enough to bend the rules a little more? That's what rules are for!" Of course Vriska would try to talk about sex with her, the brave fool.

And where there's Rose and Vriska... "Yeah she's a great friend and all, and we're not offended or anything. I mean, we're not are we Rose?"

"Offended? Preposterous."

"Right. I'm just saying, I think we could be, when you brag about going off for the night with, uh, other lovers and stuff." Oh John you poor boy, what have you gotten into now?

"Lovers? Is that what you think this is about? I've already got more love than I can stand on this couch. Trust me, what me and Aradia get up to has nothing to do with _love_."

"I know sex isn't really the same thing as love. But it's still important, right? C'mon Rose, help me out."

"I must apologize John. I was about to seriously quip that monogamy is supposed to be its own reward and I couldn't fit it past the bile welling up in my throat."

"See, knowitall has the right attitude."

They might have heard you sputtering if John hadn't first. "Aw what? Rose don't be like that!"

"I believe it was the sheer pedantry of the statement and not its actual content that rendered it so repulsive. I know I've said much the same before. But as wont to do, I have more perspective after these talks. Vriska, I know there's more going on between us, all four of us, than simple attraction. Last night being a prime example." From her tone, Rose probably isn't talking about the game itself. "And if the things you do when John and I aren't around help... maintain the composure, then trying to direct you would hardly be fair. True John?"

"Sure, that's true. But the last time I asked about the stuff you do with Aradia, it sounded like you don't even want to." You don't get to hear John's concerned voice very often. "You weren't happy about it."

"I wasn't sure yet. But it's keeping her feet on the ground. You've seen what happens when she gets too excited John, she needs someone to tamp her down. I'm doing everyone a favor really!" Could she be any more smug about having sex with her friends?

"I get that part, but didn't you say she helps you get over feeling useless when you're alo-" Sounds like she cut him off.

"Yessssssss John, I did say that. But you don't need to worry about it." You strain to her Vriska's voice. "Just a... thing I've been going through. Old stuff that doesn't matter. Especially now."

"Actually, forget everything else I just said. You know you can tell me anything that's on your mind Vriska. I mean, that's why I'm here! Rose too of course, she's the psychiatrist after all."

"Oh Rosie and I are definitely going to have a loooooooong talk. I think it's time for some changes." There's a heavy pause. "Good changes! I promised you wouldn't regret being one big happy family. I know I've... There's been some tension, no doubt." Peeking through the doorway, you can see Vriska slowly wrapping herself around John. "And you really don't need to worry about me wandering off on you. Let me prove it!" Looking up at Rose, Vriska's voice has never sounded so... human. "If you don't _mind_..."

"How many times do I need to say my approval isn't important? I wouldn't be here if this wasn't your relationship as much as mine. And you two are so _adorable_ together."

John gets out, "That's really creepy Rose," before he disappears behind the couch under a wave of troll hair. Rose looks eminently pleased with herself watching them go to town on each other. It's almost enough to frighten you away from relations entirely.

Only when she catches your eye do you realize you've been standing here eavesdropping. Mind reader that she is, Rose gives a very knowing grin. This time you're smart enough to just beat feet.

**== > Jane: Arrive already.**

The kitchen beckons with music and the scent of eggs. Hopefully you're not too late, and you only waste a couple seconds steeling yourself at the door.

Dave and Jade like to provide light music from time to time, and as usual it's a bass-heavy trance remix of something vaguely familiar Jade picked out. Her ears follow your entrance like fuzzy radars but she doesn't look up from her guitar.

_"Now I know,_  
 _I've got to play my hand,_  
 _What the winner don't know,_  
 _The gambler understands..."_

Ah, nice and cheesy. Perfect.

Of course Dave never misses a beat from behind his little mixing-board fortress. All you get from him is a raised eyebrow, which you'll take as the equivalent of his jaw dropping. Otherwise the room is pretty empty so far. Roxy and Kanaya haven't noticed you yet, engrossed in conversation at the corner table. Besides you Aradia is the whole audience, hanging around the counter while Dirk mans the stove with the Mayor's help.

At least the starter fare will be edible. Dirk knows literally everything about gull-egg omelets.

You also notice Dave, Jade, and Aradia wearing about half of their god-tier ensembles, leaving you feeling a tad under-dressed even though they're just pajamas anyway. Well, nothing to do for that now. Great plan again Janey! Dirk has his casual tank-top, so you'll head over there.

When you walk up Aradia takes one look at you and gives her pistol-and-wink move she swears she didn't copy from Jake. "Good morning Aradia. Mornin' killer."

Dirk nods back, "Mornin' studmuffin," and you bones it out. "You're looking sharp. Can't put my finger on it but something's different."

"Hoo hoo. I didn't plan to make a big deal about it but, well, let's just say I took some of your advice. I really didn't want to rub anything in your face." The past mutual infatuation was going to come up again eventually.

It's a special day when he rations out a tiny smile. "I'm the one who told you go for him if you had the chance. Satisfaction is a good look for you."

"Thanks again for everything old pal. Although I'm going to consider it even for that chest business last night." In retrospect, the whole series of antics was pretty hilarious. Aradia giggles along with you before you remember the other reason you wanted to talk to him. "I hope we didn't make you feel put out or anything, considering we kinda voted to drag you into our nonsense in the first place."

He shrugs but Aradia answers, "Oh don't worry Jane. I know for a fact he had a great time." While Dirk's face is as unreadable as ever, Aradia is an open book with the big sly smile she gives him. Being all grown up and worldly now you're more attuned to...

Wait, wait _what_? "Y-you two? Really?" Hopefully that wasn't loud.

Aradia is all smooth. "Come on, it can't be that surprising. It's not like either of us are spoken for. Not to mention, well just look at him."

You certainly have. Quite a few times actually, but that doesn't say anything about the _what the hell_ part. "Yeah, but Dirk you're- I mean, I thought-"

"And you thought right. What can I say, I ain't planning on moving but it was a nice vacation."

"He's a real charmer isn't he?" There's something weird about Aradia sarcastically tracing a finger over his tattoo.

As it turns out, you don't want to know what the hell. "So uh, how's breakfast anyway?"

"Done. Here little bro, serve's up." The Mayor eagerly collects his plate and you give him a friendly pat as he trots off. Then you get a very obnoxious whistle from the corner. Dirk's not going to save you. "And yours, mademoiselle. Company's waiting."

Keep your chin up, it's time. When you stroll over to the table, Roxy tuts approvingly. "Looking good Crocker, quite the fashion statement. Not sure which part's better. What do you think Kanny, top or bottom?"

Kanaya stops pretending not to look at you and gives your legs a once over. "The top tells a story but I say definitely the bottom."

"Thanks a lot girls, I'm sure bare skin will catch on." You take a seat across from Roxy, who's looking pleased as punch this morning despite the bags under her eyes as deep as a troll's. She has one of her shirts with a neck big enough to fit a shoulder through, better to show off a field of dainty fang marks. All things considered, a night of nervous handjobs seems alright. As much as you'd love to ask your BFF and a tight-lipped alien about their sex lives, you'd rather start with the dozen glasses on the table. "What's with all the orange juice Rox? Alchimiter on the fritz?"

"Mimosas Jane!" Of course. "I think last night was something to celebrate, I figured I'd give everyone a good wakeup this morning. And we three are a perfect example why, so have yourself a _toastmosa_." You nervously eye any drink Roxy hands you. "Don't worry, they're as lightweight as you. I'm kinda spare on blood right now."

Her smugness grows along with Kanaya's blushing. "I knew I was getting carried away. This is exactly why I insisted on keeping the bites as chaste as possible before, I've ruined your neck and you're half-delirious after one glass."

"Hey, I don't remember asking you to stop. I believe I said something like, _ahem_ , kiss me again you beautiful demon that is the best thing I've ever felt." Great you get to hear about it anyway.

"Don't forget wailing _oh god, oh fuck, oh yes_ for a minute straight." She can facepalm all she wants, you can tell Kanaya's proud of herself. Just all manner of shell-breaking going on apparently.

Luckily Jake decides to show up before you have to say anything, striding into the room with his usual blind confidence. Getting dressed meant as much for him as you, throwing on a button-down rakishly left open. "Ahah, I was wondering what I did with that shirt! Mind if I join, ladies?" After he crowds in, Jake goes for the obvious. "I see Roxy either had a frightful run-in with a stapler or someone was having some inventive relations."

Kanaya achieves two-times facepalm combo. Roxy retaliates, "Speak for yourself English. I love how you marked your territory there, you two swapping duds is gonna be a great trend. I mean, I don't even need to insinuate, you beat me to it."

"Baldercrap! I'll have you know Miss Crocker was a perfect lady last night. This is just a little mixup thanks to stripping everything off."

Yeah, this little plan to avoid being asked for juicy details was doomed from the start. "Sorry Jake, I think the cat's out of the bag. They know we were up to something."

"But it's true! I mean, I guess technically since I never actually put-"

You have to beat him to the punch with a quick smooch. That's enough of that! "Don't worry, I don't think it matters." Leaning in close, you whisper, "And I promise it really won't matter for long."

His eyes light up and an arm slips around your waist, fingers playing over your thigh. This will be great to get used to. "Whatever you say dearie. And y'know, if it doesn't sound too imperious, I think my things look stellar on you." That just might be the most romantic thing he's ever said.

This time Roxy snorts over her glass. "Jake, that's hella cute and all but you don't have to cover for her. You're wearing a tent Jane. Like you're usually wearing a tent."

"I wasn't exactly dressing to impress this morning, Miss Pincushion."

"I'm just saying, if you're going to be as sexy as the rest of us, it's time to upgrade girlfriend."

With the mention of fashion, Kanaya speaks up, "Not that I'm encouraging any lewd behavior, but I'd be more than happy to help with a new wardrobe Jane. Now that I know what we... you have to work with it'd be a pleasure to put together something more, um, flattering."

Hearing her acquaintance offer to put her hands all over your body sure gets Roxy's attention. "Ohhh myyy, it almost sounds like you want to make me jealous."

"Of course not. If I wanted to make you jealous, I'd do something like this." And with vampiric speed, Kanaya leans in to lightly kiss the corner of your mouth. Everyone swoons. The second time this morning you've been kissed by a girl, and it's already feeling just a little less bizarre. That can't be a good sign.

Jake laughs it off. "Well all joking aside, I have to hand it to you RoLal. Your poker night scheme seems to have worked gangbusters!"

Oh why not? "Maybe we should do it again some time. Even swap the teams around." Yes, you said it just for the look on Jake's face. Hopefully nobody listens to you.

Before long, Dirk pulls up a chair too and the conversation takes on a life of its own, about every petty and embarrassing thing under the sun. The rest of the crew soon trickles in and groups up, each disheveled survivor getting a mimosa and a teasing welcome. Except for Kanaya's fabulous nightgown there's a strong sense of 'laundry day' in the room. You shouldn't look too out of place when you get around to making the proper breakfast for everyone.

There's no hurry though. You wouldn't mind at all for times like this to become normal. Your oldest and closest circle of friends, now quite a bit closer, plus a few more and some lovely aliens, all softly cheering to another awkward morning in paradise...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, with this chapter, Strip Pokerstuck: Double Down finally ends, after a year and three months, give or take a few days. I'll be honest, when I started this story, I never figured it would go on this long. This fic started when I was riding high off the reception from its predecessor. I went forward, perhaps a bit rashly, to make something even more substantial than the first, and so I have done so, though I confess at this point I am a little worn out. Two consecutive novel-length pieces, even if they were made bit by bit, will take its toll on anyone.
> 
> In any case, this whole project was a labor of love by SideAnon and myself for the fans, our own fervor for the project noticeably diminishing as it went on, as evidenced by the increasingly sparse update schedule. However, those wanting to see the end and small amount of pride on our end would not allow us to leave the thing unfinished, so now, after all this time it is finally done.
> 
> Roxy and Kanaya may have won the game, but the true number 1 team here was SideAnon and myself (we didn't even lose one piece of clothing), because there's no way I could have ever completed this without such a talented and hard-working partner. We encouraged each-other and kept going and finally hobbled, three legged race style, over the finish line, just a little bit later than we intended.
> 
> So, to all of those who have been with us since the beginning: thank you. To all of those reading this: thank you as well, and I hope you enjoyed yourself. Please leave a comment, as we'd love to hear what you thought about the whole thing. As for me...well, I had a great time doing this. I might chuckle a bit at the sheer amount of literary volume that came out of a subject such as this, but...in the end, I wouldn't change a thing.
> 
> Thank you all. It's been a blast.
> 
> -undeadclown


End file.
